The winter vacation is not long, less than a month in total.
My relationship with Xu Yan progressed slowly. He was busy with his part-time job, and although he kept in touch with me, we seldom met.
Every time I hear his voice, I feel at ease, at least that person is still there.
During the whole holiday, I did most of the housework and tutored Ling'er. After Ling'er finished his homework, he went out to play, and I stayed in the bedroom alone to read books, do homework, and occasionally watch TV series.
I think other students must have a lot of activities during the holidays, gathering together, shopping, surfing the Internet, singing...
Sixteen or seventeen years old is always the most energetic time in life, but I didn’t feel like playing. It’s not because I’m more mature than others or anything, it’s mainly because I didn’t have anyone to play with.
Lin Jiarui had moved out of the shantytown a long time ago and moved to the bustling city center. He was originally going to stay at his grandfather's house during the winter vacation, but later he heard that his mother asked him to learn Taekwondo, so he rarely came over.
Even if I came over occasionally, I might not necessarily see him, after all, I couldn't think of any reason to go out with him.
On several occasions, Ling'er went to the town to play with the neighbor's "little bald head" and even went to his grandfather's shop. In the end, it was Lin Jiarui who sent her back.
Ling Er seemed to love to cling to Lin Jiarui. I always thought that was the nature of children. Lin Jiarui had a good personality, so all the children liked him. After a long time, I suddenly realized that Ling Er was not an ordinary child. She was more mature than children of the same age, and her mind was never what we imagined.
New Year's Eve came in a blink of an eye. My parents had a rare day off and stayed at home cleaning the house and buying New Year's goods.
The busiest day of the year is undoubtedly the New Year, when people in the entire shantytown are preparing for the New Year.
I took the sticker from Ling'er and pasted the big word "Fu" on the door.
Ling Er said anxiously, "Aunt Xiao Ning, you pasted the word 'Fu' wrong, it should be pasted upside down."
After Ling'er reminded me, I realized that I had pasted it wrong. For good luck, the Chinese character "Fu" in the New Year should be pasted upside down.
After dinner and packing up, many people gathered in the alley to set off fireworks, while children were setting off firecrackers and the kind of firework sticks that can be lit and waved in the hands.
I looked at the group of half-grown children surrounding me, and remembered that I had played like this during the Chinese New Year when I was a child. However, the friends who played with me back then had already celebrated Christmas on the other side of the ocean.
Someone patted me hard on the back. When I turned around, it was Xiao Jingjing.
Xiao Jingjing had a bright smile on her round face, her eyes curved, and she grinned at me and said, "Little eyes, look, do my new clothes look good?"
My eyes subconsciously fell on the bright red woolen coat she was wearing. Looking at the playmate who had been with me since childhood, a warm current surged in my heart, and I smiled and said, "It looks good."
Xiao Jingjing raised her eyebrows proudly, hooked her hands around my neck, and said cheerfully, "I spent more than 700 yuan on it. It's expensive, right? So it must look good."
I teased her: "You made a lot of money this year, right?"
"It's not bad, it's better than me studying. I'm not good at studying, so I can only do these things. But you, I heard from your mother that you got the first place in the class. Tsk tsk, I say, your brain is obviously designed in the same way as mine, why is there such a big difference?"
Xiao Jingjing said, reaching out and poking my head. I smiled and dodged, and then I heard my mother shouting at me at the door: "Little Eyes, your phone is on."
Few people called home to see me, so I felt suspicious, but I still said goodbye to Xiao Jingjing and returned home.
I picked up the microphone and listened to the male voice coming from it. My thoughts stopped for a long time and I couldn't guess who that person was.
His voice was not like this the year he left. At this moment, his voice was no longer as clear as before and was a little hoarse.
"Little eyes, I...I am Qixuan."
When I heard his words, my hand holding the microphone suddenly tightened.
I thought that hearing that person's voice again would make my heart surge, but I was not as excited as I imagined. It was as if he was just an old friend who I hadn't seen for a long time and came to say hello to me.
I was just stunned for a moment, then chatted with him calmly: "Yeah, it's you. I didn't recognize it at first."
"Is America okay? How's Xiaoduo? Is her eye okay?"
…
Compared to my indifference, Qixuan's voice was obviously a little unnatural.
He said in a hoarse voice: "Little eyes, I know everything. Xiaoduo told me everything. I...I'm sorry. I know it's useless to say this now, but you have to believe me. I will be back soon and will never leave you alone again..."
I couldn't keep the smile on my face anymore. I listened quietly to Qixuan chattering on the phone, but was surprised to find that I forgot what he said as soon as I heard it. I didn't even know what he said just now.
I suddenly thought of another person. On such a New Year's Eve, has he returned to his rich but unwarm home? Will he have a happy New Year?
Thinking of this, the only figure , and I couldn't hear a word Qi Xuan said.
Suddenly, I felt the phone in my pocket vibrating, as if I knew who was calling. I quickly hung up the phone, took the phone out of my pocket, answered the call, and walked towards my bedroom.
It’s Xu Yan.
"Have you had the reunion dinner?"
"Yes, how about you?"
