Chapter 1 I Know You Are a Dream
How many things can happen in just one year from sixteen to seventeen? I realized it when I heard Chen Jinmo confess his love to Lin Jingxiang on our birthday.
During this year, Chen Jinmo served Lin Jingxiang wholeheartedly and kept his eyes on her all the time. I was so careless and stupid that I thought he had a crush on me.
That's right, Lin Jingxiang and I are twin sisters. We often go out together and always get a lot of attention wherever we go. When Chen Jinmo buys two portions of snacks for us, I always get one thanks to her, so I can't guarantee that I won't feel guilty.
Lin Jingxiang has an optimistic personality and outstanding academic performance. She has been more popular than me since she was a child, both at home and outside. Apart from the personality factor, Lin Jingxiang and I were connected physically in the mother's womb. After the operation, Lin Jingxiang was in good health, but I had a slight disability in my left ear, and its shape was different from that of ordinary people. I always thought it was ugly.
Who would have a crush on an ugly girl? Especially a handsome guy like Chen Jinmo who shines with his own light, he would not be so short-sighted.
When I realized this, I felt relieved.
The test results were announced on Friday. After school, Lin Jingxiang asked me to go home together, but I lied and said I had a friend date and went to the milk tea shop alone.
I often come to this shop, the name of the shop is "Thousand Island Time", the milk tea tastes average, but the songs played every time are very nice. I ordered a cup of matcha milk flavor, found a table by the window and sat down, took out the test paper and textbook, and sighed at the red crosses.
I am not lazy, but I don't know why I can never learn those formula symbols well. Maybe when Qin Fangrui was pregnant with Lin Jingxiang and me, she gave more IQ to her out of favoritism, and she also showed obvious favoritism at home, which led to me not liking to call them "mom" or "sister".
Qin Fangrui taught me a lesson for this, but I didn't take it to heart.
The afternoon made people feel sleepy. I supported my head with one hand and sipped milk tea with the other hand, looking at the textbook spread out in front of me. My eyes seemed to be on the book, but my mind was drifting away.
A dazzling light flashed into my eyes, which hurt a little. I withdrew my thoughts and looked forward unhappily.
Three tables away sat a boy, who was wearing a grey knitted jacket with a white T-shirt underneath. He was flipping through a book attentively. The watch on his wrist reflected a dazzling light under the sunlight. The restless light spots followed his movements, hitting the wall next to him, swaying back and forth and flashing across my face from time to time.
I looked at him for a while, and he noticed my gaze and looked back at me.
"Am I disturbing you?" He stopped flipping through the book.
The bright sunlight shone on his handsome features. He smiled and spoke slowly. His whole body was like a lake in spring, exuding a pure and gentle breath.
"Lin Jingyuan?" He called out my name.
This good-looking boy closed his book, stood up and walked towards me. I didn't know him and didn't know how to answer for a moment. I had just transferred from the science class where Lin Jingxiang was to the liberal arts class, and I didn't know anyone in the class. This person was most likely a classmate.
"Stupid?" he asked.
“I didn’t,” I responded unkindly.
"Is it sent out today?" He took the geography test paper I had put aside, scanned both sides, and said with a smile, "I lost a lot of points on the basic questions. I just came to the liberal arts class, and I need to make up for the knowledge points I haven't learned yet."
"Okay, thanks for the reminder." I took back the test paper and stuffed it into my schoolbag. I lowered my head subconsciously, and my long hair covered my left ear. My inner uneasiness emerged from the bottom of my heart.
I don't want my hidden illness to be easily exposed to anyone.
"I can explain the wrong questions to you if you want." He was sincere.
"I'm going home." I quickly packed up the stationery on the table, put on my backpack, said goodbye apologetically, and fled from this place under his hesitant gaze.
