DIARY Twelve The Secret You Never Want to Know 2
As soon as I said this word, Cheye's face suddenly darkened.
Jiang Shangxue was standing by and watching our ever-changing expressions. Although he was confused, he didn't say anything.
There was a faint sound of thunder in the sky, it was really going to rain.
In silence, I spoke with difficulty: "I was just kidding... I... I also want to give you a gift... that diary... I want to give it to you, just wait for me!"
After saying that, I turned my face away quickly and ran away without even having time to look at the expression on his face.
I never looked back because I was really scared. I was afraid that if I looked at him again, the tears accumulated in my eyes would burst out again.
I was so upset that I bit my lips until they were peeled. There was a salty taste between my lips and teeth, but I swallowed it down.
Someone I like so much.
Treat him as someone you like as air.
Treat him as the most precious gift in your life.
But now he has someone else to follow, and will leave this city, and maybe we will never meet again...
Tears blurred my vision, and a series of nostalgic scenes appeared before my eyes.
The heartbeat when we first met - he swept my heart with the scent of roses, and his clean and bright smile immediately bewitched me...
The first time I felt warm was when I fell down on the endless relay race track. Everyone abandoned me except him. He said to me, "Like a wounded mermaid"...
For the first time, I felt that I could grasp happiness - the fireflies flying all over the sky slipped through my fingers. It was he who put happiness in my palm...
…
Too many pictures brought back too many memories and nostalgia for me. And I wrote all these feelings in that exchange diary.
It is not easy to give up.
Yuan Cheye, when you finish reading my diary, you will understand that you are the fool! You are the big fool!
Why do you want to leave me? Leaving me who loves you so much is your loss, do you know that?
But……
When I returned to the place, breathlessly holding the diary, Yuan Cheye had disappeared.
My heart was so sad that I could hardly breathe.
Yuan Cheye, you're not willing to wait even for a little while? Are you just leaving like this without even saying goodbye?
I squatted weakly, staring at the sky for a long time, hoping that Cheye's face would suddenly appear above...
Just when I thought I was about to suffocate from my tears, I realized it had started raining.
People passing by with umbrellas in their hands looked at me strangely, seeing a girl who was soaked all over and looked like she had lost her most beloved thing squatting under the rain with a lost look on her face.
All the images in my eyes were blurred by the rain. There was no complete image. Only the face of the person in my heart became clearer and clearer.
Dazzling blonde hair, clean eyes, and a smile as bright as summer. Bit by bit, it pierces into my heart like an awl, causing me great pain...
" Shia! What's wrong with you?"
Such a familiar voice, gentle and kind. Who is it? Is it Yuan Cheye?
I looked up in confusion, but what I saw was another familiar face, but it was not Yuan Cheye.
"Xia, you look distraught, what happened?"
Chen grabbed my arm, and the sky above my head was covered with a deep blue, and no more rain fell.
I looked at Chen's gentle and handsome face and could no longer suppress myself. I threw myself into his arms and cried without caring about my image: "Chen, he's gone, he's gone! I was right last time! It turns out that he really has someone he likes. I lost! I lost completely..."
After I finished speaking, my eyes went dark and I fell into an unknown world weakly...
I always thought that sleeping was painless, but why did Yuan Cheye's back appear in my dream? He was getting farther and farther away... I shouted at him but he couldn't hear me, and I ran at my best but I couldn't catch up with him. So, even in my sleep, I was so sad, so upset and desperate.
When I woke up, I saw Chen sitting next to me, while I had returned home and was lying in the warm bed.
"Xia, how do you feel?"
Chen had a gentle smile on his face, but his eyes were full of worry. I tried my best to smile at him: "Very good, I just want to be alone for a while."
"So, can you let me be alone?" I said, and pushed Chen out of the room regardless of anything, locked the door with a click, and then left him shouting anxiously outside the door.
I sat on the floor, curled up into a ball, and cried facing the snow-white wall.
Sorry, Chen.
I can't face you again because I don't want to deceive you.
I'm not feeling well now, very bad...
Big tears flowed from his closed eyes.
I don’t know when this endless sadness will stop. I fall asleep when I’m tired of crying, and when I wake up I can’t help but continue crying.
Night fell unknowingly and the room began to become dark.
It’s like my heart has fallen into a sunlightless hell, losing all light and warmth.
Chen didn't leave. He stayed with me all the time, talking to me through the door from time to time, guiding me and comforting me.
"Xia, can you come out and eat something?"
"Xia, you make me worried."
