It's not that I don't have anyone to accompany me, it's just that the person who belongs to me has not come yet. Who is that person, is it Ni Nuo? He gave me the strongest arms, carefully protected me, and tried every way to make me happy. I can also rely on him and trust him without any scruples. But what is the faint, intermittent uneasiness and pain in my heart? It seems that the most important puzzle piece is missing, and it seems that the kite in my hand is blown away by the strong wind. I can only watch it go farther and farther away helplessly until it disappears.

Ni Nuo's career gradually improved, and he became busy, shuttling between patients and hospitals every day, but he always found free time to call me, prepare little surprises for me, and take me to a restaurant that was usually inconspicuous but delicious to find new fun.
During the long vacation, in order to make my life more fulfilling, I planned to change the boring and monotonous days, so I found a part-time job in a bar near the school.
At first, I was a little flustered when I was faced with everything I was not familiar with. The owner of the bar was a young woman, about 26 or 27 years old, who already had a happy family. Her two-year-old daughter always waved her hands and called me sister softly.
The proprietress was patient and gentle with me. She taught me how to make coffee and delicious desserts. Occasionally, she would sit quietly on the swing in front of the window and say softly, "Wen Yu, when I was your age, I did a lot of crazy things..."
I paused while squeezing the cream into the coffee cup and said blankly, “Huh?”
"I saved money for a long time and traveled across most of China to find the boy I liked in a distant place. I still can't forget how I felt at that time. I endured the 30-hour train ride in a hard seat, relying only on the joy of meeting him to support everything."
I pursed my lips and asked quietly, "Aren't you tired?"
The proprietress smiled, "Ah... I am physically exhausted, but I am still very happy in my heart. I bought a bouquet of the most beautiful blue roses, found his school and waited for several hours, but what I saw was him being affectionate with another girl. I almost collapsed."
The cappuccino in your hand slowly forms, emitting an enticing sweet aroma.
I stared at the cup blankly, my words becoming vague: "You must be very sad..."
"Of course, losing the man I loved deeply, the pain is indescribable. I was young and hot-tempered at that time, and I threw the flowers in my hand on his face and the girl's face, questioning loudly with tears streaming down my face. And what about him? He just pushed me away indifferently, questioning, 'Will such unreasonable behavior have any satisfactory results?' At that moment, I didn't even have the strength to answer." Her delicate face was relieved, "I also truly understand that things that are forced will be broken one day. My life will not be empty, but the person I am waiting for has not come yet."
My mother once said this to me.
It’s not that there’s no one around me, it’s just that the person who belongs to me hasn’t come yet.
Who is that person? Is it Nino?
He gave me the strongest arms, took good care of me, and tried every way to make me happy.
I can also rely on him and trust him without any scruples.
But what is that faint feeling of uneasiness and pain in my heart that appears from time to time?
It was as if the most important piece of the puzzle was missing, or as if the kite in my hand was blown away by the strong wind. I could only helplessly watch it go farther and farther away until it finally disappeared.
Sipping the cup of coffee, the sweet and bitter aroma spreads from the tip of the tongue and reaches the deepest part of the heart.
Is it okay to just try to ignore that weird feeling?
The bar's patrons are of all kinds, most of them are students who want to relax after school and chat with friends.
Some people often just order a cup of coffee or juice and quietly enjoy the passing of time. There are also many lively boys who will make some not-so-bad jokes from time to time.
"Beauty, can you please give me your phone number? I'll come here often!" A young man with a crew cut winked and waved at me mischievously.
This teasing was not malicious. If it were in the past, I would have rejected them coldly or had an annoying argument with them. But now, I just calmly put the iced cola on the table and replied calmly: "I haven't given you my phone number, but I see that you often patronize here."
The boy was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter and didn't continue to pester her.
The following days did not deviate from the normal track of life. I went to work at the bar on time every day and chatted with my mother at home in the evening. These days, she always nags me about what happened in the past, and talks about my distressed and worried appearance when I was a child, with tears in her eyes.