My melancholy white shirt
The first cigarette in the pocket of youth
My first love
I never dare to tell you
…
After closing the sliding door, the music in the store started playing: Zhao Lei's song "Youth". I shrugged and looked back with a little regret. Through the transparent floor-to-ceiling window, the boy returned to his seat, frowning, as if thinking about something.
It's a folk song I really like, but unfortunately I don't have time to listen to it today.
I tugged at the strap of my schoolbag, pulled out my bus card from my pocket, and walked toward the bus stop.
I got home at eight o'clock.
Qin Fangrui was eating melon seeds and watching an idol drama in the living room, giggling from time to time. The bedroom door was tightly closed, and she didn't know what Lin Jingxiang was doing inside.
The house is over 80 square meters, with two bedrooms and a living room. Lin Jingxiang and I sleep in the same room, without any private space. Every time Lin Jingxiang and Chen Jinmo talk on the phone, I have to listen to all the sweet words. Sometimes I feel annoyed when listening to them, so I go out for a run. When I come back from running, she should have turned off the lights and gone to bed.
"Lin Dongming is not here again?" After changing my shoes, I walked to the sofa, put down my schoolbag, stood in front of Qin Fangrui and asked her.
"Don't stop me from watching TV." She stretched her neck to look behind me and waved at me. I looked at the melon seed shells on the ground and wondered when she would be able to change her bad habit of littering.
"Are you deaf?" Qin Fangrui raised his voice and stared at me, like a rooster that just wanted to fight.
Lin Mingdong hasn't been home . I heard that he and Qin Fangrui had a fight. One has a bad temper and the other is sarcastic. The two of them have a big fight every few days. I really don't know why they got married in the first place.
I was too lazy to talk to her anymore, so I bent down and put the plastic trash can at her feet, hoping that she would be merciful enough not to dirty the floor.
I went into the kitchen and turned on the rice cooker. There was half a pot of rice left in it, with a dish of garlic-fried bacon on top. There was almost no lean meat left. I mixed the rice and the vegetables together and quickly had dinner.
After washing a pile of greasy dishes, I wiped my hands and went out. Qin Fangrui was sitting with her legs crossed, looking at my report card and test paper. I rushed over, snatched them away, and yelled at her angrily, "Don't rummage through my things!"
Qin Fangrui stood up suddenly, pointed at my nose with sharp eyes, and shouted at a higher volume: "I saw you , you are my child, what's wrong with looking at your lousy test papers?"
"You didn't get my consent." I picked up my schoolbag, feeling aggrieved for no reason. She is always like this. No matter what she does, she never considers my feelings. It seems that in her eyes, my self-esteem doesn't matter at all.
"Oh, are you shy? Xiangxiang told me about her grades when she came back. You're different. You're always secretive and can't face others." She spoke like a machine gun, poking at me with her fingers. The less I refuted, the more excited she became.
"What's it to you?" My head was buzzing. Without even looking at her, I picked up my schoolbag and rushed into the room.
At this time, there was a violent and rapid knock on the door. Qin Fangrui was not satisfied and wanted to continue to poison my ears. I locked the door and ignored the storm outside.
"Mom, stop making noise! I'm studying." Lin Jingxiang yelled impatiently, and the knocking stopped instantly. I gave Lin Jingxiang, who was talking on the phone, a thumbs up.
"Why do you bother her? There's so much noise at home all day long. It's so annoying." Lin Jingxiang frowned and looked at me irritably.
A bitter smile slipped across my lips, and I pretended to be indifferent and sighed: "I'm not you. She doesn't like me anyway."
"Then just bear with it next time and don't make me worry. I'm still talking to Chen Jinmo on the phone," she said.
"Oh." I curled my lips, feeling like I had swallowed a pill. The sugar coating slowly melted away, and the intense bitterness spread from the tip of my tongue to my heart.
The room suddenly became quiet, and Chen Jinmo's anxious voice came through the phone.
