DIARY Eight Things that only the person you like can accept 2
The wrist tightened.
A hand pulled me tightly.
I turned my head and used the light from outside to see the hand that Yuan Cheye was holding mine.
Each finger was so slender and clean. Suddenly, I thought of the moment when he caught a firefly and put it in my palm. His fingers were like roses blooming at night.
Now, such a beautiful hand is holding my hand, and the slightly cool junction of our skin is faintly mixed with a tingling touch.
The subtle fragrance of roses diffuses quietly and rushes into my nostrils violently.
"why cry?"
"Um?"
"Don't you want to tell me?" Yuan Cheye looked at me gently, and the sudden light in his eyes hit my heart at once.
"Ah... not really..." I looked at him and chose my words carefully, "That..."
"It seems that you, like them, don't need me." When he said this, the light in his eyes slowly disappeared.
I was stunned.
No need? Why do you say that suddenly? I stared at Yuan Cheye's face. It seemed that there was a deep sadness flowing in his blood, a place I could not touch.
"Okay, then I won't go out." I stopped.
But he suddenly let go of my hand, turned his head to the window, and said nothing, as if he no longer cared whether I would leave or not.
I waited for a while, but he still didn't move.
"Hey, Yuan Cheye, are you actually afraid of being alone?" I don't know where I got the courage from, but I began to test him cautiously.
"Haha." He suddenly laughed, turned his head and looked at me intently. His eyes were extremely calm and clear, and there seemed to be a beam of sunlight dancing brightly in them. But after a moment, the beam of sunlight was restrained and replaced by a mischievous expression.
"Really? You really want to stay here with me?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Aren't you afraid of what I might do to you?"
"You...you won't." I felt a little insecure. Who knows if he will deliberately tease me like he did last time he was here.
"That's not necessarily true." Unexpectedly, Yuan Cheye put his arm around my waist and suddenly closed the distance between us. My chin almost hit his chest.
Boom boom boom——
My heartbeat suddenly accelerated!
"Now?" The smile in his eyes became more and more obvious, but for some reason I could sense a hint of alienation hidden in it.
Yuan Cheye, it seems like he doesn't want me to stay by his side...
He is trying to make me leave him in this way, to give up when faced with difficulties...
But why? Why do you keep rejecting me?
I...I don't want to leave!
I raised my head, and the anxiety I had just felt disappeared: "I'm not afraid."
Yuan Cheye, no matter what you think, I will not leave you. Even if you try to test me or scare me, I will not...
However, my complicated inner struggle suddenly stopped at this moment, because my vision was suddenly occupied by Yuan Cheye's face that suddenly approached. His eyes flashed with a terrifying light, and before I could even react, my lips were covered fiercely, and even my breathing became hot.
Yuan Cheye he...
He kissed me!
But……
Why did I see despair in his eyes...
After standing there for a long time, the hands holding me suddenly loosened. I staggered back a few steps before finally standing firm.
"What are you doing?" I rubbed my hot face, and there was a slight tremor of embarrassment in my voice.
Yuan Cheye acted as if nothing had happened, and reached out his hand to ruffle my hair: "It seems that you are really not afraid."
"of course……"
"It seems like you really want to be locked up here with me. But—"
"but?"
"But what I meant was to lock you up here. I meant to lock you up here alone! So I'm leaving now, and you stay here alone."
After saying that, he strode towards the door. I rushed over to stop him: "Hey! You're playing tricks on me again! I...I won't let you walk out of this door!"
"Oh? Really? But what if I really have to go out?" Yuan Cheye smiled and turned to walk towards the window.
"Ah? What are you doing at the window? Are you trying to get out there?"
"Is it not possible?" Yuan Cheye answered me without turning his head. He had already climbed onto the windowsill steadily while speaking. "I'm leaving, idiot."
"You're crazy!" I kindly reminded him, "This is the third floor. Are you going to jump off the building?"
"Yeah, I know it's the third floor. But what can I do? Being in the same room with an idiot would make me so depressed that I'd want to jump off the building." He shrugged and opened the window.
"Yuan Cheye, what did you say? Bastard!" I yelled at him angrily, "Then just jump! As long as you have the courage to jump, I won't care whether you live or die!"
"Okay! Then I really jumped."
Yuan Cheye turned around, and the few rays of light from the street lamps outside danced on his golden hair, making him particularly charming. The light in his eyes was also so bright and frightening.
Boom! My heart skipped a beat, but I still pretended to be indifferent and muttered, "I don't believe it..."
But just as I was uttering the last word, I saw to my horror that Yuan Cheye pushed his left arm against the windowsill and jumped down.
The tall and clean figure disappeared in an instant like a startled bird in flight.
"Yuan Cheye!"
I screamed, and the world in my eyes suddenly turned into a desperate black.
He...actually jumped down!
I ran towards the window frantically, crying as I ran: "Yuan Cheye! Don't scare me..."
"Yuan Cheye, don't...you bastard, if you hate me, just let me out. Why did you jump off the building?"
"Wuwuwu... Yuan Cheye..."
I couldn't control my tears and they poured down my face. I cried even more desperately and sadly than when I came in just now.
But when I ran to the window, leaned on the windowsill and looked out, I was immediately stunned.
At this time...
"Hi! Idiot!" A guy with a big smile on his face was sitting on the balcony outside the window, waving at me lazily.
That’s right! Outside this window is a balcony! And it’s connected to the balconies of several other rooms.
"Yuan, Yuan, Yuan Cheye! You...you actually tricked me again!"
