Because of some selfish reasons, I deliberately lingered until the end of the day after school. When I walked out of the classroom, I found Ai Xi waiting in the shadow of the corridor. His handsome face, which was so vivid in the past, was now facing the warm afterglow, but there was no expression on his face.
Ever since my mother and I had a long three-hour talk in the study that day, Aisi seemed to have grown ten years older overnight, at least in my eyes.
No matter how "excessive" I did to him, he no longer gritted his teeth, stamped his feet and pretended to be angry and called me "Ai Banxia" like before. Instead, he called me "sister" no matter how I tried to coax him before; he no longer "slandered" Jian Chen or praised Gu Xi in front of me; when he was alone, he liked to stare blankly with a serious expression, but in front of me he would definitely put on a smiling face.
I knew that all these changes in Aisi were because he eavesdropped on the conversation between my mother and me that day.
I feel sad whenever I think about Ai Xi's changes. My innocent and kind brother was exposed to the dark side of human nature too early because of me, but he pretended to be happy in front of me just to make me happy.
"Ai Xi." I walked over and called him.
He turned his head, and an exaggerated smile immediately blossomed on his face that had a wooden expression a moment ago: "Sister, I have been waiting for not only the flowers to wither, but also the fruits to bear."
He pointed to an unknown plant with lots of green fruits nearby and said with a smile.
My eyes were hot. This guy probably didn't know how bad his joke was, but I still laughed along with him, raised my head and said, "That's a must. Who is Ai Banxia? The 'Gossip Queen' of Baisha College. How can she be easily waited for?"
"I wonder if I have the honor of treating the 'Gossip Queen' to the most authentic Sichuan cuisine?"
I love spicy food. I like spicy food when I am happy, and I like it even more when I am unhappy. Aisi knows this habit of mine very well.
"It's not impossible." I turned my head and teased him, "It's just that I'm afraid some people will burst into tears and snot as soon as they smell the spicy food. In order to consider someone's image, I can consider eating Shanghai cuisine."
Aisi has been afraid of spicy food and prefers sweet things since she was a child, and she can't even stand the smell of chili peppers.
"I want Sichuan cuisine." Ai Xi had a determined look on her face, as if ready to die. "The teacher said, 'Men don't cry easily.' I don't believe that the omnipotent Ai Xi would be defeated by a little chili pepper. Sister, don't you believe me now?"
"Believe it, of course I believe it." I sniffed with a smile. The way this guy deliberately accommodated me made my eyes sore.
The Sichuan restaurant Aixi took me to was indeed the most authentic one in City C. Every dish was so spicy that it made me want to cry.
I buried my head and wolfed down my food. When I was almost half full, I looked up through the air filled with the smell of peppercorns, looked across at Ai Xi who hadn't touched her chopsticks, and said, "Ai Xi, I'm the older sister. You don't have to accommodate me in everything. It would make me lose face. Besides, I still like the old Ai Xi who was 'unyielding', really."
Perhaps not expecting that I would see through her, Ai Xi was stunned for a moment, then lowered her head to look at the chopsticks and said slowly: "I didn't give in to you."
I ignored his pale rebuttal and continued to talk to myself: "You forgot that the Ai Banxia you know is an indestructible cockroach, an Ai Banxia that can survive even if thrown into the desert. Those little things are not worth mentioning to me, so you don't have to worry at all. As long as there are peppers and fatty meat, there is Ai Banxia's happy world. If you don't believe me, look at me. Do I look like a villain who has succeeded? " As I said that, I grinned and laughed in a very realistic way.
I maintained that smile for a full half minute before Aixi slowly raised his head to look at me. Then, I was shocked by two tears rolling down his porcelain white cheeks.
This was the first time I saw the proud little boy Ai Xi shed tears. I held the chopsticks and stood across the table with my hands outstretched, at a loss. After a long while, I managed to utter a joke that I didn’t even think was very good: “Men don’t shed tears easily.”
Ai Xi picked up the chopsticks and put the hottest green pickled pepper into her mouth. While chewing it vigorously, she said , "It's spicy."
Then he grinned and tears flowed down his face.
I also chewed the chili pepper like Ai Xi did, took out a tissue and gave it to him, saying seriously: "If you can't eat spicy food, don't eat it. Do you think everyone can cry and still look graceful? You look so ugly like this."
I don’t know why, but even I, who have never been afraid of spicy food, was moved to tears by the spiciness at this moment.
"Sister, you're still crying and sobbing, aren't you?" Aixi retorted, sniffing her nose.
“It’s spicy for me too.” I pretended to be so spicy that I took a deep breath.
"I'd be damned if I believed you." Aisi bared her teeth. "People who have a special liking for Indian devil peppers are not qualified to use this excuse."
"Ah, you!" This was the Aisi I wanted to see. I stretched out my hand as if to hit him, but he didn't avoid it like he did before. In the end, I just ruffled his hair across the table. "Don't worry, I'm not as fragile as you think."
"Oh." Ai Xi answered in a muffled voice. After a long while, she suddenly asked, "Sister, are you really okay? Jian Chen..."
"Of course." I tilted my head and smiled, "I have found the best cure in the world."