"I ate early. I've been living at home lately. Today I went to a hotel with my parents to eat. My dad's company was holding an annual meeting."
"oh."
I nodded, but forgot that he couldn't see me at all. But I still felt relieved, at least his family was willing to accept him.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm calling you!"
"Well, can we sneak out then?"
"Where are you going?"
"I'm at the entrance of your alley. I just visited my mother and wanted to see you."
As soon as he finished speaking, a huge firework bloomed in the sky outside, colorful, and I felt that my heart was blooming as brilliantly as the firework.
"Give me three minutes."
I hung up the phone excitedly, put on my hat and ran out.
When I was leaving the house, I bumped into my mother who was about to enter the house. My mother was a little annoyed and said, "Why are you running so fast? Watch the road carefully, don't get hit by the fireworks."
My mother thought I was going out to watch the fireworks, so she didn't ask me where I was going.
The young man, wearing a bright red down jacket, black jeans and brown Martin boots, was standing next to the newsstand at the entrance of the alley, biting a lollipop in his mouth and fiddling with his mobile phone with his fingers nimbly.
My heart was beating really fast, can you understand that feeling? It was like walking into a dream.
"Why are you here? Don't your family know?" I stood in front of Xu Yan and asked breathlessly.
He smiled, stretched out his hand to pull me over, fiddled with the pompom on my hat, squinted his eyes and replied: "I told them that I went out to play with my friends. I used to go out with friends all the time, so they didn't know that I was actually here to see my mom."
"Oh." I felt a little lost for some reason.
He seemed to have noticed something, turned my shoulders, made me face him, and said with a smile: "I haven't finished talking yet, by the way, I came to see you. I haven't seen you for a long time, why have you gained weight?"
"Huh! Why don't you say you've lost weight?"
I opened his hand and said with a deliberately stern face.
He was stunned for a moment, then suddenly laughed again, took me into his arms, rested his chin on the top of my head, and said, "Yes, I have lost weight, and the flesh has grown on you."
I felt safe and secure as I leaned against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Then I asked a question casually, but my tone was full of surprise: "Why are you still eating lollipops at this age?"
He loosened his arms around me, leaned forward slightly, raised the corners of his mouth and chuckled, "Because it's sweet!"
I turned my head away indifferently, but he came closer and his breath hit my face. I felt warmth on my lips - his lips touched mine, and then there was a sweet taste in my mouth, and my heart felt sweet too.
Xu Yan licked his lips contentedly and asked me jokingly, "Is it sweet?"
I blushed and reached out to hit him, but he didn't avoid it. Instead, he pulled my hand hard and held me tightly in his arms again.
I was almost breathless due to the suffocating hug, and an inexplicable panic arose in my heart.
"Xu Yan, what's wrong with you? Let me go, I'm suffocating."
I patted his back and said with difficulty.
After a long time, he let me go, touched my face with his cold fingers, and said, "Nothing, I just want to hug you."
I rolled my eyes at him in dissatisfaction. There’s no need to hug me so hard, right?
Then I turned my head away, breathing in the fresh air desperately, but ignored the deep sadness in his eyes.
Xiao Jingjing said, Jian Lening, are you crazy? You are in a premature relationship, and your parents know about it, what will happen? But don't worry, I will keep the secret for you, but you have to tell me who that boy is.
Lin Jiarui said, Jian Lening, are you and Xu Yan really dating? I know I have no right to say these things to you, but I really don't want to see you get hurt again. Xu Yan is really not a good guy!
I just laughed at what they both said.
I know that premature love is not good, but I know what I want. I like Xu Yan and I want to be with him. At the same time, I still study hard and fight for the scholarship.
Except for Lin Jiarui and Xiao Jingjing, no one in the school knew about the relationship between Xu Yan and me.
After all, the school prohibits premature love, and neither of us wanted to be called over by the teacher one day to be lectured on relationship matters, so we kept our relationship very low-key.
When I integrated into the new class and my love with Xu Yan and my friendship with Lin Jiarui were developing smoothly, the two people far away in the United States suddenly came back.
I don't know when they came back. I only know that Lin Jiarui asked me to go out for dinner at school that day, saying that we should get together, but I didn't expect that it was not just the two of us who got together, but the four of us.
"Jane Lening, this is for you. Girls can use some perfume to increase their personal charm. This Chanel one is pretty good."
Sitting opposite me, An Xiaoduo, whom I hadn't seen for nearly a year, had her eyes cured and was dressed so that I could hardly recognize her. She smiled and took out a beautifully packaged small bag and handed it to me.
I don’t know why, but I always feel that An Xiaoduo’s gift carries the meaning of almsgiving.
"Thanks!"
I calmly took her gift and put it aside.
"Don't be so polite, aren't we old friends?" An Xiaoduo said with a smile, then picked up the menu and started ordering food familiarly.
I smiled bitterly in my heart, yes, old friend.
How much meaning does the word "friend" contain? An Xiaoduo, can you really forget the past? Do you really think we are still friends?
The atmosphere became silent again. The air was filled with the sound of An Xiaoduo ordering food, the sound of Lin Jiarui playing with his knife and fork, and the sound of Qi Xuan drinking water, who had been silent the whole time. Only I could hear no sound except my heartbeat.
