I ran all the way to where Guo Lu lived. The heavy rain outside made me feel cold from skin to bones.
The gate of the community was locked and I couldn’t get in. I could only stand in the rain and wait stupidly.
Waiting so quietly, shrouded in darkness, I felt an unprecedented fear in my heart, as if I remembered something in an instant.
I have been this scared before, in a certain place, in a certain scene.
Oh, yes, on the plane. I suddenly remembered that time when I went to pick up the notice and got the medical examination results sent by the hospital, I thought I was really going to die. I was at a loss. I said so many hurtful words to Lin Xiaolun in the supermarket, and he turned around and left, leaving me with a silent back.
Even when I saw him riding his bicycle around the corner before I went to the airport, I didn't ask him to stop or say a word to him.
During the month I was abroad, I didn't contact him out of spite.
How did Lin Xiaolun get through at that time?
He still came to direct a play after knowing his illness. From any perspective that I cannot accept, he was doing it for my own good.
But what did I do? I even allowed him to participate in such an intense basketball activity.
I gasped for breath and squatted down with my arms folded.
This spring rain is really cold, just like the snow that was not far away but seemed like a century away.
The residents on the lower floors noticed me and leaned over the windows to watch me. A kind person came out with an umbrella and asked me, "Girl, who are you looking for here?"
I cried, my voice full of grievance: "I want to go to the 6th floor..."
The aunt holding an umbrella led me into the community, to the door of Guo Lu's house, and knocked on the door. Guo Lu opened the door, saw me, still soaked, and immediately took off his clothes and wrapped them around me, then thanked the aunt and led me into the room.
While wiping the rain off my body, Guo Lu scolded me, "Why didn't you call me in advance? Look how wet you are. It's so cold, are you trying to save your life?"
I didn't say anything, my tears flowed down with the rain.
Guo Lu looked at me carefully and couldn't help but stop: "Le Le?"
I held the photo tightly in my hand and gradually began to cry.
Guo Lu carefully pulled out the photo, unfolded it and looked at it. His face changed slightly, but soon he regained his composure. He sighed, changed a dry towel for me, and said softly, "Le Le, I'm sorry."
"I don't want to hear this." I wiped the water off my face and shook my head in panic.
Guo Lu held the photo and said bitterly, "You actually found out. We thought we could keep it a secret from you until the end."
He laid out the photos neatly, then took out an album from the cabinet and opened it to show me. There was a photo of Lin Xiaolun when he was a child, and there were Lin Xiaolun's parents, and the other three people should be Guo Lu and his parents.
Guo Lu said, "Do you remember? I said my mother is from Tianjin, but she is actually Xiaolun's aunt. When I adopted the stray dog, I didn't dare to stay at your house. At that time, my aunt didn't know that Xiaolun was sick. I was afraid that my aunt would recognize me and the matter would be exposed."
I was surprisingly quiet, with only the sound of raindrops dripping onto the ground along the corners of my clothes.
Guo Lu continued, "That day at the amusement park, Lin Xiaolun suddenly fainted. I was terrified and rushed him to the hospital, where the doctor diagnosed him with a heart attack. You happened to call me, and Lin Xiaolun asked me to answer the phone, so I could only lie to you and say I had a stomachache."
Guo Lu closed his eyes, then looked at me again: "Not long after, Lin Xiaolun came to my dormitory and seriously dismissed everyone..."
As I listened to Guo Lu's words, I seemed to see Lin Xiaolun anxiously and distressedly asking everyone in Guo Lu's dormitory to leave, and then sitting on the bed face to face with Guo Lu in a daze.
After a long while, Lin Xiaolun spoke up: "Brother, can you...can you pursue Lele? You have feelings for Lele in your heart, right?"
Guo Lu was a little angry, pointing at Lin Xiaolun and asking, "Are you sure you want to hurt her so deliberately just because of this disease?"
Lin Xiaolun smiled miserably and said, "No, you don't understand Lele. You don't understand. You are not a dying person, you don't understand..."
Guo Lu came over, stood opposite me, took a breath, and said to me: "I don't know how I was persuaded by Lin Xiaolun. I just listened to him and deceived you."
I stepped back, shook my head in disbelief, and laughed almost crazily, "I thought I was proud of having finally made two friends, but I didn't expect you were all lying to me. Was every look, every word, every accident of yours all scripted?"
Guo Lu closed his eyes and exhaled heavily: "Yes..."
My world was like a huge deep pit. I fell into it alone. They stood on the edge and no one was willing to lend me a hand.
"What on earth is real about you..." I laughed sarcastically, my head was dizzy as if it was hit by a tornado, and finally I fell on the sofa.
"Love." Guo Lu said, touching his chest with his right hand, "I thought I was just helping Lin Xiaolun get close to you, but I didn't expect that I approached you with intention, but fell in love with you without intention. I lied to you about everything except love. Lele, I'm sorry..."
What sweet words of love, but my heart is like a fortress that cannot be conquered.
