DIARY Sixteen Missing you exists like air 2
We walked along the road leisurely while discussing the gains from the exhibition. Xu Yi's handsomeness often attracted the attention of passers-by, but he seemed to be completely unaware and just focused on playing with me.
"Xia, what were you looking at? Why weren't you looking at me?"
"I didn't see anything."
"Oh! There's someone selling cotton candy over there!"
"Well, it was my favorite when I was a kid."
"Haha, so excited! I know another little secret of Xia!"
Damn, he is still so childish!
I was too lazy to pay attention to him, so I quickened my pace and walked ahead alone, but I stopped when passing a flower bed.
This flower bed ... I seem to have seen it somewhere...
His eyes unconsciously searched along the flower bed, and finally fixed on a certain spot.
On the gray-white cement floor, there were several clear footprints of varying sizes... Aren’t they the ones left by Yuan Cheye and I when we passed by here that night at the social gathering?
I walked slowly forward and squatted in front of the footprints, completely ignoring the strange looks from passers-by.
"Xia?" Xu Yi came over with confusion and stood quietly behind me.
"Here, Cheye and I have been here before." I used my fingertips to feel the rough touch of the footprints, and murmured to Xu Yi with a smile, "There were many fireflies that night, just like all the meteors in the sky fell here. We had a lot of fun!"
Xu Yi listened carefully without saying anything.
"Cheye even caught a firefly and put it in my palm... It made me feel like I had happiness in my hands. However, the final result was..."
The smile on my lips slowly faded and turned bitter.
My heart began to ache bitterly.
"In fact, I should have realized at that time that this was a prophecy." The footprints in front of my eyes are sometimes blurry and sometimes clear, like those memories that I want to forget but become more and more profound.
"Prophecy?" Xu Yi repeated in confusion.
"These footprints are like a prophecy..." I couldn't help but tremble in my voice, "The larger set of footprints are Cheye's, and the smaller ones next to them are mine. At the beginning, Cheye and I walked forward side by side..." I walked forward along the original footsteps, but the figure accompanying me was replaced by the silent Xu Yi.
"But after walking here, I turned back and returned to the starting point. Cheye's footprints were like a one-way street that never returned..." I couldn't hold back my sadness any longer, and tears rolled down my cheeks. "This is the ending between Cheye and me!"
I can't forget that night, this place was as beautiful as an alien space where a meteor fell.
Now, it is still the familiar flower bed, but there are no more flying fireflies.
And the happiness that belongs to me is hard to find again.
It's all over.
The sadness is too heavy, and my world is too light. I can no longer bear the weight of memories...
"Xia..." Xu Yi came over and gently wiped the tears from my face, but this action made me cry even harder. Once, Che Ye also wiped my tears like this...
My heart suddenly hurts so much that I can't breathe.
The person I loved as if he were air, the person I couldn't breathe without, has now turned away and ignored me, and no longer illuminates me.
Maybe you don't care about me anymore.
But even so, I still miss that person.
Cheye , are you doing well now?
Are you happy?
You probably don't miss me as much as I miss you, do you?
Cheye, if I had been able to hold on a little longer, would you have wavered?
My body seemed to sink into a deep blue sea of tears. I looked at Cheye's footprints that lacked a return path and felt so sad that I almost suffocated.
"I've already walked so far with him, why didn't you insist on continuing to walk with him? Why did I have to go back alone? Why am I the only one left here crying uselessly..."
If I had another chance to start over, to go back to the day when he was about to leave, would I do everything I could to get him to stay, to stay in this city?
But if you miss it, you miss it.
I miss you, yes I miss you.
I missed you. Did I miss you that day?
…
"Xia." Holding my arms tighter, Xu Yi's voice was soft and hoarse, "Can I take care of you?"
My body shrank and my heart trembled slightly.
"Let me take care of you. I won't let you cry anymore. I will make you laugh happily, okay? Xia, you know I really like you. Don't close your heart, okay? Forget about him. I will definitely be better than him. Xia, promise me, okay?"
Such gentle words, such sweet temptation...
My fingers trembled slightly, and my eyelashes were wet on my open eyelids.
Looking up at Xu Yi's sincere face, his bright dark eyes seemed to contain a small universe in which only I existed.
It keeps spinning without day or night.
Never stop.
But……
I tilted my head sadly, unable to bear seeing his disappointed expression, and whispered my apology: "I'm sorry... I can't..."
In an instant, I felt Xu Yi's hand holding me stiffen. I could imagine the disappointment in his eyes. An unknown pain grabbed me, and I couldn't help but blurt out: "We..."
"Um?"
"Can we... just be friends?"
"Be friends?" Xu Yi repeated, looking a little disappointed, but I nodded very firmly.
I can't deceive myself. Until now, I still love Yuan Cheye deeply. He is the only person I love . But I can't let go of Xu Yi in front of me completely.
This situation seems to have happened before. But the protagonists at that time were me and Yuan Cheye...
"us……"
"... Let's be friends... Can we just be friends?"
Cheye also said the same thing to me at that time, so was his mood the same as mine now? Even if you don't like that person, you are not willing to let go easily; although you are selfish, you still keep cruel hope for others.
"Then, let's be friends." Xu Yi's tone was no longer gloomy, and he returned to his usual relaxed and cheerful tone, "But I will continue to like Xiaya. It doesn't matter even if Xiaya doesn't like me. Because Xiaya is so kind, she continues to be friends with me in order not to make me sad. I am willing to wait until the day when Xiaya likes me too..."
Time seemed to stop at this moment.
Past and future.
Pain and happiness.
Unreal and real.
I can hardly tell the Che Ye in my memory from the Xu Yi in front of me.
Continuing to walk towards home, Xu Yi held my hand gently like a friend, and I did not struggle.
"Don't cry next time," he said suddenly.
"Why? Who would restrict others from crying?"
"Because... your crying is really ugly, hehe."
"Uh...you too, saying cheesy things really doesn't suit you."
"Just bear with it, I'll tell you more often in the future." He smiled slyly, then shouted loudly to the front, "Ye Xiya, I like you!"
My heart began to swell uncontrollably again, and a warm feeling slowly spread from every nerve ending.
"Hey! I told you to stop talking." I pretended to be angry and pounced on Xu Yi who was running away quickly.
Specks of golden light poured down from the leaves along the roadside.
We shuttled between light and shadow, and strings of laughter fell to the ground.
Occasionally I looked up at the sky above my head, and the leaves rustled in my sight. I couldn't help but think of the scene when I used to sit on the Yuan Cheye motorcycle and look at the sky...
"Hey, hey, hey, ride slower."
"Don't worry, if you're scared, just look up."
"What's so good about it?"
"See? There are many elves hiding in the leaves above your head. Hey, elves, protect the coward Yeshiya!"
…
"Hey, idiot. I'm taking you somewhere."
"Um."
"Don't you even ask where I'm taking you?"
"I trust you."
"Um?"
"Because you said the elves in the tree would protect me."
"Haha...you are so naive!"
…
At that time, the tree-lined avenue that I passed by on Cheye’s motorcycle was still green on both sides, but now, the leaves here have turned yellow.
How long has Cheye been gone?
Autumn is gone and winter is here. It turns out that without us noticing, the seasons have quietly changed.
