The ordinary days passed by like a rocket, and it was the end of May. Various rumors about Gu Xi and I were spreading more and more on campus, and I would laugh it off every time, and then continue to be inseparable from Gu Xi without any scruples after class.
Sometimes I feel strange - compared to the relationship between me and Gu Xi, shouldn't they be more interested in the feud between my mother and the Jian family? I can't understand why there is no rumor about this matter on campus after Xu Xiye already knows the truth? Xu Xiye will never be kind enough to keep it a secret for me.
When he didn't have classes, Gu Xi liked to carry his laptop to the pine forest beside Moon Lake to write. I would sit next to him, holding my chin, staring at the blue lotus leaves in the lake, sometimes thinking about everything, sometimes thinking about nothing. Occasionally, Gu Xi would suddenly turn his head to look at me, and then whisper my name: "Banxia."
I always let him wait for several seconds before he reacted, and then I kept my original action unchanged and responded with a vague "Yeah."
Every time, I was prepared for him to say something next. However, every time after getting my answer, he would just curl the corners of his mouth and continue to type on his keyboard. It seemed as if he was just worried about whether my soul had left my body while I was sitting there like a sculpture. After getting a negative answer, he would feel at ease and satisfied.
Sometimes, when I’m in a good mood, I’ll tease him about this: “Gu Xi, do you feel that as a third-year student, your life is too leisurely and too easy to cause public outrage?”
He raised his beautiful eyebrows and said with a smile: "Long live the recommendation system!"
A week ago, Gu Xi, who ranked among the top in comprehensive ability among all the recommended students of Baisha College, rejected the olive branches extended by many prestigious universities and chose to become a student of C University.
When I heard the news, I felt sorry for him: "Gu Xi, have you become stupid from writing novels? Do you know that with your grades, you can definitely choose the best university? Or, do you not know that C University is only a second-rate university in China? Are you stupid?"
I was so anxious that I kept jumping up and down, but Gu Xi just looked at me and smiled quietly. After I finished complaining, he said calmly, "Those schools are good, but they are not in City C."
"Huh?" What's his reason?
"Yes." Gu Xi nodded, "I chose C University because it is in C City."
"Uh..." No matter what, I didn't see that Gu Xi had any special feelings for City C that I didn't know about. Didn't you say that you decided to come here because I was the only person you knew in China?
Perhaps seeing my confusion, Gu Xi turned her head away calmly and said, "I have a special liking for City C. Is that not okay?"
Ha, even rhetorical questions were used. This is not the gentle and elegant Gu Xi that I know.
"No." I directly exposed his not-so-clever lie. "Come on, how long have you been back from Italy? How many cities in China have you been to? You don't even know how many districts City C is divided into, what it produces, or what kind of attractions it has, and you dare to say that you have a special liking for City C? If that's okay, then you can also have a 'special liking' for any other city. So, Gu Xi, tell me, what is the secret that makes you insist on staying in City C to study in college ?"
I kept talking, and Gu Xi was stunned for several seconds before she came back to her senses. Then she used an exaggerated smile that I had never seen before to cover up her previous gaffe, raised her hands in surrender and said, "Okay, I do have a secret that I can't tell you."
"What is it?" I was curious because of the way he tried so hard to hide it. "Can't you even tell me?"
As soon as I asked this question, I regretted it. Gu Xi, who was lost in thought because of my question, had a blank look in his eyes that scared me, as if he would disappear just like his gentle gaze in the next moment.
"Gu Xi!" I hurriedly pulled his sleeve, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have explored your privacy."
"Nothing!" He closed the computer, and when he looked up again, he had a familiar smile on his face, "She was last seen in City C."
When he said this, the wind was blowing through the pine forest. The rustling sound from the woods almost covered up his voice, but I still heard every word he said. When I realized who he was talking about, my heart began to aches.
Gu Xi liked a girl, but that girl was not with him for reasons unknown to me. So, he came to City C where she might be, but he did not look for her, nor did he expect to meet her. He just stubbornly stayed in her city, looking up at the starry sky she looked up at, breathing the air she breathed, feeling her happiness, and then he felt happy... There is no one more stupid than Gu Xi in the world, but I almost cried because of his stupidity.
