DIARY Seventeen Too Many Sorry 1
Friday, December 30th, sunny
Finally I got the affirmative answer.
But it didn't come from the person I was expecting.
I've felt the same thing before.
So I don't know what to say except sorry.
I'm sorry for letting you down for all your efforts.
I'm sorry for selfishly enjoying your care;
I'm sorry, I can't love you, but I don't want to lose you;
Too many apologies...
Just like what someone said, “Fingers are too wide and time is too thin”, the days really go by quickly.
In the cold winter, I would spend my rest time in the warm library studying. Xu Yi would come here to pick me up at a fixed time and then take me home.
"Here, put them on." Whenever we met, he would take off his gloves and let me put them on. His body temperature was still on the gloves, which instantly warmed me.
At this time, if Weiwei saw me, she would always laugh secretly in a very ambiguous way, and then tease me meaningfully: "Your die-hard fan is here."
Xu Yi always smiled brightly and helped me carry my schoolbag without any hesitation, and then responded half-seriously and half-jokingly: "I can't help it. I have been poisoned by Ye Xiya in this life . I am destined to be a die-hard fan of Ye Xiya. And your die-hard fans are waiting for you at the school gate now."
When she heard him say Ajie, Weiwei immediately ran away with a red face. Alas, when it comes to insulting others, how can Weiwei compare to this guy Xu Yi!
Of course, sometimes I would complain to Xu Yi to protect myself: "If your fans heard you say this, I would probably be drowned in spit."
"Haha, okay. At worst, I will stop singing and no one will hurt you." Xu Yi looked very serious as he was thinking.
I was a little anxious, and hurriedly pulled his sleeve: "Hey, you sing so well, it would be a pity if you don't sing."
"Haha, then just sing it, but only for you."
He smiled brilliantly, a smile brighter than the winter sun.
The corners of my mouth twitched. Obviously, I had fallen into another trap he carefully designed.
Sometimes, I would stare at his profile in a daze. With soft black hair, a handsome and gentle face, and a brilliant smile that drives all the girls in Ryonan High School crazy, why would such an excellent person like me?
He often said "I like you" to me, as if he would never stop saying it. Even though I reminded him countless times that we could only be friends, he still didn't give up.
Gradually, without me even noticing, he had taken up more and more of my time to think about Yuan Cheye. The number of interesting things that happened between also increased.
Sometimes I would wonder if I was attracted to him.
When I talk to Chen on the phone, I often talk about Xu Yi who is always by my side. Chen always listens patiently and never interrupts me.
Recently, when he was about to hang up the phone, he suddenly told me with relief: "Xia, it seems that you have found your happiness."
"Huh?" I was puzzled.
"Xia, you promised not to make me worry, right?"
"um, yes."
"Then consider him, haha."
This sentence made me fall silent all of a sudden. Chen's words were so similar to what Cheye had said to me before. Did Cheye also think that if I had a new lover, he wouldn't have to worry about me anymore?
My heart felt like it was bursting with pain at that moment, and the air around me seemed to be moving away from me, making it impossible for me to breathe.
"Haha, don't worry, Chen, I will rely on you for the rest of my life."
I could only hide my mood with a happy laugh, because Chen and I both knew that the person I really wanted to stay with for the rest of my life had left this city, and I had no way to stay with him anymore.
Every day, I face life happily like this, and my smile is bright and dazzling in front of my father and classmates.
Only at night, in my dreams, when my thoughts are out of my control, do I have to face that heartbreaking face that crawled out from the ravine of memory. It keeps reminding me - Cheye, forgive me, I have never been able to forget you.
Long lens.
A face that never changes.
A conversation that cannot be changed.
I gazed sadly at the smiling face opposite me, and asked again and again expectantly: "Am I a special person to you?"
His golden hair danced in my eyes like golden ears of wheat flying in the wind.
The cherry blossom-petal-like lips slightly raised in a charming arc.
My heartbeat at this moment is like a beating war drum, thump thump thump...
He opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but suddenly I couldn't hear any sound, just like when my ear disease flared up before, I couldn't hear anything.
I saw his lips moving beautifully, but I was panicked because I couldn't hear his voice.
The answer! What exactly is his answer?
I shook my head and woke up from the nightmare.
At this moment, I deeply understood that no matter how perfect the disguise is, there will be flaws.
I think I will never be able to erase the memory of Cheye from my mind.
As the final exams were approaching, the school gave a rare three-day holiday.
Seeing the beautiful sunny weather outside, I decided to go for a stroll on the street. At this time, Xu Yi's phone rang -
"Xia, what are you doing? Why haven't you come to see me for so long?"
"I was just planning to go shopping. The exam is coming up soon, and I have to be busy reviewing." Oh, why did I feel that his tone just now was very similar to that of a resentful woman?
