DIARY Six If we could only be friends 1
Tuesday, May 24th, sunny
If only in this way, you will not reject my approach;
If only in this way, you will not forget my existence;
If only in this way, I won’t be a burden to you;
Then let’s be friends.
Although "friends" will draw a line between us,
Although I don't want to admit this fact,
but--
Only by becoming friends,
I can continue to stay by your side.
The next day is a brand new day.
The deep blue sky, cotton candy-like clouds, fresh and pleasant air, and the long campus boulevards all make people feel refreshed.
I have always believed that time is the best healer. It allows people to leave all the unhappiness in the past, while giving us new courage and faith, making us full of expectations for the future.
But it seems like every day I have to face the trouble of being late...
As I was running in a race against time, I heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle engine behind me.
“Wuwuwuwu… ”
The sound is getting closer.
Is it Yuan Cheye? He didn't skip class today? But why did he come to school on a motorcycle again? Isn't he afraid that the teacher will call his parents to school?
As I thought about this, my heartbeat started to speed up. I clenched my palms tightly, imagining what kind of expression I should use to greet him.
Just as I raised my hand and was about to look back, a gust of wind blew up the corner of my clothes and a motorcycle accelerated and whizzed past me.
My smiling face froze in place. Even though it was only a brief moment, I could still clearly see the figures of a man and a woman on the motorcycle.
The sound of their conversation also reached my ears very clearly.
"Oh yeah...it feels so good...Cheye, can you go faster?"
" Sure ! I can go as fast as you want. How about my motorcycle? Isn't it cool?"
"Yeah. The motorcycle is cool and you are handsome too!"
"Ha ha……"
"Yuan Cheye, I like you very much, please consider dating me!"
"I am loved by everyone..."
The cool black motorcycle, the handsome blond boy, and the beautiful girl on the back seat were all very attractive elements. The students who saw this scene began to follow and cheer along the way. The noisy and noisy voices arrogantly rang in the quiet campus in the early morning.
Until their voices became farther and farther away and I could no longer hear them, I still stood on the road in a daze, my stiff body like a doll that had lost its soul.
When Yuan Cheye passed by me, he didn't even look in my direction.
Didn't he see me?
My heart seemed to stop beating, and sadness was like the rising tide that was overwhelming me. Only my labored breathing was left, which sounded clearly on the water.
Yuan Cheye...
When I whispered his name, my heart felt like it was being pricked by a needle.
"Yuan Cheye!!!"
A lion-like roar suddenly drowned out the voice in my heart, and I looked in the direction of the voice in a daze.
On the school road, Yuan Cheye's motorcycle collided with a bicycle, and next to him was the physics teacher with a purple face.
"It's you again, Yuan Cheye! Riding motorcycles is prohibited in school! Don't you understand? And you even hit a teacher! Your parents! Your parents, we must pull your parents out and ask them to talk about how to educate their children."
"I didn't bump into the teacher. I just said hello to the teacher, and then the teacher fell down by himself." Although Yuan Cheye's voice was not loud, it still reached my ears clearly.
"You, you, you, you... you think it's reasonable to ride a bike to school?" The physics teacher's voice was getting louder and louder, as if he might lose his mind and explode at any time.
I hurried over there worriedly.
I don't know if it was my illusion, but for a moment I seemed to see Yuan Cheye looking at me. His eyes conveyed some kind of message to me across the distance, and there was a lonely and sad emotion in his clean face.
I ran faster.
But when I really ran closer, I found that Yuan Cheye was chatting and laughing with the girl next to him without any concern, and ignored the furious physics teacher.
Was my eyes blurry just now...
I lowered my eyelids sadly, dragged my heavy steps towards the classroom, and automatically shut out the noisy sounds behind me.
When I sat down, it was the first time I didn’t say hello to Weiwei. I felt as listless as a frost-bitten eggplant.
It wasn't until the chair in front of me pushed my desk that I came back to my senses and saw Yuan Cheye in front of me opening his schoolbag.
I kept reminding myself to stay calm and try to maintain a normal tone of voice: "Yuan Cheye, why do you still ride a motorcycle to school?"
The person in front paused while rummaging through his schoolbag, slowly turned around, and smiled brightly: "Haha... don't you think that's cool?"
It was still a face that was so clean that it could easily make people's hearts beat faster, but it hurt my eyes.
"Didn't you promise me that you wouldn't ride a motorcycle to school?" My tone became a little excited.
That evening, I sat on the back of his motorcycle. He had clearly promised me...
"Yuan Cheye, can you not ride this to school in the future?"
"What? Are you afraid that the teacher will give me trouble? Don't worry, he said he wants to let the parents know."
“That’s not the reason.”
"Um?"
"I'm worried...you'll fall again."
"good."
"Um?"
"I won't ride a motorcycle to school anymore. I promise."
"It's a deal."
…
But why did I see him breaking his oath so soon? Just like the bubbles blown by a child in the summer, so beautiful but so fragile.
I looked into his eyes intently. His pupils were a warm brown, yet they made me feel distant and untouchable.
"Really? I seem to have forgotten." Yuan Cheye touched his hair and recalled carefully, then answered me apologetically.
"Forgot?" I repeated blankly.
His words were like a sharp sword that instantly pierced my heart. A suffocating pain swept through all my thoughts like a whirlwind.
It turns out that a promise can be forgotten so easily?
It turns out that in his heart, everything he said to me was meaningless.
I was still in a daze when Yuan Cheye took out a stack of information from his schoolbag and handed it to me. "That's great! Help me choose."