"Tell me about her." I suddenly wanted to know what kind of person that lucky girl who Gu Xi had always secretly loved was.
Gu Xi, who had been smiling at me, suddenly lowered his head and fell silent. After a long time, he raised his head and stared at me with his dark eyes and said, "Do you want to know?"
I nodded: "Have you seen her in City C?"
"Yes." Gu Xi lowered her eyes somewhat sadly, but there was still a hint of smile in the corner of her eyes.
"Ah, really?" I was sincerely happy for Gu Xi. No matter what, seeing her was better than having no news at all.
"So I want to stay in City C, stay here forever, at least I can still know when she is unhappy and when she cries again." Gu Xi still had a faint smile on her face when she said this, but my nose suddenly felt sour. This is what it's like to have a one-sided love for someone, without too many extravagant expectations, just hoping to get a little information about her. However, often even such a wish becomes a luxury in the end.
"Why when she's unhappy?" I turned my head to look at Gu Xi, "Don't you want to know when she's happy?"
"Because only when she is unhappy can I play a small role." Gu Xi suddenly blinked and smiled, and then his voice gradually became lower and almost inaudible. "I hope she will always be happy. If possible, I hope I will never need to play a role."
"Why?" I felt sorry for Gu Xi and gritted my teeth. "If I were you, I would hope that she would be unhappy every day. Only if you play a role by her side every day, she will know how good you are. By then, she will feel so guilty that she wants to die when she thinks about how she treated you in the past."
Gu Xi stared at me blankly for a long time before reaching out to tap my forehead: "You're talking nonsense again!"
"Humph!" I was still angry, "Who told her to bully you?"
"She's very good to me." Gu Xi suddenly looked at me and nodded, "She's very good to me, so, Banxia, ​​remember, she doesn't need to feel guilty towards me at any time."
Gu Xi's tone was so serious that I was a little overwhelmed. I could only nod: "So, is she happy now?"
The moment Gu Xi pursed his lips and shook his head slightly, I seemed to catch the sadness hidden under his shallow smile, but he immediately turned his face away, and I ultimately could not confirm whether that deep sadness really existed.
I pulled his sleeve and gave him some advice: "Hey, at this moment, you should tell her right away, tell her how much you like her, tell her you have been looking for her, tell her you have always been by her side." I thought about it and couldn't help but cheer him up, saying, "Gu Xi, really, really, if I were her, I would be so moved after knowing all this."
"Fool." Gu Xi stared at me without blinking for a long time without saying anything else. Then he repeated, "Fool!"
"She has someone she likes very much." When Gu Xi said this, his handsome face was actually full of smiles. People who didn't know him would definitely not believe that he was talking about the fact that the girl he liked liked someone else.
I suddenly felt depressed and uncomfortable. I let out a long sigh. I still didn't give up and asked Gu Xi, "How much does she like that person?"
"Like you like Jian Chen."
I sighed softly in my heart. I really wanted to say something like "I don't really like Jian Chen, so, Gu Xi, the girl you like may not like others that much, you still have a chance" to comfort Gu Xi, but I knew how powerless such words would be. I could only choose to remain silent with Gu Xi.
In the end, it was Gu Xi who came to comfort me. He smiled and pinched my wrinkled nose and said, "I'm fine, Banxia."
"How can it not matter? She doesn't know anything you did. It's really unfair, why is she so lucky?" Because I felt sorry for Gu Xi, my tone was a little indignant.
Gu Xi advised me kindly: "I wanted to do this myself, and I didn't want her to know."
"Fool." I said, "Gu Xi is the dumbest fool in the world."
"Really? Fools have their own happiness." He tilted his head and looked at me with the corners of his mouth curved, but his narrow eyes were clearly full of loneliness.
Such a Gu Xi made me feel distressed for no reason. In order to change the subject, I pouted and yelled at him in dissatisfaction: "Huh, I remember someone said before that they came to City C just because I am here. See, it turns out that friendship is just a cover, and it is your nature to value love over friendship. Gu Xi, why don't you quickly think of something to shut me up, otherwise..."
I tilted my head and smiled maliciously.
Gu Xi smiled and sighed. After a long while, he whispered, "Banxia, ​​someone will become a fool for you."