"Oh! I'll go too!"
"What are you going to do?"
"I want to buy something."
"What to buy? I can help you buy it."
"No! You wait for me at the KFC near Guangjing Bridge, and we'll go shopping together."
There's really nothing we can do about him!
The faint sunlight in winter caresses my eyes and is very warm.
Walking through streets with various styles, I asked Xu Yi, who seemed to be bored, in confusion: "Aren't you bored?"
"Haha, how come?"
"Aren't boys the ones who hate accompanying girls shopping the most?"
"Maybe. But I won't, because only in this way can I spend more time with Xia." He began his usual Xu-style "confession" again.
I was speechless and turned around and walked into a stationery store.
"Xia, wait for me, what are you doing in the stationery store?"
"I have an exam coming up. Can I buy a good pen to write with?"
I answered unhappily, and walked to the wooden shelf where pens were placed, and carefully picked out the pens. Not seeing anything I liked, I raised my foot to leave, but my eyes were firmly attracted by the diaries on the shelf next to me.
My pupils dilated and my heart felt as if it had been hit hard by a sledgehammer.
That diary...
On the cover, there are white angel feathers flying in the sky, and a girl's lonely hand stretched out...
It’s exactly the same as the exchange diary I once gave to Cheye!
But that diary was lost on the day I gave it to him, and my own was not given out on the day he left.
It’s called an “exchange diary”, but in fact there’s no “exchange” at all, right?
While I was sadly tug-of-war with my memories, I could hear Xu Yi answering the phone three or four steps away from me. He coughed and pretended to be pitiful in a low, hoarse voice:
"No, I have a cold today, so I can't go to the orchestra rehearsal..."
"Really? Even if you kill me, I still can't make it... And forcing myself like this will affect the quality of the rehearsal..."
"Hey, the cell phone signal is not very good. I can't hear what you are saying clearly. Maybe I'm too sick. Hello, hello... Haha, hanging up!" He talked to himself on the phone and quickly covered it.
When he turned around and found me looking at him, he immediately smiled awkwardly: "Huhu... I almost got caught. Telling a lie occasionally doesn't count as a bad boy, right?"
"Why do you want to skip rehearsal?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Because I want to go shopping with Xia."
"But they are your friends, so is that okay?"
"Hehe, they are ordinary friends, but Xia, you are a special friend, so you have a higher priority."
My expression went haywire because of this sentence. Before I could think clearly, the question I had asked Yuan Cheye before came out of my mouth:
"Am I special to you?"
Xu Yi nodded without hesitation and thought: "Well, to me, Xia Ya is of course a very, very special person."
"Haha." I laughed softly, but the tail sound sounded unusually lonely in the air.
Finally, someone gave me a positive answer.
It's just that he's not the person I expected, not Cheye...
"So am I also special to Xiaya?" Xu Yi asked, staring at me intently. "If Xiaya is not sure about the answer, just shake your head or nod. Nodding means that I am also special to Xiaya."
"Uh..." I was stunned for a moment, and my mind suddenly went blank. I could neither nod nor shake my head, so I could only walk out evasively.
Xu Yi followed me out and called my name anxiously from behind. But I walked very quickly, as if I was invisible, because I was afraid that he would ask me the answer to that question.
At this moment, I suddenly understood why Cheye had been delaying answering this question at that time...
Because the answer... must be something I cannot accept...
"Xia... Hey! Hey! Let me go. I said I'm not going to rehearsal."
I heard Xu Yi struggling behind me, and I turned around to see him being caught by Ajie and the band members.
"You little brat, you always put women before friends, don't you? We just called to test you just now, and we knew you must be faking illness. I didn't expect that we would catch you as soon as we came out! You look so energetic, it would be strange if you were sick!"
"Do you know that the official performance is about to begin, you little brat?"
"Let me go! I won't die if I don't go for a day! Xia!"
Although Xu Yi was still struggling, he was ultimately no match for the crowd's strength. When he was carried away, he kept looking back and calling my name with great reluctance and pity.
I watched him being brutally thrown into the car, his face pressed hard against the glass by the brothers next to him, squeezing it out of shape.
When he noticed I was looking at him, his lips moved as if he was saying something. I shook my head to indicate I didn't understand, so he said it again, and then the car started moving.
I stood there in a daze, finally understanding what he had said with his mouth shapes.
"sorry!"
When he said sorry to me, was he sorry for asking me that question just now? Or was he sorry for leaving alone?
The sour feeling of emotion spread in my heart again.
Xu Yi, why do you pamper me so much? I don't deserve you to do this...
"I should be the one to say sorry!" I murmured to myself in the direction he left.
I'm sorry for all your efforts.
I'm sorry for selfishly enjoying your care.
