People have their separations and deaths, the moon waxes and wanes, but what I fear most is a separation that lasts forever. So, Lin Xiaolun, no matter where you are, please wait for me, I will come to you, just like when we were little, you took advantage of your height and long legs to walk in front of me, and I couldn't catch up with you, so you slowed down and waited for me, I would always catch up with you. So, slow down a little, time will slow down a little, and we can be together.

After solving the problems at home, my mother locked me in the bedroom and scolded me for half an hour. When she got tired of scolding me, I ran out of the house and ran to the elevator.
My mother shouted fiercely from behind: "Qin Le, if you have the guts, don't come back."
"If you don't want to come back, then don't come back. Don't miss me." I calmly pressed the elevator button and returned to school.
In the dormitory, Ding Chuchu's bed was empty. I was very confused, so I grabbed Yangyang who was eating cakes and asked, "Where's Chuchu?"
"I don't know." Yangyang's mouth was full of pastries.
There's no use asking them.
I sat down at my seat, turned on my computer out of boredom, and when I logged into QQ, I unexpectedly found an email from Ding Chuchu. When the system prompted me, I saw the first paragraph of text , and I hurriedly opened it to read.

Lele:
I'm really sorry. I can only send you this email when I'm leaving. Lele, please don't blame me. These days, my inner struggle is no less than yours. I gave up everything I like just to accompany Lin Xiaolun. The original intention was for you, but the result was for myself.
I am indeed a scheming woman. After deciding to do this, I asked for your forgiveness first. You don't have to forgive me. It doesn't matter. I don't deserve it.
However, the only thing I want to clarify is that Qin Le, I really think you are my best friend, it was and is now. But I hurt you unintentionally, and I feel ironic even when I say this.
We have no control over our fate, so just accept our destiny.
You have to take good care of yourself.
Ding Chuchu

I scrolled the mouse wheel and read the email no less than 10 times, then I clicked "Delete".
Now I don’t want to know anything about Ding Chuchu.
She was so vague that I couldn't understand what she was trying to say. She usually said I wasn't honest enough, but it turned out that she was also talking nonsense.
Although I appeared to be dismissive of Ding Chuchu's behavior, I was inexplicably worried. How should I ask her when she said such harsh words? Even if I responded, she wouldn't tell me what the "thing" was that she "decided to do this thing" was, right?
I sighed and thought, never mind, let everything take its course.
After a week at school, I still didn't see Lin Xiaolun. Like Ding Chuchu, he seemed to have disappeared out of thin air.
On Friday, on the bus on my way home, I was holding the white shirt that I had never had the chance to return to Lin Xiaolun. My heart inexplicably tightened and I had a bad feeling.
When I returned to the downstairs of the community, I accidentally saw that Lin Xiaolun's mailbox was open. I habitually reached in and touched it, and touched a letter. I took it out and saw that it was sent from Los Angeles. I was so familiar with Lin Xiaolun, but I didn't know if he had any friends or relatives in Los Angeles.
I didn't think too much about it. I took the envelope and went home first. Then I packed it together with the letters and clothes I had written over the past three years, intending to say goodbye to Lin Xiaolun without any regrets.
I set out on the journey like a brave and fearless warrior, but before I even reached the battlefield, the enemy had already defeated my army.
It was not Aunt Tang who opened the door for me, but Uncle Lin. After not seeing him for a few days, Uncle Lin's hair had turned grey and he had become much thinner.
Uncle Lin saw that it was me and asked me to come in and sit down. When I walked in, I found that the room was empty. I was holding a lot of things and asked, "Uncle Lin, where are Auntie and Xiaolun?"
"Oh." Uncle Lin poured me a glass of boiled water and said, "Your aunt and Xiaolun went to the United States a few days ago."
"Going to America?" I was shocked and guessed, "Los Angeles?"
Uncle Lin looked at me in surprise and asked, " How know?"
I quickly put my things down and handed the letter I just got from the mailbox to Uncle Lin. Uncle Lin took it and checked it to make sure it was unopened, then said to me: "Le Le, are you sending something to Xiao Lun? You can put it in his room."
"Yeah." I replied, holding the clothes and letters, and went into Lin Xiaolun's room.
The room was very clean, everything was neatly arranged, even the bed was neatly made, with no signs of having been slept in. I opened Lin Xiaolun's closet, and found a few clothes missing, but the rest was untouched.
I sat down in front of Lin Xiaolun's desk, and my fingers stroked every corner of the desk. Dusty memories suddenly came to my mind. The dim desk lamp opened the curtain, and I seemed to see Lin Xiaolun sitting on the desk a year ago, rolling up the book, hitting me hard on the head, and saying loudly: "Remember the words!"
I always acted like a spoiled child and begged Lin Xiaolun to let me take a nap, but Lin Xiaolun would hit me on the head with a book and sternly said, "Don't you want to go to college?"