"Huh?" I was stunned for a moment, but still took it obediently.
I flipped through it casually, and a girl's photo and information immediately caught my eye -
Name: Yang Yiyi
Height: 165cm
Hobbies: shopping...
Specialty: Dancing
Turning it over again, I saw the detailed information of another girl, which also included her name, height, specialties, etc.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I looked up and asked, "Are you organizing any activities recently?"
"No. Help me pick one." Yuan Cheye's smile at the moment looked a little heartless. "You pick out which girl is better, and I'll decide who I'll take with me on the motorcycle tomorrow."
"What? Are you kidding me?"
"No. I'm serious." He smiled innocently.
"I reject!"
"Why would you refuse? I'm seriously asking for your opinion."
“…”
A despair that was both sad and angry gripped my throat tightly, making it dry and unable to speak.
Damn you Yuan Cheye, don't you understand? I've already told you that I like you, why are you still doing this?
Yuan Cheye seemed not to notice my change of mood. He was still talking to me excitedly, smiling, and pointing at the girls' profiles with his slender fingers...
But I just stared at his mouth opening and closing, and my ears suddenly became quiet, as if the world around me had suddenly turned into a silent movie and I could not hear any sound.
My ear problem has recurred.
This kind of temporary deafness happens to me all the time, but never has it come as timely as this time.
Yes. This is the only time I didn't complain about my ears.
Because, maybe it’s better not to hear what he’s saying now…
Who made me so weak? I don’t want to hear those cruel and sad words at all…
Finally, my silence caught Yuan Cheye's attention.
He paused and opened his mouth to say something to me, but then the math teacher walked in.
It's time for class.
Yuan Cheye looked at me for the last time, finally said nothing, and slowly turned around.
The math teacher announced the start of class, and the silence in my eardrums gradually disappeared. My hearing gradually recovered, but I had no intention of listening to the class at all.
Yuan Cheye, am I stupid? I actually want to get close to and understand such a weird person like you!
Haha, yes, Ye Xiya is an idiot! A complete idiot!
I seemed to be able to hear him answer like this, with that innocent yet hurtful smile on his face.
I lowered my head in frustration, and my eyes fell on the newly bought diary in my desk.
"There are two diaries, one for you and one for me. Didn't you say it's impolite to ask you about your secrets directly? Now let's write our secrets in our diaries and then exchange them. This way, we won't feel embarrassed to speak up, and more importantly, no one will hide anything from the other."
"don't want."
I can still clearly remember the way he refused the diary when I gave it to him yesterday.
Damn it! I must be crazy to give him a diary! I angrily tore off a piece of paper and wrote:
Give me back the exchange diary in the table!
Then he crumpled the paper into a ball, stared at the golden head in front of him, and smashed it hard.
boom--
Hit the target accurately.
A few minutes later, the ball of paper was thrown back on my desk.
I opened it and saw a few scribbled words on it:
Diary? I don't have one in my desk.
I replied angrily:
How is that possible? I clearly put it in after school yesterday.
He quickly threw the paper ball back:
No, I didn’t see it.
In this way, we had a paper ball fight, he said no and I said yes. Finally, the bell rang, and as soon as the math teacher announced the end of get out of class, I jumped up from my seat and ran straight to Yuan Cheye's desk.
"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?" Yuan Cheye didn't expect me to do this and was a little surprised.
"Stop arguing. I want to search it myself!" I said firmly while starting to rummage through his desk.
Yuan Cheye sat in his chair without daring to move, and I turned his desk over and over again, but I couldn't find the diary. When I stopped, I smelled the sweet scent of roses.
When I turned around, I realized that I was very close to Yuan Cheye.
His eyes stared at me without blinking, with a dazzling light in them. My heart jumped violently.
"I didn't. Why don't you believe me?"
"How...how could this happen?" I stammered in panic, my face flushed slightly, "Could it have been taken away by someone?"
Who took it away? I felt empty inside, as if I had lost something extremely important.
"Tsk! How could anyone take something like that?" There were whispers of discussion in my ears, which gradually became more and more unscrupulous.
"Yeah, what about exchanging diaries? That's so tacky."
"I didn't expect that there are still people who use diaries to express their feelings. What a fool."
"It looks like someone is being overly enthusiastic."
"Yeah. A toad wants to eat swan flesh, hahahaha."
…
The source of these harsh taunts was my neighbor Weiwei.
I turned my head and saw her passing the note I wrote to Yuan Cheye with a group of female classmates. They looked at me with mocking eyes from time to time, smacked their tongues and sighed, and each mocking word was like a poisonous thorn that pierced my heart fiercely.
My mind suddenly went blank and I gradually lost the ability to think.
It was like a familiar feeling, as if I was back to the time when I was a kid and was surrounded by many other kids. At that time, I looked at them expectantly, hoping that they would accept me.
But they just kept repeating:
"She is deaf, deaf. I don't want to play with her."
"She is deaf...I don't want to play with her..."
The hateful gazes made them avoid me as if I were a strange creature. The contemptuous look on such a small and tender face was so lethal.
I argued feebly:
"I'm not deaf... I just... can't hear sometimes..."
But no one listened to me, and they were even more disdainful of listening to my explanation.
Tears of grievance welled up in my eyes, and then Chen appeared and rescued me from the ridicule...
In front of my eyes, Vivi and the others’ words overlapped with the scenes in my memory. Their figures became blurry and real. I gradually began to lose track of the children’s faces and Vivi and the others’ faces.
