I looked at the policeman walking towards me step by step, and was extremely surprised. I didn't expect to see him at this time.
He still kept smiling, and then asked me: "Ningjing, do you know why I always come here?"
I shook my head in confusion.
He sighed and said, "Because we need to find out some truths, truths that have been buried and covered for many years, and those truths are related to your father's death."
"Is it related to my father's death?" I was stunned. I didn't expect him to say that. Although I had doubts when he asked me about his father before, I didn't expect that his frequent visits were really related to our family.
No wonder every time his mother sees him, she is so nervous and uneasy. Is there really some unknown secret here?
Thinking of this, my heart started beating wildly.
The policeman nodded and asked me, "Ningjing, are you interested in hearing a true story? Although there are many things I haven't investigated clearly about the truth of all this, I think you should be interested in knowing it, after all, it is related to your father."
I nodded solemnly.
He paused, then continued.
I watched his mouth opening and closing, and I felt my head buzzing and my heart was so shocked that it seemed like it was going to jump out.
After he finished saying everything, he stood up, sighed, looked at me thoughtfully, then turned and left.
He had been gone for a long time, and I was still sitting alone on the bench in silence.
This is the truth of the matter, this is why my mother went crazy. She suffered so much alone, but she never told us.
My heart seemed to be hollowed out in an instant, and I looked ahead with empty eyes.
Is it because the sunlight is too dazzling? Otherwise, why are my tears flowing silently?
I just sat there in silence, alone on the bench downstairs, for a long, long time.
As the sun was about to set, I finally sorted out some of my thoughts. I thought about it, took out my phone with difficulty, found Lu Qingyu's name, and sent him a breakup text message: Lu Qingyu, let's break up, don't come to see me anymore.
My fingers kept shaking, and typing these words felt like a lifetime.
I kept saying sorry, sorry, sorry in my heart. In the end, I was unable to fulfill the promise of holding hands for a lifetime and never leaving you.
I know how cruel these words are, because before I hurt him, my heart was already bleeding.
I closed my eyes in pain and used all my strength to press the send button.
Soon, the text message ringtone on my cell phone rang, and I didn't dare to look.
When the message ring rang again, I gritted my teeth and turned on my phone. Sure enough, it was a message from Lu Qingyu: Ning Jing, what happened to you? Is it because of my mother? Don't worry, I'm solving it now. Can you please have a little confidence in me? Can you not give up so easily? Can you give us some time and give us a chance?
I flipped through the pages again and saw another message from him. I seemed to be able to see the desperate and helpless face on his face as he wrote those words.
He said that if we wanted to break up, we had to meet in person to talk about it. He would appear in front of me soon and asked me where I was.
I was about to reply when he called.
I hesitated for a moment but still picked up the phone. I said, "Lu Qingyu, I'm downstairs at my house now. Come over. I'll wait for you."
I couldn't bear to hear his voice, afraid that I would regret it accidentally and cry.
After saying that, I decisively hung up the phone, sat on the bench, staring at the pale sky with empty eyes, quietly waiting for Lu Qingyu.
I don't know how fast he was driving, but he soon appeared in front of me.
"Ningjing!" He waved at me and ran quickly to my side.
I stood up, looked at him, and said calmly, "Lu Qingyu, let's separate. I don't want to go on like this."
"Why? Ning Jing, why is this happening? Weren't we fine two days ago? We agreed to be together for life, why are you saying we need to break up? What did I do wrong? If I did something wrong, I can change it, I can change it!" He became agitated and shouted at me.
I stared at his delicate face in a daze, unable to speak for a long time. I seemed to want to engrave his appearance into my heart.
I am leaving this boy whom I love so much today, and perhaps we will never see each other again. I want to remember him, remember his eyes as bright as stars, remember his high nose bridge, remember his smile, and remember everything about him.
Lu Qingyu, you are not wrong, you are not wrong at all, it's just fate playing tricks on us.
