"You can't do this, I'll do it."
"You can't eat this now. I checked the book and pregnant women can't eat this."
"How many times have I told you that you are pregnant now, you can't climb up and down."
"Su Bei, I'll be angry if you do this again!"
…
After Yu Xia took me back that day, I became the focus of protection in the family. He found a lot of rules and regulations on the Internet and told me this could not be done, that could not be eaten, this was good to eat, that was good for health. There were a few times when I was caught eating secretly by him and I was scolded.
Besides him, my mother also brought all kinds of soups and water to my house all day long, and paid attention to whether I liked spicy or sour food, and kept saying "sour boy, spicy girl". Unfortunately, I was not very good, I didn't like sour or spicy food.
I also asked my mother if she was so concerned about the gender issue and whether she favored boys over girls. She tapped my head and said something that almost made me spit out my food: "Just have one child. It doesn't matter whether you have a boy or a girl."
It didn't matter that he got hit on the head, Yu Xia's expression immediately became serious and a little scary. I even suspected that if the person opposite was not my mother, he would have run up and fought with the person.
My mother looked at his expression and laughed instead of getting angry: "This kid is too nervous."
"How dare you say he's too nervous? Look at my kitchen. How are you going to eat all that mess you brought?" The originally empty kitchen was filled up by my mother after I became pregnant. There were all kinds of things that could be named and those that could not be named.
"Let Yu Xia cook for you. Let me tell you, Yu Xia..." My mother pulled Yu Xia aside and took out a small notebook from her bag. "This is a collection of soup recipes I compiled, as well as taboos for pregnant women. They are all from the experience of experienced people. Take a look at them carefully. My daughter will depend on you in the future."
"Auntie, I know."
"Hey, you should still call me auntie now. When do you two plan to get married? You already have a child." My mother frowned and looked at Yu Xia.
"My parents are planning to arrange a formal meeting with my aunt to discuss my marriage with Su Bei. I wonder when you will be free so I can make an appointment with them." Yu Xia looked so well-behaved in front of my mother. He is really a good son-in-law.
"Tell your parents that I'm always available. You and Su Bei need to hurry up. Your belly will grow very quickly." Mom took out her phone and checked the time. "Okay, okay, I have to go back. Yu Xia, remember, don't spoil her too much and don't let her do anything. This is bad for her health. She needs to get proper exercise. And remember to make an appointment for a prenatal checkup, otherwise it will be too tiring to queue up at the hospital."
"Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll take Auntie out."
After seeing my mother off, Yu Xia sat on the sofa and studied the contents of the small notebook carefully. I leaned over to take a look. The densely packed words on it gave me a headache.
He shook the notebook in his hand and said to me proudly: "See, your mother gave it to me. You must follow this in the future. Don't mess around anymore, or I will complain."
"Do you know that you deserve a beating the way you look now?" I curled my lips.
"You have to do it even if you deserve a beating!" He looked at my belly with tender eyes and stroked it gently with his hands. "Su Bei, do you know? After hearing the news that you were pregnant, I couldn't believe it was true. When I first got together with you, I always had a sense of fantasy, as if God was letting me have a beautiful dream. But at that moment, I clearly understood that this was real, not a dream. I am with the girl I have liked for so many years, and she is pregnant with my child. I am really happy, very happy."
"Yes, it feels like a dream come true." I am the same as him. The only difference may be the woman in my heart!
I looked at him and really wanted to ask him everything, but I was afraid that once I asked, my dream would come true.
"I've already looked at houses. There are three houses in the neighborhood that I think are good. I plan to go and see them in person this weekend and take some to choose from."
"Then why don't you let me go with you?" I said unhappily.
"Of course you can't go. The house has just been built. Who knows if there will be any toxic substances in it? You are not allowed to go. Just look at the photos at home."
"So according to what you said, I still have to worry about the radiation from my phone when I look at photos at home!"
"You're insulting me?" He was amused by me. "I'm not telling you not to do anything, but you have to be obedient most of the time."
"Okay, I'll listen to you. You're almost a chatterbox now. Where is that cool and quiet Yu Xia?"
"No matter what you say, you have to listen to me during this period." He said with a straight face, and when he saw me nod, he smiled. "I've thought about it, we still have to buy a three-bedroom house, a master bedroom, a baby room, and leave another room. Whether your mother or my parents can come to live with us for a while, what do you think?"
