Standing at the busy crossroads, I was at a loss as to what to do, left or right, forward or backward.
When I was little, I always despised you for not realizing your dreams. But when I grew up, I realized that what I despised was actually myself who also had to choose to give up.
——Cuckoo

Jiang Huai's home is at the end of Qingtang Street. There is a small fireworks workshop behind his house. The outside is also a shop like my home. All the fireworks in the shop are made by his family. Every firework made by Jiang Huai's family is very beautiful. Those large-scale events or important banquets will come to purchase fireworks from his family.
When I arrived at Jiang Huai's house, I unexpectedly discovered that Mingqing River was also here.
On a hot summer day, Jiang Huai rolled up his sleeves and plunged into the fireworks workshop. Ming Qinghe sat on a stool on the side, scooping half a watermelon with a spoon.
Seeing the three of us coming over, Ming Qinghe immediately put on a bright smile: "Oh, you're all here."
"What are you doing?" I walked over and saw Jiang Huai holding an empty measuring cup, and guessed, "Making fireworks?"
"I'm just here to help." Jiang Huai said with a smile, "Would you like to come in and take a look? You haven't been here for three years."
"OK."
Yes, it’s been three years since I last came.
I haven't been here since we had that argument that year.
The existence that was once the most familiar to me now seems very strange.
Jiang Huai led us into the workshop. There were four people in total, two of them were his parents, another was Jiang Huai's uncle, and the other was a hired worker.
"This place hasn't changed much." I used to come here often to play when I was a child, and the workshop back then looked pretty much the same as it does now.
On this street, the products made by these ancestral shops are not large, because they are only sold to people who understand their value. Grandpa makes only about ten fans every year, but each one is a masterpiece. Du Juan's mother only embroiders one large piece and more than ten small pieces every year, and most of them are customized by wealthy people.
These things are not bought to be used, but to be displayed, decorated and collected.
The people on this street have passed down and survived from generation to generation in this way, living on this ancient street with those ancient skills.
"Jiang Huai, we came here to ask you, how did you fill out your application form?" I remembered the purpose of our trip, and considering what Xu Chenxi had said before, I couldn't help but ask out of curiosity.
Jiang Huai smiled and said, "I applied to the only university in Rongcheng. Although it is only a third-rate university, it only takes two buses a day to go home from there. And the most important point is that this school has a major called Special Energy Engineering and Pyrotechnics Technology."
"Don't you feel regretful?" I couldn't help but ask, "Your score is obviously high enough to go to those prosperous big cities and have better choices."
"But for me, this is the best choice." Jiang Huai said, "The so-called good choice is not in the eyes of others, but in your own eyes."
"The teacher asked me to persuade you to fill in a new application." Xu Chenxi interrupted and said, "It seems that I don't need to say anything, because for those who have made up their minds, all persuasion is unnecessary."
"That's true." Jiang Huai nodded.
"Jiang Huai, I want to talk to you." Du Juan walked up to Jiang Huai, looking very serious, "When are you free?"
"So cautious." Ming Qinghe was a little surprised, "A little bird can actually be so serious!"
Du Juan glanced at Ming Qinghe with a complicated look in her eyes, but unexpectedly, she did not argue with Ming Qinghe, but looked at Jiang Huai very seriously.
Jiang Huai thought for a moment and replied, "Later, at 7:30 pm, I'll wait for you at the ice cream shop on the street."
"Okay." Du Juan nodded, then turned and walked out of the fireworks workshop.
Xu Chenxi asked worriedly, "Is Du Juan worried about something? Why does she look so unhappy? This is not common. She always looks happy."
"Maybe you are worried about something that you can't understand." I looked at Du Juan's back as she left and said dejectedly.
In my opinion, some sadness can be shared, but some troubles can only be eliminated by yourself.
"Little Apple, where is your application form? Have you filled it out?" Ming Qinghe came over and put a hand on my shoulder out of habit. "What did you fill out?"
"I... am not sure yet." I stammered, "Wait a couple of days. I 'll probably be able to figure it out in a couple of days."
"Oh, I see! Then Chenxi, what about you?" Ming Qinghe looked at Xu Chenxi standing beside him and asked, "Are you going to Beijing or somewhere else?"
"Beijing." Xu Chenxi replied with a smile, and asked, "What about you? Your score is higher than mine, so you can go anywhere."
"Ah..." Ming Qinghe sighed, "If possible, I really don't want to be separated from you. If that happens, it will be too difficult to see you in the future."
