Grayish-blue houses and winding alleys. This was the first time I saw the whole picture of the town. It was like a small boat, drifting quietly on the sea of ​​flowers in the countryside.
By the way, this is a small town in France. There are wild flowers of various colors, which are densely distributed like stars among the knee-high green grass. When I am in a bad mood, I always like to come here and sit quietly.
The breeze rustled the grass, the scent of flowers wafted into my nose, and I thought of her again.
My cell phone was stolen a long time ago, and I lost everyone’s contact information. Everything around me seemed so strange, as if I was experiencing a dream.
After half a year of treatment here, my mother finally woke up. The doctor said it would be best for her to stay here for another year to recuperate. My uncle helped me contact a university. The university’s ear department is very famous, so I decided to study there.
I remember what I said, I would heal her.
Maybe losing my phone gave me an excuse to hide away temporarily. In fact, I don’t know how to face her. Should I make her happy? Should I take good care of her?
No, I didn't do that at all. Apart from love, I also have the responsibility as a man and a son. I was in a daze, and only at this time could I think about her without restraint.
After leaving her, I started to like listening to music, especially sad and slow songs.

How are you doing lately?
I am fine.
Don't think too much
I want to
It's really difficult
…

The lyrics are so well written. They always say that only sad people like to listen to this kind of songs. I was not like that before, but after meeting her, the faint, quiet sadness in her always infects me.
At this time, Fang Ai called me. She was a flamboyant flower in the school, with a large group of followers following her, but she just wanted to pester me.
"Handsome Shen, do you want to come out and play?" Fang Ai's voice is always so high, as if to attract everyone's attention. Her voice is very nice, as clear as an oriole, completely different from the gentle whisper of the person in my heart.
"I have something to do." My refusal is always so straightforward, and I am not even too lazy to make up a lie.
"Then I'll come to see you at Lover's Lake, right?" She seemed to have expected me to say this and hung up the phone with a smile.
Fang Ai has never been someone who compromises easily. Her strength and persistence, hidden under her beautiful appearance, are difficult to defeat. So I chose to reject her. This is the only bottom line I can stick to with Lin Jingyuan.
But Fang Ai is a woman, a beautiful and lethal woman. Facing a frustrated man like me, she knows how to conquer the softest fortress in my heart.
She knew that there was someone living in my heart, so she said that she just wanted to be friends with me, and she was an A student in the school. Instead of bothering the professor and dealing with those arrogant foreign students, she said that if I had any difficult problems in the medical class, she would do her best to help me solve them.
Yes, I was moved. I think all this was probably related to my desire to grow up quickly and return to her. In China, I was an unattainable "academic master", but here, I was like a toddler who knew nothing.
Fang Ai started to visit me every day in her Mercedes-Benz, bringing textbooks and a bouquet of pink roses.
She is a romantic woman who actually likes to give flowers to men. I don’t know if it’s because I lost my father, but I have become immune to all warmth. I wonder why Fang Ai gave me pink roses. She said that pink roses represent first love, and she hopes that I am her first love and Mr. Right.
Even though I was already in my twenties, facing such passionate love from a woman, my heart still skipped a few beats like a coward.
In fact, Fang Ai never did anything out of the ordinary. She wholeheartedly helped me solve the difficulties in my professional courses, accompanied me on field trips to famous local hospitals, and used her connections to find me an internship position.
She is a very generous person, and she loves me without reservation. Compared with her, I seem like a small person . With the help of Fang Ai, I have made great progress and now completely regard her as my confidant.
Then, I told her about Lin Jingyuan and the secret in my heart.
After Fang Ai returned to China, she went to the city where I used to live and became the youngest doctor in a plastic surgery hospital.
I heard news about her from time to time: a male doctor pursued her, she got promoted, patients sent flowers to thank her, and the plants in her apartment bloomed. Fang Ai's family conditions were very good, but she was able to take the path she chose in the end, and I was happy for her.
After each phone call, she would hold the phone reluctantly and ask, Shen Xingmo, I miss you so much, do you miss me?
I have something else to do.
I'll hang up first.
Facing Fang Ai's relentless pursuit and her teasing words, I didn't have the courage to face her, and I ran away shamefully. It was not until now that I understood Lin Jingyuan at the time.
I had been bothering her so much, and it must have caused her a lot of trouble, right? In the end, I moved Lin Jingyuan. Will I be moved by Fang Ai one day?
