Spring goes and autumn comes, time flies.
Days like this repeat themselves, riding the tide of time, passing through my life bit by bit, and I can't even find its trace. Two years have passed in a flash. And everyone around me has changed silently in the breath of fate.
Tang Tang and Yu Caicai finished their junior year and started to prepare for their future. Tang Tang joined the army of postgraduate and certification exams, while Yu Caicai found an internship at a company. They occasionally shared with me some of their recent situations, such as the boy who often sat in the same study room with Tang Tang confessed his love to her, and Yu Caicai's boss was a particularly handsome golden bachelor.
I think they are all lucky enough, at least their lives are becoming more and more colorful.
Compared with them, Lu Mingyu seems to be a winner in life.
He kept his word and started studying day and night after he promised me. He was studying IT, a popular major, and he worked several times harder than others in this area. So before the beginning of his senior year, he conquered the city's largest IT company with his work. Not only was the software he developed sold at a high price, but he himself was also hired at a high salary.
For a time, he became a legend of the entire Z University. After all, Z University was just a very ordinary second-tier university.
In fact, I am not surprised at all by this. Even though he used to be lazy and unmotivated, I never thought that this boy would make his life miserable in the future.
From the first moment I saw him, I knew he had an inexplicable talent and nobility. He was a piece of uncut jade, and with the misfortune of his family, he finally shed that ugly layer and turned into a sparkling gem.
Perhaps for this reason, the shadow of his father's imprisonment gradually faded away. The young boy in the past suddenly turned into a towering tree that people could rely on.
Compared with them, I am dull and have achieved nothing.
But I have no intention of complaining, because life does not allow me to stop and feel sorry for myself.
Chen Meihua was still the same, moody and always getting angry with me. She would only become better when I gave her money to play cards.
I could only endure all this silently, and squeeze out money from my already tight salary to save for her to go to the plastic surgery department to treat her burns.
At the beginning of summer, Lu Mingyu came to see me.
Come to think of it, we haven't seen each other for a long time.
In the past two years, he spent most of his time studying and rarely even went out. The contact between him and me was mostly through social networks. Every one or two months, we would have a meal together and share each other's lives. It has been four months since we last met. He started working and his life has become busier. I don't want to disturb him, but I often linger on his social networks, read his life details, and then keep them in my heart with satisfaction.
When he arrived, I had already ordered.
I know his preferences very well. Every time we eat out, I order the dishes and he pays the bill. It has become a routine.
At that time, he was wearing straight trousers, a pair of low-key but exquisite British Oxford shoes, and a simple denim shirt with a few buttons unbuttoned, revealing the white T-shirt underneath. He dyed his hair chestnut and styled it simply. As he walked along, he attracted the attention of countless girls.
I sat there quietly and smiled at him.
When I first heard that he was determined to become a programmer, I thought he would become unkempt and inflexible like other IT guys, but it turned out that I was overthinking. This world is so biased. It makes ordinary people like me more and more unpresentable, but it makes him shine more. He has shed his youthful rebelliousness and immaturity, and wisdom and handsomeness have become his unique colors.
When he saw me, he could hardly hide the joy on his face. He sat down in front of me and put a gift bag in front of me.
"What is this?" I asked.
"It's just a small gift, not a token of respect." He squinted his eyes and smiled at me, revealing a row of white teeth.
I looked at the gift bag awkwardly and said helplessly, "You are the only one with money!"
"Yes, I am the only one who has money!" He winked and poured tea elegantly while speaking to me seriously, "You must have been waiting for a long time. I just had something to do and came out just now."
"Oh, it's Okay."
"I came here today because I have something serious to discuss with you." He pushed the cup of tea in front of me , "Are you still working in that supermarket now?"
"Yeah, what?" I asked.
"You have no future there. Do you want to stay in that small supermarket chain and work for others for the rest of your life?"
His words took me by surprise.
It's not that I haven't thought about finding another job, but because of my education, I can only work as a salesperson or a clerical assistant in a small company. In comparison, the treatment and environment in those places are not as good as working in this supermarket. Because the boss of this store has always known my difficulties and family background, he treats me well. I did not disappoint him. From the lowest level of salesperson and stock girl, I worked diligently and hard to become the reserve store manager of this supermarket with four or five chain stores. Although the salary is not high, I have not changed jobs in the past two years.