I tried hard to control myself from crying. I looked at Lu Qingyu coldly and said to him, "For my mother's sake, I can't continue with you. Besides, your mother doesn't like me and doesn't agree with our relationship, right? The road ahead of us is full of thorns and difficulties. I feel too tired and don't want to go on. Don't you think that since it is so difficult, giving up is not a good thing for us? The most important thing is, Lu Qingyu, I don't think my feelings for you can be called love. Lu Qingyu, I don't love you."
Someone once said that the furthest distance in the world is not when you stand in front of me and don’t know that I love you, but when I clearly love you and still tell you that I don’t love you.
I held back my tears and pretended to be strong.
Then I repeated it again: "Lu Qingyu, I don't love you anymore."
This sentence seemed like a curse, making my head suddenly hurt, and after hearing what I said, he became extremely sad.
My ruthless words seemed to make his spirit collapse in an instant. He grabbed my arm and shook it non-stop, and there was a hint of pleading in his voice. He kept asking me, "Ningjing, why is this happening? Why? Tell me, why is this happening? I can't accept it, I can't accept it!"
I turned away, no longer having the courage to face him. I tried hard to control myself so that my voice would not tremble. I said, "There is no reason. It's very simple. I don't love you. Those so-called lifelong promises were just me being carried away by romance. When I thought it through, I realized that I didn't love you, but just that kind of romance. Unfortunately, romance can't exist forever."
He looked at me in surprise, suddenly became silent, and his hands were shaking constantly.
I took a deep breath and said, "We are not children anymore. Let's part ways in peace. Maybe we can still be friends when we meet again in the future."
"Ningjing, tell me, did my mother come to see you again later? Did she say anything to you? Don't mind it, I will handle it. I really like you and want to be with you for the rest of my life. You have to believe me, I will be devoted to you. Please don't leave me, okay?" He said to me almost pleadingly, with a sad face.
I hardened my heart and shook my head heavily. In order to prevent him from seeing my tears, I had to leave as soon as possible.
"No one has ever told me anything. What I did has nothing to do with your mother. Lu Qingyu, be straightforward and don't let me look down on you. Goodbye."
I said all these words in one breath, then turned around resolutely and was about to leave.
Goodbye, forever.
He suddenly grabbed my hand and called my name: "Ningjing, don't leave, don't leave..."
He kept saying this over and over again, and he seemed like a completely different person from before, which made people feel extremely sad.
But this should be our final ending, an ending that was determined a long, long time ago.
We are powerless to resist and powerless to change.
I shook his hand off and said harshly, "Lu Qingyu, please respect yourself and stop bothering me."
I spoke word by word, then turned around and left decisively.
I didn't dare look back at him, for I was afraid that he would see the tears surging down my face that I could not control.
I ran into the stairwell in one breath. It was dark in the stairwell. It seemed that such darkness could drown my pain. I couldn't hold back any longer and burst into tears.
I was very sad, tears kept flowing down my cheeks. I kept thinking, I really lost him, I really lost him. The more I thought about it, the sadder I became, and I sat on the ground as if I had collapsed.
I sat on the cold steps, as if I had lost consciousness.
In the darkness, I thought about what had happened between us, his smile, his tears, and how good he had been to me. It turned out that my heart had already been filled with him, and it turned out that I had already given my heart to him, so now when I lost him, I also lost my own heart.
That's probably why my heart feels so empty now.
As I thought about this, tears welled up in my eyes again.
I don’t know why, but the scene of the first time I saw him appeared in front of my eyes again.
It was the height of summer, Ning Yuan brought him back from outside, saying that he was his lifesaver. I looked at him with squinted eyes, with a look of disapproval on my face.
Then, he frequently appeared at the door of our classroom, and in the envious eyes of all the girls, he held my hand tightly, with his beautiful eyes and a firm tone. He said, Ningjing, let me take care of you.
I remember the first time he kissed me, he looked a little shy and flustered. He looked at me with a smile, and when he smiled, beautiful dimples appeared at the corners of his mouth.
He said he would keep it a secret for me, but only for a small interest.