"There are also winter and summer vacations." I said with a smile, "Originally, you only come to live with your grandma during the winter and summer vacations, so even if you go to college somewhere else, you can also come here during the winter and summer vacations. Everyone will come back during the holidays."
"Shan'er." Xu Chenxi's voice was filled with helplessness. "No one can always have winter and summer vacations, unless they become teachers in the future."
"Ah..." I was unable to react for a moment.
Yes, no one can stay in the student age forever, and they have to grow up. By that time, everyone has to face the path they want to take. By that time, can everyone still stay together like this carefree and unscrupulous?
On the way home, I kept thinking about this question, but in the end, the more I thought about it, the sadder I became. Separation is something that we have to experience sooner or later. This separation is actually a sign that we will go our separate ways in the future, so Ming Qinghe said that.
It seems that everyone has the same awareness, and I seem to be the only one resisting growing up.
How nice it would be if time could stay in this midsummer forever!
"Click!" The sound of a shutter brought my drifting thoughts back. I looked up and saw a boy holding a SLR camera, taking pictures of the fans in my fan shop.
"Hey!" I quickly walked up to him and patted him on the shoulder.
He seemed startled and turned around quickly.
This is a handsome boy with a pair of very beautiful eyes and a short buzz cut, looking very sunny. He looked at me with some confusion, as if asking me why I disturbed him.
I pointed to a wooden sign nearby and said, "It's clearly written that taking photos is prohibited here."
"Who are you?" He raised his eyebrows, as if he was not convinced. "I'm taking my pictures, it doesn't seem to be any of your business!"
"Of course it's my business, because this is my home and this is my store." I was amused by his words. What a reckless boy.
"Ah." He was indeed a little surprised. "Sorry, but I asked the owner and he said I could take a few photos here."
"Impossible!" I didn't believe him. "My grandfather would never let anyone take a picture of him."
"Shan'er." Grandpa came out of the yard, holding a teacup in his hand, exuding a strong tea aroma , "Indeed, I agreed to let him take a few photos here."
"What?" This time it was my turn to be shocked. "Why? Grandpa, don't you hate people taking pictures in the store?"
"That's right, but there are exceptions sometimes." Grandpa smiled heartily. He handed the teacup to the boy and said kindly, "This is my granddaughter Su Shaner. Shaner, this is Chen Xiaotian. He came to take pictures of my fan for his paper."
"Paper?" I was a little surprised. "So, he is a college student."
"Yes, I major in folklore." Chen Xiaotian smiled at me, showing two rows of white teeth. "I plan to write a paper on folk art, so I came to your famous Qingtang Street. I passed by your fan shop and thought it was very interesting, so I wanted to take some photos back. Don't worry, I will definitely put the watermark of Su Ji Fan Shop on the photos."
"So that's what's happening. I'm sorry, I lost my composure just now." After figuring out the whole story, I quickly apologized to him.
"It's okay. I made some mistakes too." Chen Xiaotian said straightforwardly, "Also, your name is very unique. "
"Thank you, my grandfather gave me the name," I said.
"Then your grandfather must hope that you can make a good fan." He smiled and said sincerely.
After hearing what Chen Xiaotian said, I didn’t say anything else.
Did my grandfather give me this name with that kind of hope? But when I grow up, my grandfather will not force me to learn to make fans from him.
Even after Chen Xiaotian passed away, I was still struggling with this question. But if I were asked to ask my grandfather, I couldn't bring myself to ask.
In the evening, the family gathered around the dining table for dinner. Mom and Dad were still the same. They quarreled over a trivial matter from the beginning to the end of the meal. I really don’t know how they have lived together for so many years.
After dinner, I suddenly remembered that Jiang Huai had arranged to meet Du Juan at the ice cream shop during the day. I took a shower, changed my clothes, and told my family that I would go out for a walk and come back later.
Qingtang Street is very cool at night, and the leaves of the plane trees rustle in the breeze. Walking alone on the street, there is a very peaceful feeling. The lanterns outside each store are lit, emitting red light, and it looks like walking into a costume drama .
"Hey, Su Shan'er?" Chen Xiaotian's voice came from behind me. I turned around and saw him walking towards me with a SLR camera hanging on his chest. "It's really you! I just thought you looked a bit like me from the back."
"Are you here to take pictures?" I pointed to the lighted shop next to me, "You don't let go even at night."
"No, no, no, the night is suitable for taking pictures of the night view here. It's so beautiful. It turns out that I made the right decision to come here during the summer vacation." Chen Xiaotian sighed.
When he came to my side, I continued walking forward and said, "Actually, it's beautiful here in the winter. Everything is covered with snow. It looks like living in a fairy tale."
