The big raindrops hit the window, making a disturbing sound. I reached out and wanted to uncover the thin white cloth, to see Jiang Xing's face again, to see her pursed her lips and smiled and called my name. But my fingers stayed on top of her body, and finally slid down to her side. I turned and walked outside, as if leaving this cold, lifeless place would allow Jiang Xing to come back. After all, I didn't have the courage to accept this fact.

Time always slips away inadvertently . The preparations for the competition are dull and boring. I go to and from school day after day. In such ordinary days, Xiang Nanfeng, Jiang Xing, and Ni Nuo are the only bright colors in my gray life.
Jiang Xing always faces us in the most lively state, as if she doesn't care about what is about to happen and just lets it go.
But no matter what , the day of her surgery came.
One month before the exam, Jiang Xing had the surgery we were both worried about and looking forward to on that gloomy and rainy day. She calmly changed into hospital gowns, underwent a series of procedures, and was wheeled into the operating room. In the silence, she stretched out her hand and made a pause gesture.
Xiang Nanfeng and I both understood that she had something to say.
I leaned close to Ni Nuo, my steps were unsteady and I almost fell down several times. I finally staggered to Jiang Xing and bent down, my soul trembling.
Her face still had the familiar, lively and bright smile.
Her fingers, filled with the scent of disinfectant, gently stroked my cheek. Her gaze shifted from me to Xiang Nanfeng and she said softly, "You must wait for me. When I come out of that cold, dark room, our days will return to the way they were before."
I tried hard to hold back the tears that were about to burst out, and choked up as I said, "We'll wait! We'll definitely wait!"
"Wen Yu, you must work hard on your exams and get into a satisfactory school. Then I will study hard, stop being naughty and playful, and try to keep up with you and go wherever you are... or, hehe, be in the same place with Xiang Nanfeng, maybe our relationship can be even better!"
"Silly girl, didn't we agree on fair competition?" I forced a smile and cursed angrily.
"Okay, fair play." She closed her eyes slightly and let out a long sigh. "Soon... all the pain will be over."
Xiang Nanfeng stood beside us all the time, his face livid, not saying a word.
But I also clearly saw the crystal tears in his gray and black eyes.
Jiang Xing's parents then came forward, crying and giving instructions. Finally, Xu Zejun hurried over. His lips were blue, and he rushed to Jiang Xing and grabbed her hand.
"Will you still remember me?" he asked word by word.
Jiang Xing was silent for a long time. When he opened his eyes again, he saw clarity.
As if she was making a vow, she also held Xu Zejun's hand tightly, and her tone was gentler than ever before: "My dearest brother Ze, how could I forget you?"
A whimper came from Xu Zejun's throat and tears suddenly fell.
Several doctors who were already prepared came forward and pushed Jiang Xing away. I couldn't help but follow her, watching those beautiful eyes close little by little, and finally be isolated behind the cold iron door.
The three red words "In Surgery" lit up on the sign.
Nino held me in his arms with such force that it was almost impossible for me to breathe.
Xiang Nanfeng stood in front of the operating room door like a puppet, with Jiang Xing's parents leaning on each other beside him.
Xu Zejun hid in the darkest and most inconspicuous corner, and his expression could not be seen clearly.
"Jiang Xing will be fine, right?" I asked over and over again .
Nino would nod firmly every time and pat my head gently.
But...what makes me so uneasy?
I don’t know how long it took, the rain outside the window was getting heavier, the dazzling lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating the dark corridor, the door of the operating room was suddenly pushed open, and two doctors with sweat all over their heads and very ugly expressions walked out.
My legs went weak and I nearly fell to the ground.
Ni Nuo was much calmer. He quickly helped me forward and asked in a low voice, "What's the situation?"
"It's not very good. There's a problem." The doctor crossed his blood-stained hands in front of his chest. "The tumor is in a very dangerous position. We have to be very careful not to touch the important nerves around it. And we just discovered that a small part has spread to other places..."
Before the doctor could finish his words, Jiang Xing's mother fainted and lost consciousness.
My eyes went dark, and I could barely hold on. All I could hear was the doctor's heavy voice: "We will do our best. The specific situation will depend on what happens next."
After saying that, he nodded, turned and left.
"Don't worry, Wen Yu." Ni Nuo whispered to comfort me, "Don't give up hope. God will not give up on a beautiful child like Jiang Xing, right?"
I had completely lost consciousness and was just shaking my head desperately.
All we can do now is wait.
During the operation, Jiang Xing's mother woke up weakly, as if she had lost her soul. She just stared at the closed door of the operating room motionlessly until the red light above went out. Then her eyeballs moved woodenly, and then jumped up like a spring.
