As the exam day draws closer, the campus is filled with the atmosphere of farewell, and only the long and boring formulas on the blackboard can dispel it.
In order to ease this gray atmosphere which is not conducive to learning, the school once again held a basketball league with great fanfare. Xiang Nanfeng, who had excellent athletic performance, was the first to be recommended by the teacher, and he had to sweat on the court in his spare time.
I began to gradually integrate into the group. I would smile and nod in response to my classmates' friendly conversations, and occasionally follow the end of the team during group activities.
So in this basketball league, I naturally went to the front of the audience with other female classmates to cheer for Xiang Nanfeng's team.
The scorching sun at noon was hanging overhead, but it could not suppress the audience's eager anticipation. The shouts around them were getting louder and louder. Xiang Nanfeng no longer had that ostentatious smile on his face. He just played, defended, and shot seriously.
I sat among the crowd, unnaturally quiet.
Because I seemed to see Jiang Xing.
I still remember that time , she boldly provoked Xiang Nanfeng in public, jumped out of the audience handsomely, had a fierce battle with him, and won.
How many people still remember that windy girl?
The past is so close, yet so far away that it cannot be touched. I wonder if Xiang Nanfeng is missing the situation back then like I am ?
Sharp whistles rang out one after another, and the fierce game ended with fanatical cheers. Xiang Nanfeng, as the main force of the team, won the trophy without any suspense. Everyone was shouting his name, waving their hands, and their joy was beyond words.
But I couldn't see the joy of victory on his face.
He held the trophy tightly with his slender fingers. Facing the praise from the school leaders, he barely said a few polite words and hurried off the stage, leaving behind his teammates who were planning to celebrate with him.
He too had changed dramatically.
And I could only watch as a bystander as he slowly changed, starting from within, it was unstoppable and I had no right to stop it.
Since attending Jiang Xing's funeral, our already subtle relationship has become even more elusive. Occasionally, when our eyes meet in class, he would look away first, and no one would speak unless it was absolutely necessary.
We seemed to have made a silent agreement never to mention those youthful and unforgettable days, which were filled with happiness yet mixed with sorrow.
Another day has passed.
I stayed in the classroom alone and finished the entire mock test. I shook my aching wrist tiredly and was about to leave. When I looked up, I saw Xiang Nanfeng standing in front of the door, looking at me quietly.
This familiar scene made my heart ache again.
We were not familiar with each other at that time, and he was waiting in front of the door like this, and asked me with a smile in his eyes: Can we be friends?
But now, that bright boy has changed. There are deep shadows under his eyes. He holds the trophy he won in the basketball game in his hand and shakes it at me. Although he smiles, it is very forced.
He said, "Shall we go and see Jiang Xing together?"
This reason is something I cannot refuse.
The orange-red sunset dyed most of the sky red. We walked to the cemetery where Jiang Xing was buried. On the tombstone was a small black-and-white photo of her. She still had those bright eyes and a beautiful smile.
I held a bunch and had a lot to say, but when the time came I was speechless.
Instead, Xiang Nanfeng took a step forward and placed the trophy in front of the tombstone.
"Today's basketball game was so boring. The opponent was so mediocre. I didn't have the passion I had when playing basketball with you..." Xiang Nanfeng stared at Jiang Xing's face. "Who will play basketball with me if you leave? Jiang Xing, in my heart, you are the eternal king of the court. I admire you."
A breeze blew by, lifting our hair and our reluctant farewell.
Even though it is hard to let go, there is no way to change what has happened. The only thing you can do is accept it and integrate it into your reality.
I also leaned over and placed the lilies in front of Jiang Xing's tombstone, and said only three words - "I'm fine."
I want this girl who has gone to heaven to no longer miss me or worry about me. The me who often lost control of my emotions and developed the habit of skipping breakfast has completely disappeared.
I am really fine now.
Nothing major changed in my life. My mother's leg recovered completely and she returned to a busy life, and my deskmate was replaced by another classmate.
The new deskmate is a shy girl. She speaks softly and does things carefully and quietly. She is a completely different person from Jiang Xing.
Although they are two different people, I always become dazed. Sometimes when the bell rings, I will blurt out: "Jiang Xing, let's go buy green tea together, okay?"