This terrible conjecture made me break out in a cold sweat.
On a moonlit night covering the lake, I sat in a small boat, wandering in the quiet night, and then I saw her, or to be precise, her in the photo.
Fang Ai sent me two photos. She was as surprised as I was. She told me that she met a patient. I must be very curious about this patient.
Due to the time difference, the photo shows that it is afternoon. Lin Jingyuan is wearing a light blue denim skirt and quietly flipping through a fashion magazine. Her long hair is gently tied to one side and fixed with a small daisy hairband. Her left ear is wrapped in thick gauze. The coffee is steaming in front of her eyes. The afternoon sun shines on her, making her look peaceful and beautiful.
In the second photo, it was obvious that she found Fang Ai was taking pictures of her, so she stretched out one hand to block the camera lens with a smile, and picked up a magazine with the other hand, pretending to hit her. She still smiled in the same way, with crescent-shaped eyes and her mouth pursed shyly, not daring to show her white teeth, like a kitten whose tail was stepped on, wanting to be angry but not wanting to.
Suddenly, a beam of warm light shot into my heart.
It turned out that she had secretly undergone surgery without telling me. I don’t know why, but I narcissistically thought that she did it for me. Maybe she wanted to welcome the reunion in the best possible manner, just like me.
The smile on her face was real. It seemed that she had been living well in the past year or so since she left me.
I set her photo as my desktop and chat background, and Fang Ai asked me sourly if I should tell her about our relationship. I said no, I wanted to explain these things to her in person.
She is such an unconfident person, knowing the relationship between me and Fang Ai , she will definitely have wild thoughts. I will use my actions to tell her my love and my sincerity.
When I heard the news about her, my heart started pounding. It was the awakening of love. When I heard the knock on the door, I felt like I was alive again. I had gained a new source of life from the boring, fearful and confused life.
The wind from the suburbs blew my hair. At this moment, I was eager to do something. The boatman saw me stand up from my seat and asked me in English if I needed anything.
I have been drifting in this strange country for too long and just want to reach shore.
Like a young boy who had just fallen in love, I drove out of town at night and went to a famous jewelry store in the city to customize a diamond ring. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to marry her.
After returning home, I will propose to her.
We have missed so much. In these five hundred days and nights, she has been spinning in front of my eyes when I close my eyes. How can I forget her? Leaving her is something I have always regretted.
No matter what, I can't lose her again.
Her mother's condition had stabilized, and her uncle asked her to stay, so she decided to stay for a while.
After obtaining my professional certificate, I quickly booked the earliest flight and flew back to this city that I had been dreaming about.
Fang Ai received me.
Two years.
It turns out that I have been away for so long.
At that time, osmanthus flowers were in full bloom all over the city. No matter where I went , I was filled with the rich fragrance. I didn't like the smell of such pungent flowers, but when I thought about meeting her, these osmanthus trees with their emerald green leaves and pointed ends, which were particularly lush, didn't seem so disgusting anymore.
Fang Ai couldn't hide her joy of reunion, and took me to walk around the streets and alleys. She forgot that I grew up here, so how could I not be familiar with the place? In order not to spoil her fun, I pretended to be happy and drove her around the city for two days.
In the end, it was Fang Ai who suggested arranging a meeting between Lin Jingyuan and me.
That day, Fang Ai didn't look very happy. There was a sadness in her eyes that I had never seen before. She insisted that I accompany her to the movies and cried uncontrollably.
After the movie ended, none of us left.
The headlights above our heads came on, and Fang Ai's made-up face was a mess. I handed her a tissue, but she didn't take it. After holding it in for a long time, she finally spoke.
"You know what? You're back, but I feel like I'm going to lose you forever." She looked at the ending prologue in front of her. On the black and white screen, the actors' names slid up one by one.
Sad music sounded in the theater. No one came in, and those who were leaving were almost gone.
"I started it, but I was the only one involved during the whole process and at the end. People say that girls who are too proactive will be disliked, and I'm not a proactive person, but I would rather humiliate myself, hoping that you would care." Her face was full of sadness, and I took the tissue back.
I know that I am not the one who wipes Fang Ai's tears.
"I really love you, and I really don't want to put myself in a difficult position anymore." Fang Ai wiped her cheeks and chuckled, "Shen Xingmo, I was very proud before I met you."