Chen Xiaotian's eyes suddenly lit up: "Really? Looks like I'll have to do it again this winter."
"Of course it's true. The scenery of this street is different in all seasons. In my heart, this is the most beautiful place." I told him with a smile.
"You must love this street." Chen Xiaotian exclaimed.
“Yeah, I love it here.”
Teacher Chen’s voice, appearance and smile appeared in my mind again.
I think the reason why I like this place so much is also because of Teacher Chen! After all, in the stories she told, every detail about Qingtang Street was as beautiful as a painting.
"Where are you planning to go?" Chen Xiaotian looked at me and asked.
"Just take a walk after dinner." I thought, there's no need to talk so much to a stranger. "By the way, where did you go to college?"
"A university with cherry blossoms blooming all over the campus." Chen Xiaotian said with a smile, "I heard from your grandfather that you just took the college entrance examination this year, and the scores are out. You should fill in your application form, right?"
"Hmm." I wanted to sigh when I thought of the blank volunteer form. "Can I ask you a question?"
"You ask."
Chen Xiaotian signaled me not to mind it and just ask if I had any questions.
"Is college life fun? Is college really as colorful as everyone says?" I am very curious about this question because many people yearn for college life, and I am no exception.
I always hear people say that college is fun, life is exciting, and every day is fulfilling.
I think this might be the reason why Du Juan reacted so strongly to her mother asking her to give up her studies.
Everyone looks forward to a colorful tomorrow, right?
"Well, how should I put it?" Chen Xiaotian thought about it, as if considering how to put it. After a long while, he said, "In fact, what others say about college life is never to be believed."
"Huh?" I didn't quite understand what he said.
"Let me tell you this," Chen Xiaotian said, "In college, there are actually many kinds of people. For example, there is one kind who is very active in everything, joins all kinds of clubs, never misses any activities, and lives a busy and fulfilling life every day."
When I heard him say this, I suddenly felt a longing for such a life .
However, he went on to say: "But unfortunately, the proportion of such people on campus is less than one-tenth."
"Why? What about others?" I was surprised.
"Some of the others are busy working part-time for various reasons. Some people go to class and go home, then sleep, or hang out in the library reading novels and magazines. The rest, apart from attending classes, stay in their dormitories playing online games. Of course, there are also those who are busy having a campus romance and seizing the tail end of their youth." Chen Xiaotian laughed twice, "In short, there are all kinds of people, so not everyone's university life is so colorful."
"So that's how it is." After hearing what he said, I suddenly felt ashamed of my previous misunderstanding.
Sure enough, no matter what you hear, the credibility of it will definitely be greatly reduced.
"Well, what kind of college life you will have depends entirely on what kind of life you want. However, many people enter college with various expectations, and when the cruel reality appears before their eyes, they become more and more degraded day by day." Chen Xiaotian was somewhat helpless, "For many people, college is probably just a place to waste time."
"But if that's the case, then I won't learn anything, right?" My thoughts were a little confused for a moment. "If I can't learn anything, what should I do after graduation?"
"Of course you have to find a job after graduation! But God is fair. College life is fulfilling and colorful, and you can usually find the job you want. People who just want to get by are probably just looking for a job to make a living." Chen Xiaotian paused and said, "I've said before, what kind of life you will have depends on what kind of life you want."
After listening to his words, I seemed to understand something.
If you want to live a certain kind of life, you must work hard for it, and you will eventually get it. If you want great happiness, you must be prepared to endure great pain, and if you just want an ordinary life , you only need to endure ordinary troubles.
God is indeed fair.
Chen Xiaotian and I walked in different directions at the next intersection. I kept thinking about what he said. Du Juan wanted a colorful college life. If she went to college, she would definitely be the kind of person who lived a fulfilling life every day.
What about me? Will I be this kind of person when I enter university in the future?
I was actually a little uncertain, even though I had my own fantasies about college.
I walked towards the ice cream shop and soon saw its sign. I quickened my pace and saw Jiang Huai sitting by the window, but Du Juan was not there.
I looked at my watch and it was almost eight o'clock. Did Dujuan not come yet, or did she come and leave?
With such doubts, I walked in and sat down opposite Jiang Huai.
Jiang Huai was not surprised at all to see me, as if he had been waiting for me here.
Sure enough, he smiled and said, "Shan'er, I knew you would come."
"Why? The person who asked you out was Du Juan." I asked puzzledly.
Jiang Huai said calmly: "Based on my understanding of you, you will definitely not ignore Du Juan. You are too protective and always want to protect others. If you can rest assured that Du Juan is like this, you are not Su Shan'er."
