When I woke up, I was already at my mother's place.
Guan Yue was sitting beside me peeling fruit for me. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her pitiful appearance made people feel uncomfortable. Seeing me wake up, she breathed a sigh of relief and said with a sad face: "Dong Mingyang's matter has come to this. If you have any more trouble, I really can't bear it."
Reaching out, I grasped her slender wrist.
I wanted to say something, but I didn't. Looking at the ceiling, I felt exhausted, and I wanted to faint and never wake up. But then I thought, if I, the person involved, try to escape like this, how can I still live like a human being?
Perhaps after experiencing the worst outcome, there was nothing to be afraid of. I whispered to Guan Yue, "Since this is the case, there is nothing for us to struggle with."
"Fight the lawsuit well. I will spend my whole life to pay back what I owe to Dong Mingyang."
"Let's stop crying. If we keep crying, we will really go blind."
"Life has to go on. No matter what, we have to be fine. You will marry Dong Mingyang and I will take care of her grandmother. Whoever falls, we must not fall."
"Yes, you are right!" Guan Yue wiped the tears from her eyes fiercely, "I will still marry Dong Mingyang as his wife in the future, why can't I wait! I won't despise him! If she doesn't want to reconcile, then don't reconcile!"
Seeing her childish look, I smiled and patted the back of her hand again.
They are right, there is nothing wrong.
All suffering, whether coming or leaving, will materialize over time.
Whether people survive or accept their fate, they are also following the trajectory of life.
Running away is not a solution, and crying is useless. Before every dawn, all we can do is wipe away our tears, pack our bags, and greet the new day.
I hope that the heavens will not let me down for having spent half my life in sadness.
I hope fate will have mercy on him in the vicissitudes of life.
I didn't let Guan Yue stay.
The reason is very simple. I said that we are not suitable to be together all day. I feel uncomfortable when I see her depressed face, and she feels like crying when she sees me looking like a bereaved mother. We are exhausted by one thing, and we are also heartbroken by another. If we stay together like this, the pain will be doubled.
After she left, my mother noticed that we were getting a little distant, and she wanted to say something, but in the end she chose not to ask or say anything. I think a lot of my ability to judge the situation should have been inherited from her . She was helpless about Dong Mingyang's matter, and intervening would only make things worse.
Sitting up from the bed exhausted, I slowly walked to the desk, turned on the worn-out desk lamp, and under the pale yellow light, I opened the notebook that had been covered in dust for a long time.
This notebook is what I used to keep my diary when I was fifteen. It’s not a cheap notebook, but the paper inside is of good quality and looks good.
But after I turned fifteen, I no longer wanted to keep a diary.
What's the point of remembering the gray days? Every day is so hard, why bother to think about it again at night? Now, I will not write a diary again, I just want to write a letter, a breakup letter to Qiao Nuo.
Yes, we can't be together anymore.
I can't wait for him, or he waits for me.
The moment I knew Ai He had become a vegetable, I knew that there was probably no chance for him and I to be together again in this life. I thought I could turn a blind eye, pretend nothing had happened, and return to my life after resolving this matter. But when it really came to this, I realized how difficult it was to turn a blind eye.
I simply can't forgive myself.
I harmed Dong Mingyang, Qiao Nuo, Guan Yue, and even my grandmother. I harmed everyone, so why should I expect to be at peace with the person I love after everything is over?
What's more, all this was because I didn't want the person I loved to be implicated, so I allowed the person who loved me to sacrifice.
I loved so selfishly and blindly, and I should learn to reap the consequences of my own actions.
That’s right, when I thought of this, I cried again in vain. I couldn’t remember how many times I cried during this period of time. I scolded myself while crying, saying that I couldn’t cry anymore, otherwise I would really go blind.
Tears fell on the paper. I took the pen and wrote on it over and over again, but nothing I wrote felt right.
Yes, how can it be right? This is a breakup letter. I am writing this to the boy I love most in my life. Even if I close my eyes, I can't write it.
After repeating this several times, I finally couldn't stand it anymore, so I tore up all the papers and threw them into the trash can.
It's really hypocritical to write a breakup letter after breaking up.
I laughed and cursed myself in my heart.
For a real breakup, there doesn't really need a ceremony.
I can't be with you anymore. I can't go on with you. There's no need for any extra explanations to make the other person give up completely.
I turned to a new page, picked up the pen again , and wrote a line of words on it casually.
"Thank you for your company, but my journey with you can only go so far."
I hope that when Qiao Nuo sees this line, he will never be able to see the reluctance and sorrow contained in my handwriting.
I also hope that his life trajectory will never be deviated because of me.
After a night of wind and rain, the city finally officially entered autumn.
That night, I slept for a long time. When I woke up, the leaves outside the window were all dressed in yellow. I sat in front of the window like an old man, wearing a coat, looking at everything outside slowly. The wind was a little cold, and I shivered. Then I remembered that Dong Mingyang might be cold.
So I left the house without even having breakfast, and ran to a nearby mall to buy him a set of new clothes. A shirt, a suit of good quality, and a durable flight jacket. I heard that the verdict would be announced in the next two days, so formal clothes had to be prepared.
Then, I went to meet Dong Mingyang alone.
He didn't seem surprised that I was here, and the thick coat he was wearing proved that Guan Yue had been here before me. He stood there with a smile, looking energetic. Compared to him, I was more like the person who had encountered a huge change in life.
"You two keep buying me clothes. I have no idea how to wear them all." He took the clothes and smiled, "Oh? A suit?"
When he said this, his voice was choked with a hint of sob , which touched the most painful part of my heart.
"I was thinking that we'll be going in two days - so I should at least dress formally." I knew I must look awful if I forced myself to smile. "I'm sorry, I made you like this, it's my fault."
"You and Guan Yue are indeed friends. She said the same thing to me this morning." He sighed indifferently, "There is nothing to be sorry about. I am already very touched by your dedication. I chose this path. I can't blame others, let alone you."
"I... I plan to separate from Qiao Nuo." I stammered, trying to hide the turmoil in my heart. "I will accompany you through this tough battle, so don't be afraid. No matter what the result is, I will help you take good care of grandma and wait for you to come back."
Dong Mingyang was stunned for a long time before he asked, "Is it because of me?"
"No, it's because his father doesn't allow us to be together." I pretended to be nonchalant, "I also feel that I am not suitable for him."
"Oh, that's it." He nodded thoughtfully and didn't ask any more questions.
We chatted for a while and talked about tomorrow's schedule, and then it was almost time. Before leaving, Dong Mingyang said to me seriously, "Jing'an, no matter what, you have to take good care of yourself."
"You look like a 38-year-old soul in an 18-year-old body. I'm worried about you when you look like this."
"I don't ask you to really help me with anything. I just hope you can be well and be a normal, happy girl."
A normal, happy girl.
These few short and clear words are his ultimate expectation for me.
Like a pair of gentle hands, gently caressing my bleeding heart again and again. I stood there, looking back at him stupidly, not knowing that my tears had inadvertently wet my collar.
"Okay, I'll be fine."
"Be a normal and happy girl."
"And so you go home."