"Yeah, okay." I lay on his legs, drowsy.
After I became pregnant, I became very sleepy and often fell asleep while watching TV series. It was more obvious when he was around.
"Su Bei, will you marry me?"
In a daze, I heard him say this.
I murmured, "Okay."
I thought this was happiness, being with the man I loved, nurturing our little life. I thought, if it continued like this, maybe I could ignore the matter of that woman and stop thinking about it.
This kind of life did not last long. Yu Xia started to become very busy and I was nowhere to be seen all day. When we were having dinner together and I asked about his work, he always said sorry, saying that he was too busy lately, and then he would go on and on about a lot of work things.
Things like house-hunting and meeting with parents were delayed again and again because of his busy schedule. My mentality gradually became strange and I became more suspicious.
This suspicion and insecurity finally erupted one weekend afternoon. I was lying at home alone, tossing and turning in my mind the way Yu Xia and that woman communicated. I even wondered if and laughing together again?
I got up from the bed, changed my clothes, and took a car directly to Yu Xia's company. My mind was in a mess and I was very entangled along the way. I was like a resentful woman who was going to catch an adulterer. I was conflicted and didn't know whether I would be happy if I caught him, or if I couldn't catch him.
The driver would occasionally turn around and say a few words to me, but I would just ignore him, my mind full of Yu Xia and that woman.
In the lobby downstairs of the company, I unexpectedly ran into Mo Zhun and my senior schoolmate. They were walking out arm in arm. When she saw me, my senior schoolmate smiled brightly and turned to Mo Zhun and said, "It looks like our secret relationship is about to be exposed."
My originally tense mood relaxed a lot because of the senior's words.
"I only see you parading around in public every day, but I don't remember you ever saying you wanted to have an affair." Mo Zhun exposed her mercilessly.
"Really? But Su Bei is my good friend, and she doesn't know yet!"
"Then I want to ask you, why haven't you told Su Bei when we've been together for so long?"
"Uh...we've only been together for a week, don't make it sound like we've been together for eight or ten years."
"Only a week?"
"Mo Zhun! Do you mean to spend every day with me like a year?"
"No, no, I definitely didn't mean that."
…
"You two, are you planning to keep doing this in front of me?" I couldn't help but interrupt them.
It is also because of them that the anger that made me run to Yu Xia regardless of everything has mostly dissipated, and instead I feel a little childish.
"I have to find a chance to show off in front of you, right?" The senior sister put her arm around my shoulders. "Why, are you here to see Yu Xia? Tsk tsk, you two are so loving. I just saw him upstairs, and he kept talking about my Su Bei. It was so annoying."
When I heard my senior say Yu Xia was upstairs, I breathed a sigh of relief and felt a little ridiculous. I had rushed over with the intention of catching someone cheating, but ended up having to go home downstairs.
"Are you afraid of being treated to a meal when you're together? You never notify me." After relaxing, I naturally felt like teasing them.
"We heard that you were pregnant, so we wanted to find an auspicious day to come to your house with gifts to congratulate you and tell you. We didn't expect that you would catch us before we even chose a day. We wanted to see a surprised expression on your face!" The senior student pouted, expressing her disappointment.
"I'm not surprised at all!" I said with a smile, "Do you think I don't know that you've been interested in Mo Zhun for a long time? I saw it a long time ago, but you naively thought you had concealed it well."
"It turns out that you have been interested in me for a long time." Mo Zhun had a look of sudden enlightenment on his face.
"You wish."
"Su Bei, I heard that you got an invitation for a second interview from a Beijing company? Have you thought it through?" Mo Zhun turned his gaze to me. "This company is a leader in the industry. It is very rare to get their invitation. I hope you can think it over carefully. Family is important, but people cannot live without pursuits and dreams."
Maybe the senior student told Mo Zhun that I had received the notice for the second interview from the company in Beijing that I had always wanted to work for, but I didn’t expect him to say this to me.
"Hey, hey, hey, are you encouraging Su Bei and Yu Xia to have a long-distance marriage?" The senior student looked at Mo Zhun slyly and asked, "Tell me, don't you still hate Yu Xia?"
"What are you thinking? I really just think this is a rare opportunity, and I don't want Su Bei to miss it."
