During the month that Shen Xingmo was in a low mood, I cooked nutritious bone soup every day and sent it to the hospital.
Occasionally, Qin Fangrui would come to the kitchen, pick up the soup spoon, and say that what I cooked was delicious. She would try a bowl, thinking it was our lunch. But when she saw me carrying the thermos box out the door, she became very angry and called me an ungrateful person.
Qin Fangrui brought people to my house every day to play mahjong. When I saw that the mahjong hall in the community that was used for entertainment was replaced by a supermarket, I understood why they always gathered at my house.
There are always many unpredictable things in life.
Just like the arrival of Chen Jinmo.
I went to the hospital that day, and soon after I left the house, it started to rain. Summer rains come suddenly, and I forgot to bring an umbrella, so I had to run to a newsstand to take shelter from the rain .
A black car unexpectedly stopped by the roadside and honked its horn. The car window was half rolled down, and Chen Jinmo was wearing a black shirt with one sleeve rolled up, revealing a silver bracelet. He pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, his eyes fell on me who was in a mess, and he grinned at me.
"Are you stunned? Come up." He waved at me with a cynical look.
"Ah? OK, OK." I raised the book in my hand to my head, faced the rain, opened the passenger door, and got in. Accounting is very popular recently. I spend a lot of time in the hospital taking care of Shen Xingmo and his mother. I have time to read books. I am going to take a professional certificate .
"Where are you going? I'll take you there." He put on his glasses and chuckled.
"Oh, Xiangchun Road stop sign, it's raining...why are you still wearing sunglasses?" I felt curious and couldn't help asking him.
"So cool, what do you think? Are you crying because of my coolness?" He smiled.
"Really not." I answered honestly.
"Oh, it's boring. You just have no vision." He answered with a smile, but I was puzzled by his behavior. Out of the blue, Chen Jinmo came here.
"Did you buy a car?" I curiously touched the leather on the car trim, which looked very luxurious.
"It's a gift from my old man. He made a fortune in business recently, and he was so happy that he gave me a car. I don't even like this brand." The corners of his mouth curved up, and he put his hands on the steering wheel and tapped it in a good mood. "By the way, this place is empty, why don't you give me a pendant?" He pointed to a small hook next to the rearview mirror.
"Okay." There is a department store next to the hospital, I thought, I'll pick one for him when I come back.
"Who are you delivering food to?" He glanced at me as I wiped the water droplets off the thermos box.
I subconsciously wanted to hide the matter from Shen Xingmo, and answered hesitantly: "It's me, a friend, he——"
I tried to make up an excuse, but he interrupted me.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" He turned his head and looked at me with interest.
"no."
"Jing Yuanyuan, you are so silly, don't be fooled by men. If you want to fall in love... I will teach you?" He patted my shoulder.
"Stop joking." I changed my meek look and glared at him fiercely.
"When did I ever joke with you?" He took out a cigarette and started smoking. I rolled down the window and the cold raindrops fell on my arms.
"Last time, was Lin Jingxiang okay?" I rubbed my eyebrows and changed the subject.
"It's okay. She made a fuss until after midnight and vomited all over the place. I booked a room for her and took care of her until midnight. She finally fell asleep." He blew out a smoke ring, glanced at me, and laughed like a madman.
"What are you laughing at?" I was puzzled.
"It has changed, it has changed." He covered his forehead with a look of regret. The coldness in the air rushed into the car. He looked at me tiredly, "You used to get nervous when you saw me smoking."
"Jing Yuanyuan..." He pursed his lips, as if recalling something. The car suddenly stopped by the roadside. The rain kept falling. He took out the whistle and looked at me seriously. "You are good to me, you are good to me? Okay?"
I was so confused by his words, the rain blurred the car window, and I asked softly, "What is good or not?"
"Be my girlfriend."
The sound of the dripping rain prolonged our silence. The green light came on and the pedestrians outside, holding umbrellas, hurried to the other side. The puddles on the ground splashed out like flowers.
"I couldn't see myself clearly before, and I didn't dare to say it because of my face and fear of hurting you." His tone was very sure, "Whether it's Yu Xinna or Guan Qianqian, why don't you think about it? They are all people related to you."
"I know Yu Xinna bullied you. She slapped you in school, right? I helped you get revenge. Her long-distance boyfriend was the one her family arranged for her to marry. When they found out she was fooling around with me here, they broke up with her. Yu Xinna was confined to her home."
His words were like the raindrops falling on his cheeks, chilling to the bone.