Besides, a college dropout who goes to other places to find a job will encounter more questioning and suspicion than a high school graduate.
“Why drop out of college?”
"such a pity……"
…
“Actually, I’m doing fine here—” I recalled some of the experiences I had at the beginning and politely declined.
"Although the supermarket you are working in now is a chain supermarket, it is still not as good as a large company. Xiao Xingxing, you had such good grades in high school, you are smart and hardworking, and you totally deserve a better future. Our company is in the network business, and the prospects are good. Recently, there is an assistant position in the administrative department, and I would like to put you in." Lu Mingyu ignored my refusal and went straight to the point in a concise manner.
"What?" I was so shocked that I almost spit out a mouthful of water.
He tapped my head: "Why are you so surprised?"
"When did you become so powerful?" I said.
"It's not that I have a lot of power, it's that the boss values ​​me. As soon as I saw the job posting, I ran to find him! He agreed to it and said that I could be hired even without a college degree as long as I did a good job."
The dishes were brought up by the waiter at this moment. I took the opportunity to look away and lowered my head to look at the pot of curry crab.
In fact, I didn’t feel inferior to others because I worked in that small supermarket, but Lu Mingyu introduced the job to me. Did he feel ashamed to have a friend like me working in a supermarket?
I couldn't help thinking about this.
I remember when he was hired by that famous Internet company, he treated me to a meal and I met the employees of that company by chance. They were all dressed up brightly and beautifully, just like the fashionable white-collar workers in idol dramas who wear brand-name clothes and go in and out of modern buildings stylish, sophisticated and foreign.
Although I have the position of deputy store manager of a supermarket, I am involved in all the big and small tasks including putting goods on the shelves and taking inventory. My usual dress is as simple and ordinary as when I was in college.
So when Lu Mingyu greeted those people, they didn't even look at me. They just glanced past me lightly, as if I was just a passerby.
Even now, when I sit with Lu Mingyu in ordinary attire, I will attract puzzled looks from others.
I told myself not to care about those things, but the obvious contempt in some eyes still made me feel sad.
I didn't look up until all the dishes were placed.
"What's wrong? Are you unhappy?" He noticed my subtle emotional change and his voice became softer.
"No, how could I be unhappy?" I raised my head and raised the corners of my mouth with all my strength.
"Ha, that's good!" His heart returned to his stomach, and he picked up his chopsticks and started eating. "Then how about this, you come with me to the interview tomorrow!"
"Okay, all right."
Just give it a try. Although he said it so easily, I know that he also put in a lot of effort to get this position for me.
Just like I don't want him to notice my sadness, he also doesn't want me to know his efforts behind the scenes.
I looked at the boy opposite me who was dressed neatly, handsomely, and cheerfully. A slight sweetness passed through my heart, but was followed by waves of bitterness.
Such a good person, the person who is the most kind and warm to me in this world, does not belong to me.
Although he was so considerate of me at the moment, and although I would be closer to him if I went to his company, in fact, the feeling that I could never get into his heart became even stronger.
He was already very good, and now he is even better. But I have been standing still, ordinary and humble, and I have been so overwhelmed by life that I have no strength to turn over.
The gap between us may continue to grow. I know this very well, but I can only feel terrified and helpless.
Two days later, I arrived at Lu Mingyu's company according to the address.
At the supermarket, I talked to the boss. He was a really nice person. He not only gave me an extra half month's salary, but also told me that if I wanted to come back, my original position would be reserved for me at any time.
I am very grateful to this boss for giving me the opportunity when I was in the most difficult time, allowing me to support that shaky family and survive in this big city.
However, I also hope for some changes. If I stay where I am, I will be further and further away from Lu Mingyu, and one day, I may not even be able to see his back.
So, after hesitating for a long time, I decided to follow Lu Mingyu's advice and go to his company for an interview.
Just as he said, the so-called interview was just a formality. I passed the interview quickly and started working on the same day.