But when I said this, I found that my new deskmate's cheeks turned red and he stared at me awkwardly.
I was stunned for a long time before I came to my senses. Jiang Xing was gone.
After returning home, I dug out all my old diaries. They had not seen the light of day for a long time and were covered with a layer of fine dust.
I carefully read the contents, the manic thoughts, the sad helplessness, the complaints about the bleakness of life, the subtle heartbeats towards Xiang Nanfeng, and everything about the three of us getting along... I read it again from beginning to end without missing a single detail.
Finally, I came to Jiang Xing’s grave again, lit the lighter, and burned everything.
I placed a can of cold beer in front of the tombstone, next to the trophy for South Wind.
I also opened another can, clinked it gently, and drank most of it with my head tilted back.
Let’s just consider this as our final farewell to the past.
Goodbye, Jiang Xing.
Beautiful girl.
After countless students' anxious anticipation, the exam finally arrived on a cool and pleasant day.
My mother got up very early and prepared breakfast for me. She put all the edible things on the table, such as steamed buns, broth, juice, bread, fried rice, and just stared at me while I ate.
I felt uncomfortable with my mother's gaze, so I put down my chopsticks helplessly: "Mom, why are you more nervous than me?"
She smiled sheepishly: "I don't know, I just feel that today is too important, I can't control it..."
"It's nothing important, just like a normal test." I raised an eyebrow, "Don't you still trust your daughter?"
"Believe me, you can do it." She cheered him up quickly, but the tension in her expression did not change at all.
I swallowed the last mouthful of porridge silently, knowing in my heart that only actions could prove everything.
After packing my things in an orderly manner, I calmly stepped into the examination room. At the last moment, I turned around and waved with a smile to Ni Nuo and my mother who were standing in front of the door.
The candidates sitting in the classroom had different expressions, and some even had shaking hands while answering the questions.
But I persisted to the end with this calmness.
Maybe there are many forces supporting me?
Everything will pass, pain, joy, separation, even the graduation exam that I had prepared for so long ended so dully. My mother was anxious, but she tried her best not to let me find out. I was wandering between housework and Ni Nuo, who always took me to the beach for a walk, eat barbecue, and play guitar in his free time.
One night, under the starry sky, Ni Nuo asked me in my ear: "Wen Yu, have you completely let go of Jiang Xing?"
When I heard this name, I was dazed for a moment, but I quickly returned to normal.
I looked at the deep night sky and answered softly, "It's not about letting go... I will never forget her, but how can you believe that I am really fine? I am living seriously ."
Ni Nuo turned around and hugged me, sighing and saying, "In fact, we all thought it would take you a long time to get over the difficulties, but unexpectedly you resolved them so easily. Wen Yu, this is great. Whether it's your mother, friends, or Jiang Xing, they will all be very pleased to see you like this."
In his warm and familiar embrace, I nodded.
I'm going to keep going like this because they're all watching me.
After the graduation exam, I achieved my goal as I wished, and even exceeded my initial expectations. My mother could hardly believe the result. She cried with joy while looking at the computer screen, and the wrinkles on her face became more obvious because of joy.
She kept murmuring, "Well, you are worthy of being my good daughter. Whatever reward you want, mom will give it to you, okay?"
I yawned and said, "Can I sleep with you for another night?"
Naturally, my mother felt that this reward was not enough. She questioned me repeatedly throughout the evening and finally arranged a banquet for me. She stayed up late every day studying the list of guests and the dishes, but the number of people I invited was so few that they could be counted on a few fingers.
Ni Nuo, Xiang Nanfeng, Xu Zejun, and the quiet and shy new deskmate.
Each of them came with the most sincere blessings, and Xiang Nanfeng also brought a bottle of treasured wine from home and opened it generously.
I still couldn't help asking him: "What are your plans for the future?"
He stared for a long time, as if he didn't understand, and suddenly changed the subject: "This kind of wine should be drunk slowly, it is very different from beer."
I immediately understood that he didn't want to mention this topic.
Could it be that Xiang Nanfeng has something to hide?
There was no time to continue asking questions or thinking. I had to help my mother receive guests, arrange drinks, and speak on stage. In the center of the audience, my mother's eyes were glistening with tears and her face was filled with a gratified smile.
