If every story has an ending, if the sky will clear up after the rain, then why do we still read the story and wait for the rain? Is it to get an experience we have never had before, or to seek excitement we have never had before? People always pursue what they don't have and forget what they have. How sad.

In Tianjin in March, the severe cold has not yet dissipated.
Guo Lu brought the coffee he had made for me, trotted over and sat opposite me, and said, "I made it myself, want to try it?"
I frowned and said, "I am a rough man and I am not very good at tasting coffee."
Guo Lu took over the conversation: "What a coincidence, I am also a rough man, I don't know how to make coffee, so you have to make do with it."
"Okay." I looked up, pretended to be righteous, picked up the coffee and took a sip, and sighed, "Well, not bad, rich and mellow, good."
"So fake." Guo Lu exposed my lie without hesitation and scratched his head. "Although I just asked you out for coffee, I happen to need your help with something."
"Go ahead." I spread my hands, not minding at all.
Guo Lu didn't hesitate to say, "The 8th is your holiday."
"Oh, so I am a woman now," I replied.
Guo Lu smiled and continued, "It is also the second anniversary of the founding of the Red Association. I applied to the Art Department for the use of the studio and also raised a lot of sponsorship. There will be an event in the evening with dance, singing and other performances."
"You want me to perform at the party?" I asked.
"No." Guo Lu shook his index finger, "I want you to help me draw the curtain."
"How much per day?" I tapped my fingers on the table.
Guo Lu smiled and said, "I don't have money, but I can give you a wish."
"Deal." I slammed the table with great pride, not caring about the burning pain coming from my palms.
Guo Lu asked me to paint a curtain that conveyed a feeling of "man and nature". I told Guo Lu about the general idea and he agreed. The content of the curtain is roughly: a girl shuttles through the woods, and hundreds of birds stop around her. The artistic conception is simple and clear.
But on the other hand, I still admire Guo Lu for running the "Red Association" so well.
The helper flattened the curtain and hung it on the wall, and I stepped on the wooden ladder to draw lines and color on the curtain. Guo Lu directed everyone to work in an orderly manner, while carefully holding the wooden ladder under my feet, fearing that I would slip accidentally.
I couldn't help but laugh and said, "Mr. Boiler, don't worry about me. I'm fine here. Go help them."
"No." Guo Lu rejected me directly.
"Le Le, you just don't understand. Senior Guo Lu really cares about you. He's such a good man." A little girl next to her couldn't help but say enviously.
"I just love to tell the truth." Guo Lu said with a smile, "Go and do your thing."
"Okay!" the girl responded with a smile, running around the field like a happy little bird.
My raised hand felt a little sore, so I asked Guo Lu: "Mr. Boiler, you also studied painting before, right?" I seemed to remember Guo Lu once mentioned that he had studied painting in elementary school.
"That's nothing, just kids playing around." Guo Lu has always been a little shy about things he has no confidence in.
I didn't care whether he knew how to do it or not, and said, "Then you come up and paint the part above the curtain. I can't reach it, so you go and bring a wooden ladder over."
Seeing that I was having a hard time painting, Guo Lu went to find a wooden ladder and put it next to me. He climbed up and gave me a hand: "By the way, Lele, I just remembered that you are afraid of heights. Is that okay?"
I was stunned for a moment, and said quietly: " It's okay if you don't say it."
"Sorry." Guo Lu grinned, then lowered his head to mix the color as I said and applied it to the places I couldn't reach.
Time passed by minute by minute. I came to help at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and now it is past 6 o'clock. Guo Lu stretched on the wooden ladder and asked: "Le Le, are you tired? Do you want to take a rest?"
"Not tired." I was concentrating on coloring and had no time to pay attention to Guo Lu. However, when I turned my head inadvertently, I almost laughed to death.
Guo Lu looked at me in confusion and asked, "What's wrong?"
I dipped my index finger in some blue paint, smeared it on Guo Lu's nose, and said with a smile, "The disguise was a success, Avatar."