"Don't feed me, you know our family. Well, what else could it be? Lin Jingyuan made my mom angry. Never mind that. We were just talking about going to the movies next week. We..." Lin Jingxiang lay on the desk and sighed to the person on the other end of the phone. She didn't know what Chen Jinmo said. Lin Jingxiang showed a shy smile on her face and said "hateful" in a delicate voice.
I'm not that boring to eavesdrop on other people's love affairs and sweet talk.
I had no mood to study and there was no suitable study environment, so I took off my coat, grabbed my keys, phone and headphones, and went out for a run.
This phone is a second-hand one left over by Lin Jingxiang. The paint on the shell is badly peeling and it looks like an antique. The memory is small and I have not downloaded any other applications except the software that comes with the phone. I use all the memory to store songs. I only have more than 20 songs and I have listened to them over and over again.
Behind the house is the Liuying River. A large activity venue has been planned by the river. It is very lively at night, and many people come out for a walk and chat. I run along the sidewalk on the river bank. The wind ruffles my hair, and I can hear my rapid heartbeat in my chest.
The street lights are dim and I can't see the faces of passers-by clearly, which hides my hearing problem very well. I like to go out at night, more or less for this reason.
I don’t know how long it took, but I was tired from running. I held on to the railing and gasped. My sweaty hair stuck to my cheeks and the sweat on my back stuck to my clothes. I felt very uncomfortable.
Although I felt uncomfortable physically, I felt very happy in my heart.
After running for a long time, I rested for a while before going home. When I opened the door, the darkness was filled with the pungent smell of cigarettes, which was both smoky and smelly. I turned on the light and saw the messy living room as usual.
The air was filled with gray smoke. The clothes that had been collected had not been folded and were piled on the chairs. The trash can was overturned next to the shoes. The coffee table, sofa, and floor were all covered with melon seed shells. Several cigarette butts were thrown on the shells, and one of them was still burning.
If I didn't clean, this house would probably have become a garbage dump long ago.
I opened the windows for ventilation, swept away the garbage on the floor, tidied up the messy living room, went to the bathroom to get a mop and mopped the floor twice, washed the mop, folded the clothes, and tiptoed to Qin Fangrui's room.
Half of the quilt had fallen to the ground, and a person was lying on the bed with one arm and one leg exposed, snoring loudly.
It seems that Lin Dongming is spending the night outside again tonight.
I put my clothes away, picked up the quilt to cover Qin Fangrui, then came out and gently closed the door.
When I returned to my room, Lin Jingxiang was sleeping soundly with a quilt in her arms, her body taking up three quarters of the bed. I quietly took out my textbooks, took a shower, and started doing my homework.
On the wall of the living room, the second hand was ticking quietly. I bit the tip of my pen, turned my head to look at the moon outside, and felt empty inside.
At this moment, I suddenly felt so lonely.
"You're going to die. You scared me to death!"
Early in the morning, I was awakened by Qin Fangrui's scream. I rubbed my eyes and looked at her in a daze. Qin Fangrui was wearing cotton pajamas and her hair was so messy that it looked like a bird's nest. She looked like she was going to the bathroom. When she passed the living room, she saw me sleeping on the sofa.
"You have a bed but you lie on the sofa instead. When you are sick, I don't have money to buy medicine for you." Qin Fangrui looked at me as if I were a lunatic, walked into the bathroom mumbling, and slammed the door.
I looked at the clock. It was just past five o'clock. It was foggy outside and it was not yet bright.
My throat was dry and it hurt to swallow saliva. I put away the half-finished homework and went to sleep in my room listlessly. Today is Saturday, and Lin Jingxiang will not get up until noon. I lay down next to her , stretched my body straight, and pulled the quilt to cover myself.
I woke up again around seven o'clock.
There was no sound in the room. I got up to make breakfast for them. Looking at the three fried eggs on the plate, I couldn't help but wonder why had to be so obedient and serve them like an old nanny.