Yes, we can all be humble to the dust for one person. Some humility can bloom flowers, while some humility can only bring sorrow.
"So, I was the one who fell in love with you first. I've already lost, but it doesn't matter." Fang Ai stood up, wiped the disappointment from her face, and was the decisive queen again.
It is said that love can separate mountains and seas, but mountains and seas cannot be leveled.
The person he is talking about is probably Fang Ai.
I told her my position at the beginning. Our relationship can only be like this. I just hope that we can be friends if not lovers. She is so brave and lonely, just like me when I was young and brave.
It was not until this moment that I realized that sad stories all have similar misfortunes.
In the restaurant, I listened to Fang Ai telling me everything about Lin Jingyuan.
Her hearing recovered well, she likes blue clothes, she doesn't like going out, she likes to grow flowers... I finally understood how much I missed her, and I was very happy to listen to any daily news about her.
But I never saw her.
The light and shadows danced, as if talking about love sleepily. I kept looking at my watch. Time passed second by second. The past scenes suddenly stopped. People kept walking by outside the window, but none of them was her.
Fang Ai made an appointment with her at five in the afternoon, and I started waiting at three.
I refilled my cup of coffee seven times, and countless cars passed by outside. Fang Ai told me every detail of her and Lin Jingyuan's relationship without reservation.
This was supposed to be a surprise for her, but now I am disappointed.
She didn't come, and she texted Fang Ai to tell her that she had something urgent to do. Fang Ai gave me her address and number and wished me good luck. I steered the car and drove countless circles in the park downstairs from her house.
The moon was climbing over the treetops, and the moonlight was clear and cold. I sat in the car, looking at the windows of her house. It was pitch black, without light or sound.
I stayed downstairs of her house all night, and when the first ray of morning light shone into the car, I drove away like a sneaky thief.
It's funny that my heart that wanted to see her retreated at the last second before I saw her.
I was in a trance and started to wander around, and when I rushed into an alley, I almost hit a car. The man in the car got out, loosened his tie irritably, and was ready to scold me.
When I got off the bus, I saw a man who was obviously surprised to see me.
"Hey, are you back to see Lin Jingyuan?" Chen Jinmo was still rude to me.
We were like two wolves vying for territory, lingering around a girl for years. He finally realized how good she was, but I was unwilling to let her go.
Compared with him, I have countless advantages.
After all, he never cherished her.
We blocked the alley with our cars and no one was willing to give way. Fortunately, this place was remote and no other cars came. Occasionally, a few passers-by passed by and looked at us as if we were crazy.
Chen Jinmo was smoking a cigarette, and he took one out and handed it to me. I shook my head: "I don't smoke."
"Oh, good baby." Chen Jinmo's tone was full of sarcasm.
I clenched my fists and told myself not to bother with him. I wasn't here to be jealous of him, but I was unsure. I had been away for so long, and this man had taken advantage of the situation and snatched her away.
Snap——
Chen Jinmo and I looked up at the same time when we heard the voice, and I saw her.
She was wearing white cotton pajamas printed with little bears, her hair was tied in a ponytail, and she stared at us with a dazed look on her face. She rubbed her eyes as if to make sure if she was dreaming.
Lin Jingyuan had just come back from shopping for groceries. When she saw Chen Jinmo and me, her shopping bag unconsciously fell to the ground and a few tomatoes rolled out of it. I stood up, bent down to pick up the fallen tomatoes, walked step by step to her, and helped her lift the shopping bag.
Time suddenly stretched very long between us.
"Why are you here?" She looked at me in surprise.
She didn't ask me why I came back, but why I ended up near her house. Her expression didn't seem like she was surprised by my return, but rather like she was blaming me for finding her house without her consent.
"A Yuan, I'm back and came to see you." I handed the shopping bag to her.
She took it coldly and was not very welcoming to me.
Chen Jinmo took out a bunch of lilies from his car and separated her and me at the right time. He smiled and congratulated her: "Jing Yuanyuan, I was busy some time ago and didn't have time to see you. I'm very happy to see that you have recovered."
She took the bouquet of flowers, held it in her arms, and told us to leave: "You've seen us, and accepted the flowers, so you can go." After that, she walked forward without looking back and went home.
I stood there in a frozen posture, not knowing what went wrong.
Before I came back, I imagined countless times the scene of her seeing me, but none of the scenes were so cold.
"I didn't expect you to be the same as me. It seems that I overestimated you before." Chen Jinmo sneered.