Guo Lu then realized that because he was too engrossed, a lot of paint was stained on his face. He subconsciously used his sleeve to wipe it, but found that his sleeve was also covered with paint.
I couldn't help laughing. Guo Lu blushed and said awkwardly, "Is it funny?"
"Funny." My face turned red and I laughed out loud at him.
Guo Lu reached into the paint bucket with lightning speed, slapped me in the face again, and asked, "Is it still funny?"
I was stunned, and immediately aroused my desire to win. I grabbed Guo Lu's hand, picked up a ball of paint and threw it on his face, saying proudly, "It's so funny!"
Guo Lu was afraid of accidentally pushing me off the ladder, so he could only stand there and let me bully him.
We were standing on the wooden ladder, playing with each other, and someone below couldn't stand it anymore, so he kindly reminded us, "Senior Guo Lu, if you show off your affection, you will die soon."
Guo Lu held out his hand to block my last attack and replied, "Thanks to you, this is not considered a show of affection."
I looked back and my eyes fell on Lin Xiaolun in the audience.
He stared silently at the direction of the stage. Ding Chuchu beside him seemed a little tired and fell asleep leaning on the chair.
My heart skipped a beat. Was it an illusion? I seemed to see sparkling liquid in Lin Xiaolun's eyes. It was especially clear when the light from above was shining down on him.
Is he crying?
But why was he crying?
I looked at Lin Xiaolun, as if I could see through the crowd and find my shadow in his pupils. This was the first time I stared at him for such a long time.
The ice in my heart melted instantly, and I just wanted to run over and ask him. I didn't want to ask anything else, I just wanted to know what happened to him?
I climbed down holding the wooden ladder.
Suddenly, a classmate said, "Lighting engineer, try the lighting."
With a "whoosh", all the lights on the stage lit up, my vision was instantly obstructed, the step I just took missed a step, and my whole body lost balance.
"Le Le." Guo Lu caught me accurately and carried me down from the wooden ladder.
"Try the lighting again later. Don't you see there's someone on the wooden ladder?" Guo Lu's tone was almost accusatory. The classmate who had just organized the lighting test hurriedly apologized to me.
I ignored it and quickly looked towards the audience.
Lin Xiaolun was gone, and only Ding Chuchu was there.
"LeLe, what's wrong with you?" Guo Lu asked with concern. I broke free of Guo Lu's hand and hurried out of the studio.
Why? Why do I strongly believe that Lin Xiaolun is crying because of me? Why do I still care so much about his opinion of me and am so afraid that he will misunderstand my relationship with others?
Lin Xiaolun, what method did you use to tie my heart so tightly?
I ran to the outside of the art building and found that it was snowing outside.
The first snow of 2013 came in late winter and early spring.
There was a thin layer of snow downstairs, and it was too dark at night. I could no longer find Lin Xiaolun.
I stood in the snow, looking around helplessly, and finally cried out, "Lin Xiaolun!"
I don't know how long it has been since I called his name like this. As soon as I called it out, all my emotions came out uncontrollably. No one answered me, only snowflakes gradually fell into my world from the unfathomable night.
"Lin Xiaolun, I know you are here, can you please come out?" I shouted almost pleadingly, holding my arms tightly with both hands. The white gas I exhaled condensed into a circle in the air and then gradually dissipated.
I blew warm air into my palms and rubbed them non-stop. I had left in such a hurry that my coat was still in the studio . Now I was only wearing a thin sweater and was so cold that I could not speak.
I stubbornly waited in the snow, firmly believing that he could see me.
I ran to the stone steps and said tremblingly, "Lin Xiaolun, just hide. Don't come out to see me. It doesn't matter. I will wait for you here until you come out. Unless you don't care about my life or death, unless you don't care about me at all."
I sniffed, tears streaming down my face. When I wiped them away, they couldn't wait to flow out again.
I could hear the movement of the second hand of my watch. I hugged my knees, curled up, and murmured, "Lin Xiaolun... Lin Xiaolun... Can you tell me what happened to you?"
