"Come in, your teacher wants to say a few last words to you." Teacher 's daughter said to us while standing at the door of the emergency room.
Du Juan pulled Xu Chenxi and me to squeeze in first, and we stood in the place closest to Teacher Chen. There was no one to organize us, and no one spoke, but everyone stood in rows, neatly arranged according to their graduation year, as if they had discussed it beforehand.
Teacher Chen's eyes were gentle, and she swept across each of our faces. Finally, she opened her mouth and said softly, "Students, class is over. Be careful on the road and pay attention to safety."
"Tick-tock--" The clock hanging on the wall of the emergency room pointed to half past four, which was the time when the bell rang for the end of school in elementary school.
My tears burst out instantly.
"Teacher, goodbye!" Everyone bent down. This time, it was not Teacher Chen standing on the podium watching us leave with our backpacks, but we were standing here to guard Teacher Chen as he left.
I think Teacher Chen must have passed away peacefully because I saw her smile at the end.
On the way home, we were all silent. We used to quarrel and fall out over childish reasons, but now, we seemed to have all grown up.
This summer, the cicadas are chirping non-stop.
Some people say that growing up happens overnight. We didn’t believe it before, but now we have no doubt at all.
Two days later, the college entrance examination scores were finally available for checking. The results were no surprise. Xu Chenxi's score was the highest, which was enough to get into the best university in the country. Jiang Huai was second, his score was slightly lower, but at least he could study in the school and major he wanted. My score was neither high nor low, Du Juan and I were about the same. Ming Qinghe's score had not been checked yet because he had lost his admission ticket at home. In the evening, his family checked his score for him and called him to tell him.
Ming Qinghe's grades were already very good, and his test score was actually higher than Xu Chenxi's.
The next day after the scores came out, I changed into a black dress and walked out of the house with a bunch of white chrysanthemums.
Teacher Chen's funeral was held today.
The four of us met at the bus stop, and today we all wore black.
Because Teacher Chen had so many students, and she had taught for more than 40 years, her students were spread all over the country, so the mourning hall was set up in a large funeral home in the city. When we arrived, there were already quite a few people standing in the mourning hall.
Du Juan stood in front of Teacher Chen's photo for a long time, not knowing what she was thinking.
"Hey, Su Shaner?" Someone outside the crowd was calling my name.
I looked back and saw my former elementary school classmates. We had all grown up.
I walked to Teacher Chen's body with white chrysanthemums and gently placed the flowers into the crystal coffin. Teacher Chen looked like he was asleep.
How I wish she would open her eyes and say to us again: "Classmates, class is starting."
However, I knew that this was impossible, as death was the most desperate farewell. I just didn’t expect that the first farewell in my life would be with my favorite teacher.
After attending Teacher Chen’s funeral, the next thing we have to face is the choice of future.
Before the scores come out, you can tell yourself that the time to make a choice has not come yet, but now there is no excuse to delay.
When faced with the college entrance examination application form, I was unable to fill in the blanks.
I remember when we were at the beach, Xu Chenxi asked me if I had thought about what I wanted to do in the future. At that time, only Jiang Huai said he wanted to inherit the family's fireworks craft. Du Juan, Xu Chenxi and I instinctively avoided making a choice.
My mother knocked on my open door and came in with a bowl of sliced ​​cantaloupe. She sat cross-legged beside me, put the bowl on the coffee table, and asked me softly, "Did you say goodbye to the teacher properly?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "I've said goodbye."
My mother picked up the blank application form next to me and asked me, "Don't you know how to fill it out?"
"It feels so hard to choose." I held the information booklet of various universities' admission majors and score lines, flipping through it absentmindedly. "Mom, do we all have to choose our own future in this booklet?"
"Are you afraid, Shan'er?" Mom asked me with a smile, "Are you afraid that your future will be limited to this small wish list?"
"I don't know, Mom. Does everyone hesitate and feel lost like me?" I looked into my mother's eyes and said softly, "I don't know if I will regret making such a decision in the future if I make the decision now. There is still a long time in the future, right? If I make the wrong decision , won't I always live in regret in the future?"
"What kind of future do you think Shan'er will have so that you won't regret it?" Mom picked up a piece of cantaloupe with a fork, took a bite and said, "Shan'er, there is no one-size-fits-all choice. If one choice can avoid future regrets, isn't that too simple?"
"Huh?" My heart trembled slightly. My mother's words made me feel familiar.
Isn't this what Xu Chenxi said to the drummer? Always choose the easiest way, want to satisfy everyone, and finally hurt yourself to maintain the illusion of harmony and intimacy.
"Shan'er, the so-called life is made up of half joy and half tears. No one will be happy all his life, or in other words, no one can be happy all his life. There will always be setbacks and various regrets. Maybe today's choice will become the source of tomorrow's pain, but Shan'er, if time could go back and you chose a completely different path, are you sure you won't experience pain?" Mom said, and I listened quietly.
"So, no matter which path I choose, it's wrong?" I asked subconsciously.
"That, just think about it yourself." Mom took the last bite of cantaloupe and said vaguely, "Adults have no right to decide the future of their children. I am just telling you what others told me when you are confused."
After she finished speaking, she stood up and walked out. I called her, "Mom!"