Although I have worked in the supermarket for a long time, this is my first formal job in an office building after all. I felt like a balloon filled with air. I was extremely nervous, afraid that I would say or do something wrong and bring unnecessary trouble to Lu Mingyu.
This company is indeed a large and respectable enterprise. This building is their own, and there are more than 500 employees in the entire building.
I suddenly understood Lu Mingyu's good intentions. Even for the lowest-level front desk position, it is not easy to get into such a company.
The salary is about the same as before, but Lu Mingyu told me that there is a lot of room for promotion here, and the bonuses and benefits are also good. Overall, it is still better than my previous job and not as hard.
Clean and beautiful environment, Lu Mingyu is so close...
I thought, maybe this is the beginning of my life getting better.
With beautiful expectations for a new job and a new life, I seemed to have returned to Pei Jixing, who studied hard in high school overnight.
Maybe it was because of my strong work ability and hard work, I was praised by my superiors very quickly. I don't know what he said in front of others, but everyone seemed to know how I came to this company overnight. Whether it was on the way to work, off work, or during lunch break, there were always girls who looked at me intentionally or unintentionally. This reminded me of the scene in high school when rumors about me and Lu Mingyu were everywhere.
What else can I do?
For so many years, I have always held on to one idea: according to his personality, if he likes me, he will come over. Otherwise, no matter how hard I try, it will be in vain. So, when some gossipy female colleagues asked about it, I still said calmly as usual that he and I are just friends.
But they didn't seem to believe it, because Lu Mingyu was so good to me.
The company provided him with a car so that he could go to and from get off work conveniently and not be too tired even if he worked overtime. Many female colleagues wanted to get close to him by asking for a ride, but he refused without hesitation and told them seriously that he would take me home.
When I found out about this, I gave him a severe lesson. How long will he continue to use me as a shield like this?
However, he did what he said and would take me home every day as long as I didn't have to work overtime.
But I never let him park his car where Chen Meihua could easily see him.
I have always kept that secret deep in my heart, hoping it will never be discovered.
After an internship period of one and a half months, I was converted to a full-time employee ahead of schedule.
It happened that a group of Lu Mingyu's friends organized a family gathering, and he actually brought me along.
I knew what he was thinking. He hoped that I could integrate into some circles so that I wouldn't be trapped in a small circle and tortured by Chen Meihua all day long.
"Don't worry, we are all acquaintances, friendly and friendly, there is nothing to be afraid of!"
He didn't care, but I felt the same way.
I know his friends. There are colleagues in the same company, elites in other industries, and some rich second-generations with good family backgrounds. I don't know much about those rich second-generations and elites, but I think they are not bad. But I know a thing or two about the programmers and senior UI designers in the same company.
Before coming to this company, I also thought that the company was full of programmers, and my definition of a programmer has always been someone who sits in front of a computer and only knows how to type code. But when I really came here, I realized that was only a part of it. There are many higher-end IT elites like Lu Mingyu, who are rich, tasteful, and handsome.
It is not entirely true as the outside world says that there are no beauties in IT companies. Most of the female employees in senior positions are elegant, well-mannered, and successful women who can design good works.
Therefore, I was not surprised at all that the party was held in the personal villa of Lu Mingyu's team leader. But my arrival obviously surprised them all. After all, I was just a front desk clerk at the most basic level in the company. How could I be qualified to sit with these high-end people who were busy negotiating business all day and traveling for overseas cooperation?
Obviously, Lu Mingyu couldn't see it.
In a way, he was always confused about things. He always thought that his friends could become my friends, just like in high school.
But he never thought that we have all grown up. Our world is a cruel and cold adult world.
Lu Mingyu pushed me in front of everyone and introduced me formally: "This is my childhood friend Pei Jixing. I brought her here, do you mind?"
"Hey, isn't this Xiao Pei? Come on, let's play together, don't be polite." The project director came over at this time and invited me in.
Under his leadership, everyone, without exception, pretended to welcome me.
I could only smile awkwardly. These people were different from Lu Mingyu's high school friends after all. Those people were friendly and sincere, but these people didn't even bother to give me a sincere smile. Their welcome to me was just for Lu Mingyu's sake.