I raised my head again and cried to the dark corner: "If you don't like me and want to leave me, can you just be decisive? Don't hold my heart anymore and won't let go. Can you use your actual actions to make me give up and let me let you go? Why... why do you always make me feel that you still have me in your heart? Lin Xiaolun, do you have any shame?"
As I cried, I couldn't help but blame myself. I had never dared to tell anyone how wronged and conflicted I was. Now, I was so pitiful that I hid in the night and tried to make Lin Xiaolun hear me.
I leaned against the steps, waiting silently.
Lin Xiaolun, you keep moving forward, but you will eventually look back, right? Even if you have never had any romantic feelings for me, don't you have any sympathy left? I don't need other people's sympathy, but I long for yours.
I reached out my hand and touched my cheek with a trembling hand. The tears that were warm just now had turned cold in a moment. It was so cold. I hugged myself and felt more tired than ever before.
The heat from my lower body surged like a tide, and I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. The moment I opened my mouth, I suddenly realized that I couldn't make a sound. I held onto the stone steps and slowly stood up. When I took the first step, my whole body leaned forward and my consciousness became blurred.
Behind me I heard the squeaking sound of shoes stepping on the snow, and there were also footsteps running towards me in the front. I heard Lin Xiaolun's footsteps, but I struggled to get up.
The cold snow is like a cage of life, burying me inside, unconscious.
The world suddenly became silent, as quiet as hell.
When I woke up, I found myself lying in the hospital with Ding Chuchu sitting next to me.
"Are you awake?" When she saw that I woke up, she calmly helped me up and let me lean against the head of the bed.
I looked around, still a little weak, and asked, "Why are you the only one here?"
"Who else do you want to be here?" Ding Chuchu said with hidden meaning.
I smiled, fearless even though I was pale and weak: "I'm just curious, I fainted in the snow, right? You were asleep in the audience at that time, how did you know?"
Ding Chuchu smiled sarcastically: "As your friend, do I need so many reasons to come and see you when you are in the hospital?"
"Friends?" There was a hint of hostility between Ding Chuchu and I. "When did we start to be friends?"
"You're turning your back on me." Ding Chuchu remained calm, her voice mixed with joking, "Qin Le, can you be honest with me?"
"Have you ever been honest with me?" I asked back.
Ding Chuchu's face changed slightly and she turned away: "You will know ."
"Are you sick?" I laughed. Ding Chuchu turned around and looked at me in surprise. I crossed my arms and said, "Don't pretend to be a good person. You said that I would know some things later. It always gives people the illusion that you are doing this for my own good. Ding Chuchu, you are doing me good on the premise of hurting me. I'm sorry that I can't accept this."
Ding Chuchu stood up, walked to the window, and asked, "You finally admitted that you like Lin Xiaolun?"
I was silent for a while and said, "Yes, I have liked him since I was a child."
"I'm really happy to hear you speak so frankly." Ding Chuchu said with a smile, "But he is my boyfriend now."
I thought it was funny, and my words were like a hail of bullets: "What are you afraid of? I didn't say that I would argue with you or snatch him away from you because I like him."
"Do you think I'm afraid of you snatching it from me?" Ding Chuchu came over and said confidently, "If it was before, I admit that I would be afraid, but now, you are no threat to me at all." Ding Chuchu's face was filled with a confident smile, "Qin Le, I won't have any concerns or even let go just because you are my friend. On the contrary, because you are my friend, I will hold Lin Xiaolun even tighter."
"Oh." I didn't bother to argue with her. "Good luck."
"Thank you." Ding Chuchu picked up the bag beside her, walked to the door, and said with her head tilted, "The doctor said you are just feeling unwell and you can be discharged after two days."
"Thank you." I didn't want to look at her.
Ding Chuchu closed the door and left. Her footsteps could be heard in the corridor, getting farther and farther away.
I leaned against the soft pillow, my face calm. This kind of thing would happen sooner or later, and I would have to face it sooner or later, so I was not too surprised.