"Well, I'll think it over." I pulled my senior sister and said, "By the way, Mo Zhun, my senior sister is now in your care. You have to treat her well and live happily with her for the rest of her life."
"That's inevitable. If he dares to do anything wrong to me, I will..." The senior student made a "one-size-fits-all" gesture, causing Mo Zhun to roll his eyes.
"I'm going to take a call." He took out his vibrating cell phone. It was Xu Shihan calling. "Shihan? What's going on?"
"Su Bei, where are you?"
"I'm talking to my senior." I didn't tell her that I was actually downstairs at Yu Xia's company. "What's wrong?"
"No... I just suddenly wanted to see you. Do you have time to come and see me?" There was some hesitation in Xu Shihan's words, as if she had something to say to me but stopped herself from speaking.
"Okay, send me the address and I'll be there."
After hanging up the phone, I was about to say goodbye to my senior sister and Mo Zhun. My senior sister asked me hesitantly, "Xu Shihan?"
"Well, she seems to be having some problems. I'll go check it out."
"Su Bei..." She called my name, and after a moment of silence, she shook her head and said, "Go ahead. You're going to be a mother, so be careful."
"Okay." It was a long time before I understood what the senior sister's silence and shaking head meant, but it was too late for me to understand.
"Shihan, what's wrong?" I hurried to the place Xu Shihan mentioned.
When I walked up to her, she was hurriedly putting away her phone, looked up at me, and smiled stiffly: "You're here, do you want something to drink?"
"Did something happen? You don't look very good." I sat down and asked the waiter to bring me a glass of water. I didn't care about ordering anything else. I was worried about Xu Shihan. "Did something happen at work?"
"No, I'm fine. I just suddenly want to see you." Xu Shihan avoided my gaze and her tone sounded a little strange.
I frowned but didn't ask any further questions for fear of hurting her feelings. At that time, I didn't think that this matter would have anything to do with me.
"Su Bei, how are you and Yu Xia doing lately?"
"It's pretty good, but he's too busy with work and we have very little time to spend together." Lately we can only see each other once in the morning when we go out and once before going to bed. I feel like a single young woman.
"Really?" Xu Shihan looked at me thoughtfully, "After you were together, was he good to you?"
"Yeah." Her words made me feel more and more strange. She wouldn't talk to me like this on weekdays, and she wouldn't ask me too much about the things between Yu Xia and me. Most of the time, I was the one who talked. Today, she was really different from usual.
Only then did I realize that she asked so many questions because she might have known some news about Yu Xia, and it was not good news.
"Shihan, do you know something?" I asked tentatively.
"No, I just care about you. After all, you're pregnant now." She laughed dryly, obviously not meaning what she said.
"Did you know something? Did Yu Xia meet that woman again?" I grabbed her arm excitedly. The anxiety that had dissipated because of the appearance of my senior sister gathered in my chest again, making it difficult for me to breathe. "Shihan, we are friends, aren't we? If you know anything, please tell me."
"No... Su Bei, you hurt me." She frowned and took back the arm I grabbed, "I really don't know anything."
The more she did this, the more I felt something was wrong, and I couldn't help but get excited: "Are you not going to treat me as a friend? How can friends hide things like this?"
"But……"
"Shihan..."
"I really can't persuade you, but you have to promise me that you won't get excited or have wild thoughts after watching it." She instructed and took out her cell phone from her bag.
I watched her click a few times on the screen and then push a video in front of me.
A long time later, I thought about it many times. If I had known that this video would change my life, would I still have the courage to pick it up and watch it?
I would firmly say no.
Sometimes, I would rather live my life knowing nothing than live my life knowing everything.
Unfortunately, it was too late. From the moment I picked up my phone and clicked start, some things seemed to be a script that had been written long ago and entered the track they were supposed to be.
This is a relatively clear video that doesn't look like a candid shot. In the camera, Yu Xia and a woman are sitting face to face in a place that looks like a private room. In front of each of them is a cup of coffee that is still steaming.
Even though I couldn't see Yu Xia's face, I could be 100% sure it was him by looking at his back, and the woman opposite was the one I had seen in the coffee shop before.
Given the facts, I find it hard to believe that there is nothing wrong with these two people.
In the video, Yu Xia took a sip of coffee and slowly put it down, holding the coffee cup with both hands. He looked very melancholy. He sighed and said, "I really feel a lot of pressure recently. I don't know how to say it."