"Guan Qianqian is your roommate. You must know everything she does. I'm actually very conflicted. I really want to know your feelings and see if you mind, so I pursue her." He shook his head with a bitter look on his face. "I didn't expect the accident on the rooftop. Guan Qianqian looked through my phone and saw my photo album. She couldn't stand the stimulation and made trouble with me several times. I didn't expect that she would find you in the end."
I don't want to mention these things, but suddenly I feel like they are memories from my previous life.
"What about Lin Jingxiang? Don't tell me that you are just playing around with Lin Jingxiang, or I will look down on you." I was in a bad mood, and his few words turned my heart upside down.
"Yes, I did like her." He sighed inaudibly. "Last time on your birthday, Xiangxiang was drunk. She was noisy and even asked me to kiss her, but I found that I no longer had any feelings for her. After I settled her down, I called you, but your phone was turned off. I also looked for you for a long time, but I couldn't find you."
That night, Shen Xingmo accompanied me in Dingtian Building and gave me unique tenderness and affectionate confession.
Today, this shining star of my youth finally sees me, but I don’t care so much anymore.
He said: "Jing Yuanyuan, you are so good, so good that I dare not love you."
On the stem of memory, everyone has two or three graceful flowers covered with emotions. My secret love for Chen Jinmo was once such a flower, but as spring went by and autumn came, the wind and rain blew and the flower withered.
There are always moments when you deeply feel that many things are like trickles of water, slowly seeping out of your life, and some new things are slowly seeping into your life.
It's like I have to replace all the blood in my body year after year, with sharp pain, cold and icy, but inevitable. It's useless to be reluctant, it's useless to feel uncomfortable, it's useless , the only thing to do is to accept it. How cruelly time climbs over the mottled high wall in my heart, only I know it best.
As if he had noticed something, he ruffled my hair and asked, "What are you daydreaming about?"
"I have someone I like, and it's not you." I looked at him steadily, and his hand suddenly retracted in embarrassment.
Cars were speeding past me. The cigarette between his fingers was half burned, and a piece of ash had accumulated. It was about to fall. I reached out carefully and took his cigarette. Yu Xinna also took his cigarette for him and put it in her mouth ambiguously.
I knocked off the cigarette ash, extinguished it, and threw it into the trash can. My voice was as light as a dispersing cloud: "I can't watch over you and urge you to quit smoking for the rest of your life. Someone else will do it in the future."
"Could that person be you?" he asked.
"I think, in fact, you only love yourself, and you never let go of what you want." He is nothing but an illusion to me. People are always so mean when facing the things they desire. He now is just like me back then.
"I don't believe you don't have feelings for me!"
He was angry.
My body was instantly restrained in a strong embrace. He grabbed my hands and hooked them around his neck, then quickly kissed my lips, deftly pried open my teeth, and kissed me madly with a brutality that would not tolerate resistance.
The sudden kiss caught me off guard like a storm. The sweet saliva rubbed between our entangled tongues. My mind went blank. When I realized what he was doing, I pushed him away frantically. My head was buzzing and I couldn't make any normal sounds.
"Shhh——" Chen Jinmo felt pain, and I bit him hard reflexively. When he was distracted, I slapped him.
A loud sound filled the air, and when it was over, I froze.
"Hehehe ..." He suddenly laughed, and there was a sense of desolation and unwillingness in his laughter.
I don't know why I looked so guilty, but when I saw his shameful smile, my heart ached. I couldn't tell whether I was angry or sad.
"I'm getting out of the car." I grabbed the door handle and prepared to push it.
Chen Jinmo was one step faster than me and locked the car door: "Don't go."
I was so anxious that tears were about to fall. This shouldn't be like this. I used to be able to watch him from afar and secretly like him, but now Chen Jinmo makes me feel scared.
"Okay, okay, I'll take you there and I won't touch you." He was most afraid of me crying. Seeing that heavy rain was about to fall on my face, he stepped on the accelerator and the car drove slowly. He started to make small talk, trying to break the awkwardness.
"Are you afraid of me now?"
"Yes."
"Do you think I'm a scumbag?"
“That’s what it is.”
"Hey, I just want to find the taste of love again, is that necessary?"
"You find someone else."
"I'm serious this time, silly. I didn't dare to love before, but now I don't want to let go."
I don't want to talk to this psychopath.
Chen Jinmo sent me to the intersection of Xiangchun Road as promised. The rain had stopped and the air was fresh. I wiped my lips along the way and took out a small mirror to see that my lips were red and a little swollen. I was worried that Shen Xingmo would see the clues, so I walked into a boutique and bought a lipstick to cover it up.