Ding Chuchu is not a bad person, because Lin Xiaolun is not my boyfriend. The fact that she can be with Lin Xiaolun is her own ability.
But I don't have such ability.
The day I was discharged from the hospital was Saturday. My parents came to pick me up, and Guo Lu, holding a pair of daffodils, also came to pick me up.
When he walked in, my parents, who were busy packing my things, looked at Guo Lu blankly.
Guo Lu felt a little embarrassed by being stared at, and quickly bowed and greeted: "Uncle...Hello, auntie."
My mother rushed over and said, "Why call me Auntie? Call me Sister Qin."
I feel deeply saddened to have such a mother.
I covered my forehead, stretched out my hand, and whispered, "No, just call her a witch..."
Guo Lu was a little embarrassed, but still called out sweetly: "Sister Qin, calling her Sister Qin is the most appropriate. Lele, your mother is so young?"
The corner of my mouth twitched, and I broke the news: "My mother was young and naive. She had me when she was 20 years old in college, and got married at 21. Oh, by the way, my father was her teacher."
Mom was so angry that her cheeks puffed up. She pointed at me for a long time and couldn't say anything. Finally, she could only pat Dad's chest and said coquettishly, "It's all your fault."
I quickly stood up for my dad: "Mom, it was obviously you who took the initiative..."
Mom threw the pillow on the sofa at me, then threw herself into Dad's arms in embarrassment. Dad said with an embarrassed look on his face, "Sorry, I made fun of you."
Guo Lu laughed out loud and said, "I was wondering why Lele is so cute. It turns out you inherited it from your mom."
The mother hurriedly approached Guo Lu and asked, "Handsome boy, are you interested in our Lele?"
"Hey, Mom!" I called out to the Virgin Mary in my heart and quickly gestured to Guo Lu to hurry up.
Who knew that Guo Lu responded very readily: "Yes! Sister Qin, you are so smart."
Mom almost jumped up, and quickly helped Guo Lu put down the daffodils. She took his arm and said affectionately, "I'm telling you, I can tell at a glance that you and our Lele are a perfect match. Come out, and Sister Qin will tell you some interesting stories about our little Lele's childhood."
Watching my mother take Guo Lu out, I shouted angrily, "Mom! Where's your face?"
Mom ignored my wailing and walked out with Guo Lu, chatting and laughing. I pointed the finger at Dad with a face full of resentment: "It's all your fault, you spoiled her!"
My father looked at me innocently, and he couldn't do anything with me. He could only help me pack my things silently.
On the way home, my mother enthusiastically invited Guo Lu to our house for dinner, but Guo Lu politely declined.
"Sister Qin, I'm here to pick up Lele from the hospital. I feel relieved to have you pick her up. The club's party is about to begin, and I still have things to do at school. I will definitely come next time, okay?" Guo Lu said sincerely.
The mother looked regretful, but it was difficult to force him to stay, so she could only say reluctantly: "Okay, you must come next time, and come back with Lele."
"Okay." Guo Lu's smile seemed harmless to my mother, but very hypocritical to me.
After Guo Lu left, my mother pushed me into a corner and asked me who Guo Lu was. After I answered truthfully, she nodded with satisfaction and said to me: "Abandon Lin Xiaolun as soon as possible and follow Guo Lu!"
I drove my mother out of the room with a dark face.
When this woman I call my mother is not around, I feel bad for not caring about me; when she is around, I feel bad for being too noisy. She is noisy, and I feel like I have no good days ahead of me.
After lunch, I planned to go out for a walk. When I walked downstairs, I happened to meet Lin Xiaolun who had just returned from outside.
I greeted him politely, but he stopped me after passing me.
"Huh?" I looked back at him.
"Do you mind coming over to my house?" This was the first time that Lin Xiaolun took the initiative to invite me to his house after he and Ding Chuchu got together.
Without thinking, I nodded and said, "Okay."
Aunt Tang and Uncle Lin went out for something, so Lin Xiaolun put all the things he bought into the refrigerator and asked me to sit down.