Ni Nuo had said long ago that he would give me a huge surprise on the day of the banquet.
But when he knelt on one knee in front of me with a bouquet of blooming bright red roses in his hand, I was still shocked and speechless.
His eyes were so bright that it was almost impossible to look directly at them, and they made me speechless.
He spoke solemnly, and every word that fell into my ears sounded like thunder: "Wen Yu, I love you. Let me give you a lifetime of happiness. Let's be together , okay?"
All the guests in the room looked at him with envy. Someone started by cheering in blessing, and then applause broke out one after another, and soon the whole hall was filled with applause.
The whole world became noisy, but my heart was as calm as a pool of stagnant water, because out of the corner of my eye I saw Xiang Nanfeng standing not far away.
There was no special expression on his face, he just stood there woodenly, with even a faint smile on the corner of his mouth, so faint that I could hardly detect it. But the color in his eyes, which was darker than the night, made me so heartbroken that I couldn't breathe.
I gritted my teeth, focused all my attention on Ni Nuo, took the bouquet of roses, and answered loudly in a voice that everyone could hear clearly: "Okay."
The next second , Ni Nuo hugged me in his arms, his hot and soft lips pressed against mine, and I stretched out my hands and tightly embraced his back.
Cheers and applause rang out again, and some people whistled.
In everyone's eyes, we are such a happy couple that no one can break us up.
Xiang Nanfeng still stood in the crowd with an expression that I couldn't understand. He kept smiling, and finally I understood that the emotion expressed in that smile was relief.
He nodded to me, stepped back, and disappeared amid the noise of everyone's booing.
He just left like that.
"Bless you, I bless you too."
His back seemed to tell me this.
Xiang Nanfeng’s smile was the same as Jiang Xing’s when she blessed me and him back then.
I have looked at Xiang Nanfeng's figure leaving me countless times, and each time was so unforgettable.
I think he really left this time?
When the banquet was over, I finally learned from other classmates where Xiang Nanfeng had gone.
He had no plans, but just let it go and went abroad under the arrangement of his parents, with the flight tonight.
I finally understood his escape and silence, and I understood his relief even more, because he was about to leave here and say goodbye to his previous life, so choosing to bless me and Nino was the best outcome, right?
Late at night, I was bored and sorting out the things in the room, those tattered books, notebooks full of formulas, and exercise books full of key points. But when I opened a book, I found that a stack of densely packed envelopes had slipped and fell to the ground.
My heartbeat suddenly stopped. Under the dim light, my vision became blurred . Those envelopes were once again deeply embedded in my memories.
——"Ah, I work part-time as a postman, and I received these, so I just kept them here."
——"It's not impossible for me to give it to you. How about this, Wen Yu, if you agree to be friends with me, I will give it back to you, okay?"
No matter how I begged or threatened him, he was like a stubborn and naughty child. He held the letters filled with my secrets in his hands and refused to return them. He kept asking to be friends with him, which made me very distressed.
It's been so long since the incident, I've forgotten about these things. He refused to return them even after I begged him to do so. So when did he stuff them into my book?
I slowly bent down and stroked the smooth and shiny letter paper. The words on it were full of indignation. I had forgotten how I had invented such an imaginary address. And it actually fell into Xiang Nanfeng's hands. Was the arrangement of fate a coincidence or an invisible trick?
I picked them all up and hesitated for a long time without looking at the contents again. These envelopes were filled with the breath of Xiang Nanfeng - that bright, optimistic and occasionally childish boy.
I can't bear to touch my dusty memories again.
I originally wanted to burn them all, just like those diaries that carried my countless days and nights, and simply burn them cleanly in a fire so that not even a trace could be found.
But I don't know what made me uneasy. I didn't even have the courage to tear them all into pieces. In the end, I just put them in the lacquered wooden box in the cabinet and locked it.
I couldn't help but mutter to myself: "Wen Yu, is it really the right choice for you to deceive yourself like this?"
Xiang Nanfeng has left and there has been no news since then. It is not even known when we will meet next time.
He is really like a cloud in the sky, like a misty wind, coming and disappearing without leaving any trace, as if he had never appeared in my world.