Guo Lu wiped away his tears and continued, "Le Le, on the day of the 'Red Association' party, you chased out and fainted in the snow. It was Lin Xiaolun who carried you to the hospital. He stayed with you the whole time, not daring to leave you or touch you, and he didn't leave until you woke up. On the day you were drunk, Lin Xiaolun and I met Gao Hu on the way. Gao Hu said he was going to pick you up, but Lin Xiaolun drove Gao Hu away like a lost treasure and carried you back home. Do you know? You kept calling Lin Xiaolun's name on his back, and he listened quietly, crying as he listened, but you knew nothing, and could not know anything..."
"Stop talking!" I yelled out of control.
Guo Lu ignored me and muttered to himself, "Lin Xiaolun failed you and Chuchu. Chuchu lost her self-esteem, her self, and her chance to study, and she failed to win Lin Xiaolun's heart. And you, your spirit was cut off, your vitality was sucked away, your courage was stolen, and you can only get this result. As for me, I will eventually be considered a liar, who deceived feelings and trust. Tell me, who of us got the benefit in this game?"
"Don't talk anymore..." I begged Guo Lu, almost fainting from the pain.
No matter which fact it was, I couldn't digest and accept it so quickly. Whether it was Guo Lu, Lin Xiaolun, or Ding Chuchu, they were all like strangers in my eyes and in my heart. I showed up in a muddy mess, and they just stood by and watched.
Guo Lu looked at me and said softly, "Let's all calm down."
I leaned on the sofa, silent for a long time, and fell into endless silence with Guo Lu.
The hour hand turned round and round, and the emotions in my heart were gradually suppressed. Only the intermittent sobbing sounds could be clearly heard in the room.
Seeing that I had calmed down, Guo Lu slowly spoke: "Le Le, we have all tried to persuade Xiao Lun, but Xiao Lun said that only in this way can your feelings for him gradually fade. But it seems that he still doesn't know you well enough."
"No." My voice was extremely cold. "He knows me too well. I was ready to say goodbye to him, but unfortunately I learned this secret."
Guo Lu's eyes slowly shifted to me, and he called softly, "Le Le..."
I sniffed the snot and said, "I have made up my mind. I will apply to the school in Los Angeles . No matter how long it takes or how rough my fate is, I will stay by his side. Even if he chases me away, I will not leave."
Guo Lu said: "You really made this choice after all."
I stood up and stared at Guo Lu, my eyes bright and firm: "I'm sorry, Guo Lu."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one to apologize." Guo Lu took the photo album back, secretly wiped away tears with his back to me, then turned around and asked me, "Do you mind if I go with you? I also want to go see Xiaolun, if I can apply to the same university."
I had no reason to refuse, nor should I refuse, so I nodded and said, "Okay."
For more than half a year, Guo Lu and I made bets day and night.
Gambling on an unknown future, gambling on a reunion with a dying life.
I can't remember exactly when I went to the mountain with Lin Xiaolun. At that time, there were many wild chrysanthemums in the mountain, some yellow, some white, intertwined, and the ordinary beauty became stunning.
Lin Xiaolun was tired from climbing the mountain, so he lay down in the flowers, looking at the cloudless sky. No one knew what he was thinking about, but there was a faint smile on the corner of his mouth.
I lay beside him, pinning a yellow wild chrysanthemum to my ear, and asked him, "Lin Xiaolun, what are you looking at?"
"The sky." Lin Xiaolun answered me, then closed his eyes, as if enjoying the cool breeze.
I looked up and wondered, "What's so beautiful about the sky? There are no clouds, no birds, just a vast expanse of blue."
Lin Xiaolun sat up and said to me: "No, I just saw a lot of things."
"What?" I sat quietly beside Lin Xiaolun waiting for him to finish.
Lin Xiaolun raised his head and said, "The future and life."
I didn't understand, so Lin Xiaolun explained to me: "If we don't try to guess, we will never find out how vast the sky is, just like you never know how far the future is. We may live to be 80 years old, or even longer, or we may die in an accident tomorrow."
“Then how can one live well to be 80 years old?” I asked naively.
Lin Xiaolun was amused by me and said, "Treasure it. As long as you have a clear conscience, even if you are going to die , you will have no regrets, right?"
Lin Xiaolun’s last sentence was not an affirmative sentence, but a question.
Because at that time Lin Xiaolun expressed his views on the future and life when he was healthy. If we suddenly found out that we would die tomorrow, but there were still many things in life that we had not completed in time, would we still be so free and easy at that time?
I don't know and I don't want to know.
Two weeks after the truth was revealed, I called Aunt Tang. She told me that Lin Xiaolun was receiving treatment in the United States. Although his condition had not improved, it was relatively stable and had not deteriorated further. In addition, Ding Chuchu was also with Lin Xiaolun in Los Angeles.