When I was stunned, his kiss landed on my cheek without any warning. I looked at him in surprise. I still remember my heartbeat so clearly at that time.
He was so good to me, so good that even I was surprised, and so good that I feel grateful every time I think of him.
He even spent a day building a castle for me on the beach on my birthday.
He said that the castle was our home and we would live happily together in the future.
He also said that he would be by my side every year on my birthday and would never leave me.
That is the oath between us, that is our beautiful vision and longing for the future.
But all the good things were gone today when I told him I wanted to break up with him and never see him again.
Happiness disappeared at that moment.
Thinking of his appearance, I burst into tears and felt so sad that I couldn't control myself.
I think it's all really over, all the feelings have stopped at this moment and will no longer move forward.
I was hiding in a dark corner and crying alone. Suddenly, the screen of my cell phone lit up and a ringtone sounded. The light was particularly dazzling in the darkness.
At first I thought it was a call from Lu Qingyu, but when I picked it up I found that the name on the screen was "Ning Yuan".
Why did Ning Yuan call me at this time? Did something happen to my mother?
I was extremely nervous and hurriedly picked up the phone: "Hello, Ning Yuan, what happened?"
He was stunned for a moment and asked me: "Sister, are you crying?"
I sniffed and denied, "How could I cry?"
"Sister..." Ning Yuan's voice became low, "Don't cry, sister, mom is just angry for a while, she will agree to your relationship with Brother Qingyu when she thinks it through, don't be sad anymore, there's nothing wrong at home, I'm calling you from my room now, where are you now?"
"In the stairwell on the first floor," I replied.
"Sister..." Ning Yuan lowered his voice, "Mom has gone back to her room. Go upstairs now. I will quietly open the door for you. We won't be discovered."
I hesitated, feeling a little worried.
Ning Yuan hurriedly urged: "Sister, don't worry, I promise nothing will happen, come up quickly, go upstairs, I'll wait for you at the door."
After saying that, he hung up the phone.
I thought about it and realized that I was really worried about my mother. I thought that if I told her about my breakup with Lu Qingyu when I got home, maybe she wouldn't be so sad. So I made up my mind, stood up, and walked towards home.
I ran to the door of my house in one breath. As soon as I stood in front of the door, it opened with a creaky sound.
Ning Yuan greeted me quietly, and lowered his voice to say to me: "Sister, come in quickly, there is no time to lose."
I quickly followed Ning Yuan and walked in carefully. Only when I quietly entered Ning Yuan's room did I feel a little relieved.
"Sister." Ning Yuan suddenly called me.
I turned my head and looked at him. He looked at me with a sad face and said distressedly: "Sister, your eyes are red. Did you cry alone downstairs just now?"
downstairs……
I suddenly remembered Lu Qingyu's sad look just now, and wondered if he was still downstairs.
Thinking of this, I rushed to the window and looked downstairs.
My heart was deeply hurt at that moment because I saw that Lu Qingyu had not left yet.
At this moment, he was still standing in the same position as before, standing there like a wooden sculpture or clay statue, as if he had lost consciousness.
I looked at him distressedly. I knew he was innocent, but what could I do? We were like chess pieces at the mercy of fate. We were trapped in it, powerless to resist, and could only surrender and let fate take its course.
Thinking of this, my tears started to flow again, and I felt really bad.
Perhaps my tearful appearance frightened Ning Yuan, so he came over and hurriedly wiped my tears with a tissue. While wiping, he asked me worriedly, "Sister, what happened? Why are you crying again? What's wrong with you?"
I shook my head vigorously and kept silent because I couldn't say anything.
He ran to the window, looked around, and then shouted at me, "Sister, Brother Qingyu is downstairs. Did you see him? Why is he here?"
Ning Yuan ran to my side in surprise and looked at me in confusion.
I quickly put my finger on my mouth and gestured to him to keep quiet.
He then realized that his voice was too loud, so he lowered his voice and asked me, "Sister, Brother Qingyu is downstairs, did you know?"
I nodded.