I walked up to my mother, held her hand, and said calmly, "Isn't everything fine now?"
"Yes, everything is fine..." the mother repeated, "Wen Yu, your health is the most important thing. I feel relieved that Ni Nuo is with you now. He is a mature and stable child. You will be happy with him."
I know that my mother likes Ni Nuo very much.
When I am with him, I feel at ease, happy, and surprised, but I just can't find the feeling of happiness. Is it because my requirements are too high and I can't tolerate any flaws in my choice of relationship?
What else can I ask for from a perfect man like Ni Nuo?
In order not to make my mother worry any more, I could only nod and agree, and promised that we would be together well.
But promises are, after all, just simple words. It is unknown whether they will be broken one day.
Time flies in the busy daily life, and I also celebrated my 20th birthday on the eve of school starting.
Ni Nuo had been preparing for this day for a long time. Although I had told him countless times that it would be enough to just have a simple meal and there was no need for any formalities, he still persisted in planning.
When I woke up in the morning, I found that my mother had already cooked a bowl of longevity noodles with two fried eggs for me. She sat at the table and watched me eat the noodles with a smile. She hugged me lovingly and said, "My dear baby, happy birthday, you have grown up."
I leaned in her arms, my eyes wet.
I said, "Mom, I'm already grown up."
Because she knew the date of my birthday, the bar owner generously gave me a whole day off and ordered a huge fruit cake for me. She shook her head and pushed me out the door, saying, "Enjoy your youth!"
I could only keep agreeing.
Ni Nuo booked a private room in a western restaurant with an excellent atmosphere. The dishes were also carefully selected. The room was filled with colorful balloons and hung with beautiful ribbons. In the corner, there were a few cute dolls staring with innocent eyes.
"Twenty years old is an important watershed, so we must celebrate it in a grand way." Ni Nuo looked around the beautifully decorated room with satisfaction, "I know you like these interesting things."
I looked at him helplessly: "I really like you, but there's really no need to spend so much time on it. As long as you're by my side, that's enough."
"Ha! Now you can say sweet words, not bad, worthy of reward." Ni Nuo pretended to be surprised, reached out from his pocket and took out an exquisite dark red velvet gift box, saying, "This is for you. I chose it for a long time. See if you like it."
Looking at Nino's expectant expression, I couldn't bear to break it, so I could only take the box with a smile and slowly open it.
A small and dazzling diamond pendant lies quietly in the center of the box, emitting a low-key and luxurious glow.
I asked subconsciously: "It must be very expensive, right?"
As soon as I finished speaking, I saw Ni Nuo reaching out his hand in a reproachful manner and flicking my forehead: "Don't talk about these things, just tell me, do you like it?"
"I like it..." I let out a long breath and decided not to argue with him here.
Ni Nuo raised his chin with more satisfaction and looked outside the private room: "There is another old friend you are familiar with. You haven't seen him for a while. I found him."
When I heard the word "old friend", my eyebrows jumped and I began to search every figure in my memory, wondering who this mysterious person he was talking about was.
While I was thinking, the door was pushed open by a pair of slender hands, and Xu Zejun, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, walked up to me with a bouquet of blooming flowers and a smile.
He grew taller and thinner, and his appearance did not change much, but the impetuousness and childishness that once lingered in his eyes had completely disappeared, replaced by a different kind of maturity.
Ni Nuo cleared his throat twice, stood up and said, "I have something else to do. I'll be back soon. You guys can chat first."
As he spoke, he nodded to Xu Zejun in a friendly manner and walked out of the private room without any hesitation.
I understood that he wanted to give us enough space to talk.
"Wen Yu, you look good. Are you feeling better now ?" Xu Zejun naturally put the flowers in his hand on the table and sat down opposite me.
I was stunned for a moment, and after a while I answered, "Yes... there is no problem."