"Hmm?" She stood at the door and turned to look at me.
"Have you ever been like me, afraid to choose your future?" I asked.
Mom smiled and shook her head: "No, I'm not someone who has difficulty making choices. Shan'er, I believe you can do it too. And life is not bound by a volunteer form. It's just the entrance to a new world. The real future is actually after that."
Even though my mother said that, I still couldn't make up my mind.
I lay on the mat and spread the information book in front of me. There are so many majors like stars in the sky, and the schools are dazzling.
"Alas!" I sighed and threw the information booklet aside. There was less than a week left before submitting the application form. During this time, I had to make a decision.
I really hate making decisions, which is why I always chose the simplest way to get along with everyone in the past, although this is also a choice.
Du Juan didn't come to see me today, I was going to ask Du Juan how to fill it out, because our scores are similar. Xu Chenxi and Ming Qinghe's scores are very high, and Xu Chenxi will never be confused about studying.
I pushed open the outer door and walked out. My grandfather was sitting in front of the workbench. He was wearing a pair of reading glasses and holding a carving knife in his hand. He was carefully carving patterns on the bamboo strips.
My grandfather told me that my ancestors made fans for the palace, and they specialized in making palace fans as tribute. I have seen an old fan that my grandfather treasured. It was the most beautiful fan I have ever seen, luxurious and dignified. My grandfather never let me touch it, for fear that I would break it.
"Shan'er, are you going out?" Grandpa raised his head and smiled at me kindly.
"I'll go see Dujuan." I quickly shifted my gaze away from the carving knife in my grandfather's hand and forced myself not to think too much about it.
"Woof woof woof!" Grape jumped out from the corner and ran out behind me. Dujuan's house is next door to mine.
Dujuan's embroidery workshop is very beautifully decorated. Some of the embroidery sold there are made by Dujuan's mother, and some are finished products brought back for sale directly.
In my memory, it seems that only Dujuan's mother and Dujuan lived together. Dujuan's grandparents died when Dujuan was very young, and I have never seen Dujuan's father. Dujuan's mother's embroidery skills are very exquisite, and many people come to buy her embroidery works. So even though Dujuan's mother is the only one who takes care of Dujuan, the two of them can live well.
I walked into the embroidery workshop. No one was there, so I pushed open the door leading to the yard and walked in. Just as I was about to call Dujuan, I heard an argument coming from inside.
"I don't want this!" Du Juan's voice was filled with anger. "Why should I follow the path you have paved? Why can't I decide my own life?"
"Because you don't have the right to be willful!"
In my impression, Du Juan's mother is a beautiful woman with a gentle personality. My first impression of her was when my grandfather held me in his arms and came to visit Du Juan's home when I was very young. It was dusk, and the setting sun dyed a large patch of clouds red. In the yard covered by green shades, she was wearing a blue floral double-breasted blouse, her long hair was tied up behind her head, she lowered her head slightly, and flexibly shuttled the needle and thread in her hands.
At that time, I was amazed by her beauty. Even for a long time afterwards, I stubbornly believed that Du Juan's mother must be the most beautiful person in the world.
However, it was this person who spoke in a cold voice at this time. She said, "You are no longer a child, Du Juan. You will not be able to retreat from the things you are shouldering."
"I won't!" Dujuan shouted, and then I heard the crackling sound of footsteps. Dujuan ran to the door and saw me.
She was stunned, grabbed my arm, and dragged me out of the house.
"Where are you taking me?" She pulled me all the way and I was out of breath.
"Go find Jiang Huai!" Du Juan said.
I understand why Du Juan wanted to see Jiang Huai at this time, because that day at the beach, he spoke so firmly about his future. He liked fireworks, so he wanted to inherit the craft of making those beautiful fireworks.
In fact, I was also very surprised at that time, because I was sure that I could not make a decisive choice like him.
The image of my grandfather holding the carving knife appeared in my mind again. I quickly shook my head vigorously to get rid of this image from my mind.
When I was a child, my mother told me that my grandfather wanted my father to give up his studies and go home to learn how to make fans from him. However, my father refused to give up no matter what. He even went abroad to escape the fate of staying in Qingtang Street to inherit the fan shop.
It is because of this that grandpa had to hold the carving knife all the time.
"Dujuan, Shan'er?" Xu Chenxi was standing at the door of the store. Seeing Dujuan and I running so desperately, he called out to us, "Where are you going in such a hurry?"
"Go find Jiang Huai!" I said.
"Wait for me, I'll go with you!" Xu Chenxi said, and ran to our side without even bothering to change his shoes. "The class teacher called me and said that the school Jiang Huai filled in on the application form was too outrageous, so he asked me to persuade him to fill in a new one."
"Has Jianghuai's already been paid?" I was surprised.
"Yeah." Xu Chenxi nodded. "When we went to school to get the application form, we filled it out and handed it in. Anyway, filling out the application form was not a big deal for me. It was just a matter of changing places and learning something I wanted to learn."
I couldn't help but envy Xu Chenxi. For Xu Chenxi, she could think of nothing and easily walk her own path, but Du Juan and I couldn't do that.
Behind me is my grandfather’s gradually aging figure, and Dujuan has to bear even heavier burdens than I do.