"Sister, you went to see him, right?" Ning Yuan suddenly realized something, "Did you break up with him?"
The word "break up" is really heartbreaking. My heart ached again and I nodded mechanically.
"Sister..." Ning Yuan looked heartbroken, "Brother Qingyu is so good to you, how can you just give up like that? Sister, you can't give up easily!" Ning Yuan kept persuading me.
How could I not know what he said? I shook my head, as if to shake off all these troubles.
Ning Yuan was still chattering, advising me not to break up with Lu Qingyu and not to give up easily.
I looked up at him and said calmly, "Ningyuan, you should take a rest first. I need to go talk to my mother about something."
"Sister..." Seeing that I had no intention of changing my mind, Ning Yuan was obviously a little anxious. He didn't give up and wanted to say something else, but I had already opened the door and walked out.
I walked to the door of my mother's room, stood there for a long time, and thought for a long time before I mustered up the courage to go in.
I gently pushed open the door of my mother's room, and I saw that she was lying on the bed, staring at the photo in her hand in a daze, with undried tear marks on her cheeks.
I knew that the photo she was holding must be of my father.
My heart ached, and I walked up to her and sat next to her.
Her emotions had stabilized. She looked at me silently, said nothing, and ignored me.
I lowered my head, was silent for a moment, and said to her firmly: "Mom, Lu Qingyu and I broke up, and I will never meet him again."
My mother obviously didn't expect me to have such a sudden change. I was so determined yesterday, but today I surrendered.
I raised my head, looked at her haggard and old face, and choked up and said, "Mom, I'm sorry for making you sad during this period. I'm really unfilial."
After saying that, I couldn't help sobbing.
My mother looked at me, her eyes softened from the initial coldness. She sighed and reached out her hand to gently stroke my hair.
After a long while, I looked at her and said, "Mom, I know everything. I know everything."
My mother frowned, looked at me in pain, touched my hair with trembling fingers, and said helplessly: "My child, I am sorry for you."
I hugged my mother and said, "Mom, why didn't you tell me about my father? When the policeman told me, I thought the man he was talking about just had the same name as my father. How painful must it be for you to endure it all by yourself for so many years?"
My mother stopped stroking my hair, and her lips trembled slightly: "Ningjing, Mom is not afraid of hardship, she just hopes that you and Ningyuan can do well."
I cried and said, "Mom, I'm sorry, I was so ignorant, can you forgive me?"
"How could a mother blame her own daughter? It's just that what happened back then... when I think about it now, I still can't let it go."
Hot tears rolled down from the corners of the mother's eyes. She sighed deeply and her eyes became blurred, as if she saw the scene of that year again.
Back then, my father got into an accident after investigating a mining case in this city.
Before this, Dad had been following this case for a long time but had no clue. When the police found clues to solve the case, something happened to Dad.
It wasn't a car accident, but a man-made injury. My father was deliberately killed in an old warehouse in the west of the city.
When the police arrived, the old warehouse was empty. The policeman was the person in charge . He had been investigating for many years, but there was no progress and the case even became an unsolved case.
But he told me clearly that the main targets of their investigation at that time were the Lu family and the Jiang family, that is, the two families of Lu Qingyu and Jiang Qianmo. They were the most suspicious ones at the time.
Although there has been no evidence, it is almost certain that my father's death must be related to their two families.
When I finished saying this, I was already sobbing. With tears streaming down my face, I asked my mother, "This is the truth I heard. Mom, this is why you are against me and Lu Qingyu."
Mom's lips trembled even more violently. She was crying silently, just crying and saying nothing.
After a long time, she finally calmed down, looked at me with tears in her eyes, and asked me: "Is this what you know? Did the police tell you anything else?"
I shook my head and said , "This is all the policeman told me. Mom, isn't this true?" A glimmer of hope gradually grew in my heart.
However, my mother shook her head, completely extinguishing the last glimmer of fantasy in my heart. She sighed deeply, held my hand tightly, and said, "Jingjing, what the police said is indeed the truth of the matter, but it is not the whole truth. Today, I will tell you the secret that has been buried in my heart for two years and tell you the other part of the truth that no one except me has ever known."