Doctors came out one after another. I didn’t dare to look up or even listen… “I’m sorry, we’ve tried our best.”
With a "boom", thunder roared outside the window, as if announcing the end of a life.
"The first half of the operation went very smoothly, but something happened afterwards that we could not have anticipated. The tumor deteriorated to an extent that we could not have imagined. I am very sorry to share this sad news with you all. Anyway... please accept my condolences."
After saying this, several people bowed deeply, and no sadness or joy could be seen on their faces as they were used to seeing life and death, and they turned to deal with the rest of the matters.
I was trembling in Nino's arms, my lips were bleeding from my tightly bitten lips, but I didn't feel any pain at all.
Disappeared, everything disappeared...
Whether it was the wailing of Jiang Xing’s mother, the heavy sound of Xu Zejun’s kneeling on the ground, or Xiang Nanfeng’s long sigh that pierced my heart like a sword.
Jiang Xing's body was pushed out surrounded by several doctors. I could only see her body covered with white cloth and a few strands of black hair scattered out.
Not long ago, she smiled and held my hand, telling me that she would go to the same place as me, compete with me fairly, and we would go shopping, set off fireworks and drink beer together.
Did she stop breathing now?
"Ni Nuo..." I pushed him away, my eyes wandering, "You lied to me, why did you lie to me?"
"Didn't you tell me that God was reluctant to take Jiang Xing away? Why did she leave anyway?"
"Even you deceived me, haha..."
"Wen Yu!" Ni Nuo growled in pain, and held me in his arms again, but I broke free again.
The big raindrops hit the window, making a disturbing sound. I reached out my hand, wanting to uncover the thin white cloth, wanting to see Jiang Xing's face again, wanting to see her pursing her lips and calling my name with a smile.
But my fingers stayed on top of her body, and finally slid down to her side. I turned and walked outside, as if leaving this cold and lifeless place would allow Jiang Xing to come back.
In the end, I didn't have the courage to accept this fact.
A week after Jiang Xing left, it continued to rain and the sky was covered with dark clouds, making it hard to breathe.
It seems that the world is also saying goodbye to this beautiful girl in this way.
I received the invitation to Jiang Xing's funeral at home. Holding the cold cell phone and looking at the dense rain outside the window, I felt as if I was sealed in a plastic bag without any gaps. The air was so thin. I watched the time pass silently and suffocated little by little.
I stood up expressionlessly, found my black clothes in the closet, put them on stiffly, and my face in the mirror was as pale as a death.
Ni Nuo was also wearing a black suit, holding an umbrella in his hand, standing in front of the door waiting.
Without him by my side, I would not have been able to enter the funeral.
Jiang Xing's funeral was arranged in a quiet church not far away. We all hope that this girl who was so bright in her lifetime can go to heaven. She will become the purest angel, with her clean eyes hidden above the clouds, looking down at her worried relatives and friends.
Ni Nuo held my hand tightly , fearing that I would lose control of my emotions. But I just sat at the back of the hall, silently watching everything in front of me.
Jiang Xing's father's hair was almost completely white, with traces of tears still on his face. He stared blankly at his daughter's black and white portrait. Jiang's mother looked distracted and was on the verge of madness, with her eyes swollen like two walnuts.
With a loud bang, the door was slammed open.
Xu Zejun stumbled in, reeking of alcohol. The sadness and despair in him made me feel crazy. I hurriedly turned my head away and adjusted my disordered breathing.
His lifeless eyes fell on Jiang Xing's photo. He took big strides towards her, and finally knelt there with a plop. He covered his face with his hands and cried violently. His heart-wrenching cry echoed throughout the church.
There is also Xiang Nanfeng, who is wrapped in a black windbreaker and looks like the god of death walking slowly in the dark night.
He sat at the other end of the church, his eyes full of sadness and desolation, staring blankly at the colorful glazed tiles at the top, so quiet that it seemed as if he didn't exist.
I withdrew my gaze and leaned my head on Nino's shoulder, feeling extremely tired.
"Wen Yu, can you please cry a little?" he advised in my ear.
I shook my head slowly but didn't answer.
"Jiang Xing doesn't want to see you like this..." He paused, but decided to continue, "She will be worried in the other world."
After hearing this, my eyes finally rolled around, but there was still no emotion.
Most importantly, I couldn't cry at all.
Should I cry out loudly like them and feel hopeless about life?
"Is this all my fault, Ni Nuo?" My voice was very soft, and because I hadn't spoken for a long time, my voice seemed a little hoarse. "If it weren't for me, Jiang Xing wouldn't have left this world, right?"
"No... don't take the responsibility on yourself." Ni Nuo looked at me, "Jiang Xing made her choice. Maybe this is the inevitable result. It's not anyone's fault."