I couldn't hold it back at that time, so I stood up and yelled, "If you hit me again, you'd be even more stupid!"
Lin Xiaolun looked at me and said, "Three minutes."
After receiving Lin Xiaolun’s pardon, I immediately lay down on the table and started snoring.
Three minutes later, no matter how Lin Xiaolun called me, I didn't wake up. In a daze, I heard Lin Xiaolun say in frustration: "Qin Le, I don't want to review your homework for you anymore!"
As I thought about it, the past events came to my mind vividly and I couldn't help laughing.
Tears brought me back to reality. I bent down, pulled out Lin Xiaolun's storage cabinet, and saw the box containing the doll . I opened it and saw that Lin Xiaolun had not thrown away my doll.
I held the doll in my hands, and the feeling in my heart was indescribable.
There was a thin string around the doll's neck with a key on it. I took it off, looked around, and finally inserted the key into the keyhole of the drawer.
When I opened the drawer, I found an iron box inside. The moment I opened the lid of the box, I suddenly lost my voice and my eyes became wet in an instant.
I didn't have the strength to stop crying, so I quickly covered my mouth after sobbing. The things in the box were very familiar to me. They were all things I gave to Lin Xiaolun, from precious Jordan figurines to childish candy wrappers left after feeding him candy. Many seemingly unimportant things, as long as I gave them to him, he actually kept them well.
Lin Xiaolun, what are you hiding from me?
I pushed aside the things on top and found a notebook at the bottom. I flipped through it and found only a dozen pages of writing.
When I was looking through it, two photos fell out. I bent down to pick them up and saw a photo of Lin Xiaolun and Ding Chuchu. It seemed that Ding Chuchu took a selfie with Lin Xiaolun with her phone. The other photo made me feel like I was struck by lightning and I couldn't move.
There are two boys aged four or five in the photo, one is Lin Xiaolun and the other is Guo Lu...
I quickly opened the notebook. It was Lin Xiaolun's handwriting. On the title page was written:
Life gives you wealth and gives me fragility, so you will not be unlucky and I will not have the chance to live forever.
I swallowed , my heart beating fast. I suppressed my suspicion and opened the first page.
It's ridiculous, why am I writing these things in my diary like a girl? But when I think about it, if everyone never sees me again and I don't have anything left, it will be a pity, right?
When the university started, I thought Lele would not come back, but I saw her again in school. I admit that I was happy at that time, but this girl seemed to have forgotten the heavy words she said to me that day.
We had lived happily together for so many years, and had spent our best years together. How could she say it was okay? That didn't sound like a joke. However, after returning home, Lele seemed to act as if nothing had happened. How could it not have happened? She had clearly hurt me deeply in the supermarket that day.
Lele's behavior has been very strange. When I called Aunt Qin, my thoughts were confirmed. However, this confirmation pushed me into an abyss from which there was no escape.
Lele mistakenly took the medical examination report from the hospital and thought she had a heart disease. She was afraid of the separation brought by death, so she treated me like that. I can forgive her. But I suddenly remembered that when taking the blood sample, Lele and I switched places, so the medical examination report she received must be mine.
I was afraid to know the answer, and I had been reluctant to go to the hospital for a diagnosis. Today, I went to the amusement park with Lele and Chuchu. When I was riding the roller coaster, I felt a little unwell. When Guo Lu took me to the hospital, the doctor told me the fact that I had been afraid to face.
Yes, I have heart disease, the kind that has a long incubation period and is difficult to cure once symptoms appear.
The last few words pierced my heart like needles, and I was a little breathless. I covered my heart, thinking about what it would be like if it stopped beating.
Lin Xiaolun has a heart disease, and I just found out about it now.
But why did Lin Xiaolun hide it from me for so long? Does he know how I have been through these days? Every day and night, I miss him all the time. I really want to remove this cancer from my heart, but it will hurt me too!
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I flipped through the diary. I held the wrist of this hand tightly with my other hand, but I couldn't dispel the fear in my heart.
Ah, there is no way. I have a heart disease and it seems I can only wait to die.
Lele is so afraid of separation from me, how sad she would be if she knew. I suddenly thought, if I fell in love with another girl, would Lele, who has such a bad temper, hate me and give up on me?
I'm really sorry, Lele.
I'm also very sorry, Chuchu, I took advantage of you like this, but you were willing to act with me.
I'm also very sorry, Guo Lu, for hiding it from you for so long, and for letting you pursue Lele with such a ridiculous reason. I have no choice, leaving Lele to you makes me feel much more at ease than leaving her to someone else.
You are all really too stupid. Why are you so willing to act with a dying person like me? This is not fun at all. But why is Lele so strong-willed and stubborn?
I really have no other choice!
Lele, my heart hurts too.
But I would rather you hate me, and be sad for a while, than let you know that I am sick and accompany me and worry about me day and night.
