A few days after this unpleasant party, Lu Mingyu went on a business trip.
Originally, he was not supposed to be the one on the business trip, but that person's wife suddenly fell ill, so Lu Mingyu had to take his place.
When I found out that he had been away on a business trip for nearly a month, I suddenly felt panicky for no apparent reason. I had only seen him once every two or three months before, but now that I could see him all day, I felt empty inside. This subtle change in my mood disturbed me.
That night, he seemed to notice that I was a little dazed, and did not rush to send me home. Instead, he took me to his house first and asked me to help him pack his luggage.
I don't know if it's my illusion, but I always feel that there are some subtle changes between him and me. But I can't tell what the changes are. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking.
Lu Mingyu now lives in a single apartment assigned to him by the company. It is elegantly decorated, spacious and comfortable, and most of his neighbors are from the company. However, this kind of welfare treatment will not be given to low-level employees like me.
"If you work hard and get to the administrative office, maybe I can give you some points." Seeing that I was a little envious, he came over and put his arm around my shoulders, half-jokingly saying, "Or, you can move in with me?"
As if I was choking on a piece of spicy pepper, I held my breath, blushed, and looked at him in disbelief.
He immediately raised his hands in surrender: "Hey, I was just kidding !"
After saying that, he walked away with a smile and went to the kitchen to wash the fruit.
I stood there stupidly, feeling uneasy again because of his words. Some sour and sweet taste inexplicably surged from the bottom of my heart. I took a deep breath and forced myself to sit on the sofa and not think about anything.
After a while, Lu Mingyu brought a large bowl of washed bayberries in front of me, took out one and put it into my mouth.
"Try it, it's said to be very delicious."
"Didn't you eat it?" I turned my head and took a bite of the bayberry.
He sat down next to me and said nonchalantly, "This was sent by my neighbor next door, but I don't really like it. I didn't want it, but thinking that you like it, I kept it."
I spit out the bayberry pit and asked, as if possessed by a ghost: "Is it a girl?"
"How do you know?" He burst into laughter, came over, stretched out his hand, and pinched my face without any hesitation.
The distance that was shortened in an instant made our breathing entangled. His eyes met mine unexpectedly, and I was stunned without warning.
Then he was also stunned.
But the distance between us did not widen.
My chest was heaving violently, and my body was tense, as if the sky would fall apart in the next second. After all, he and I were no longer at the age where we could be close to each other without any scruples.
At this time, the doorbell rang.
Everything that should and shouldn't exist between us was broken at this moment.
Lu Mingyu retracted his infatuated look as if waking up from a dream, coughed lightly, stood up and opened the door.
It was at this time that I met Yu Bing.
She was the colleague who sent him bayberries, and she was in charge of the finance department at a young age. In addition to having a beautiful face, she also had an unattainable family background and a brain full of wisdom.
However, at that time, I didn’t know that the bowl of fresh and juicy chilled bayberries in my hand was carefully selected by her.
And I didn’t know that Yu Bing was the person who went on a business trip with Lu Mingyu.
That night, after I helped Lu Mingyu pack all his luggage, I was so sleepy that I fell asleep on the sofa. He had repeatedly told me not to help him with everything, and that he could do it himself, but I just couldn't sit still and couldn't stand watching him packing things in a mess, so I just cleaned up his entire room.
As agreed, I was supposed to take him to the airport, but when , he was gone.
On the kitchen table, there was a cooked breakfast. I looked at the time with sleepy eyes and realized that he should have been on the plane by now. There was a text message in my phone that he sent before I checked in. He told me to cherish the weekend and not to miss him too much since he was gone. I should take a taxi after work in the evening and not worry about the money because he would reimburse me. If anything happened, I should call him immediately. Even if he couldn't make it back, he would know my situation as soon as possible.
He is not good at sending messages. For so many years, the only way he communicated with me was to make phone calls or send voice messages. But this time, he sent me a message just to make me sleep a little longer.
At this moment, the warm morning light poured in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I held the warm cell phone in my hand, unwilling to put it down.
I walked to the dining table, picked up the toast and took a bite, then tasted the fried eggs.
Just right.
Just like that.
Maybe, it will be better in the future.
But at this moment, it is enough.
After Lu Mingyu left, I became extremely busy. He also seemed to be in a difficult situation, so we had very little time to communicate. Only occasionally, he would send me some photos of the scenery there, and I would tell him what I had eaten today and what interesting things I encountered.