Is that so? Will someone become a fool for me? Maybe. But I know that fool will never be Jian Chen.
I heard that Jian Chen gave up his qualification for admission. I am not surprised at all. A proud person like him will never give up the opportunity to prove .
I heard that he chose to apply to X University, which is the farthest from City C.
Finally, I didn't even have the chance to see him happy.
The first day of June is Long Xuan’s birthday.
As early as a week ago, Long Xuan solemnly invited me to her birthday party.
"Let's go, let's go!" Long Xuan stuffed the invitation into my schoolbag, "I didn't even invite Jian Chen for your sake, what other reasons do you have for not going?"
Long Xuan always manages to hit my weak spot directly and accurately.
Long Xuan's birthday party was held at the Long family's beachfront villa. I left home in the evening and arrived at the Long family's beachfront villa. It was already completely dark, with a few stars dotted in the velvety night sky. I could hear the clear sound of waves hitting the shore. Even though it was June, the salty and humid sea breeze at night still felt a little cold.
When I got off the car with my shoulders hunched, I found someone had been waiting for me three meters away. Her pair of smiling eyes were like the bright stars in the sky. It was Gu Xi.
"Hey, you're here too?" I thought he was not familiar with Long Xuan.
"Everyone in Baisha College thinks we are a couple. How can I be absent wherever you appear?" Gu Xi rarely joked with me.
My mood improved because of his not-so-clever joke. I raised the cognac in my hand, took his arm and said, "Come on, let's get drunk."
Gu Xi shook her head helplessly and replied with a smile: "It's my honor."
I don't know why, but I felt that there was a deep sense of worry in his smiling eyes.
From a distance, I could hear melodious music floating from the villa. The Long family villa was destined to be crowded tonight. I have never liked crowded occasions, so after greeting Long Xuan, I dragged Gu Xi to a secluded place in the garden to watch the moon.
"But it's cloudy tonight and there should be no moon." Gu Xi was a little skeptical about my suggestion, but still followed me into the garden filled with flower shadows.
"No?" I looked up at the dark sky, and sure enough, there were only a few dim stars there, so I argued, "Gu Xi, you can't see the moon because there is no moon in your heart. I just saw a big, round moon hanging there. It's right there." I stretched out my hand and pointed randomly.
Gu Xi really raised her head and looked carefully in the direction of my finger for a long time before turning to me and saying, "Banxia, ​​you are right. The most beautiful things exist in the heart, not in the eyes."
When he said this, my shadow was clearly reflected in his sparkling eyes.
I was stunned by his sudden seriousness, and then I heard him hesitate and say cautiously: "Banxia, ​​how about I take you home first? Anyway, you can still see the moon at home."
I always felt that Gu Xi's eyes were strange tonight, but I couldn't tell what was wrong. Maybe he was just worried that I was not used to such a noisy and bustling place. So I comforted him: "No. I like the hustle and bustle here."
"Um?"
I tilted my head and smiled, "I am a shameful loner who needs to be infected by happiness."
“Banxia!”
Gu Xi suddenly raised her voice and called me, as if what I had just said was very sensational.
He stepped forward, took my wrist and said without question: "I'll take you back now."
Gu Xi's attitude made me feel strange. I was about to ask him what was wrong when the protagonist of the party, Long Xuan, came over and pointed at me and Gu Xi and laughed slyly: "The whole room is waiting for you to come and cut the cake, but you are hiding here and enjoying the flowers and the moon with others."
I knew without even looking that Gu Xi must be blushing slightly at this moment. Of course, I couldn't just watch Gu Xi being "bullied", so I fought back and said, "Are you really waiting for me to cut the cake? Or are you waiting for me to see your happiness? Haha, who doesn't know that tonight's cake was given to me by Xie An for free?"
"Oh, you bad guy."
Long Xuan pounced over with fangs and claws bared.
Before her fingers touched my collar, I pulled Gu Xi's sleeve and ran away laughing: "Let's go, let's go and watch Mr. Long's happiness."
It was the most beautiful and dreamy cake I had ever seen. The four-layer pure white square base was decorated with tiny light purple petals. It was so lifelike that if you took a slight sniff, you could seem to really smell the fragrance of the flowers.