"What is it?"
"Someone told me that if the person I like is happy, I will be happy." I suddenly remembered the boy named Gu Xi who seemed to only smile forever, and the scene when he talked about the girl he liked.
He said, I just wanted her to be happy. I couldn't understand it at that time, but now, Gu Xi, I think I completely understand your feelings.
"Did Gu Xi tell you?" Seeing that I agreed, Ai Xi frowned slightly, "Sister, actually Gu Xi..."
I thought Ai Xi was going to bring up the past again, so I quickly interrupted him and said, "I know you like Gu Xi more. Gu Xi is very good, and I like him too, but it's just the kind of liking for a friend, and Gu Xi also has someone he likes. Ai Xi, when you grow up, you will understand that some people are irreplaceable in our lives, even if they are more handsome and have a better personality than him. Besides, it's not fair to Gu Xi to do that."
Ai Xi stared at me blankly, and after a while she blinked and said, "But sister, I just want to say that you probably haven't seen Gu Xi for several days, right?"
The next day, when I met Gu Xi beside a large field of intoxicating blue cornflowers, I finally understood what Ai Xi meant. I just looked up and saw him arguing with someone, and that person was Jian Chen.
Because we were too far away, I couldn't hear what they were saying, but from their expressions, I could tell they were arguing. More and more people were watching, and if I joined them now, it would only make things worse, right? I wanted to pretend I didn't see them, but somehow I got closer and closer.
Would that idiot Gu Xi quarrel with Jian Chen again because of me? As I was thinking this, I was already close and heard Jian Chen say, " It's none of your business to interfere in my affairs."
His tone was extremely bad, and he even pushed Gu Xi hard after he finished speaking.
"I beg you." Gu Xi's voice was low and light, like a feather floating in the wind.
When he tilted his head slightly, the wind blew up his bangs, and I saw a large patch of purple on his forehead. Suddenly, I remembered what Long Xuan said, "Friends will go and argue with Jian Chen because of you."
As if to confirm my thoughts, Jian Chen glanced at me casually and then held the girl's hand beside him and said, "Request? Do you think 'your request' can make me change from not liking someone to liking someone? Gu Xi, if this is really possible, why don't you just 'request' Ai Banxia to like you? Or are you just a coward with nothing on the surface, who only dares to please , but dares not tell her that you like her?"
Gu Xi's face turned pale as paper in an instant. He bit his lips, and his usually gentle eyes were filled with sadness. He looked like a piece of fragile porcelain.
How could Jian Chen do this? How could he insult Gu Xi like this? Even though I like him, even though I don't mind him saying that about me, I will never allow him to say that about Gu Xi.
"Gu Xi!" I rushed over and pulled up Gu Xi's sleeves. I lowered my head in shame, not daring to look at Jian Chen holding Xu Xiye's hand. "Don't ask him. Let's go."
"Ha!" I heard Jian Chen's sudden laughter, so harsh, "Gu Xi, it seems that others don't appreciate your kindness. No matter how much you do, she only likes me."
I think my hands must be shaking badly, otherwise Gu Xi wouldn't hold my hands so tightly. I lowered my head and looked at Gu Xi's hands with pale knuckles. He held me so tightly, as if he wanted to pass on the strength in his body to me through this action.
I slowly raised my head and looked intently at Jian Chen's slender eyes, all the way to the deepest part of his eyes, trying to find a trace of warmth there, but there was nothing inside, only the coldness of ice. If this is the case, it is probably time to truly let him go free.
I took a deep breath and said word by word: "Yes, I liked you before, very much, but I didn't think it was shameful or humble. On the contrary, I felt that it was the proudest thing I have ever done. But I promise that I will never like you again."
I turned my head to look at Gu Xi again and smiled nonchalantly: "Look, I don't like him anymore, so don't bow down to anyone because of me, or say things like 'please'. If you do that, I'll be sad."
"Very good." Jian Chen forced out two words from between his teeth, then quickly turned around and left with Xu Xiye. I didn't even have time to see the expression on his face at that moment.
For a long time after Jian Chen left, Gu Xi and I didn't speak. As if we had an innate tacit understanding, we walked silently on the tree-lined path. The dense green leaves above our heads danced, making a rustling sound, and the wind started to blow.
In the early summer evenings in City C, there are always such unexpected winds and rains.
As I thought about this, raindrops fell densely on my hair.
Gu Xi pulled me into the pavilion next to him without saying a word. Then I heard him suddenly chuckle in the gurgling rain and said, "Have you been avoiding me these days?"
It felt so bad to be discovered. I kicked the gravel at the corner of the pavilion, making a loud rustling sound. I turned my face away and pretended to look at the cornflowers in full bloom outside the pavilion. "That's strange. Why should I hide from you? You know I'm hiding from someone else, not you."
"Really?" He smiled gently, as if he saw through me completely.
I was a little discouraged. After confronting him for a while, I raised my hands in surrender: "Okay. I admit that I'm avoiding you."
"Why?" he asked slowly and amusedly.
"Because of this." I imitated his tone and pointed to the large purple patch under his slightly wet bangs.