She just passed by me like that, and I didn't even touch her wrist. There was no welcome, no joy, and she didn't care at all about my return.
Two years have shattered those years into pieces.
Chen Jinmo said: "Let's go, she won't come out, I have more experience than you."
Just as I was daydreaming, I heard the sound of a car engine. Chen Jinmo smiled at me disdainfully, then walked away as if nothing had happened.
Her cold attitude doesn't mean anything, it's just speculation. I don't want to question her based on speculation.
Unless there are misunderstandings between us that have not been resolved.
I sighed in my heart.
Ah Yuan, what happened to us...
I'm not someone who is afraid of waiting, I just want to see hope.
I was like the farmer in the story of waiting for the rabbit by the bush. I would arrive downstairs of her house on time every day, waiting for her, hoping for a chance of good luck.
"What do you want?" Lin Jingyuan said helplessly. He put down the trash can in his hand and looked at me.
I turned and looked upstairs, and she said, "Come up and I'll give you the results."
People are all so self-righteous.
I heard a lot about her from Fang Ai's words, but what I saw was different.
It has been a long time since I have seen her life so closely. I sat on a love sofa and looked inside this one-bedroom, one-living-room apartment of only 40 square meters.
The furnishings inside were simple and clear at a glance: a bed, a wardrobe, a shoe rack, a row of neatly arranged books on the desk, an orange three-piece suit on the bed, and the wooden floor was a little faded but very clean.
The dining room is on the other side of the hollow partition. On the dining table is a plate of unfinished cold dishes covered with gauze. On the small refrigerator next to it is a little deer doll.
I couldn't see any trace of me in this rental house. She came out of the kitchen, put a glass of water on the coffee table in front of me, and held a can of iced coffee.
I said, “I want coffee.”
She had just unscrewed the cap of her bottle when, hearing this, she handed the drink to me and took the glass of water herself. Coffee is bad for the stomach. Her every move revealed the casualness of a single woman.
When she saw me looking at her, there was a little panic in her eyes.
Just when I had a little hope, she took a sip of water, and her trumpet sleeves slid down, and the red string disappeared. I stood up, pulled her arm, and asked with a little disappointment: "A Yuan, I don't understand, what went wrong?"
She refused to answer directly, turned her head and looked at me, and said: "Shen Xingmo, let me tell you, I am living a good life now."
"You know what I'm asking!" I said stubbornly.
There are still many things I can only say in my heart, but I don’t know what to say.
She repeated, “I’m doing fine now.”
I no longer cared about her feelings. The longing and regret over the past two years made me hold her lips and kiss her uncontrollably.
It was this action that stimulated her. She pushed me away fiercely and wiped the corner of her mouth with disgust.
"If you do this, we have nothing to say." She held back her anger and didn't want to get angry with me.
We went around and around, and it seemed like we were back to square one. We hadn't seen each other for so long, and I didn't know why we were like this.
She went out, carrying a kettle, and watered the flowers on the balcony. I listened numbly to the sound of the water and chattered about things she didn't know.
I told her that I had passed the medical qualification exam, that my mother was completely healed, and that I had seen the cultural landscape of that small town in France.
The mist of water vapor floated in the air, reflecting colorful light under the sunlight. She seemed to be standing in another world, a space parallel to mine.
"I want to know if you ever thought of me for a moment during the days when we didn't contact each other." After I said that, I saw her hand watering the flowers paused for a moment, and she put the grass-green kettle in the corner.
She has really changed a lot.
As quiet as the air, so ordinary, yet omnipresent in my world. I long to see her, long for her to smile at me, but the air is so unpredictable.
Unless we have never admired each other from the beginning, it has been my wishful thinking for so long.
I heard a voice coming out of my chest: "I used to hear a saying that to like someone is to be humble to the dust. I finally understand it. I have lost myself to the point that I even hate myself. When I was abroad, I was sometimes sober and sometimes confused. Now I am sober."
After a moment of daze, she exhaled slowly, raised her head, and looked at me seriously.
"You wouldn't expect it, would you? I would also feel very inferior, feeling that I am not worthy of you in any way, afraid that I cannot make you happy, even if you ignore me when I talk to you, even if you don't accept me when I am nice to you, I would tell myself that I should just wait a little longer. Sometimes I thought about giving up, but when I saw you, I would still silently pay attention to everything about you and treat you well as always." My heart belongs to her, and when she chose to escape, I learned that it was unfair.