"Xia, you'll feel better if you come out and get some fresh air."
"Xia, are you listening? If you don't come out, I'll call your dad to come back."
The last sentence worked. From childhood to adulthood, I have constantly made my father worry. He was relieved that I finally cured his ear disease. Am I going to add new worries and pressure to him now? Ye Xiya, you can't be so willful anymore...
Snap——
I opened the door.
Chen obviously didn't expect this. He looked at me with surprise and joy: "Xia, have you finally figured it out? Then I'll go heat up the food, you should eat more."
"I'm not hungry." I shook my head woodenly and walked around him into the bathroom.
Don’t think about Yuan Cheye anymore, Ye Xiya, he doesn’t belong to you.
Even if I cry my heart out, he won't come back.
I lay in the bathtub, commanding myself to completely relax and not think about anything. Gradually, even my will seemed to be completely isolated from the outside world.
It's so nice to be unconscious, I won't feel any pain. I really want to just fall asleep like this...
boom!
Bang!
"Xia, you're going to flood the entire bathroom, did you know that?" Chen's anxious voice rang out along with the knock on the door.
"Xia, don't shut yourself off like this, okay? No matter what, your father and I are here with you. We will always protect you. You are not alone, and you never will be."
"Do you remember the lullaby I sang to you when you couldn't fall asleep when you were little? Actually, I never told you that your father taught me to sing it and asked me to soothe you."
Lullaby? Was this gentle tune taught to Chen by his father who was always not good at expressing himself?
I recall that whenever I was bullied by other kids and had nightmares at night, Chen would hum this song for me. Such a gentle and melody would often make me fall asleep quickly. So, are those all from my father's heart?
A warm current hit my heart. Yes, no matter what, I still have my father and Chen. Even though Yuan Cheye doesn't like me, at least there are two people around me who treat me like a treasure.
I raised my hand to tighten the faucet and stood up from the water.
When I reappeared in front of Chen, I tried to smile: "Why didn't Chen rush in to see me just now? Wasn't he afraid that I would commit suicide?"
Chen brought the hot meal and smiled gently: "Because I know Xiaya is very strong and has always lived very strongly, so she will never be defeated easily."
Although he said this, there was an unconcealable worry and anxiety in his eyes. This was different from his usual self.
"Chen, am I scaring you like this?"
"Haha, a little bit, so you need to cheer up quickly."
"This is difficult, but it would be a different matter if Chen accompanied me to play tomorrow."
"Haha." Chen ruffled my hair, "Go to class as usual tomorrow."
"No, Chen, you are so cruel..." I pretended to complain to him in dissatisfaction, while randomly picking up food into the bowl with chopsticks, but I couldn't help but stop while picking up food, "Chen..."
"Um?"
"Do you think... Yuan Cheye has ever liked me a little bit?" After hesitating for a while, I couldn't help but ask this question.
"This matter...perhaps only Xia herself can find the answer." Chen answered hesitantly.
"But, Chen, I can't find the answer... Yuan Cheye and that Jiang Shangxue... they seem to have a good relationship..." I said intermittently, but I found that the person on the other side looked a little absent-minded. Just when I thought Chen didn't hear me, he suddenly interrupted me firmly: "Xia, if this is the case, you should let it go completely. Don't bother them anymore in the future, okay?"
"Chen? What did you say?" I looked up at Chen in surprise, "Even you want me to give up? Should I really not continue to like Yuan Cheye?" When I said this, my heart and voice trembled violently.
It turns out that sometimes even simply liking someone is not allowed...
"No." Chen shook his head. "Xia, you misunderstood. I just think that if you like someone, you should like everything he likes. Like the way he speaks, like his lifestyle, and even... like the people he likes."
"Even like... the person he likes?" I murmured again, "Chen means that he wants me to bless Cheye and regard his happiness as my happiness?"
"Yeah." Chen smiled and stroked my head, "Xia is very smart."
"Haha. You just realized it." I smiled and put a mouthful of rice into my mouth, but when I swallowed it, I deeply experienced for the first time what it meant to "eat without knowing the taste".
Before going to bed, I finally calmed down. Thinking about what Chen said, I took out my phone and sent a text message to that familiar number.
Cheye, have a nice trip.
After waiting for a long time, the other party did not reply. I sent another message with a sad and disappointed mood.
Remember what you promised me, to keep in touch.
After I finished typing and pressed the send button, a tear couldn't be held back and fell on the phone screen.
Cheye, you must be happy...
be happy……
