DIARY Ten If I don't do that, I'll regret it 2
The owner of the marshmallow shop kindly reminded us: "Student, are you buying so many marshmallows as gifts? It will take a long time for one person to finish them."
"Yeah! I know." I nodded, and Sakura's innocent smiling face appeared in front of me.
Xiaoying, sister bought you a lot of marshmallows. Eat one every day and you can eat for a long, long time...
"Idiot, let's go back quickly." After saying that, Yuan Cheye pulled me and turned around to run back via the shortest route.
When I was still a few meters away from the inpatient building, I heard a burst of heart-wrenching crying coming intermittently from the intensive care unit on the second floor.
"ah!"
My heart suddenly started to panic for no reason, I stumbled and fell on the cobblestone road.
"Are you okay?" Yuan Cheye stopped to help me, but I shook him off, a tear falling silently from the corner of my eye, "Xiaoying..."
A group of white pigeons that were foraging not far away were startled by the noise and spread their wings and flew into the blue-gray sky. The dense white wings connected into a large sad white cloud.
I don’t know if it was because of the pain in my knee, but more uncontrollable tears burst out of my eyes, then silently dripped into the grass and disappeared.
My heart suddenly felt empty, as if something was leaving me...
On the rooftop of the hospital.
I stood quietly in a large shadow, the sound of the wind blowing past my ears was soft and sad.
The roar in my eardrums stopped, and the world became quieter than ever before. I could faintly hear Sakura's weak and tender voice:
"Yeah. Actually, Sakura really likes when Sister Shia laughs!"
"Yeah, because you look cute when you smile silly."
"So I hope Sister Xia will smile more often in the future, and don't be like Sakura, making the people around her who care about her sad..."
"Sakura, can you see Sister Xia's smile in heaven..." I said with a sob, looking up at the sky above my head.
Sakura has been gone for many days, but I always feel that I can still feel her presence in this hospital. I often come to the hospital and walk along the route we used to play hide-and-seek. I always feel that Sakura is hiding in a corner, and she is secretly proud when she sees that I can't find her.
Sakura, I really can't find you now...
“Does an idiot also think?”
I heard familiar footsteps behind me. I knew without looking back that only Yuan Cheye called me like that, but this time I didn't object.
"Yuan Cheye, do you think life has weight?"
"weight?"
"Yes, weight. I think life has weight. Some people's lives are so light, while the world is too heavy. When life reaches a certain lightness, it will float to the surface of the earth's crust and disappear forever."
Yuan Cheye didn't answer. I turned my head to look at him. I didn't know what he was thinking. His dazzling golden hair stopped dancing and fell quietly. His face was covered with a layer of white mist that I couldn't understand. It was clean and sad.
After a long time, he slowly said: "There are always some unbearable pains in life, such as illness, broken love, separation, and many other misfortunes. But no matter what, the living should still face it bravely, right? Don't be defeated by the setbacks in life. At any time, you should have the courage to face reality."
"Yuan Cheye..." I was a little surprised. This was the first time I saw him so serious and heard him speak so seriously.
"Actually, it's not that I don't want to face reality." I whispered, "When I was very young, my father often brought me to the hospital because of ear disease. From childhood to adulthood, I don't know how many Western medicines, Chinese medicines, and folk remedies I have taken... but I have never been able to be cured. Because of my illness, I am often excluded and ridiculed by my classmates, and I have always been very lonely. Chen, you, and Xiaoying , I only have you a few friends. Now Xiaoying is gone, I have lost a friend. If the operation fails this time, I won't even be able to hear your voices. I will never hear you speak, and will always be immersed in a world without sound..."
"But if you don't have the surgery, you're also at risk of losing your hearing."
"I know... I just thought, it would be nice to hear your voices for just one more day..."
"Xia..." Yuan Cheye suddenly turned my shoulders, stared into my eyes and said word by word, "If you keep immersing yourself in your current situation and dare not jump out of it, you will always stay in a sad situation. Are you so cowardly that you will be defeated by fate so easily?"
"I……"
"People who are easily defeated by fate will make those who care about them sad, idiot, do you remember what you promised Sakura?"
"So I hope Sister Xia will smile more often in the future, and don't be like Sakura, making the people around her who care about her sad..."
Sakura's sad little face appeared before her eyes again.
"Someone who cares about me..." I murmured, and my heart felt like it was brushed by a light feather. "So, Yuan Cheye, are you also someone who cares about me? Will you be sad?"
"Haha, what do you think, idiot?" Yuan Cheye laughed, but I seemed to hear a light sigh melting into the air, "I think the kind of role that makes people sad may be more suitable for me! What's more, there are so many people who care about you, idiot..."
"But, you clearly know that I..." An index finger placed on my lips blocked my next words.
"Go get the surgery, idiot. If there's still a chance of success, even if there's only a 50% chance, you should go for it. Isn't it cowardly to back off because of a possible pessimistic outcome?"
"I..." I still find it difficult to make up my mind.