There is no fairness in love, it is unfair in the first place.
I hate that I appeared too late, and I hate myself. No one else's appearance can compare to the one she left in my mind.
I looked at her in despair, and when I finished speaking, I was joking with myself with a smile on my face. She looked a little pale, with her mouth slightly raised, and looked at me indifferently without saying a word.
She lowered her eyebrows, tears suddenly fell, and she looked at me reluctantly.
I walked over, hugged her gently, rubbed my cheek against hers, and sighed earnestly, "A Yuan, don't push me away. I've already told you."
Should I be glad that I could make her cry?
Her lips trembled, as if she was trying hard to control her emotions.
"A Yuan, I can feel that you care about me. I don't want us to be strangers or have a cold war. I come back to give you happiness, not this inexplicable cold war. Look, this is my promise to you." I held her tightly in my arms. She was very thin and small, as if she would break with a slight pinch.
I took out the diamond ring and looked at her sincerely.
"A Yuan, let's be together."
"marry me."
She let me hold her in my arms, and suddenly burst into tears, her tears soaking my clothes.
I said I hope she has all the tacky things in the world.
This vulgarity, including the corny love words, and the happiness I gave her.
"Shen Xingmo, why didn't you contact me? You kept everything from me... I saw you..." Lin Jingyuan sobbed and was so sad that she blamed me, "You and Fang Ai... It's not that I don't love you, I just don't know what's going on in your heart."
She spoke incoherently, and the words flowed out of her lips along with her tears.
When I heard these words, all the strength in my body seemed to be drained away. I let go of her hand and looked at her stupidly, and finally figured out one thing.
She saw me, she knew I was back.
That time in the restaurant, she saw me with Fang Ai and misunderstood that I had changed my mind. This fool, she sentenced me to death without even thinking of coming to verify it.
She continued sobbing, "If I don't contact you, will you not come to me? You walked into my heart, and then left irresponsibly, Shen Xingmo, you are so selfish."
"I am selfish. You are the only one in my heart. My heart is yours, and I am yours too."
Lin Jingyuan was too unconfident, she needed strong confidence. Everything she encountered made her feel that she was inferior to others. When something happened, she would not blame others first, but herself first.
I understand, because that's how I walked into her heart. The heartbeat is like the morning light, which is amazing. To her, I am the stars that gradually increase one by one. You may not be able to detect them for a while, but when the night comes, the light of the stars always warms her. Once lost, the whole world will be dark.
I am not the brightest star, but I have become her sky full of stars.
This realization made me very happy, and I felt more at ease facing her tears.
Lin Jingyuan, this silly girl, has fallen in love with me and she doesn’t even know it.
I was speechless and didn't know what to say.
After all, we know how to cherish something only when we lose it. I have also experienced such pain, and everything changed afterwards.
I wiped her tears and held her, and for the first time it felt real.
We will be happy, I am sure.
I moved next door to her and originally wanted to live with her, but Lin Jingyuan refused no matter what I said. I respected her.
She put on the diamond ring.
The light of the diamond sparkled on her middle finger. Lin Jingyuan's hands were very beautiful, with ten white fingers and well-proportioned flesh. Wearing the ring, the skin on her hands looked particularly white and delicate.
In my name, I will crown your fingers.
Whenever I see the light in her hands, I feel happy.
I found a job in a nearby hospital, and she worked as a clothing guide in a nearby shopping mall. She said this job was temporary, and she picked up her professional books again to take the accounting certificate she wanted to take.
During the National Day holiday, we went to Beihai for fun.
Speaking of which, she and I have never had a serious date before, so this time I booked the itinerary and hotel early. Lin Jingyuan is shy, and I didn't want to bully her, so I planned to book two single rooms, but she was afraid that I would spend money, so she agreed to book a standard room.
During the day we played in the waves, beach volleyball and sand games at the beach. We were both very tired but very happy.
After returning to the hotel, Lin Jingyuan started to take a shower. When I heard the sound of water splashing in the bathroom, my heart started beating uncontrollably.
I drank a glass of ice water and went to the balcony to enjoy the scenery. Under the light blue sky, a line of seagulls flew over the mountains. I sat on the rattan chair, took out my cell phone, and looked through the photos I took of her during the day.