Xu Zejun smiled faintly again and took out a cigarette from his pocket, but just as he put it to his lips, he seemed to have thought of something and put it down again.
I mistakenly thought he was afraid of disturbing me, so I quickly explained: "It's okay for me, you can smoke."
He shook his head, a trace of sadness welling up in his eyes: "It's just that seeing you suddenly reminded me of Jiang Xing. She used to hate me smoking the most."
Jiang Xing...
When I heard the name again, I was in a trance.
There are very few people who can talk to me about Jiang Xing now. In order not to uncover my healed scars, Ni Nuo never asks, and my mother never mentions it.
Sometimes I feel really lonely, and when I think of the days when Jiang Xing was by my side, I would buy two cans of beer that we both liked and go to her grave, chattering about what happened recently, as if she was still listening to me and comforting me with a smile on her face.
At this time, my old friend Xu Zejun suddenly talked about her, and I couldn't help but feel deeply moved.
"It's been so long, and now I can let go of Jiang Xing again." Xu Zejun stared at the cigarette on the table, "I still remember when I was little, she followed me like a little tail and called me brother. Such scenes still appear in my dreams from time to time."
I also remember Jiang Xing reminiscing about the past with me: "She also told me that you always doted on her and always gave her the first thing to eat or play with."
At this point, we all stopped and looked at each other.
"Wen Yu, you are one of the most important people in Jiang Xing's life. This is an indelible fact." Xu Zejun sighed and said calmly, "I used to not understand why she had to hide the fact that she was sick and that she liked Xiang Nanfeng from you, but now, I finally understand." He raised his head and looked straight into my eyes, "She couldn't bear to make you sad. This is her way of protecting you."
My heart suddenly ached, as if it was being pierced by countless sharp needles.
How could I not know? She always carefully observed my emotions and protected my self-esteem. She was obviously a girl, but she was as stubborn as a boy.
"We all have different ways of protecting the people who are important to us. Sometimes they may be incomprehensible or too extreme, but the original intention is good." He picked up the discarded cigarette and played with it. "Now that I see that you are doing well and have lived up to Jiang Xing's expectations, I feel relieved. Wen Yu, happy birthday, I hope you will always be happy."
After saying that, without giving me a chance to answer, he stood up, pushed the door open and left.
There were a few candles that had not yet burned out on the cake on the table, and the bean-sized flames flickered. I seemed to have merged into the flames, my whole body was burning hot and I felt extremely tormented.
Don't hope, don't hope. Hope is something that often only brings disappointment.
I clutched the corner of the table, lowered my head, and let out a low sob in my throat.
I will definitely be happy.
Ever since I met Xu Zejun on my birthday, my emotions, which had remained stable until now, finally began to show some ripples. Occasionally, I would stare in a certain direction in a daze, my mind going blank, and I would serve the wrong drinks and food to the guests.
The landlady did not blame me for these unintentional actions, but told me considerately that if I felt unwell I could rest more, as health is my capital.
Ni Nuo also noticed my abnormality. He understood the reason and even felt a little guilty for inviting Xu Zejun to come. He took more time out of his busy work to watch movies with me and find fun things. No matter where we were, he would hold my hand tightly, as if I would go far away.
I didn't know how to explain his concern, because I didn't know what I was worried about.
Finally one day, a tear-jerking love movie came to an end. We were sitting in the dim screening room, and Ni Nuo's voice, so soft that it sounded like an illusion, came into my ears.
He said, "Wen Yu, you are still thinking about Xiang Nanfeng, right?"
I was startled, stood up from the chair, and stared at Ni Nuo in confusion.
He also immediately realized his mistake, and pulled my arm with a gloomy expression, letting me lean on his shoulder, and changed the subject: "I was just joking just now, how about we go to the aquarium next?"
He always tolerates me like this, and even chooses to tolerate my absent-mindedness.
I don't know how to repay you.