"Are you starting to take care of your health now?" I asked when I saw the things he bought.
"Yeah." Lin Xiaolun answered me while boiling water to make tea for me. "It's good for your health. You should also take care of your health." After that, he handed me a glass of water.
"Thank you for your concern." I took it and drank it all. Lin Xiaolun poured me another cup, which I drank as well. Then I wiped my mouth happily and asked, "Lin Xiaolun, you didn't just ask me to drink water, did you?"
"Just sit for a while. We haven't had a good chat in a while." Lin Xiaolun said calmly.
I looked at Lin Xiaolun carefully. His eyes were dull, his face was haggard, and even when he smiled he looked a little pale.
I asked in confusion: "What's wrong with you? You don't look very well."
Lin Xiaolun shook his head and said, "I've had a cold for the past few days, and it hasn't gotten better yet, so I feel a little uncomfortable."
"Why is your health so bad? I remember you rarely got sick when you were a child." I sat in front of Lin Xiaolun and reached out to touch his forehead.
Lin Xiaolun's hand holding the teacup was still suspended in mid-air, his eyes staring at me absentmindedly. I was less than half a foot away from him, and his breath blew on my face, cool.
I slowly put my hand down and said with concern: "Take care of yourself."
"Yeah." Lin Xiaolun nodded in agreement and moved to the side.
Then, we never spoke again, just like a couple who have relationship problems due to misunderstanding, looking at each other in silence.
"Let's talk about what happened recently." Lin Xiaolun broke the awkwardness and spoke.
"What do you want to know?" I turned my head and asked him. Yes, I could answer whatever he wanted to know.
Lin Xiaolun continued to make tea, not daring to look at me: "I see you and Guo Lu are getting along well, are you two together?"
"Not yet." I stared at Lin Xiaolun, trying to find some flaws on his face, but he hid it very well and I couldn't catch any flaws.
"Yeah." Lin Xiaolun blew on the hot tea and handed it to me. "Do you have such a plan?"
"No." I didn't take Lin Xiaolun's tea.
Lin Xiaolun drank it himself and said, "Guo Lu is actually quite good."
"Want to be a matchmaker?" I immediately saw through Lin Xiaolun's intention. "Lin Xiaolun, why are you acting like a dying person entrusting me with something?"
Lin Xiaolun's body trembled, and the teacup in his hand rolled to the ground.
I quickly helped him pick it up. Lin Xiaolun snatched the teacup from my hand and said angrily, "Qin Le, is it really okay for you to curse people like this?"
"Why are you so angry? I was just joking. Besides, you look exactly like me." I muttered, and then whispered, "I said this to you when you were a kid, but you never got so angry. You're getting more and more petty."
Lin Xiaolun realized that he had lost his composure a bit, and said like an adult, "I really should find you a man to discipline you properly."
"Why should a man be in charge of me?" I refused to accept.
"So you like women?" Lin Xiaolun kept up with the times and teased me in a roundabout way.
My shoulders trembled and I rolled my eyes at him: "If you were a woman, I would definitely like women."
Lin Xiaolun ignored me and continued to ask me: "What are your plans for the future?"
"Not for now, just muddle through." I took out the snacks from under the table and leaned back on the sofa to enjoy them slowly.
"I have a plan." Lin Xiaolun put his hands on his knees, "With Chuchu."
I stopped eating my snack.
"I still have two years of university and one year of internship. I want to get married within three years after graduation." When Lin Xiaolun said this, my heart was hanging in the air, and as his words fell, it fell heavily and shattered.
I didn't show it. I was still trying to be strong and agreed with Lin Xiaolun: "Really? It's good."
"Let me give you something." After saying that, Lin Xiaolun went into his room and took out a small box. I saw him open the box and take out a small rag doll.
I laughed, crying and laughing, my voice trembling: "What's the meaning of giving this to me..."
I sewed this little rag doll when I was 10 years old. It looks like the White Impermanence.