Long Xuan, dressed in a fiery red dress, stood in front of the cake, closed her eyes and made a wish. Xie Anbai, who was standing beside her, had a faint smile on his face from beginning to end, and his eyes followed Long Xuan's figure silently.
I couldn't help but curl up the corners of my mouth. Maybe this is what is called happiness. It's so good.
When the birthday song started, no one noticed the late guests, except me who was standing facing the door. Almost instantly, I felt like I was cast under a spell, standing still, unable to move or think.
The girl looked like a princess from a fairy tale world, wearing a white one-shoulder gauze dress that reached her ankles. The flower-shaped shoulder strap rested lightly on her small and delicate left clavicle. When she walked gently, the tiny light blue flowers on the hem of her skirt looked like flying flowers in the air.
It was the princess-like Xu Xiye. The boy next to her who could easily become the focus even if he was only wearing a simple white shirt was naturally Jian Chen.
I think it was my suddenly stiff back that betrayed me, and Gu Xi soon discovered their presence.
"Banxia, ​​the cake has been cut. Why don't I accompany you to watch the moon somewhere else?" Gu Xi suggested softly in my ear without any expression. Suddenly, I realized why there was worry in his eyes before.
Maybe it was the deep-rooted stubbornness in my character, or maybe it was just to prove to myself that I could be as cold and ruthless as Jian Chen. I stared at the direction where the prince and princess appeared, and the corners of my mouth twitched slowly as I smiled, "Gu Xi, as the 'Gossip Queen' of Baisha College, have I not entertained the audience for a long time? This is very unprofessional. Why don't we put on a big show today - old lovers meet at a party, and the new person next to them looks like the old one. How about it? It must be very eye-catching."
The new and old people I mentioned refer to Xu Xiye to me, but Gu Xi obviously understood that I was talking about him and Jian Chen.
He turned his head to look at me, his expression more solemn than ever before: "Banxia, ​​even if I am willing to play this scene with you, do you think Jian Chen will believe that 'you really like me'? You can't move him at all by doing this, and in the end, the only one who will be hurt is you. Banxia, ​​come with me and leave here, okay?"
"No! What makes you think that I will be the one who gets hurt? I said that I don't like him anymore, and I will prove it to all of you today . Gu Xi, are you my friend? If you are my friend, then stay here with me." The reason why I got angry at Gu Xi for no reason was probably just because he guessed my thoughts without any effort, and I was angry because I couldn't turn a blind eye to "Jian Chen's high-profile show of sweetness with other girls."
In the end, it was Gu Xi who compromised. After most people were surprised to see Jian Chen and Xu Xiye coming , and before they looked back at Gu Xi and me with excitement, Gu Xi gently put her right hand on my shoulder, tilted her head and whispered in my ear: "If you want to act, act like it."
I think we are all born with acting skills, otherwise how could we greet each other peacefully? As a result, the person with the most embarrassed expression in the whole audience was Long Xuan. She pulled me aside, frowned and said apologetically: "Banxia, ​​I'm sorry. I didn't expect Jian Chen and Xu Xiye to come uninvited. I swear, I absolutely did not invite them."
"It's okay!" I patted her shoulder, blinked and smiled, trying to make my words sound more credible. "Who said that if we meet again after breaking up, we will be like enemies meeting and getting jealous of each other? He has a girlfriend, and I have Gu Xi. Even if we can't be friends when we meet again, we can at least be strangers who nod and smile. Don't worry, it's not as weird as people imagine."
After hearing what I said, Long Xuan let out a long sigh: "Coincidentally, Gu Xi also came uninvited, so you won't end up alone. Fortunately, fortunately."
I didn't tell her my guess.
I guess Gu Xi’s “uninvited visit” was not just a “coincidence”.
Feeling the gaze from the right front, I took Gu Xi's arm, curved my lips into a perfect arc, and slowly raised my head to meet Jian Chen's gaze. Our eyes met, and we were already speechless. I think there must be a calmness in my eyes that I tried my best to pretend. I have learned to try to accept that he poured the warmth he once gave me into other girls. However, what I didn't expect was that this time, I actually caught the undisguised anger and accusation in his eyes during the long gaze, as if asking, are you really together with Gu Xi?