You were originally very happy.
I’m sorry, my beloved family; I’m sorry, my Lele.
I quickly stood up, took all the tissues on the table, and wiped the tears from my face.
"Then I'd like to ask for your forgiveness first. If I accidentally do something wrong in the future, please forgive me. You must believe that I am doing this for your own good."
"But the only thing I want to clarify is, Qin Le, I really think you are my best friend, it was and it is now. But I hurt you unintentionally, and even I feel ironic when I say this."
Ding Chuchu's sly smile and haggard tearful face emerged in my mind. No wonder she asked for my forgiveness, no wonder she accepted Lin Xiaolun's pursuit regardless of my feelings, no wonder she was no longer herself.
It turned out that everyone knew that everyone was happy to help Lin Xiaolun finish writing the script.
Could it be that Guo Lu was also a player in Lin Xiaolun's chess game? They all acted according to the script, leaving me out of the camera, like a stupid clown, to be ridiculed and teased by others.
That's ridiculous.
I didn’t dare to read the rest of the diary, not at all.
It's only been such a long time, but Lin Xiaolun still has the energy to direct and act in this drama. How thoughtful he is. Can't he tell me all this? It's not that I can't accept it. I just want to share the burden and accompany each other. Can't this kind of thing be allowed?
I heard the sound of a porcelain plate breaking behind me. I turned my head and saw the fruit plate that Uncle Lin brought fell to the ground. His hands were still in the motion of holding the plate, but his eyes were fixed on the notebook in my hand.
My tears burst like a flood, and my nose ran uncontrollably. I looked at the man at the door who suddenly seemed to have aged 10 years, and my heart ached again.
Uncle Lin bent over, pointed at me with trembling hands, tears streaming down his face: "Xiao Lun... Xiao Lun tried his best to hide it from you, how could you, how could you..."
I closed Lin Xiaolun's diary, held the photo of him and Guo Lu when they were little, walked up to Uncle Lin, and asked, "Uncle Lin, do you think Xiaolun's behavior is really good?"
Uncle Lin cried and said, "What can we do? Even if he is not that bad, he is still a patient. As parents, we can only accompany him to be willful."
"He's in Los Angeles, right?" I asked, swallowing my tears.
Uncle Lin raised his head and looked at me, feeling sorry for me: "Le Le, just listen to Xiao Lun."
"What are you listening to?" I said stubbornly, "My fate is in my own hands. As long as Lin Xiaolun is alive, I will stay . I don't believe there won't be a miracle. I won't let go of any chance I get."
After saying that, I returned to my home holding Lin Xiaolun’s diary.
When my mother saw me coming back, she rushed over to hug me like a bird and said, "Little Lele."
I didn't move, my expression was numb, and there were traces of tears on my face. My mother stopped smiling, noticed something was wrong, and moved away from me. My father, who was folding clothes next to me, also noticed something was wrong with me and slowly walked over to me.
I raised my head and looked at them in a trance.
"Le Le." Mom said seriously.
"You all know about this, right?" As soon as I opened my mouth, my voice didn't sound like my own.
Mom lowered her head and held Dad's arm tightly with both hands.
I looked indifferent, but I couldn't resist the ravages of tears. I smiled and said, "Chu Chu knows, Guo Lu knows, and even you know." I didn't have the energy to argue anymore, and my voice was weak. "That's good. I'm the only one who was kept in the dark. You all graduated from the Shanghai Theatre Academy, right? You all have great acting skills, but I didn't even guess the slightest clue."
“LeLe…”
My mother called my name softly, her eyes red.
"Mom..." I finally couldn't hold it in anymore. My voice was filled with frustration, and I was shaking like a frightened bird. "You know how I've been feeling these days. You're my mother, why don't you tell me the truth? Is there anyone who understands me better than you? Mom... do you still treat me like a child?"
"No." Mom wandered around helplessly, not daring to come forward to hug me. She just hurriedly explained, "Le Le, do you know how Xiao Lun begged me?"
I tilted my head, the person in front of me became blurry, and my heart ached so much.
Mom gently turned sideways, half hiding behind Dad, and said, "Xiao Lun came to beg me, saying that he might have done something bad in his previous life, so fate punished him in this life. He cried like a child in my office. He said that we haven't been with you for many years and don't know your character, so he begged us not to tell you about this. Otherwise, he can't even die peacefully, Lele."
I lowered my head, tears falling to the ground. I held the photo of Lin Xiaolun and Guo Lu tightly in my hand. I couldn't hear what my mother said. My ears were buzzing. I staggered back a step and almost fell to the ground. The notebook in my hand also fell to the ground.
My mother screamed in fright, and my father came over quickly to support me. I pushed him away and ran out stumblingly.
I don't want to hear any explanations or difficulties. I want to find Guo Lu, I want to ask him clearly, I want to clarify everything I don't understand.