The feeling of missing him always sank deep in my heart, but my heart was always inexplicably looking forward to something.
This kind of life lasted for less than a month, and Lu Mingyu finally came back. However, what no one expected was that he and Yu Bing were together.
In fact, I was the first person to witness this.
Because they came in holding each other's hands.
The moment he saw me, Lu Mingyu was obviously stunned, and he subconsciously loosened his hand. Yu Bing's face changed suddenly. I was sorting folders, and the moment I saw this scene, the files that were not put away slipped down and scattered all over the floor.
Seeing this, Lu Mingyu wanted to come forward to help me clean up, but was stopped by Yu Bing.
"The director is anxious for you to go up, so go quickly." She said gently, and then glanced at me vaguely.
I have to say that Yu Bing is indeed the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. I am not surprised at all that she can steal Lu Mingyu's heart.
But even so, as I slowly retreated into the bathroom cubicle, my tears couldn't stop flowing down, dripping into my heart bit by bit, accompanied by the sound of Yu Bing's high heels stepping on the floor outside.
He doesn't like me after all.
And I, probably, will always be self-indulgent.
What a cruel fact this is.
But why am I so stupid that I can't see clearly?
For a long time, I didn't know how to face Lu Mingyu.
I was afraid that he would know my resentment, and I was even more afraid that he would expose my secret love for him. So I would hide as much as I could, and leave in a hurry after work. When he called me, I would pretend to be busy, say a few words quickly, and then find an excuse to hang up.
After a long time, he stopped looking for me, and we only met occasionally and said hello.
But neither of us thought we would see each other at a high school reunion. I thought he wouldn't come, and he seemed to think I wouldn't come either. So when I walked into the private room and saw him and Yu Bing sitting there, I was struck by lightning.
A few old friends called me over, but I couldn't recover from the shock.
When Lu Mingyu saw that it was me, he wanted to laugh, but he couldn't. The awkward atmosphere made everyone uncomfortable.
Just when he was about to say something, my cell phone suddenly rang. It was Chen Meihua. She knew I was going out for dinner, so she asked me to remember to bring her some midnight snacks. But I didn't care what she said. I just said, "Okay, okay, I'll be right back," and then hung up.
I don't want to stay here. It reminds me of Cheng Duo and the school belle in high school a long time ago.
Because Yu Bing was looking at me with the same eyes as them.
Don't make the same mistake again. I've made enough of myself.
Thinking of this, I bowed, said sorry to the classmate who organized this gathering, then turned around and left.
My new high heels were a little uncomfortable, and the straps of my ill-fitting dress kept sliding down. I stumbled out of the room and found myself in tears when I walked into the lobby.
Countless memories came flooding back to me. I felt like a helpless reef, stuck in the waves, powerless against the approaching coldness and darkness.
At this moment, a hand patted my shoulder. I turned around and found that it was the school beauty of that year.
I stared at her with wide eyes, but she just smiled at me.
Why is she here too?
"You walked too fast and your brooch fell down." She stretched out her hand, and lying in her palm was my brooch.
"Thank you..." I took it silently, but I didn't know how to face her.
After so many years, she has shed her youthful pride and become gentle and charming, with happiness in her eyes and eyebrows.
"You're surprised I'm here, right? Actually, Xiaoban and I are getting married, so that's why we're here."
After she said that, I suddenly realized that Xiaoban was the organizer of this party, and I was in such a hurry that I didn't see her. It turned out that they became a couple.
"Actually, it was Lu Mingyu who found that your brooch had fallen off. You know, he always pays special attention to you. " She smiled helplessly, "He wanted to come out and give it to you, but Yu Bing decisively stopped him."
"Really..." I held the shoulder straps of my backpack tightly, not knowing whether to cry or laugh at these words.
"Alas." She sighed, "Actually, I came down to see you this time because I wanted to say sorry to you. I misunderstood you back then. You and Lu Mingyu were not in the relationship I thought they were. At least, it wasn't like that back then."
"You really misunderstood. He didn't like me from the beginning to the end." I smiled bitterly.
"Maybe. But it is undeniable that you always occupy an important and irreplaceable position in his heart. Everyone who has liked him should have been bothered by this position, but no one has ever been able to shake it. I don't know if this is the conventional definition of love, but just this alone has made those who like him very angry." She smiled and patted my shoulder earnestly, "I think that Lu Mingyu often can't see clearly what he wants."