I didn't plan to respond to his question. When I lowered my head and pulled Gu Xi away, I heard the girl who had been standing next to Jian Chen say with a smile: "A day like this is the best time to play some lively and exciting games. Why don't we all play truth or dare together? Banxia, ​​you want to come too?"
The girl called my name accurately and intimately, took two steps towards me, and looked at me with a smile that said "so generous that if she is rejected, she will be considered stingy by the other party." Only then did I realize the power of this pretty girl named Xu Xiye.
"Okay." I held Gu Xi's arm tightly, "I just happened to bring two bottles of red wine. Isn't it said that the truth comes out after drinking? The truth spoken after drinking is the most sincere, right?"
When the game started, I believe that most of the participants were no longer paying attention to the game itself, but the "big show" that was about to begin between Jian Chen, Xu Xiye, me and Gu Xi.
The first person chosen was Xu Xiye. After she chose "Truth" without hesitation, someone couldn't wait to ask, "Are you and Jian Chen dating?"
Everyone's eyes were focused on Jian Chen's indifferent face, but I chose to lower my head and pretend to check the belt of my dress while waiting for the answer that was already obvious.
What I didn’t expect was that after five seconds of silence, the person who gave the answer would be Jian Chen.
He said: “Isn’t the answer obvious?”
Neither confirm nor deny, but even so, for him who has never responded directly to love, such an answer is tantamount to admitting it. This is what really moved me.
The girl next to him seemed to be encouraged. She stroked the hem of her skirt casually and looked at Jian Chen happily: "This 'Iceberg Prince' is all a misunderstanding. Even the dress I'm wearing tonight was carefully prepared for me by Jian Chen."
All the girls looked at her with envy, carefully studying the gorgeous white dress. Only I was staring at Jian Chen opposite me without blinking, while he was only looking at Xu Xiye.
How good is the texture, how exquisite is the workmanship, which famous designer designed it, how much is its value...
I listened quietly to the discussion about the long dress Xu Xiye was wearing, and I could hardly resist answering all the questions for her. The long white dress she was wearing was one of the two dresses Susan had made for me at that time. The pure white dress was as dreamy and beautiful as a wedding dress.
Equally dreamy were what Susan said to me that day.
She said, Mr. Chen is indeed very special to you.
She said, at least you are the only girl he brought to my shop.
Not anymore.
I lowered my head and for some reason I started laughing. I swirled the brightly colored liquid in the glass, then tilted my head back and drank it all in one gulp.
When the mellow cognac slid down my throat, it tasted a little bitter. I suddenly realized that all my previous stubbornness, stubbornness and unwillingness were just because he gave the skirt that should have belonged to me to another girl.
What a ridiculous reason!
His heart no longer belongs to you, but you are still obsessed with the ownership of an evening dress.
It was not until this moment that I realized that I was a complete clown. I didn't want to be laughed at anymore. Gu Xi was right. I should have left here with him a long time ago.
I put down my glass and prepared to get up and leave, but I heard Xu Xiye clapping his hands and laughing: "Wow, Banxia, ​​it's you this time. Truth or Dare? But I guess you will definitely choose truth. For someone as frank as you, there is nothing you can't tell others, right?"
"Yes." She probably didn't know that I hated being pushed so hard. I decided to fall for her provocation.
"So who is the person you like, Banxia?"
I have to say she is very smart. This is a murderous question. Everyone in Baisha College knows how passionately I once pursued Jian Chen.
Gu Xi quietly held my hand tightly under the table.
I smiled calmly at Xu Xiye and said, "Are you asking about the past, the present, or the future?"
"Are we different people in the past, present and future?" Everyone heard the explosive subtext in this sentence, which was similar to "You are so passionate", and they pricked up their ears and widened their eyes, waiting for my counterattack or escape.
"In the past, I always thought that I liked Jian Chen. Now, I realize that the person I really like is Gu Xi. And in the future, I think I will still like Gu Xi." I lied without blinking.
I made excuses for myself, I lied because I didn't want Gu Xi to worry and feel that I was hurt. But in fact, I knew better than anyone that I did this just to see how Jian Chen would react after hearing my answer.
Ultimately, I didn't get what I wanted.