When I told Guo Lu this, he held the ballpoint pen in his hand and was silent for a long time. Then he sighed and said, "Lin Xiaolun should have gone to a good institution for examination and treatment a long time ago. He has been holding on for so long because of you. He has been receiving treatment in Beijing, but the conditions in China are limited. Maybe his condition has worsened seriously, so Aunt Tang sent him to the United States."
I didn't respond for a long time. Finally, I said, "Read a book ."
Since I decided to go to the United States, I have been staying in school and have not been home on weekends. Guo Lu also resigned from his position as the president of the "Red Association" and concentrated on studying with me.
When school was about to start after the summer vacation, my mother called me and asked me to go home.
When I got home, my parents and Uncle Lin were looking at the photo of Lin Xiaolun that Aunt Tang had sent back. In the photo, Lin Xiaolun was wearing a hospital gown and sitting in a wheelchair, and the colors were warm.
He looks more energetic.
My heart finally settled down when my mother said, "The doctor said that as long as a suitable heart is found and a transplant is performed, Lin Xiaolun still has a chance to become a normal person."
From that moment on, I prayed for a miracle to happen all the time.
I asked for the doll I gave to Lin Xiaolun back, and now I finally understood why he gave it back to me. Because I said at the beginning that the doll was Xiao Xiaolun, a smaller version of Lin Xiaolun.
He gave it back to me in preparation for going to Los Angeles.
In this way, after he leaves me, I will still have a thought when I look at this rag doll. Lin Xiaolun is really thoughtful, and I can't compare to him.
In the days without Lin Xiaolun, I focused entirely on the exams and time passed by quickly like running water.
In January 2014, I received an acceptance letter from the University of Southern California, and so did Guo Lu. I will be heading to the United States in March to meet Lin Xiaolun, whom I have been thinking about.
I don’t know if he is okay.
When Aunt Tang called me, she said Lin Xiaolun missed home very much.
I asked my mother to buy me a camera, took pictures of the people in my family and everything that happened, and then went back to our old school.
It was the holiday season and there were not many people in the school except for the graduates who were taking extra classes for their exams.
The ivy around the school wall is much denser than it was two years ago.
I was standing at the school gate and my camera captured a boy and girl in school uniforms.
The girl shouted from behind in a complaining tone: "Don't walk so fast, wait for me!"
The boy looked disgusted, but he still slowed down his pace: "Really, eat more next time. How can you catch up with me when you are so short?"
The girl caught up with the boy, stood shoulder to shoulder with him, and said aggrievedly: "You can't blame me, no matter how much I eat, I won't grow taller."
After witnessing this scene, I couldn't help but laugh.
It's so much like me and Lin Xiaolun at that time, but Lin Xiaolun would never treat me so politely.
I always saw Lin Xiaolun at the gate of the teaching building. He would rush to the bicycle shed, unlock his bicycle first, ride away in a flash.
After struggling for a long time, I finally opened the lock and rode my bike to chase him.
Every time I caught up with him, he would leisurely stop beside me, waiting for me, sweating profusely, to keep in the same line with him.
At that time, Lin Xiaolun pouted and laughed at me: "You eat so much every day, but you still can't catch up with me?"
I was embarrassed and annoyed, and shouted, "You are a man, okay? Your legs are so long, how can I run faster than you?"
"Excuse." Lin Xiaolun looked like he deserved a beating.
If I had a beard, it would have blown up in anger. I glared at Lin Xiaolun with my eyes wide open, then stepped on the pedals and ran towards him, saying viciously, "I told you not to bully me!"
Lin Xiaolun had no time to dodge, and he and my bike fell to the ground together.
Lin Xiaolun got up in a panic, grabbed my clothes, and yelled, "Qin Le, you are a little lunatic!"
My face was covered with dust. I looked at and snorted with my nose turned up to the sky.
"I don't want to pay attention to you anymore." Lin Xiaolun picked up the bicycle, then pushed it and walked slowly.
I also picked up my bike, followed him, and said, "But I want to pay attention to you."
"If I don't talk to you for 10 minutes, whoever talks is a puppy." Lin Xiaolun said.
I cursed Lin Xiaolun a thousand times in my heart for being "childish", then endured the agony for 10 minutes, then ran up and said cheerfully, "Lin Xiaolun, 10 minutes are up. "
At this time, Lin Xiaolun would immediately turn over and ride his bicycle, and when I was not paying attention, he would ride away for a long distance, and then curse me from a distance: "Qin Le, you idiot."
I usually fall into his trap and chase after him after realizing it belatedly, but he refuses to wait for me and I can never catch up with him.
Just like now, Lin Xiaolun who is far away in Los Angeles, I will come to see you soon. Will you wait for me in Los Angeles?
Just like when we were kids, this time I promise, if you wait for me, I will never bully you again.
You tell me whatever you want, and I will satisfy it. You tell me how you want me to live, and I will do it without hesitation.
As long as you are well, I am willing to do anything.
"Lin Xiaolun, wait for me."
Looking at the long street, I placed my right hand on my chest, closed my eyes, and listened to the sound of the wind.