Yeah?
Can't you see what?
If he really likes me, after all these years, can't he see it clearly?
I smiled bitterly and shook my head, with a feeling of bitterness in my eyes.
"Thank you, thank you for coming to comfort me no matter what." My voice was hoarse.
She just looked at me quietly and smiled gently.
I often feel that time is both gentle and cruel. It turns the perverse and proud into gentle and charming, and the impulsive and ignorant into generous and wise. But it is cruel and can never change me.
Pei Jixing is still the same Pei Jixing, the Pei Jixing who can't help crying in pain whenever Lu Mingyu is involved.
No matter the changes of the sun, moon and stars, or the rotation of spring, summer, autumn and winter, I will always be the same and will never be able to stop liking Lu Mingyu.
After that day, I fell seriously ill.
I had a fever of 40 degrees Celsius and was completely paralyzed at home. I had no energy to do anything else except lying down. I used the last bit of my energy to call for leave.
Chen Meihua still ignored me. The only kind gesture she made was that she, who was always restless , became quiet for a rare moment.
But it is unrealistic to expect her to take care of you.
Growing up, whenever I was sick, only my father stayed by my side, and Chen Meihua had nothing but complaints: if I took leave, my salary would be deducted, so I would have less money to take home; there was nothing to worry about if a little girl caught a cold or had a fever, she was strong and would be fine after a while...
During these days, I had many dreams. I dreamed about my father’s care for me when I was a child, Chen Meihua’s indifference, the dark days after my father’s death, being driven out of the room by Chen Meihua, and meeting the smiling boy Lu Mingyu in the pavilion. I dreamed that the grown-up Lu Mingyu was holding someone else’s hand and walking away from me, and I couldn’t catch up with him no matter how hard I tried…
When I wake up, I am always sweating profusely, and then, when I recall those fragments in my dream, my chest starts to ache.
I thought it would be great if I could drown in a deep sleep, then I wouldn't have to fight the pain when I wake up.
It’s funny to think about it, but every time Lu Mingyu has a girlfriend, I always get seriously ill like this.
It seems that only in this way can I resist all this torture.
On the fifth day of the drip, my fever finally subsided, and I finally had the strength to eat a proper meal.
The moment I swallowed the food, I suddenly felt like I was reborn from the ashes.
Just then, Lu Mingyu called.
Chen Meihua, who was eating melon seeds, yelled, "Hurry up and answer the phone. He calls many times every day. It's so annoying."
Ever since Chen Meihua knew that it was Lu Mingyu who found this job for me, her hostility towards him was not as deep as before. Most of the time, she turned a blind eye as long as I could make money for her.
Looking at the flashing screen of the phone, I couldn't make up my mind and picked it up.
As soon as he put the phone to his ear, Lu Mingyu's anxious voice came from the other end: "Pei Jixing, how are you now? Are you well? I'm downstairs in your house now, can you come out to see me?"
I don't know why, but after hearing these words, my brain suddenly felt as if it was lacking oxygen. It took me a long time to calm down before I had the strength to speak.
"I'm much better, thank you." I spoke softly, trying to keep a steady tone.
"That's good, but can you come down now? I bought a lot of supplements for you--"
"I... I'm not home right now." I lied carefully. I didn't want to see him right now.
"Really? Then where are you now? I'll take it to you." He almost begged me.
"I can't tell you." I said.
"Okay, I'll wait for you downstairs at your house." He felt a little disappointed.
I didn't answer and just pressed the hang up button.
I lay quietly on the table , and the tears that I thought had stopped flowing down again. I was suddenly very angry with Lu Mingyu, very angry, very angry. Why is it always like this, every time it is so the same? Why is it that every time when I am determined to forget him, he comes to me eagerly?
That's interesting, right?
But do you know that this really hurts?
I don't know how long it took, but I fell asleep in tears. When I woke up, it was already 10 o'clock in the evening. At this moment, I was lying on the bed, and Chen Meihua had already returned to the bedroom to sleep.
He looked at the phone in his hand and saw many missed calls on the screen, all from Lu Mingyu. The most recent one was two minutes ago.
Really?