Jian Chen looked calm and collected. He raised his glass to me and Gu Xi and said, "It turns out that I did a good deed unintentionally and helped others. Look, we are in love with each other, how wonderful. But, Gu Xi, do you like Ai Banxia?"
I secretly pinched the hem of my clothes, not knowing what to do if Gu Xi denied it.
Fortunately, Gu Xi said immediately the next second: "Of course I like you. Anyone with eyes can see that I have been pursuing Banxia."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Gu Xi is definitely a considerate and good partner. However, even I don’t know whether this “effortless” and wonderful drama is performed for others or just to deceive myself.
Gu Xi took my hand and stood up. Just after taking two steps, we heard the crisp sound of glassware colliding behind us.
Xu Xiye whispered: "Chen, you are drunk."
It turns out that I am not the only one who is drunk tonight. The only difference is that I am immersed in the illusory beauty of the past, while Jian Chen is probably enjoying the happiness that is within his reach.
According to Gu Xi's theory, if Jian Chen is happy, I should be happy too. But why is it that even though the corners of my mouth are raised, my heart feels like it is being eaten away bit by bit?
I was in a daze and followed Gu Xi out.
I was still immersed in endless depression until I heard the clear sound of waves.
Not wanting Gu Xi to see how sad I was, I turned around and grinned at Gu Xi beside me: "Look, I'm a natural actor, I can win an Oscar for Best Actress. Isn't it fun to act with me?"
I tried hard to maintain my smile and waited for Gu Xi's answer.
However, he remained silent, and pity gradually emerged in his eyes, which were naturally smiling, as if he was comforting a wounded animal.
He reached out and gently touched my short hair, saying, "Banxia, ​​it's okay, it's okay. You can cry, he's not here."
"Please, can you have a sense of humor?" I didn't turn my head away, hiding my face in the darkness where he couldn't see me, so that I could yell at him heartlessly, "Why should I cry? It was you who said, 'If the person I like is happy, I'm happy too'. Which eye of yours saw that I was sad? I was obviously very happy."
"Banxia, ​​I just want you to know that you never need to pretend in front of me." His voice was as cool as the sea breeze, and I realized that no matter how fancy and realistic the mask I weave for myself is, he can always see through my true expression hidden under the mask at a glance.
"Gu Xi..." I called his name subconsciously, but I couldn't say a single extra word. In the inky night, warm liquid flowed from the corners of my eyes, slid across my cheeks, and sank into the corners of my mouth. I tasted it, and it wasn't too bitter.
I wanted to give Gu Xi a self-deprecating smile, but after trying for a long time I finally gave up. I don't know when I started to get used to revealing my true self in front of him. Lying on my back on the soft beach, I let the tears flow from my eyes and wet the sand beside my ears.
The vast sky, the twinkling stars, everything became blurred, only Gu Xi's voice rang clearly in my ears: "Banxia, ​​believe me, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."
"Gu Xi." I cried and turned my head to look at Gu Xi who was lying next to me, "Thank you for tonight."
"Um?"
I looked at his profile and said, "Only Long Xuan would believe that you 'happened' to come to her birthday party. I guess you knew Jian Chen and Xu Xiye were coming, so you came to 'save me'."
Gu Xi blew her bangs in annoyance, then laughed at herself: "So my acting is so bad."
"It's not just bad, it's just lame."
"You're still the same." He looked sideways at me with a teasing look on his face.
"Okay." I followed his example and put my hands behind my head, laughing at the dim starlit night sky. When I had laughed enough, I turned my head and said to him, "Gu Xi, you are a good person, a very good person. Everyone likes good people..."
I dragged out the last syllable and slowly moved closer to Gu Xi's ear. Under the influence of alcohol, my words were unclear, like indistinct mumbling.
"You are drunk." Gu Xi reached out and straightened my head.
"It's good to be drunk. Only when you're drunk can you speak the truth." I slapped his hand away impatiently, and smiled foolishly with my forehead against his. "Gu Xi, what's your true feeling?"
Without waiting for his answer, I laughed and said, "Gu Xi, do you know what my true feelings are? I won't tell anyone else. My true feelings... are that in the past, present, and future, I only like Jian Chen. Hehe, I'll only tell you this secret. Even he... he doesn't know it."
"I don't want to receive the 'nice guy card'."
"What?"