"You can speak freely in front of me, but no one outside this room will know what you said." The other party comforted him.
Every word this woman said irritated my sensitive nerves. I even felt that there must be something wrong between them. What did it mean that they could speak freely in front of me? What did it mean that no one would know about it outside this room? The relationship between them was far from being as simple as just meeting once or twice. It was even like they had known each other for many years.
I couldn't help but ask Xu Shihan: "Do you know the woman in the video? Have they known each other for many years?"
Xu Shihan shook her head: "I have never seen her before."
Does not knowing each other mean that Yu Xia lied to me and to her?
I continued watching the video. Yu Xia still maintained the same posture as before, holding the cup with both hands, but her tone was a little more relaxed: "Su Bei is pregnant. I was really happy when she told me the news. We have been through so much hardship and finally got together. I was excited to have my own child, but after the excitement, I fell into confusion again."
"Why are you confused?"
"You also know my current state. I am really not ready to be a father. Many times, when I see Su Bei smiling happily and gently caressing her belly, I feel a little confused and overwhelmed. However, seeing her like this, I am actually very happy. I can't bear to let her accompany me in this helplessness, so I can only smile at her. After a long time, I feel that I am really depressed and under great psychological pressure. I don't know how to relieve it, so I can only come to you."
"I'm really happy that you can think of me." The woman smiled gently, "I hope that every time you are in a dilemma, you can think of me first."
"Thank you so much. If it weren't for you, I might never have taken the first step towards Subei."
"This is what I should do." The woman stood up, walked to Yu Xia and hugged him gently. "Yu Xia, try to relax and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes work is not a relief, but another vortex. You can't get yourself into work just to get rid of the pressure of family."
Family pressure? Relief through work?
After hearing this, I turned off my phone. I didn't want to listen any more. I didn't want to hear Yu Xia thanking her over and over again, telling this strange woman in front of me the same words she had never said to me before.
Why does it have to be her and not me? I am obviously the one he loves the most, right?
Those words, that hug, were like a bolt from the blue that left me unable to move.
My mind is filled with the word "why". I can't explain it, and there is no way to find a way out.
"Su Bei, Su Bei, are you okay?" Xu Shihan shook me hard, bringing me back to reality.
Before I knew it, I was in tears.
I grabbed two tissues and wiped the tears from my face. The more I wiped, the more tears there were. The more I wiped, the more I wiped. Until there was a pile of tissues in front of me, Xu Shihan finally couldn't help but grabbed my hand and said, "Su Bei, don't do this. Your face is red. Don't be silent. If you have anything to say, please say it. You are not alone now. You still have me by your side, right? Tell me if you have anything to say, okay?"
"Shihan." I shook my head slightly stiffly, using a lot of strength to support my body. "Shihan, I think I need some quiet time. Let's make an appointment later!"
I almost ran out of the coffee shop, the images in the video were still flashing back and forth in front of my eyes, like a revolving lantern. They say that when people die, they will see the revolving lantern of life. I am still alive and breathing, so how come I can see it?
I walked forward and finally hid in a remote corner. I leaned against the wall and breathed deeply, as if this would stop me from crying and feeling sad.
My mind was in a mess. I didn't know why things had turned out like this. We were finally together, weren't we? Why would he talk to someone else and hug someone else?
My cell phone rang, and I picked it up. I heard Xu Shihan's anxious voice: "Su Bei, have you gone home? I'm still worried when I see you like that. If you haven't gone far, can I drive you home?"
I put the phone away, took a deep breath, and then moved it to my ear: "I called a taxi and I'm on my way back. Don't worry, I'm fine."
"Are you really okay? You were crying so hard just now."
"It's okay. This isn't the first time I've encountered something like this. Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
"I'm glad you're okay. Send me a message when you get home."
"Yeah, okay."
Six years ago on my birthday, I saw him hugging Yan Anyan, and then he appeared in front of me holding Yan Anyan’s hand. At that time, I experienced this kind of heart-wrenching pain.
This time, I will be stronger, I definitely will.
I told myself this, but the tears still kept flowing.
Sheng Yinuo, tell me, what should I do? How should I face Yu Xia, our children, and the future life?
All my happiness collapsed the moment I clicked on the video. For the first time, I felt so confused. I didn’t know how to go, what to do, or how to go on.