Seeing Yuan Cheye winking at me with a look on his face as if he had successfully pulled off a prank, I thought I would be very angry, angry at how he could play such an excessive joke; I thought I would grab him by the collar and scold him, and never talk to him again!
But...no.
I don't.
What surged in my heart more was actually surprise and relief.
It's great that he is fine and still alive!
It's great that he didn't really leave me alone!
I couldn't hold back the tears of joy that streamed down my face, and I hurriedly climbed up to the windowsill while crying:
"Wait for me! I'll be right by your side!"
I have never felt the feeling of losing and regaining something so deeply before. Because I care about him and like him, I have to face my heart in the most real way at this moment, and I want to be with him more than ever before.
"You're coming over? What are you doing here?" Hearing what I said, Yuan Cheye stood up nervously, "I've already said I don't want to stay with you, don't come over!"
"But...but I want to be with you!" Hot tears kept dripping on my hands, and finally, I climbed onto the windowsill.
"Want to be with me?"
Yuan Cheye walked towards me slowly, his eyes were filled with the pain of a torn wound, and sadness mixed with the silvery moonlight poured out.
There was a breeze, and the familiar scent of roses spread freely in the air.
In this soft moonlight, my voice is more firm than ever before:
"Well, I want to be with you. I'll go wherever you go. I'll always follow you!"
"Really? Have you been following me?" I don't know if it was my illusion, but when Yuan Cheye repeated this sentence, his eyes flashed with a tenderness and affection that he had never seen before.
He slowly extended his hand toward me, and I placed my hand in his as if attracted.
What is gravity?
Two hands approaching each other under the moonlight, two hearts beating at the same frequency, are these all due to gravity?
It’s like because you like someone, no matter how far away he or she is, you will choose to be with that person; because you love someone, no matter how difficult it is, you want to live in that person’s heart!
"...But what if I don't want you to go there?" He suddenly asked this question the moment his hand held mine.
"Um?"
"If there's a place I don't want you to go with me, can you please not go?"
"I..." I hesitated. I could feel Yuan Cheye's hand trembling slightly. Was he afraid?
What is he afraid of? Why should he be afraid? I will be with him, so he has no reason to be afraid...
"I'll go. I'll go wherever you go. I won't leave you alone..."
I spoke word by word, but before I could finish my words, Yuan Cheye's eyes suddenly dimmed, and the hand he was holding on my hand slowly let go weakly.
"Yuan Cheye?" I instinctively grabbed his fingertips before he could completely pull them away. "What's wrong?"
"Let go!" In just a short moment, his voice became cold and hoarse, like a sharp ice wind freezing my movements.
"I……"
"Don't follow me!" He shook off my hand, turned around with a dark face, and walked away along the connected balcony without paying any attention to me who was still in a daze behind him.
He's angry? How could that happen? Did I say something wrong?
I stared blankly in the direction where Yuan Cheye disappeared, vaguely recalling the moments since I met Yuan Cheye.
His attitude has always been so elusive to me.
Every time, when I thought I was very close to him, he would suddenly push me away with force.
Get closer, push away.
Pull closer, then push away.
In this case, wouldn't it be easier to just not let me get close? Why do you have to pull me and push me again?
Yuan Cheye, what are you thinking about?
The night gradually deepened.
The wind also began to get colder.
But I was completely unaware.
A man squatted lonely on the windowsill, like a puppet abandoned by its master, isolated and helpless.
"Xia, what are you doing on the windowsill? Come down now!"
An anxious voice suddenly sounded behind me, shining straight into my heart like a light.
Who is it? Who is calling me?
I raised my eyes and saw a hand reaching out to me.
The hand was big, and the wheat-colored skin shone with a moving color under the moonlight. It was so familiar, just like the hand that held me tightly and took me home countless times when I was helpless as a child.
"Chen, you are here..." I slowly raised my hand, and it was immediately grasped tightly by that hand.
"Xia, why did you come here alone? I've been looking for you for a long time!" The worried tone made people feel warm inside.
"I'm sorry, Chen, I will never come to such a dangerous place again." I jumped down from the windowsill and walked out of the room holding Chen's hand.
Here... Yuan Cheye is no longer here. So, there is no need for me to stay here any longer.
"Eh? Xia, can you hear the sound?"
"Yeah, I could hear it just now."
"Haha, that's good." Chen stared at me for a while, then reached out and stroked my hair. "Are you hungry? You haven't eaten yet. I bought you your favorite curry beef rice."
His hands are so warm.
His words are so thoughtful too.
It seemed to touch my heart, again and again, so gently.
"Yeah." I nodded. In order not to make him worry, I pretended to be a greedy cat again, "Do you still have Li Ji's shortbread?"
"have."
"What about the pearl balls?"
"We have everything. We have everything you like to eat."
"Haha, then I must eat them all! Fill my stomach to the brim!"
Yes, eat it all.
But……
The stomach can be filled with food, but what about the heart? The empty space can never be filled except by that person...
"Uh, Chen, please help me get discharged from the hospital for surgery." After finishing my meal, I said to Chen.
"Why? Has your tinnitus healed?" Chen looked at me with some surprise.
"Yeah. Okay." I nodded.
"Really? Let's observe for a while longer."
"No! Chen. I'm fine! Really! I want to go home. I don't want to stay here anymore..."
The last sentence was said in a low voice, but Chen still heard it. He looked at me deeply, said nothing, turned around and walked out of the ward, and went to complete the discharge procedures for me.
That night, I was lying on my little bed at home, tossing and turning, having the same dream over and over again. In the dream, there was a figure of someone that was sometimes far away and sometimes close. I kept chasing him, but I could never catch up...