"My true feelings." I don't know if it was because of the sea breeze, but Gu Xi's voice suddenly became cold , which made me think of someone.
I couldn't help but glance sideways and met that familiar face, and then the blood in my body seemed to stop flowing at that moment.
The cold and arrogant narrow eyes, the tightly pursed thin lips, the slightly furrowed brows, that should not be Gu Xi's face in any way. That was Jian Chen's face that appeared in his dreams countless times.
So, now, I must be in a dream.
I seemed to be bewitched. I slowly turned my head and, in his doubtful gaze, pressed my warm lips against the corner of his cold mouth, but we moved away immediately.
Although it was only a momentary touch, it was enough to make the hustle and bustle of the world go away, as if the only things left in the world were my clear and distinct heartbeat and his shallow breathing...
I was immersed in the beautiful dream woven by alcohol and didn't want to wake up until someone grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the beach roughly.
"Ai Banxia, ​​look carefully, he is not me!" The man pinched my arm hard and shook me like a disgusting doll.
Even though I was dizzy, I still recognized the pair of eyes that were staring at me coldly. Eyes that could make people feel cold at a glance belonged to Jian Chen.
But, if he is Jian Chen, then who is the person behind me?
That person can only be Gu Xi. So, the person I just kissed was Gu Xi.
This fact made my head hurt more and more, as if it would split open in the next second. I don't understand. Even if I really kissed Gu Xi, the person who should be angry should be Gu Xi, not Jian Chen.
"I know he is not you, you don't need to remind me. He is Gu Xi." I looked at Jian Chen's hand that was strangling my left arm, and under the influence of alcohol, I raised my head and looked at him, "I also know what I just did."
I know that my humble self-esteem is at work. I don't want Jian Chen, who has already declared that he no longer likes me, to notice any sign that I still like him.
"Ai Banxia, ​​you're fucking drunk." What surprised me was that Jian Chen, who was always calm and self-controlled, would swear at someone like me who was insignificant. "You don't know what you're doing. You think you're hiding it well? Huh? You think I don't know that the person you like has always been me? What about the past, present, and future? Everyone knows that he, Gu Xi, is just my stand-in and shadow!"
Even if I still love you, after you no longer love me, I will not allow you to expose my love for you to the cold air and let others watch and laugh at me. In the darkness in the distance.
There was a vague figure getting closer and closer, maybe it was Long Xuan or Xi Ye.
"No way!" I denied it flatly.
That kind of almost perverted self-esteem made me hysterical and said one thing and meant another. In the end, I almost looked at Jian Chen with a mocking expression, his face gradually turning blue.
"You are the one who is drunk. I have said that the person I like in the past, present and future will only be Gu Xi. If we talk about who is whose shadow, you are the only one who is Gu Xi's shadow. If you didn't hear clearly, I can say it again. As for just now, I just kissed the person I like, is there any problem? Now, can you let me go?"
I watched the coldness in Jian Chen's eyes fade away bit by bit, but my heart sank inch by inch into the biting cold.
When there was finally only indifference in his slender eyes, I knew that just now, I had severed the last bond between him and me with my insincere words.
From now on, he will no longer feel guilty about "being cruel to me because of the grudges of the previous generation", because, I said "I never liked him in the past".
I laughed silently in my drunken state, and said to my aching and numb heart, isn't this exactly what you want? Let him be happy alone without any guilt.
"Thank you," he said, with no trace of emotion on his handsome face.
He said thank you to me. What was he thanking me for? For finally letting him go? I looked at his back as it gradually melted into the darkness and replied, "You're welcome."
Finally, we became strangers.
After a long time, there was finally only endless darkness in front of my eyes, but I still didn't want to look away.
It's such a contradiction. I have rejected him so resolutely, but at this moment I strongly hope that he can come back. But I know he won't.
Even if it does, the ending is destined to be a silent cycle.
"Banxia, ​​have I ever told you that I am willing to be anyone's shadow as long as you need me to."
I looked back and saw Gu Xi standing on the coast where the waves were as white as snow, smiling at me. His expression was as warm as the sunshine, just like the way he looked when I first met him.
Time is like a knife, splitting the beautiful past into unrecognizable memories. But no matter what, I still have Gu Xi who is always by my side.