A bad premonition came to my mind, and I got up and ran to the balcony. Sure enough, I found Lu Mingyu sitting by the flower bed downstairs, waiting foolishly.
It was already autumn, and the nights were extremely desolate. How could he bear it with only a thin coat on?
Almost without thinking, I put on a coat and rushed downstairs.
The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up, but he didn't seem angry, he just walked up to me stupidly and handed me two large bags of supplements.
"Why are you so stupid? It's so cold." I said a little angrily.
"It's okay, it's okay." He laughed and stuffed the supplement into my hand.
"I think I should go back. It's too late. Yu Bing... didn't agree to let me come to see you in the first place." He rubbed his palms, as if he was saying this on purpose for me to hear.
The corners of my mouth couldn't help but tremble, and I raised an understanding smile. Lu Mingyu, how stupid are you? Until now, you are still afraid that I will misunderstand your kindness to me. Is it because you like me?
I am not that naive anymore.
"Go back, thank you." I patted his shoulder gently.
He took a deep breath, sighed heavily, and whispered, "If she had a good personality like you, I think there wouldn't be so much unhappiness between us."
"Does she... mind me a lot?" I asked.
"Well, she's been arguing with me about this. Sometimes, I really feel like the sky is falling and the earth is cracking. But I still like her, there's nothing I can do." He smiled bitterly, "It's so humble to like someone."
Yes, liking someone is so humble.
Although I told myself many times not to care about him anymore, especially after he had a formal girlfriend, I should at least keep a safe distance to avoid suspicion.
But I can't help but worry.
"When men and women are dating, the most important thing is mutual understanding and consideration. Mingyu, think about it from her perspective. If I were her, I would also care about these things."
"But you and I are really just very good friends! We are closer than brothers! I don't understand why she is so afraid of you and always makes trouble for no reason? She used to drive her red sports car to and from get off work every day, but now she wants me to pick her up every day..."
Lu Mingyu frowned and told me about some unpleasant things between him and Yu Bing.
I endured the mental and physical discomfort and listened quietly, but my heart was gradually drifting away.
When can I be freed from the curse of Lu Mingyu?
I originally thought that as long as I stayed close to him, I would be happy enough.
But I didn't expect that I was always so greedy, so I felt heartbroken when I listened to him talking about his intimate relationship with another girl.
Lu Mingyu, you are happy, but what about me?
For the first time, I wanted to stay away from him.
That day, Lu Mingyu talked to me for a long, long time. He finally felt better and left.
The next day, when I packed up and started to go to work, I had no idea that a huge storm was waiting for me.
That’s right, on the first day I returned to the job, Yu Bing came to me angrily.
Under normal circumstances, employees are not allowed to go downstairs without permission during working hours, let alone to cause trouble. But there is no other way, after all, the shareholder of this company is her uncle, so of course she can do whatever she wants.
At that time, I was processing the registration forms for candidates who came for interviews. She didn't care about the company's image at all, and threw a stack of photos at me.
In fact, it didn't hurt that much, but the feeling was more painful than being cut into pieces.
The dozen or so job seekers present were all stunned, and the administrative staff who were dealing with the matter were also frightened by Yu Bing.
Just as I was about to speak, a slap hit me in the face without hesitation. The sound was loud, like a thunderclap. My cheeks turned red quickly.
I covered my face and calmly looked at her angry face and the photos of me and Lu Mingyu meeting last night on the ground. I suddenly wanted to laugh out loud. Am I so important that I need someone to monitor me?
"Pei Jixing, is it so satisfying to seduce someone else's boyfriend?" Her every word was like a sharp knife. "I thought you were at least a virtuous girl, but now it seems to me that you are no different from those low-class women out there!"
"Enough! Yu Bing!" At this moment, Lu Mingyu rushed down from upstairs and immediately stopped her.
The scene was extremely chaotic at this moment, but I just stood there motionless, as if everything had nothing to do with me.
“Crack, crack—”
Some people started taking pictures and some started talking.
After hearing about this, senior officials kept rushing down to try to stop the situation.
But it was useless. Yu Bing beat Lu Mingyu like a madman, as if the resentment that had been accumulating for a long time had finally erupted.
But I just felt that it was a dream, an absurd dream.
In her dream, there was a clown named Pei Jixing, and she could do nothing but accept it.
But who can tell me how to wake up from a dream?
Just like my fate, how can it end?