I'm sorry, I can't love you, but I don't want to lose you.
Too many apologies...
Half an hour later, I had no idea how I ended up halfway up the mountain.
Once upon a time, Cheye brought me here; and now, I stand in the same position and look down at the city scenery.
It was night then, and now it is day. The most different thing is that there is no one around me now.
It turns out that the scenery of a city during the day and at night is really different. Without the cover of the night, you can see many tall buildings, but you can't find the direction of home.
Taking out the mobile phone, the frog pendant drew a lonely arc in the air.
I wish my fingers were magical and could express exactly what I want to say:
Cheye, I was looking at the city scenery from the hillside where we had been together.
Cheye, I will never ask you questions that bother you again, because I know the answer to that question and your feelings...
A long time passed and I didn't receive a reply.
I can't tell what Cheye is thinking at this moment. What is he thinking? Is he finally relieved, or is he feeling lost? Perhaps this kind of speechless silence is the best ending for us.
Winter nights always come especially early.
When I came back home from the mountain, it was almost dark. From a distance, I saw a familiar figure standing in the yard in front of my house. Even his back was so warm and reassuring.
When he heard the sound of my footsteps and looked back, the gentle look in his eyes confirmed my judgment.
"Chen!"
I laughed in surprise and ran over and gave him a big bear hug.
"Did you go out to play today?"
"Well, but if I knew Chen was coming home today, I would definitely stay at home obediently. By the way, why didn't you tell me earlier when you came back? I could have picked you up!"
"You go pick me up, I have to take care of you in addition to taking care of the luggage."
"Chen! I won't make anyone worry about me anymore!"
Really, he insults me as soon as he comes back. I pretended to be unhappy and hit him.
"Really? Where's the puppy I gave you to take care of downstairs? There's not a single puppy in the doghouse now. Could it be hidden in your pocket?"
"Hehe...they...went to find their dog father. Chen, I'm so hungry." I stuck out my tongue, shook Chen's arm and began to change the subject.
"Okay, come to my house and I'll cook for you."
"Great!" I cheered and followed Chen towards his house.
"You are Xiaozhu, you are Xiaozhu, Xiaozhu, answer the phone quickly..." As soon as I stepped into the living room of Chen's house, my cell phone rang. It was Xu Yi calling.
"Hello……"
"Hey, Xia. I'm sorry that I didn't accompany you shopping during the day. Your vacation has been ruined by me."
"Okay, it's okay. I know you can't help it. Rehearsal is important."
"No way, Xia will always be the first in my heart, haha. Have you eaten now? You must not, right?" He continued without waiting for my answer, "I know a newly opened Western-style coffee shop. The Western food there is delicious, and I stole Ajie's discount card, hahaha..."
"Then Weiwei must be so angry, right?" I couldn't help but chuckle when I thought of that scene. I tilted my head and saw Chen looking at me with interest, so I laughed awkwardly, "Let's go there another day! If you haven't eaten, come to my place. I'll introduce you to someone who cooks delicious food."
"Really? I'll be there right away! Ten minutes." Xu Yi's voice sounded particularly excited and he hung up the phone immediately.
"Is it the boy named Xu Yi?" Chen asked me.
"Yeah." I nodded. I don't know why, but I wanted to introduce Chen to Xu Yi, and I felt that they would definitely get along well.
"Are you guys now..." Chen smiled meaningfully.
"No, no!" I denied quickly.
Chen didn't ask any more questions. He just looked at me gently and lovingly, then went to the refrigerator to find ingredients to cook.
After a while, Xu Yi ran downstairs panting, and I went downstairs to bring him up.
"Xia, is your friend here?" Chen heard the door open and walked out of the kitchen.
I quickly took Xu Yi's hand and walked in front of Chen: "Xu Yi, let me introduce you to someone who is very important to me. He is my most trusted brother and friend since childhood - Gu Haochen."
"Chen, this is Xu Yi, he's... a very good friend of mine." I hesitated for a moment, but still said this.
Xu Yi was a little disappointed that I introduced him like this, but he still smiled brightly: "Haha, you are Gu Haochen, I have heard Xiya mention your name a long time ago."
Chen gently extended his hand: "Hello. You know what? You are in big trouble."
"Really? There's nothing I can do. This trouble is too cute." Xu Yi glanced at me and shook his head pretending to be helpless.
"Haha. Thank you for your hard work in the future."
"Haha. Thank you for your hard work in the past."
I looked at them speechlessly. What? They ignored me, as if they were old acquaintances who I had known for a long time. And why did they say such incomprehensible things?!
Next, they walked into the kitchen in perfect harmony. I was worried, so I followed them in . As expected, as soon as I entered, I saw Xu Yi beating eggs so clumsily that he crushed the eggshells. It was really chilling!