The red dress and blue sandals she was wearing were a gift from me. She was laughing, jumping and posing at the beach, as gorgeous as a fire. I liked everything about her, as she was my reflection in every way.
I looked at her in all her different looks carefully, with a smile on her face. She came out wiping her hair, and when she saw me playing with my phone, she came over and asked, "What are you looking at? Why are you smiling like that?"
Before I could answer, she snatched my phone away. She looked at the funny person on the screen with wide eyes and asked unsurely, "Is this me? So ugly."
I calmly took back my phone and said with a smile, "They look great. Every one of them looks great."
She stood on tiptoe and aggressively tried to grab my phone: "Delete it! It's ugly! It's so ugly!"
I stood there and turned around to avoid her hand. She was shorter and not as strong as me. Her hair was wet and hanging on her head. She jumped up and down like a little monkey that fell into the water. I quickly took two photos of her, put the phone in my pocket, and snatched the towel from her hand.
"Okay, okay, dry your hair quickly. The brain is a fine thing and can't get wet." I wiped her hair as if I was rubbing a dog.
"Delete the photos first." I forced her to sit on the chair, and she twisted her butt around dishonestly, trying to pick my pocket.
"Okay, I'll give it to you after I blow dry her hair." After I dried her hair, I took out the hair dryer and blow-dried her hair gently and carefully.
While she was slapping toner on her face in front of the mirror, I slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower.
"Shen Xingmo, you can't cheat ." Seeing that there was no hope of deleting the photos, she came to knock on my door angrily.
"Okay, come and get it."
I carelessly opened the door, and when it was only a crack, she ran away screaming.
Shy and innocent, so cute that you want to kiss her.
We spent five days in Beihai.
From eating at the stalls in the snack street, to walking through the streets and alleys, to watching the sunset at the beach, Lin Jingyuan had a great time. When she was happy, I was happy too.
On the way back that day, when we were almost home, I told her a joke.
"The hamster came to the hospital with its cheeks puffed up, and the chinchilla doctor asked it, 'Brother, are you getting irritated? Here's some medicine.' Guess what the hamster said?" I backed away, puffed up my cheeks, and danced in front of her.
"Say thank you?" She looked at me seriously.
"The hamster said, 'No, no, I'm here to bring you food'" I laughed.
"Your joke is really lame." She glared at me with a bit of annoyance.
My joke-telling skills were too poor. I made myself laugh but left her speechless. Since jokes didn't work, I decided to try other methods.
"Do you believe that time can change a person?" I leaned over to look into her eyes, but she avoided my gaze.
"Ah? What did you say?"
"Time can really change a person, just like you were very beautiful before, and then you became more and more beautiful." I teased her and sure enough, I saw her face blush.
"You are so boring." She had a shy smile on her flushed face.
She didn't know that no matter what they talked about, it would never be boring when they were with her.
For dinner, I made two bowls of shredded pork noodles and hid a poached egg at the bottom of her bowl. I liked to see the surprise in her eyes. She never concealed the emotions in her eyes, and I could always capture them easily.
Lin Jingyuan's usually cold face always had a faint smile when she was with me. She was not a cold person by nature, her heart was like an onion, you need to peel off the layers of defense to see the tenderness hidden in the coldness.
I am a lucky man to have seen her tenderness and love.
The old city area near Chamuling was undergoing exterior wall renovation and transformation. Lin Jingyuan got off work earlier than me, so every day she would take a detour to the downstairs of my hospital and wait for me to get off work.
It feels good to have someone waiting.
The weather was getting colder. She was wearing a brown tweed coat, with her hands in her pockets and her hair casually tied into a bun behind her head. She stood quietly under the tree, like a beautiful camellia in full bloom.
Knowing that she would come around five o'clock, I would often go to the ward to check on her a few more times, because I could see her more often when passing through the long corridor of the hospital.
When she saw me appear in the corridor, she gave me a gentle smile. I couldn't help but lean out and wave to her. Colleagues passing by looked at us with ambiguous eyes. I was bringing a few college students who were doing internships with me. When they saw her coming, they politely called out "Hello, sister-in-law". She turned sideways to us and her whole face turned red.
The first snow of winter started to fall at some point, lingering above the hospital, dancing in the air. The light grayish-white color seemed to be permeated with joy, unfolding in the gray sky.
The branches of the trees were blooming with silver flowers. She was wearing a white scarf and camel-colored cashmere gloves today. She stood in the beautiful snow scene, motionless for a long time. The sparrows foraging on the electric wires were jumping around, occasionally turning their heads to look at her alertly.
