DIARY Ten If I don't do that, I'll regret it 1
Saturday July 9th Cloudy
If I can't hear your voice,
I can't hear your answer in person.
I think I will regret it;
I have been avoiding and procrastinating things that I haven't done.
because of you,
I found the courage to overcome everything.
I must let you know,
for you,
I can be afraid of nothing.
The weather has been very good recently, the sun is bright and gentle, and I am alone downstairs playing with three puppies.
They have moved into the house that Chen built for them. The wooden house is solid and big enough. The only regret I have is that I have never had the chance to paint the sunrise picture there.
When I thought of the painting about sunrise, the clean face that I hadn’t seen for a long time immediately appeared in my mind.
I scratched the dog's neck with my hand and whispered to myself, "It must be because of that problem that he is troubled. Otherwise, why hasn't he even said hello recently?"
In fact, the reason why I was so eager to ask Yuan Cheye for the answer in the hospital that day was because I knew that I might lose my hearing for life, so I wanted to hear his true feelings before that.
However, he remained silent in the end.
He hasn't come to see me these few days, as if he disappeared out of thin air.
My eyes suddenly felt a little sore, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself: "You said we wanted to be friends! Is there any way to be friends like this? You don't even come to ask after your friend when he's sick..."
"But... I still like him very much..."
…
“Woof woof woof…”
The barking of the puppy startled me from my deep thoughts.
Then, a long-missed voice fell into my ears: "Hey, is talking to oneself a way of thinking unique to idiots?"
My heart skipped a beat. Calling me an idiot... Could it be Yuan Cheye?! I raised my head hastily, but when I looked closely, there was no one there. Did I hear wrongly?
"Huhu, this is incredible. I actually like him to the point of hallucinations..."
I muttered to myself in annoyance.
"Who do you like?"
"Ah!" I jumped up from where I was, and my breathing almost stopped.
This time, I could tell the voice was very close to me, right behind me. I turned around in shock, and immediately widened my eyes in disbelief.
Yuan Cheye was wearing a clean T-shirt and jeans, with his hands in his pockets, standing quietly in the sun, his dazzling blonde hair emitting an alluring luster.
"You...when did you show up?" I stammered, my face feeling hot as if chili oil had been poured on it.
"It's been a long time. Even the puppy didn't notice me at first, but I heard you talking to yourself, and I thought it was so funny that I couldn't help laughing, and then the puppy started barking. You are the slowest one, haha." Yuan Cheye said with a smile.
When I heard his answer, I almost fainted.
Then, didn't he overhear everything I just said?
"You, you, you... you are so damn shameless!" I grabbed a puppy and got close to him, "Dog, bite this bad guy! He just scared my sister!"
“Woof woof——”
However, I didn't expect the puppy to give me any face at all. Not only did it not bite him, it even licked Yuan Cheye's palm very friendly.
I almost vomited blood and completely fainted!
"Look, even the puppy likes me." Yuan Cheye smiled even more brightly.
"What do you mean? Don't use the word 'also'! Who else said they liked you? Why didn't I hear it?" I felt like I was just courting death, totally confessing myself. But once I saw his face, I would lose my mind like this.
This guy's smile is the most terrible and irresistible poison in the world to me!
"Haha. The idiot looks as cute as a puppy when he's angry!" Yuan Cheye touched the puppy's head, leaned over to kiss it, then looked up and said this to me.
"..." I don't know whether I should be happy or angry. Is there anyone who praises others like this?
"Um...what are you doing at my house?" After quietly watching Yuan Cheye playing with the puppy for a while, I finally asked.
"I'm here to see the puppy." Without even raising his head, he continued to play happily with the puppy.
“Yuan Cheye…” I finally calmed down and started to get excited again, “I’m not a puppy.”
"Well, the idiot isn't that stupid."
"..." Speechless...
Oh my god , what did I do wrong? This guy is the bane of my destiny!
" You must have been bored these past few days without going to school." Yuan Cheye completely ignored my expression and approached me with a look of pity and helplessness on his face. "I'm almost suffocating without an idiot to help me relieve my boredom."
"I'm not here to entertain you!" I stepped back angrily, keeping a certain distance from him, "Besides, aren't you here today to tell me..."
Thinking that he came this time most likely to answer the question I asked last time, somehow I couldn't continue asking halfway through.
The truth is often cruel.
"You guessed right, I do have something to tell you--" I don't know if it was my illusion, but at this moment, a hint of gloom appeared on Yuan Cheye's face.
"What is it?" I was so nervous that my heart was in my throat. Was the answer about to be revealed?
"Come with me." Yuan Cheye did not answer, but grabbed my hand and took me outside.
"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?" I shouted in confusion, but I couldn't help but follow his footsteps.
“…”
"Yuan Cheye, do you want to kidnap someone?"
"boarding……"
"Yuan Cheye!"
…
Ten minutes later, the taxi we were riding in stopped in front of the hospital.
"get off."
"No. I'd rather die than be hospitalized!" I sat in the car, holding on to the door handle tightly but couldn't get down. Yuan Cheye actually used this method to lure me here, damn it!
"Ye Xiya, don't you remember Xiaoying?" Yuan Cheye stopped arguing with me, but looked at me steadily, his tone more solemn than ever before.
"Xiaoying?" I was stunned and recalled in my mind, "Of course I remember. I looked for her when I was in the hospital a few days ago, but I couldn't find her."