As I was about to check out, a row of pendants caught my attention. I angrily picked up one and went to the front desk to pay. I went back and exchanged it for a small and exquisite Chinese knot with the words "Peace in Life" embroidered on it.
Shen Xingmo's mother has not woken up since the operation. It seems normal for him to go to the hospital and listen to him talking to his mother every day.
But I didn't expect that he was waiting for me outside the corridor today.
At that time, he was sitting on a bench with a bag next to his hand. His hair had grown long and had not been cut. His bangs covered his eyes, obscuring his eyes as bright as stars.
I carried the insulated box and walked quietly to him.
"You're wearing makeup? You look good." He smiled for the first time. In this regard, boys are single-celled organisms, and girls are wearing makeup when they put on lipstick.
"Auntie, are you feeling better?" I handed him the thermos cup and sat down next to him. Shen Xingmo opened the box and there was a moment of surprise in her eyes, but it soon dimmed. "Same old, the brain is damaged. The doctor said we need to continue to observe. The situation is uncertain."
I lowered my head and looked at the tips of my shoes. This pair of nude pink ladies' shoes had been safe and sound in Chen Jinmo's car except for a little mud on them when I was hiding from the rain.
But after all, he is not the right person to shield me from the rain.
I have heard a story before -
There was a blind boy who had nothing except her who was willing to take care of him. She became his girlfriend. One day she asked him, "If your eyesight is healed, can you marry me?" The boy agreed immediately.
Soon, the boy had a new implantable retina lens and regained his sight, but he found that his girlfriend was also blind. The girl proposed to him, but the boy refused. In the end, the girl only said one sentence: "Take care of my eyes."
I have told this story to Shen Xingmo and Chen Jinmo.
Chen Jinmo said the girl was a fool and the boy was a scumbag, and just laughed it off.
After listening to this, Shen Xingmo was silent for a long time. Then he said that if he were that boy, he would choose to be blind for the rest of his life. I asked him why.
He said that everyone has a selfish soul. When they can't see other people, they will think that what is around them is the best. When they have too much, they will become greedy and their ugly side will be exposed.
This is the most unexpected answer I have ever heard.
"Shen Xingmo." I called him like I did back then. So many memories came to my mind. I was overwhelmed with emotions and became inexplicably nervous.
In fact, I already have the answer, but I lack the courage to take the first step.
There is a bridge between us, with green leaves and red flowers on the bridge and flowing water under the bridge. Shen Xingmo, holding an oil-paper umbrella, saw me from the other side of the river, found the bridge, walked up, and came towards me step by step.
He wanted to walk with me from youth to old age, but I stood still, hesitating to move forward.
"A Yuan?" He had no idea how much I was suffering at the moment. Seeing my silence, he smiled meaningfully, "Looking at me like that, are you going to say something earth-shattering?"
Let’s try dating.
My face flushed with embarrassment at the thought of saying this.
A bold idea spread in my mind. Gradually, I didn't want to be pushed around anymore. I wanted to take the initiative. Perhaps, I also deserved to be happy.
"What...what do you want to say?" Shen Xingmo was eating his food and forgot to chew it. He put down the lunch box and looked at me stupidly.
A few years ago, he looked at me like this, kissed me on the center of my eyebrows, looked at me and said, I like you so much.
Give him a chance, give me a chance, I will shed my shell of inferiority and sensitivity and touch the butterfly called happiness. Now, the most important thing for me is to help him get through this period, trust each other, and have a future.
I finally raised my head and looked him in the eye: "I said we could..."
But God did not go as I wished. Shen Xingmo's phone rang. He answered the call, put down the lunch box, and ran back to the ward like a gust of wind.
We can fall in love.
I swallowed the words I hadn't finished.
Those who were attached to them have all gone. To squander and to cherish are the same thing. What I am so lucky about is that I can see the sincerity of the person in front of me.
He doesn't have the time to care about these things now, right?
I was too ignorant. There was only one chance , and I missed it. I could never find the courage again, so I had to find another opportunity to speak up later.
During these few months, Shen Xingmo quickly grew from a boy to a man. It was impossible for me to be idle all the time, so I found a job as an office assistant near my home. During the critical period from internship to regular employment, I went to the hospital every other day. When I was late, my boss misunderstood me as being lazy and not working hard, and scolded me, and eventually I was fired.
Qin Fangrui mocked me, saying that I was a jinx who couldn't even find , but I didn't tell her it was because of Shen Xingmo's family affairs.
In this world, everyone is suffering.
Everything will be fine in the future, it will.