Is there something else? Some other truth that I don't know?
I was shocked and extremely panicked. I stared blankly at my mother, whose tears kept flowing, and listened to her trembling voice telling me things I didn't know.
It turned out that what my father was investigating was the Lu and Jiang families' mines deliberately causing mining accidents in order to extort high insurance money and human trafficking.
My father was a poor policeman and my mother worked in a factory. My brother and I were still in school and were about to go to college. My parents often worried about our tuition fees.
Suddenly one day, my father told my mother with joy on his face that he was rich and our family could live a good life in the future. Ningyuan and I no longer had to worry about tuition fees and could go to college with peace of mind.
Because my father was investigating the mines at that time, my mother was a little suspicious and kept asking him where the money came from. At first, my father refused to tell me, just saying that he would have a good life in the future because he had money, and there was no need to ask other questions, just live a good life.
The mother had no choice but to stop asking.
However, not long after, my father passed away, and was killed by someone else.
At first, Mom told us that Dad died in an accident, but she didn’t want us to be involved, but in fact Dad was murdered.
My mother didn't know about these things at first. Later, when she was sorting out my father's belongings, she found his work diary and the truth came to light.
It turned out that my father took money from the Jiang and Lu families for Ningyuan and my tuition, destroyed the evidence of his own investigation, and concealed the truth about the mine accident.
The matter was originally over. Although Dad had done something wrong, his life was saved. Later, he heard that Jiang Lu and his partner were afraid that the truth would be revealed and wanted to kill him. The diary during that period was full of fear. He was afraid that after his death, Mom and my sister and I would not be able to live a good life, so he hid the money and wrote the clues in his diary, hoping that Mom would find it.
After knowing all this, my mother was on the verge of collapse and she even thought about exposing it, but her ability was limited and she had two children to take care of, so for the sake of Ningyuan and me, she could only endure it silently.
She originally thought that the matter was over, but she didn't expect that after so long, the matter was brought up again because of me.
I listened to my mother in silence, piecing together her facts with those told by the police officer.
It turns out that this is the whole truth of the matter.
What my mother said was exactly the same as what the policeman said. I was so shocked that it took me a long time to calm down.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had to endure so much, and I kept blaming you."
"How could mom blame you? It's just... if you really stayed with him and he knew the truth, could you continue to be happy? Even if he could tolerate it, what about you? Can you tolerate the hatred between our two families?" Mom cried, "Maybe you think mom is cruel now, but mom's greatest hope is that her children can live happily. How could she hurt you?"
"Mom, I understand. I know you love us the most and don't want us to get hurt."
"Mom only has you two siblings left."
I threw myself into my mother's arms and cried for a long time. Suddenly, I thought of something: "Mom, what about the money? Where is the money now?"
My face was full of confusion, and there were still many things I couldn't figure out.
My mother let go of my hand, turned around, took out a small locked iron box from under the bed, then took out the key to open the iron box, took out a notebook from the box, and handed the notebook to me with a serious face.
I was a little surprised and didn't know what it was. Looking at my mother's determined eyes, I reached out and took it.
I opened the notebook and saw lines of densely packed small words on it, and I instantly understood what was going on.
Although I held a glimmer of hope that my mother's words were just an attempt to expose the lies between Lu Qingyu and me, my father's handwriting appeared clearly in front of me, leaving me no room for any thoughts.
The book recorded all the things my father had done, including how he destroyed the evidence after being bribed by the Jiang and Lu families and how he knew he could die at any time. I turned the pages one by one, my hands shaking.
When I turned to the last page, I saw a photo of four people sandwiched in the notebook.
I took out the photo, carefully placed it in front of my eyes, and looked at it carefully.
I thought, this must be a group photo of the four parents of the Jiang family and the Lu family. Although I didn’t know the parents of the Jiang family, I recognized the people from the Lu family at a glance.