As soon as she came, my heart flew out the window.
After finishing the work at hand, the director looked at the girl outside the window who was almost standing like a snowman, waved his hand, and allowed me to leave work early.
"A Yuan." I rushed over, picked her up and spun her around happily.
The frightened sparrow flew up gracefully, kicking up a cloud of snow. She looked upstairs in panic, pounded my shoulders weakly, and begged for mercy pitifully: "Put me down, there are so many people watching this side."
"Okay." I put her down obediently. Seeing her nose red from the cold, I felt a little distressed. I took her hand and walked forward. "It's cold, don't wait for me next time."
"I'm wearing a lot of clothes, so I'm not cold." She raised her gloves. They were a gift from me to her, a couple's pair I bought for her. I was in a hurry to go out today and forgot to wear them.
She took off a glove and asked me to put it on. I blew and held my hand out in front of her. She gave me a reproachful look, helped me put it on, and took out the scarf she brought from her bag: "I knew you forgot, I just bought it at the supermarket."
I stretched my neck over and looked at her with a smile. Lin Jingyuan stood on tiptoes, wrapped the scarf around my neck three times, and tied a knot that he thought looked nice.
"Ugly." I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the face. My lips fell on her cheek, and her already red face became even redder as if it was burned by fire.
She grabbed my shoulders and pushed me out: "Shen Xingmo, can you be more reserved?"
"A Yuan, I love you. After meeting you, I no longer know what modesty means. I only know that I like you and want to kiss you."
When I said this, she was stunned for a moment before she slowly said, "Me too."
"You too? What too?" I asked even though I knew the answer, not wanting to let her go.
"Oh, it's... it's the same as you." She shook her head, ignored me, and quickened her pace.
I stood there, raised my eyebrows and smiled. The more I smiled, the happier I became. I took a big step forward, opened my large and thick coat, and hugged her from behind.
This hug was warm and overbearing, with an indescribable sweetness.
Some people say that one’s life can never avoid those unexpected waitings. This is the greatest pain in life, but also the greatest happiness in life.
It is bitter like medicine and sweet like honey.
I took her to a newly opened fish restaurant to eat hotpot fish. The streets in winter, without the embellishment of green trees, looked a bit shabby. The wind was cold and few people came out, so it seemed a bit deserted.
The old city is undergoing renovation. Some houses have been demolished, while others are holding on to their last homes with a glimmer of hope. Yellow cordons and banners are hung everywhere.
The alley is as narrow as a single-plank bridge. The cold wind blows slowly and steadily. The high walls and carved eaves have been worn away by time and wind and rain, and now only ruins remain.
If I had known what was going to happen, I wouldn't have come here even if I had been stabbed.
The regret that hurts so much, the outcome that is beyond my control, I laugh at the humorous arrangement of fate.
"Shen Xingmo, do we have to go this way?" She followed me, stepping on the rubble with one foot deep and one foot shallow, and asked me uncertainly.
My colleague and I accidentally ate at this fish restaurant once. The food was so delicious that it made us shudder. I want her to try it. She likes fish and will definitely like the taste of this restaurant.
"You'll feel it's worth it when you get there." I promised, patting my chest.
Chamuling is a famous "gluttonous street". Good wine needs no bush, and delicious food and drinks often take some effort to discover. The road is being built here. It will take less than a quarter of an hour to get there if you go through here. It will take at least more than forty minutes to take the main road outside.
Moreover, there are many houses and narrow roads here, so even if you take a taxi, it will take more time.
The road was difficult to walk on and the weather was humid. It had rained a few days ago and there were still some potholes with water. I held her hand and cleared a path in front of me, eager to take her out.
I was so blinded by my ignorance and recklessness that I didn't pay any attention to the signs that read "This is a dangerous building", "There are falling objects", and "Danger, please don't approach".
She followed me closely, her face tense, and kept nagging along the way: "Let's go somewhere else, this place looks so scary."
It's only five or six minutes away, the exit is just ahead, I hear the noise, what does it matter.
"We're almost there, it's okay." I squeezed her hand and motioned for her to not worry. I wanted to tell her that she didn't need to be afraid when she was with me, but as soon as I turned around, I heard a loud rustling sound above my head.
At this moment, Lin Jingyuan shouted in horror: "Shen Xingmo!"