A tear rolled down and hit the back of my hand with its scorching temperature.
"Really? Will Jiang Xing blame me..." I grabbed Ni Nuo's clothes with both hands, my voice trembling violently, "I am obviously her best friend but I didn't bring her happiness. Before she left, she was still thinking about me and trying to make me happy... I, I am such a bad guy..."
The unrelieved pain in my heart was finally released at this moment. All I could hear were the cries of other people, of varying pitches, but only my crying, fierce and quiet.
"It's okay, cry, Wen Yu, it will be better once you cry..." Ni Nuo finally breathed a sigh of relief, felt relieved, wrapped my cold body with a large coat, and kept comforting me.
"I should be the one to say sorry..." I buried my head in Ni Nuo's arms, but I could vaguely hear Xiang Nanfeng's voice, sometimes far away, sometimes near, sometimes real, sometimes illusory, "My existence was a mistake from the beginning. Not only Jiang Xing, but also you, Wen Yu, who I should apologize to."
My shoulders moved, and I completely lost my strength, not even bothering to lift my head to face the southerly wind.
The footsteps came from near, then faded away and finally disappeared.
Ni Nuo held my shoulders, and his voice was completely changed because of grief.
He asked me, “Do you want to chase after me?”
"No..." After a long time, I whispered this word.
Even if I really chase him, what will change?
Jiang Xing is gone. How much time will it take me to accept this cruel fact?
Ni Nuo personally sent me back home and told my mother what happened today. When I was changing clothes in the room, I vaguely heard him whisper, "Don't let Wen Yu's emotions fluctuate violently."
I don't know what the mother answered, she just watched Ni Nuo leave the house.
I pretended not to hear, tidied myself up simply, walked out of the bedroom, and began to prepare dinner and clean the room as usual. The sound of the dishes and chopsticks hitting each other made me feel particularly at ease.
"Wen Yu, can you go and have a rest?" my mother asked weakly from behind me. "My leg injury is almost healed, and I don't need your help anymore."
I didn't turn around, but just said calmly: "It's okay, I know you're almost healed, I'll let you go to work when you can walk completely."
My mother wanted to say something but stopped herself. She just looked at me worriedly as I was busy . Finally, she sighed helplessly, turned around and walked back to her room.
After this situation lasted for three days, my mother's worries finally broke out. Her leg injury had healed, and while I was wiping the table, she forcibly took me to Nino's home.
"She is too calm. I'm worried. With so many emotions stuck in her heart and unable to be released, will her condition get worse?" the mother asked hurriedly.
Ni Nuo glanced at me with complicated eyes, and was speechless for a long while. Finally, hesitantly said: "Although this phenomenon is very strange, I have to say that Wen Yu's condition is developing in the best direction. Her various symptoms are in the best recovery stage."
"Improved?" The mother opened her mouth in disbelief. "But her friend Jiang Xing just recently..."
Having said this, she suddenly raised her hand to cover her mouth and looked towards me with some fear .
Nino's eyes also fell on me.
The floor-standing gramophone in the corner of the villa was surrounded by Eason Chan's records. I stood up as if no one was around, picked out a record and put it in. The melodious music flowed and jumped in the air.
The name of this song is "Lonely Patient".
Turning around and looking directly at the two of them who still refused to look away, I said seriously, " When Jiang Xing was still alive, she was most concerned about my health. She was even worried that I would skip breakfast, so she often put hot buns and soy milk in my schoolbag. Every time she would quickly expose my lies and would not feel at ease until I ate everything." Thinking of Jiang Xing at that time, I couldn't help but smile, "Now that she's gone, I will not indulge myself. I must also cherish the things she tried so hard to protect. Living well and taking good care of my body is the best way to repay Jiang Xing."
The girl who walked proudly in the eyes of everyone, with her high ponytail and graceful chin raised, stood in front of me and scolded the impolite and rude boy.
She suppressed her inner loss and stood under the tung tree, watching me and Xiang Nanfeng gradually approaching with a warm smile on her lips.
She picked out all the eggs in her lunch box and gave them to me. In the cool morning light, she slung her schoolbag over her shoulder and played with the yellow and white kitten at her feet...
Her name was Jiang Xing. I remember her name and it will always remain in the deepest part of my memory.
With the piano accompaniment, Ni Nuo frowned, put down the documents in his hand, strode forward, and once again hugged me in his warm and strong arms, refusing to let go for a long time.
I closed my eyes comfortably, breathing in his fragrance. The image of Jiang Xing waving his hands and laughing at me turned into silhouettes one after another, flashing before my eyes.
Jiang Xing, are you happy over there?
You must remember to think of me.
I will miss you, always and forever.