"She changed wards. That's why you didn't find her." Yuan Cheye answered me while helping me open the car door.
"Huh? How did you know?" After getting out of the car, I followed him towards the inpatient department in surprise.
"...Sakura's leukemia is in the terminal stage. If you don't go see her, you may never see her again..." Yuan Cheye was silent for a while before speaking.
"Wha...what?!" I stopped in shock, my breath catching. "Sakura? Is her illness that serious?"
The Sakura who always liked to grab me and play hide-and-seek with me, the Sakura who endured the pain and didn't cry during the bone marrow examination, the Sakura who pestered me for cotton candy... such a lovely Sakura, she...
"right here."
Under the guidance of Yuan Cheye, I staggered to the intensive care unit of the hospital.
I didn't ask him how he knew all this, because I didn't have the energy to pursue this question. All my attention was firmly grasped by Xiaoying, who was dying on the hospital bed.
The ward was eerily quiet, with no other sounds except breathing.
The surroundings were all shocking white, and the breath was filled with the familiar smell of disinfectant. Sakura's small body was wrapped in a white sheet, and she looked so thin and fragile. Her face and lips were very pale, without any trace of the rosy color that belonged to her age.
"Sakura..." I called softly with sobs. Although Sakura was wearing a hat while sleeping, I could still see that there was not a single hair left in it. I almost cried.
"Be good. Don't cry." A pair of gentle hands were placed on my shoulders. I turned around and found that it was Xiaoying's mother. She was looking at me with those sad and loving eyes.
"Auntie, Sakura..." I couldn't ask the rest of the question.
"It's okay, Sakura will be fine." Her voice was soft, filled with deep maternal love.
"I also believe that Sakura will get better." I said firmly, but tears were forming in my eyes uncontrollably.
"Mother."
Behind us, the little figure on the hospital bed suddenly let out a soft cry like in a dream.
Xiaoying's mother immediately showed a pleasant smile, turned to the bedside, and said softly: "Xiaoying, look, who is here to see you?"
"Hmm?" Sakura's eyelashes trembled slightly and she slowly opened her eyes.
When he saw me, his lifeless eyes suddenly lit up.
"Sister Xia, did you come to see me?" Sakura was pleasantly surprised at first, then pouted with some complaints, "I've been waiting for you for a long time. You promised to buy me cotton candy."
"Haha, Sakura, I'm sorry I came to see you just now. But Sister Xia has been missing you in her heart." I choked up when I heard her childish voice.
Why should such a little Sakura, such a cute Sakura, endure so much pain?
Sakura's mother silently opened the lunch box she brought, and Sakura immediately frowned.
"Mom, I don't want to eat."
"Eat a little, come on, it's your favorite."
"Mom lied to me. She said Sakura would get better after eating and could go home. But Sakura is still not getting better. Sister Xia, please help me. I don't want to eat." Sakura, lying on the bed, looked at me with pleading eyes.
My heart suddenly ached, but I tried my best to control myself and forced a sad smile: "After eating, you will have the strength, and you can play hide-and-seek with Xiaoying like before."
When Xiaoying heard about playing hide-and-seek, her eyes immediately brightened up: "Sister, don't lie to me."
"Yeah." I bit my lip and nodded.
"Haha, then I'll eat." The flower-like smile on Sakura's face bloomed weakly in the air, pure and beautiful.
But after taking a few bites, Xiaoying immediately leaned over the bed and vomited into the trash can. She vomited out everything she had just eaten, and her little face turned red, but it was an extremely abnormal and sickly red.
Sakura's mother was so anxious that she didn't know what to do, and she patted Sakura's back with heartache.
When Xiaoying's breath finally slowed down, Xiaoying's mother couldn't help crying sadly. She turned her back to Xiaoying, motioned me to take care of Xiaoying, and then went out.
I looked at Sakura lying quietly, and felt heartbroken.
"Sister Xia, we can't play hide-and-seek anymore, right?" Her voice was very soft, like dandelions flying in the air.
"No, we'll play when you're better."
"Sister Xia is lying."
"Um?"
"I know that I can no longer play hide-and-seek with Sister Xia, because my illness...cannot be cured."
"How could that be? Sakura is so cute, she must be living a happy life."
"Thank you, sister." Sakura smiled happily, but it made me feel even more sad.
For the first time, I felt the preciousness of life. But it is also so fleeting that it will burst like a balloon with a light touch of your fingertips.
"Yeah. Actually, Sakura really likes when Sister Shia laughs!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, because you look cute when you smile silly."
"Well……"
"So I hope Sister Xia will smile more often in the future, and don't be like Sakura, making the people around her who care about her sad..." Sakura's voice became smaller and smaller, and she looked extremely tired.
"Xiaoying, if you feel tired, take a rest." I held her hand with mixed feelings. Her hand was soft and lifeless.
"Hmm..." Sakura closed her eyes obediently. After a while, when I thought she was really asleep, she suddenly said softly, "Sister Xia, I want to eat marshmallows."
"Okay, Sister Xia will go buy it right away, just wait."
I ran out in a panic, with Xiaoying's frail, pale face flashing through my mind. My heart was beating uncomfortably, and I was more panicked than ever before...
I dragged Yuan Cheye around the hospital to look for a stall selling cotton candy, and finally saw one in an alley. I took out a wad of money and bought all the cotton candy. I couldn't grab enough with both hands.