"Hey." I secretly stuck out my tongue, "Has Dujuan been here?"
"I've been here." Jiang Huai said.
"Where is she?" I looked around, but there was no sign of Du Juan in the ice cream shop.
"Let's go." Jiang Huai spread his hands, looking innocent.
"Dujuan really wants to go to college." I said depressedly, lying on the table, "But Dujuan's mother wants her to inherit the embroidery shop and she won't allow Dujuan to go to college no matter what."
"No wonder she asked me today why I chose to study fireworks nearby instead of going to a big city to enjoy college life better." Jiang Huai said with sudden enlightenment, "I should have thought of it earlier."
"So how did you answer her? Your answer is really important to her." I looked at him, a little nervous.
Because I found that his answer was important to me too.
"My answer? Didn't I tell you last time at the beach?" Jiang Huai said with a smile, "Because I like fireworks, I like fireworks that can change into various shapes and patterns in the sky. Because when the fireworks bloom in the dark night, the whole sky is illuminated, and that sense of satisfaction is fascinating."
"What if you don't like fireworks, would you give up ?" I asked him.
Jiang Huai thought for a moment and said, "I will probably give up, but I won't give up everything. If an ancient skill disappears because you don't like it, that sense of guilt will follow you for the rest of your life. Things passed down by our ancestors cannot be destroyed in the hands of our generation, right?"
My heart skipped a beat. His words were like the first thunder of spring, bringing a brief moment of clarity to my chaotic mind.
He went on to say, "If you really don't like it, it's okay to give up. But before you give up, you have to make sure whether you really don't like it. Is it because you want to escape that fate, or escape the path paved for you by others, that you resist and dislike it... Only by figuring this out can you make the right choice."
"What if it's because of responsibility?" I repeated these two words silently, "Is it really worth giving up my whole life just because of these two words?"
"When people live in this world, they must always shoulder certain responsibilities," Jiang Huai said earnestly.
He is obviously the same age as me, so why can he see things so clearly, like a wise man, while I am just a little kid who knows nothing?
"Oh, I don't know what to do." I am actually no less conflicted than Dujuan. Sometimes not saying anything will make people feel even more embarrassed.
"Is it a fan shop?" Jiang Huai was not surprised at all. On the contrary, he seemed to understand my dilemma better than I did.
"Yes." I said sullenly, lying on the table.
"What do you think? In fact, no matter how much others say, it can't compare to the decision you make in your heart." Jiang Huai looked at me quietly, with a determined light in his eyes. "Remove all external interference and see clearly what you really think in your heart. Only in this way can you take the next step firmly."
"When I was a child, I grew up on my grandfather's knees." I looked out the window, and the red lanterns formed a line in the dark night, like the continuous . "It seems that in all my memories, my grandfather has been carving fans. The fans made by my grandfather are really beautiful, and each fan is like a perfect work of art. At that time, my grandfather seemed to glow in my eyes. I wanted to be a person like my grandfather. I had such thoughts before, but then I grew up slowly and learned that my parents left this family because they didn't want to inherit the fan shop. At that time, I also hated the fan shop. I felt that if there was no fan shop, I would have better memories of my childhood. If the fan shop was so good, how could my parents prefer to run away from home and go home once every few years instead of staying? I had such doubts at that time. Later, when I grew up a little, I found that my grandfather never told me to inherit the fan shop. I wonder if it is because he doesn't want me to leave here because of this. Facing the grandfather who is getting older day by day, I always feel that... my parents are too much, and I am too much too much."
Jiang Huai listened to me quietly, without interrupting me at all, but acted as a qualified listener.
I have always kept these words in the deepest part of my heart and refused to tell anyone. Maybe Jiang Huai is right. If I really give up, the sense of responsibility will always follow me.
"Have you ever thought about trying to take over the fan shop?" Jiang Huai saw that I had finished speaking and slowly said to me, "Isn't it because you realized something that you started to mind it?"
My heart trembled slightly. He was right. It was because I realized this that I felt so conflicted when facing the application form.
"Fan'er, if there is no fan shop, where would you like to go?" Jiang Huai looked into my eyes and asked me softly, "Where do you want to spend your future?"
I stared into his eyes, and I saw my own astonishment in his eyes, as if I had never considered this question. If there were no fan shop, what would I choose in the future?
My heartstrings were plucked at this moment.
I suddenly laughed. What a fool I was. Hadn’t I already decided where I wanted to go in the future?
I want to stay by your side in the future, Jiang Huai.