In the end, I couldn't say it. I avoided him because I found out his feelings for me. I couldn't respond to his feelings, so I could only choose to escape.
"Is this injury caused by me? You were beaten when you had an argument with Jian Chen, right? Do you think your long bangs can hide these scars? Gu Xi, I'm not a fool."
If Long Xuan hadn't told me how much he had done for me, if I hadn't finally been unable to resist and ran away, would I never have seen the injuries he had suffered for me, both physically and mentally?
And I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me.
"Just because of this?" He tilted his head disapprovingly, and his bangs covered the shocking scar.
"What else?" I pretended not to understand what he meant.
"If I tell you that I'm not hurt because of you, will you continue to avoid me?"
I guess he knew from the beginning that the reason I gave was just an excuse to fool him, but he didn't expose me. He just looked at me with his narrow eyes, and the smile in the corners of his eyes was like the warm willow breeze when the sky was full of apricot blossoms.
I have no comment.
Probably to increase credibility, he nodded and said, "It's not because of you. Banxia, ​​I should have told you earlier. For example, on a rainy day like today, it's normal for me to slip and fall. But, you know that boys value face more than anything else, so this fact is really not worth showing off in front of you."
After saying that, he really touched his nose and smiled pretending to be embarrassed.
Sigh. Such poor acting skills, and such an urgent desire to make me believe. What reason do I have to expose him? When did Gu Xi become as sensational as Ai Xi?
"Gu Xi..." I spoke with difficulty.
Gu Xi took the lead and said, "Banxia, ​​I know. In fact, you are avoiding me because of those rumors."
"Huh?" It seemed that nothing could escape Gu Xi's keen eyes.
"You are afraid that Jian Chen will believe the rumors, right? You are afraid that he will think that you will soon fall in love with someone else." Gu Xi looked at me. There was no sadness or anger on her graceful profile, only a faint, understanding and tolerant smile.
That smile made me feel like a despicable person, but I still pretended to be calm and said, "Why does Jian Chen think it has anything to do with me? Have you forgotten that from today on, I no longer like him."
Gu Xi looked at me deeply and said, "Silly child, saying something and doing something are two completely different things."
"I will try my best." I nodded vigorously, vowing.
Gu Xi looked at me silently for a long time before shaking her head and muttering softly, "It takes effort just because it's too difficult to do."
Try hard, just because it is too unforgettable.
The elegant and pale young man in front of me has a heart as clear as a mirror, and he can see through the secrets that I was not even aware of.
I covered up in panic: "No. I just, I just..."
But what? In fact, even I don't know. Because there is no other explanation. Just as Gu Xi said, I can't stop liking Jian Chen.
I opened my mouth, unable to find a word to defend myself.
"I'm just kidding." Gu Xi suddenly blinked and laughed, reaching out to tap my forehead gently, "Of course you're hiding from me because you're worried that those rumors will cause me trouble. I understand, Banxia." He always comes to my rescue when I'm at a loss, and this time is no exception.
There was wind blowing in from outside the pavilion, and the corners of my eyes were stained with wet stuff. I thought it was just because the rain was blown by the wind and hit my face, and not because of Gu Xi's "understanding".
However, looking at Gu Xi's expression just now, the moment before he blinked and chuckled, there was clearly a hint of sadness between his brows. What was the reason for that expression?
I suddenly remembered what Jian Chen had said before. I didn’t know what had possessed me, so I asked him directly, “Then Gu Xi, you don’t really like me, do you? I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
Probably because I asked too suddenly, Gu Xi stared at me for two or three seconds, and then he said solemnly: "No. Yes, Banxia, ​​I don't like you."
When he emphasized this, his beautiful eyes never looked at me, but were fixed on the sea of ​​cornflowers in the rain. The deep blue color made his pupils look as deep as the sea.
I secretly let out a breath and said with a smile: "If you don't feel bothered, Gu Xi, then of course I'm happy to be with you every day. You know, not everyone has the opportunity to be alone with Gu Xi, the school hunk of Baisha College."
Gu Xi also laughed with me, and suddenly stopped laughing, looked at me carefully and said, "Banxia, ​​if I lied to you, can you forgive me?"
I was startled by Gu Xi’s serious look. I didn’t know why he asked that, but I knew Gu Xi would never do anything to hurt me.
I avoided answering and just asked him: "Will it be disadvantageous to me if you lie to me?"
"Never," he answered without hesitation.
"Then you can lie as much as you want, don't be polite." I laughed casually, "I will forgive you at any time, Gu Xi."
Later, long, long after, I can still clearly remember that rainy day, the wet air, the wet cornflowers, and even my wet mood. Those blue elf-like cornflowers swayed gently in the breeze and drizzle, like the quiet dark blue sea after the tide, surging with unknown undercurrents. His eyes reflected the intoxicating blue, and he asked me softly, Banxia, ​​if I lied to you, can you forgive me?
If, I mean if, if I could go back to that time, I would definitely answer, never. Yes, Gu Xi, I can never forgive you for lying to me. Never.
Unfortunately, there is no "if" in this world. So, I am destined to regret the answer I gave in the future.