God knows how much I wish time would pass quickly so that we could end this awkward party as soon as possible.
The dishes came and I focused my attention on eating so that I could feel more natural in this awkward atmosphere.
There was suddenly a spicy shrimp in my bowl. I looked up and saw Qixuan's still handsome face.
From the time we met until now, I have been avoiding seeing Qixuan's face and only talking to Lin Jiarui.
It’s not that I still have feelings for Qixuan, but I really feel that the atmosphere between the four of us is really awkward.
I just wanted to finish my meal in peace , but the shrimp that Qixuan gave me made all the hidden rioters active.
An Xiaoduo, who was sitting next to Qixuan, looked at the shrimp in my bowl. The smile on her face disappeared and she looked at me with some resentment.
I looked at the peeled shrimp, not knowing what to do, but Lin Jiarui suddenly reached out his chopsticks, took the shrimp, put it in his mouth, and muttered, "She doesn't eat spicy food."
"Oh, really? I thought you liked spicy food like before." Qixuan said awkwardly, his eyes a little vague.
I smiled awkwardly and said nothing.
It wasn't that I liked spicy food before, but because he liked spicy food, every time I played with him, I ate spicy food to please him. In fact, I can't eat spicy food at all, and every time I eat spicy food, it makes me cry.
Later, after we had a falling out, I gradually stopped eating spicy food. I ate spicy hot pot with Lin Jiarui a few times, but never added chili peppers. One time, he accidentally added chili peppers to my soup, and I was so spicy that I only took one bite and put down my chopsticks.
Seeing that I only ate rice and no vegetables, Lin Jiarui kindly picked up some vegetables for me.
What surprised me was that Lin Jiarui was not as excited as I expected to see An Xiaoduo again. His indifferent attitude gave people the illusion that he had never been so obsessed with An Xiaoduo.
I was not the only one who noticed this. Even An Xiaoduo had an expression on her face when she looked at Lin Jiarui, as if she had lost something important.
"You two have a good relationship?" An Xiaoduo asked us.
Before I could say anything, Lin Jiarui had already answered, "Yeah, how could it not be good? We have known each other for so many years, and have always been in the same school. We see each other so often that we are very familiar with each other."
Something fell to the ground with a crisp sound, and Qixuan hurriedly bent down to pick it up - it was his spoon that fell.
An Xiaoduo's face became even uglier.
I could feel that the relationship between the four of us had changed, much more than I had imagined.
Some answers are obvious, but I just don’t want to admit or face the fact that I can’t give them any promises, just like they couldn’t give me any.
I no longer had the appetite to eat, so I drank some water and looked towards the restaurant entrance.
Xu Yan said he would come to pick me up later.
My cell phone rang. It was Xu Yan calling.
I stood up and was about to go out to answer the phone when a waiter came over with grilled squid. He didn't notice me and bumped into me.
The scalding hot sauce spilled out and I forgot to dodge for a moment. Suddenly, two forces of gravity hit me and I was pulled away.
Qi Xuan and Lin Jiarui stood on my left and right, and I stood between them, staring at the pool of red sauce on the ground in shock.
An Xiaoduo's scream broke the silent atmosphere; she finally couldn't bear it anymore.
"Do you still have me in your eyes? Why are you so nervous about her? Why haven't I seen you nervous about her before? Why do you all treat her as a treasure after she was hurt by Xu Yan? Qixuan, you are in a hurry to return to China just for her, right? You said you wanted to come back to see your grandfather, but it was all fake! In the final analysis, she has been ruined, and you still care about her..."
An Xiaoduo's hysterical shouting suddenly stopped. I looked at the empty water cup in Lin Jiarui's hand, at the girl whom I once protected, loved and treated as my own sister, and tears welled up in my eyes.
How on earth did we get to this point?
"Lin Jiarui, even you help her?" An Xiaoduo asked Lin Jiarui with a little disbelief.
Lin Jiarui said: "Xiao Duo, don't do this, it will make people think you are crazy. Xiao Yan is my friend, I won't allow you to insult her."
I feel like this is the first time in all the time I’ve known Lin Jiarui that I’ve truly felt the warmth from him.
I never thought that one day, when An Xiaoduo and I were placed on Lin Jiarui's scale, his heart would lean towards me.
I also never thought that Lin Jiarui would fall out with An Xiaoduo because of me.
The other people in the restaurant all looked at us because of An Xiaoduo's words. I could feel their complicated gazes on me. I felt mixed emotions in my heart, sad, wronged, shocked, and humiliated...
Qixuan grabbed my hand and said, "I'll take you back first."
I shook my head and pulled my hand away from him.
Regardless of whether what An Xiaoduo said was true or not, he has come back to find me, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore.
My world no longer revolves around the boy Qixuan. I no longer care whether he leaves or comes back.
I ran away from Qixuan and saw Xu Yan standing at the door to greet me.
I don’t know how long he stood there, what he heard, or what he saw. I only know that even though the harm he once caused me became a weapon for others to insult and hurt me, I still ran towards him without the slightest hesitation.
This is my choice.