I looked at Lu Mingyu helplessly, but that idiot just smiled foolishly without any heart.
After I sat down, no one came to talk to me. But it was good that way, I had some free time.
Although Lu Mingyu was sitting next to me, he was chatting happily with them. A bunch of people were laughing and having a good time. What they talked about were all things I couldn't understand, such as which boss had just purchased a million-dollar luxury car, what new project would be developed next month, and who would be going abroad in a few months. Even the dinner was French food prepared by a specially hired chef.
After listening to their long conversation in confusion, everyone finally sat down at the dinner table.
The discomfort that had been accumulating since morning suddenly erupted at this moment. I saw the dishes and had no appetite at all. Halfway through the meal, I finally couldn't stop the churning in my stomach, so I said sorry and ran to the toilet.
Maybe it’s because I’m used to eating vegetarian food and can’t get used to these expensive dishes.
The strange thing is, as soon as I stepped into the bathroom, my illness was cured.
I leaned against the marble wall, staring blankly at my pale face in the mirror. Outside the door, they were toasting each other and laughing as loudly as ever, but I felt that to me, everything was strange and lonely.
They are people from another world, that world is glamorous and wonderful.
I stood before them, and nothing else seemed to me but insignificance.
But the sad thing is, at this moment, I still have to go back there.
After washing my face with clean water, I finally looked better. I tidied my appearance and opened the toilet door.
At this moment, a delicate female voice was clearly heard.
"Hey, Lu Mingyu, why did you want to bring her here? You can see that she is obviously not used to French food."
"Is she not feeling well? She looks sick and doesn't even talk." said another young male voice.
"It's not that I don't want to talk to her, but how can you ask her to talk to me?" A slightly hoarse female voice replied, "Mingyu, next time we have a party, you should not bring friends of this level. You see, she won't feel comfortable if you bring her here."
This level?
What level?
Am I really so sad now that I need to be described in these words?
My body froze in a strange position, and the embarrassment and timidity that seeped from the soles of my feet surged up without any defense. I didn't dare to push the door open, nor did I want to step back. I stood there awkwardly, like an extremely stupid person.
"Yeah, you see, she can't even get into our conversation."
"Xiao Pei has just arrived and is not familiar with everyone. It's normal." The voice was obviously from the project director.
"She's just a receptionist at a company. How can she be so familiar with everyone?" the female voice chuckled.
This insignificant chuckle was like a needle that pierced my self-esteem, which was as big as a ball. But I could never learn to be calm and indifferent. My palms began to sweat and my chest heaved up and down.
I want to leave this uncomfortable place.
However, just when I was about to run out of the door, Lu Mingyu's voice rang out: "What's wrong with the front desk? Didn't the HR manager start out as a front desk manager?"
With just these words, the whole room suddenly became quiet. Then, there was a strange silence.
But because of these words, my whole body relaxed, and the anger, resentment and grievance that had been accumulated in my chest no longer roared.
They were right. Compared to elites like them, I was just this level. But even so, Lu Mingyu was still willing to speak for me. I could even imagine the expression and movements of Lu Mingyu when he said this. He was who he was. Even if he became a successful person, he would still protect me like this.
So, why should I leave?
I'm going to stay and finish this meal.
I must not let him have any unnecessary complications because of me. After all, I should be grateful to be able to be with him, right?
Taking a deep breath and with a kind smile, I pretended nothing had happened, returned to everyone, and sat down quietly.
When Lu Mingyu saw me, he was stunned at first, but his unhappy mood did not subside at all. With his temper, if I hadn't come back now, I'm afraid he would have quarreled with them.
Fortunately, none of this happened.
When the project director saw me come back, he immediately asked about my well-being, and the atmosphere at the table was restored a lot.
But I know that some things, once started, can never be restored to the way they were.
Even if I never thought that one day being with him would become a luxury and difficult, even if I had endured everything I didn't want to endure.
The gears of fate slowly rolled over between him and me, everything was changing quietly, but we always pretended not to see it and carefully maintained the friendship we cherished.
But, will the days of simply accompanying him like this really continue peacefully? Just like the many years we have spent together?