The lights in the screening room came on. The girls around her had tears on their faces. They leaned against their boyfriends fragilely and continued to tell the touching stories while crying.
My cell phone screen also lit up at this moment, and my mother's name appeared on it.
After I answered the phone, her anxious voice came from the other end of the phone: "Wen Yu, has Cheng Panpan contacted you? She has been missing for many days, and your uncle and aunt really have no way..."
When I heard the extremely distant name Cheng Panpan, all my wandering thoughts returned to my brain, and I subconsciously comforted my mother: "Don't worry, I will go back and find a solution right away."
After hanging up the phone, I frowned and fell into confusion.
Ever since she came to my house to ask for forgiveness and said she was moving far away, it was as if she had really disappeared from my life.
I always thought that her new life was just another beginning and that we would no longer have any intersection, but I never expected that there would be a day when we would see each other again.
"What happened?" Ni Nuo asked.
I put away my phone, held his hand, and rushed home without stopping: "My sister is missing, and my family is very worried. Let's go back and check on the situation first."
When Nino and I hurried back home, my uncle and aunt were surrounding my mother, talking about something excitedly.
When she saw me, my aunt was the first to rush over. She pressed my shoulders tightly with her skinny hands and shouted incoherently: "Wen Yu! Have you seen Pan Pan? I can't find her anymore. I've looked everywhere I could, but she's nowhere to be found. Could something have happened to her? If something had happened to her, what would I do? I wouldn't live anymore..."
Her turbid tears fell all over her sallow and tired face.
"Don't be so quick to question Wen Yu. Can't you just calm down first?" My uncle stood up impatiently.
"It's all your fault! It's all your fault!" My aunt turned her head away fiercely and pointed her finger at my uncle's nose. "If it weren't for your cowardice, would I divorce you? Would Panpan be in a bad mood? You useless man!"
My uncle obviously didn't want to argue with her, so he slowed down his attitude and asked me, "Did Panpan contact you?"
I had no intention of getting involved in their quarrel. I was only concerned about Cheng Panpan's whereabouts, so I immediately replied, "It's been a long time. How many days has she been missing?"
"It's been about five or six days. She originally said she was staying at a friend's house, but later we found out that she wasn't there at all. That's when we realized something was wrong..."
I stroked my chin and fell into deep thought.
Based on my understanding of Cheng Panpan, although she has a somewhat arrogant and domineering personality, she is not the kind of fool who would deliberately cut off contact with her family and cause chaos. So there is only one possibility - "Has she contacted a man named Lu Tianyi recently?" I asked.
My uncle and aunt were both stunned, but my uncle came to his senses first and clapped his hands on the table: "Yes! I have heard of this person's name..."
"Most likely it's with him. Panpan has always had deep feelings for him and probably hasn't let it go yet."
"Then, then contact him quickly!" my aunt urged in a hoarse voice.
I frowned and glanced at her calmly: "I don't know her."
I learned most of the things about Lu Tianyi from Cheng Panpan. I know nothing else. The only impression I have is that he mocked me mercilessly in a cold voice - it turns out you are really sick.
Ni Nuo beside me probably understood the current situation and couldn't help asking: "Have other people around you had contact with this Lu Tianyi?"
Without thinking, I blurted out: "Xiang Nanfeng used to be on the same basketball team with him..." Before I finished speaking, I suddenly closed my mouth and my face turned pale.
I turned my head apologetically and stared at Ni Nuo, but he seemed to not know Xiang Nanfeng at all and said calmly : "Finding someone is important, contact him quickly."
The moment I called Xiang Nanfeng again, my trembling hands revealed my inner excitement.
But except Ni Nuo, no one noticed it because they were all worried about Cheng Panpan's whereabouts.
The beeping sounded very long in my ears after just a few seconds. I held my breath and waited until I finally heard the familiar voice of Xiang Nanfeng.
"Hello, is this Wen Yu?"
At that moment, my mind went blank and I forgot to reply for a moment.