Those are Lu Qingyu's father and mother.
My hands were shaking more and more violently, and the photo slipped from my fingers and fell silently to the ground.
My mother sighed heavily, squatted down and picked up the photo. She smiled bitterly, looked at the photo and said, "When I saw this woman at the door of your apartment yesterday, I recognized her immediately because she had come to me more than once before."
She paused, her eyes becoming a little blurry, as if she was lost in memories. After a long while, she continued, "When your father had just passed away, this woman came secretly to inquire about the news. Although it was not open and aboveboard, I had seen a photo of this woman a long time ago, so I had a deep impression of her."
I stared at my mother blankly, my head buzzing, as if the faith that had once taken root in my heart collapsed in an instant, leaving only ruins and cold remains.
I was in a daze, thinking to myself, my father, who has always been a great man in my mind, would actually do such a thing.
How could the man whom I have always admired, the man who was like a god in my heart, do such a thing?
My tears flowed silently and flowed to my mouth, leaving a salty taste.
I know that everything my father did was for me, for our family, so that we could live a better life, and so that Ningyuan and I could go to college without any worries like other classmates.
But I don't know why, I still can't accept it.
It was an indescribable, suffocating pain. I covered my chest tightly with my hands and suddenly had the illusion that I was going to faint in the next second.
My heart hurts so much. This pain is really unbearable for me.
I looked at my mother with eyes full of pain and despair.
She said, "Jingjing, this is why I have been hiding this from you and your sister for so many years. I don't want to destroy the image of your father in your hearts. After all... after all, no matter what he has done, he is gone. And for so many years, this secret has been buried deep in my heart. I have not told anyone, but I am also in great pain. Every time I have to use that money because of financial difficulties, I feel that I am about to be swallowed up by guilt."
As the mother spoke, tears flowed down her cheeks like pearls from a broken string: "I know that this money was earned with the lives of a group of miners. How can I spend this money with a clear conscience? How can I? Jingjing, but I really have no other choice. As a mother, I really have no other choice!"
Her voice became a little hoarse.
I looked at her intently, my heart already broken with sorrow. I reached out and held her hand. Her palms were covered with hard calluses from years of washing and mending clothes, which looked a bit shocking.
I choked up and said, "Mom, I understand everything. Mom, I understand everything. I will be sensible in the future and take good care of you, Ningyuan, and our family. I will definitely do it."
My mother held my hand tightly and nodded at me. Her voice became hoarse because of tears, and she was so emotional that she couldn't say a word.
After a long time, her emotions gradually calmed down. She said to me firmly: "Jingjing, I'm really tired of this kind of life. I can't live like this anymore. I would rather suffer for the rest of my life than have a guilty conscience. I don't want you and Ningyuan to be sad because of this."
I held her hand tightly and nodded to her, indicating my approval of her decision. I said, "Mom, I will work hard to support this family in the future. Our lives will definitely get better and better, definitely!"
"Sister..." I was speaking when Ning Yuan's voice suddenly came from the door of the room. He hesitated and didn't come in, but just stood at the door and called me softly.
I turned around and waved to him. He hesitated for a few seconds and then walked straight in. He walked to my mother and me, and his eyes became red like a rabbit.
I was stunned for a moment, then I realized that he must have heard the conversation between my mother and me at the door.
I nodded at him to show that I understood.
"Mom, sister!" Ning Yuan squatted down and hugged me and my mother tightly.
For the first time, I felt that Ning Yuan’s embrace was so warm and made me feel at ease.
"Sister, Mom, I will be sensible in the future and will never let you worry about me again. I will work hard to support this family and become a real man to protect you!" Ning Yuan's tone was very firm.
My mother kept nodding her head, tears of relief in her eyes, and I also nodded at Ning Yuan.
I don't know when the sky outside the window darkened, but the moon was exceptionally beautiful tonight, with the bright moonlight shining down, covering the entire dormant city like a veil; the stars twinkled, blinking mischievously in the night sky.
It was a quiet and beautiful night.