My mind went blank and my body was suddenly pushed to the ground defenselessly. Before I could turn around and say a word, several tiles as big as flower pots slid down from the eaves and hit her hard on the head.
The accident happened in just a moment. Lin Jingyuan, who was hit on the head, had her pupils shrink rapidly, her expression was frozen for a second, and suddenly she fell to the ground. The bright red blood flowed out quickly, covering her entire face, making her look hideous.
I heard the sound of blood gushing out, so red, so much, as if it was about to flow out of her thin body. I stood there stupidly, and when I realized what was happening, my brain exploded with a "boom".
The sharp tiles pierced my knees. I tried to stand up a few times but couldn't get up. I knelt on the ground, crawled over unsteadily, and stretched out my hands to hold up her head, but I was afraid of aggravating her injury.
Some people at the intersection saw this scene, some screamed shrilly, and some shouted for an ambulance.
A tearing roar of pain came from my throat, and I clenched my hands into fists, hammering them on the ground beside her again and again. My eyes were red with despair, and my nose and chest were filled with the smell of her blood, the smell of death.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, why did I walk here, I'm such an idiot!
Lin Jingyuan, I killed you! My sin is unforgivable!
My fists were bloody and I cried beside her: "A Yuan, A Yuan, my A Yuan..."
It seemed like she took a long time to recover before she could barely open her weak eyes. Blood flowed out from her black hair, flowing across her forehead and cheeks. She blinked her eyelashes, which were also sticky.
I seldom cry like this. When my father passed away, I couldn't shed tears either. But now seeing Lin Jingyuan like this, I cried so miserably.
I'm a doctor. I know how serious it is to be hit in the head like this. The force is too great and it can cause cerebral hemorrhage. Maybe, maybe it has already...
Maybe my crying was too scary, her unfocused gaze fell on my face very slowly, and her voice was as gentle as a gossamer.
"Shen Xingmo." Her hand moved on the ground. I grabbed her hand, shrank my neck, and looked at her with some fear. Her breathing was so difficult and so light, as if it would disappear in the next second.
"No, I don't blame you."
"Me too, it means..." She opened and closed her mouth gently, and it was extremely difficult to say a word. I leaned over and put my ear to her mouth. Her cold hand gently touched my face. She pursed her lips, forced a sad smile, and whispered, "Even if I die, I will love you."
These few short words seemed to have exhausted all her strength. She slowly closed her eyes, without any pain, just as if she was asleep, as peaceful as a baby.
I watched with fear and trepidation as the hand gently fell down. My eyes turned red and tears welled up like crazy.
Large flakes of snow fell from the dim sky. People are particularly afraid of the cold in winter and stay indoors. Night has fallen. The sound of adults calling children to eat and children crying probably disturbed her peaceful dream.
I lay on my back on the ground, holding her hand which was gradually getting colder, staring blankly at the snowflakes in the sky, tears streaming down my face.
Snowflakes fell on my face, shoulders, between her eyebrows, and at the corners of her lips.
The sky was filled with thick, low, gray-yellow turbid clouds, and the north wind was howling and running wildly, as if holding a sharp knife tip, piercing my coat, and cutting my face and heart again and again.
In sorrow.
Howling.
There is only one feeling between heaven and earth - cold. The body is cold, the heart is cold, and the love is cold. They are frozen in this cold winter and will never wake up.
The wind blew harder and harder, and the snow fell heavier and heavier, gradually covering the sky. The dark sky and the sea of ​​snow merged into one, and nothing could be seen.
I closed my eyes, used the snow as a blanket and the ground as a bed, and lay quietly.
My lover died on this snowy winter evening because of my fault. My love died on this snowy winter evening because of my ignorance.
Go to sleep, I'll stay with you.
I am alone, accompanying you like this, accompanying you from dusk to dawn, accompanying you from the first light of day to the snow turning white in your hair.
A Yuan, people often say that your hair turns white in a blink of an eye, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.
When I was alive, I wanted to hold your hand and go to the ends of the earth. Now that you are tired, you can stay in my heart forever, and I will see all the romance in this world for you.
If life is too late, then I will accompany you through the remaining years and months. If your dark night has come, then I will turn into a sky full of stars and accompany you until the beginning of the universe and the stars are annihilated.
No matter how lonely you feel at the end of your world, don't worry, I'm here.
Forever and ever, I will never leave.