While eating breakfast, my throat was still sore, like a cold, so I changed my clothes and went downstairs to buy some medicine.
I walked out of the neighborhood, waited for a red light, and was just about to cross the road when a hand suddenly reached out from behind, covered my eyes, and then ruffled my hair in a mischievous way.
When I smelled the familiar lemon perfume, my heart couldn't help but start beating wildly. When I turned around, I saw Chen Jinmo's handsome and flamboyant face.
"Jing Yuanyuan, good morning." He always likes to call me by strange names.
Chen Jinmo pinched my face and put his arm around my shoulders like a brother . I saw a black bruise at the corner of his mouth and couldn't help but frown.
"Did you fight again?" I wanted to check his injuries.
"It's my girlfriend's fault for being so charming." He casually tilted his head, dodged my hand, and took my hand to cross the road. His palm was thick and warm. I looked at his back and felt dazed for no reason.
I have known Chen Jinmo for seven or eight years. Due to Uncle Chen's job transfer, he and his mother moved to our community. Those childhood sweetheart years are like candies that I am reluctant to eat. They are only suitable to be placed in a box of memory and treasured forever.
Just like now, holding my hand to cross the road, the ten-year-old him didn’t feel strange, and the eighteen-year-old he was still skillful. I can’t help but wonder, did he feel the same when he held Lin Jingxiang’s hand?
"You had a fight with the guy who was pursuing Lin Jingxiang?" He took me across the street and let me go, but I kept asking him questions.
"Yes, the director of the school's sports department was pursuing Xiangxiang and went to her classroom to harass her every day. I heard about it and taught him a lesson." He put his hands in his trouser pockets, glanced around dishonestly, and asked as he walked, "Are you going to buy breakfast?"
"No, I'm buying medicine."
After I finished speaking, he suddenly came close to me and looked at me carefully. Chen Jinmo had very long eyelashes, and his features were a bit like those of male models on the catwalks in Europe and America. His lively eyes always had a sly smile. He blew a breath at me gently, "Are you sick?"
"Cold!" I felt very uncomfortable with his stare at me, and my cheeks flushed. In order to hide my embarrassment, I deliberately raised my voice and pushed him away.
"Oh, a cold." He didn't get angry, but nodded and repeated what I said.
"...Are you coming with me?" I changed the subject and pointed to the front. He didn't seem to be going the same way as me.
"I'll give you face. I was going to look for Xiangxiang, so I'll accompany you first."
"I don't want you to accompany me."
"That won't work. If such a pretty girl is spotted by a little hooligan, she will be taken a fancy to by him."
"Oh, whatever you like."
Chen Jinmo very gentlemanly sent me to the pharmacy, and while I was buying medicine, he went to the nearby fruit supermarket and bought two bags of fruit. When I came out, he was already waiting for me.
We chatted and laughed carelessly all the way, and before we knew it, we arrived at the community.
I think I was selfish. I longed to see him and was greedy for every minute and second with him. Even though I knew he liked Lin Jingxiang and was only being nice to me out of love for his family, I still shamelessly demanded his warmth and couldn't extricate myself.
Secret love is destined to be humble and bitter.
When we got downstairs, Chen Jinmo handed me the fruit and asked me to go upstairs and call Lin Jingxiang down.
"Now that you're here, why don't you go up?" I looked at him in surprise.
He shook his head and tapped my head: "Do you think I want to be skinned by your mother? The bag with pineapples and oranges is yours."
"Qin Fangrui will scold me for buying so much." I lowered my head and weighed the heavy fruits in my hands. Looking at the different varieties in the two bags, I realized that Chen Jinmo still remembered Lin Jingxiang's and mine preferences.
"There's nothing to worry about. Let's go." He pushed me into the corridor. I kept looking back. He smiled at me and said "bye" to me.
"Oh, okay." He was always like this and I couldn't refuse him. I hesitated for a few seconds and walked upstairs.