Thousands of words came to my mind , but they were stuck in my throat and I couldn't say them out.
Because the four pairs of eyes in the room were staring at me, waiting for news about Cheng Panpan.
I tried to make my voice sound calmer: "Do you have Lu Tianyi's contact information?"
In the next few minutes, I told him everything about Cheng Panpan. Xiang Nanfeng thought about it for a while and suddenly chuckled: "Then you really found the right person."
"How, can you contact him?" I asked anxiously.
"I guess so... The important thing is that I happen to be returning home soon."
Return to China?
I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say for a moment.
Xiang Nanfeng is coming back, does that mean... we can meet again?
He didn't get angry without waiting for my answer, but simply explained the time and route of his return, and vowed to help me find Cheng Panpan.
"I'll send you Lu Tianyi's contact information first. He seems to be developing in S City recently. We can meet there ."
"Okay, that's it..." I spoke to Xiang Nanfeng purely on instinct, "Goodbye."
After I hung up the phone, my aunt was the first to rush over and keep asking questions: "How is it? Can you find it?"
"Hmm..." I managed to calm myself down. "Lu Tianyi is in S City now. Let's go look for him. Here's his contact information..."
"Thank you, Wenyu!" My aunt let out a long sigh, bent down deeply and grabbed my hands. "If you can find Panpan, I will agree to whatever you say."
"Isn't it important to find someone now?" Ni Nuo interrupted her.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking it, but I always feel that Ni Nuo’s face looks a little ugly.
After thinking for a while, I spoke carefully: "Ni Nuo, you are very busy with work recently, so don't go to S City with us, okay?"
"No." Ni Nuo refused bluntly, "It doesn't matter to my job."
After saying that, he turned around and continued talking to my mother, occasionally giving a comforting smile.
I looked at him in distress, not knowing what to do.
Maybe he felt uneasy because I contacted Xiang Nanfeng again?
In order to get news of Cheng Panpan as soon as possible, we no longer hesitated and set off for S City together, leaving only our mother at home.
"We've also found Lu Tianyi's address. In order not to alert him, let's not call him first to inquire about the situation." I lowered my head and fiddled with my phone. "I think Panpan should be at his place."
"This troublesome daughter must be taught a lesson!" The uncle cursed with gnashing teeth and a gloomy face.
My aunt has always been overly doting on Cheng Panpan, and she quickly retorted: "What does it have to do with you! We are already divorced!"
"Panpan is my daughter too!"
The two of them started arguing again. I felt a splitting headache and simply turned my head away, pretending I didn't hear anything.
Ni Nuo sat by the window, and it was a little scary how quiet it was. I thought about it, and held his hand , and asked with concern: "Are you scared?"
Ni Nuo trembled, the corners of his mouth curled up, and he said nonchalantly: "What am I afraid of?"
He is really scared!
I shook my head helplessly.
It turns out that the mature and calm Ni Nuo would also be jealous?
I felt angry and amused at the same time. I also knew that the feeling of being anxious and worried was unbearable, so I gently patted his palm and whispered to comfort him: "I know what you are thinking. Don't you still believe me?"
Nino's dark eyes stared at me motionlessly.
I continued, "Since I promised you, I won't do anything to let you down. I hope you understand this."
Even though my heart is empty and has become unpredictable, I will not betray Nino.
Because he accompanied me through the most difficult times and gave me strength to support me when I was helpless.
I am not the kind of ungrateful person who is ridiculed.
After hearing my explanation, Ni Nuo's expression did not ease, but instead a layer of sadness appeared on his face. He seemed to be talking to me, but also seemed to be muttering to himself: "I know you won't leave me, but where is your heart? Where is your heart..."
My thoughts were exposed by his words, and I felt ashamed immediately.
The boring scenery outside the car remained unchanged, and the quarrel between my uncle and aunt finally stopped. I still held Nino's hand, but I had a feeling of wanting to escape.
I suddenly couldn't face him anymore.