"Forget it, if you're still hesitating, don't answer for now." He patted my shoulder and comforted me, "I know you're sad now, why don't you go eat something. Didn't you say that eating something warm will make you feel happy?"
"Um."
I thought we were going to a restaurant, but Yuan Cheye took me to the supermarket to buy a bag of flour for making dumplings and some ingredients, and then we returned to his house.
"Didn't you say you were treating us?" I was surprised to see him walking into the kitchen carrying flour.
"Yes, I'd like to invite you to eat the dumplings made by Mr. Yuan himself. You can never eat them outside."
"Can you do it?"
"Of course. Didn't I tell you last time that the dumplings you made were missing something? Today I will show you my skills and make you admit defeat with all your heart."
"Oh?" I curled my lips and went back to sit on the sofa in the living room. "Then I'll just look forward to it."
Yuan Cheye lingered in the kitchen for more than half an hour, and finally brought out a bowl of dumplings mysteriously.
"The glutinous rice balls still have strawberry juice in them, but the fillings are mung beans, red beans, lotus paste and sesame. Mung beans represent courage, red beans represent care, lotus paste represents happiness, and sesame represents adversity. The first thing you eat is what you get."
"Haha, that sounds interesting." I picked up the soup spoon and scooped one up, took a bite, and found that it was filled with mung bean paste. "Does this mean that I have the courage? Yuan Cheye, are you kidding me?"
Yuan Cheye did not answer me, but continued to speak:
"My mother used to love making glutinous rice balls with strawberry juice for me, but I know she actually wanted to make them for my father. The glutinous rice balls made by my mother were filled with red beans. She wanted to tell my father that someone cares about him, and someone also hopes to get his care. But my father is very busy. When eating glutinous rice balls, he would not spend time guessing what my mother is thinking. He always spends a lot of time on work."
I listened attentively. I had never heard Yuan Cheye mention his mother before, but now his expression as he looked at Tang Yuan was sad and warm, as if he was lost in memories from long ago.
"Your mother must be a very good person who loves your father and you very much."
"No!" Yuan Cheye's expression suddenly turned painful. "She loves Dad, but not me. Otherwise, she wouldn't leave with someone else without any regrets."
Time froze in his painful roar, his golden hair also darkened, and complex emotions struggled in his eyes. Such a fragile Yuan Cheye made me feel heartbroken, so I held his hand and said softly:
"Yuan Cheye, you must believe your mother. She loves you."
I don't know if my words had any effect, but Yuan Cheye gradually calmed down. He reached out and touched my hair, smiling brightly as usual.
"Fool."
His smile made me feel confused, so I quickly lowered my head and continued eating the dumplings.
"Ah, I'm going to keep eating."
"Wait, it's cold. I'll serve you another bowl."
"Hey, where is it?"
But my objection was ineffective, Yuan Cheye still insisted on bringing out another bowl.
The second glutinous rice ball I ate was filled with red bean paste. After eating it, I looked up and saw Yuan Cheye’s warm eyes.
I whispered, "Thank you."
"Um?"
"I know what's missing from my glutinous rice balls?"
"Ah, did you finally figure it out, idiot?"
"Well, it's a token of love. When your mother made it for your father, it was out of love; and when you made it for me—"
I suddenly stopped and didn't continue.
Actually, I really want to ask him, are you cooking for me just out of friendship?
But I still chose to keep this question. Because no matter what the reason is, I am so touched now. My heart is warm, as if I have all the happiness.
"Yuan Cheye, I have decided to undergo the surgery." Putting down the bowl, I said to Yuan Cheye firmly.
"Really?" He looked at me with a gentle smile.
"Well, because of your courage, Tangyuan, I chose not to escape cowardly anymore."
"Haha, I didn't expect my glutinous rice balls to have such a big contribution."
"But if I undergo the surgery, can you tell me the answer to the question I once asked you?" After thinking about it, I couldn't help but ask this question.
Tell me, Yuan Cheye. If the operation fails, at least I have heard the answer to this question. Even if the answer is not what I want, I will feel that I have no regrets...
"What answer?" Unexpectedly, Yuan Cheye looked confused.
"Hey!" Damn it, he didn't even remember such an important thing!
“Hehe…” Yuan Cheye looked at my sad face with interest, gently stretched out his hand to scratch the tip of my nose, and smiled brightly, “Keep it a secret for now, I’ll tell you after the operation, and you’ll be all ears then.”
It turned out that he knew what I was talking about and was deliberately teasing me and making me angry.
turn out to be……
He always remembers it.
Thinking of this, my mood immediately brightened up along with the haze outside the window.
"Well! Then we have a deal. After the operation, I want to hear your answer in person!"
Amid the sweet and lingering fragrance of the glutinous rice balls, Yuan Cheye and I hooked our little fingers tightly together.
Yuan Cheye smiled at me warmly, with a hint of sadness in his smile that I couldn't understand, but I didn't pay too much attention to it.
