I will never forget the day Pei Zhiming left.
It was a hot afternoon, and I was alone at home. Chen Meihua and Pei Zhiming did not come home on time to cook for me, so I moved a small stool and sat at the door waiting while trying my best to sharpen my pencil. Pei Zhiming did not allow me to sharpen pencils, as he was always afraid that I would scratch them, so I tried my best to be careful.
Just as I was about to sharpen the pencil lead, the big iron gate of the yard was suddenly pushed open. Chen Meihua rushed in. It was not until she came to my side that I could see the makeup on her face. She seemed to be greatly stimulated and held me sideways. The sharp knife cut my hand. Blood flowed out, but I surprisingly did not cry.
I have a talent for reading people's expressions, and I never deny that.
She muttered something nervously that I couldn't hear or understand, then stuffed a lot of money and jewelry into her purse and fled with me.
Then she took me to a very small hotel.
The hotel was old and run-down. While she was taking a shower, I couldn't stand the pain anymore and started crying quietly.
Later, I often recalled that evening, and I always felt helpless and sad. Maybe I cried not entirely because of the pain.
After taking a shower, Chen Meihua calmed down a little, but when she saw me holding up my finger and yelling in pain, her irritable nerves were touched again. She didn't come over to hug me, but pushed me away fiercely and shouted at me: "Cry, just cry!"
"Your father is dead, did you know that? He killed someone and died himself!"
"This life is unbearable! It's unbearable!"
"If I have to pay you, what can I use? Should I use my life?"
…
I can no longer remember what she said afterwards. I just sat on the ground and cried my heart out. The blood on my hand dripped onto my white floral dress. This was the first time in my life that I felt the taste of pain.
Not only because of my minor wound, but also because she said that Pei Zhiming was dead.
It was a long, long time later, long enough for me to have my own thoughts and know what death really means, that I began to fear recalling this evening, this hot, humid, depressing and uneasy moment.
Now, I can't help but remember it again.
The reason why it scares me is that on that day, the person who loved me left me abruptly.
Now, this fear crept into my heart again. Even though Lu Mingyu held me tightly in his arms to comfort me, I couldn't suppress the deep chill coming from my spine.
I think I love her after all, and she loves me after all.
Otherwise, why would she insist on rushing in to find me when there was an unexpected fire in the house, just because she was not sure whether I was there?
It's just this point that I realized so late.
After waiting in the emergency room all night, I finally got the news from the doctor.
The operation was successful and she was out of danger, but one-third of her body and half of her face were severely burned and it would be difficult for her to recover.
I don't know whether I was afraid that I would be unable to bear everything after she woke up, or I was glad that she didn't leave me as cruelly as Pei Zhiming. The last bit of strength in my body was finally drained away. I fell to the ground weakly, tears falling down my cold cheeks.
Lu Mingyu looked at me with pity and wiped away the tears on my face, but he could not wipe away the destined storm in my fate.
I never told him from beginning to end why Chen Meihua rushed in for no apparent reason . I didn't want him to live with the same guilt as I did.
Thinking about it this way, this is the only thing I can do for him.
Fortunately, the fire did not affect his home.
He wanted me to go back with him and have a good rest, but I refused. This was my fault, and I had to pay for it myself. He couldn't persuade me, so he had to stay with me in the hospital for a night.
What if I go back? What if I don’t? I have no home anymore. Staying by Chen Meihua’s side is the only thing I can do.
The next day, I couldn't bear to see Lu Mingyu so sleepy, so I forced him into a taxi.
After finishing all of this, I found a new place to live while Chen Meihua was still asleep. Although the room was small and the building was old, it was still livable after some cleaning.
I must give her a home after she wakes up.
Three days later, Chen Meihua finally woke up.
During these three days, I had seen many human emotions in life. The numbness on the surface and the fragility on the heart that I once had disappeared in this short period of time. I calmly put the soup on the table, even though she looked at me with a murderous look.
The confrontation with her turned out to be worse than I thought.
She was like an erupting volcano, and before I could say a word, she threw everything within her reach at me, including the pot of boiling soup.
She asked me like crazy: Is it hot? Is it hot?
The doctor and nurse rushed in and pulled her away from me.
I clenched my red hands, but I could endure the pain.
If only she could feel better.
But these alone could not offset all her resentment.
During the days she was in the hospital, she refused to communicate with me. When she was in a bad mood, she even refused to let me feed her. I spent almost all my limited time taking care of her, while I was working three jobs at the same time.
Because only in this way can I afford all our expenses.
All in all, I managed to get through this terrible year amidst Chen Meihua's endless anger towards me.
During this long period of time, Lu Mingyu did not show up. After he learned that Chen Meihua had woken up, he wanted to visit her with some fruit, but I politely declined.
Chen Meihua asked me where I was that day, but I didn't tell her that I was going to bail out Lu Mingyu. If she knew, I guess the object of her resentment would shift.
In fact, all these mistakes were caused by me.
This is a sin I committed, and I have to bear the consequences myself. It has nothing to do with Lu Mingyu.
I would rather bear the resentment from my mother alone. In order to take care of her, I can only choose to temporarily cut off contact with Lu Mingyu.
The next time I saw Lu Mingyu was the second day after school started.
I was packing my luggage in the dormitory, and he somehow rushed to my dormitory. Behind him, there followed Tang Tang, who looked anxious.
I forgot to mention that because of Cheng Duo’s relationship with him at that time, he also had some interactions with Tang Tang and Yu Caicai, so he soon learned about my dropping out of school.
It was early spring and the colors of winter had not yet faded. The weather was still cold and warm. He changed out of all his previous brand-name clothes and dressed like a simple teenager.
I was stunned, not knowing what to say for a moment, but he angrily pulled me away. I knew why he did that, so I had already thought of an excuse. But what I didn't expect was that the first thing he did was not to persuade me, but to take out a thick stack of RMB from his down jacket pocket and stuff it into my hand without hesitation.
"These are all I have now. You should pay the tuition first, and I will help you share your mother's affairs!"
When I heard his words, the stack of money suddenly seemed to have temperature, burning my hands. I knew that he had started working since that incident, but he gave all the money to me. At this moment, I suddenly felt that whether there was love between him and me was no longer important.
Or rather, the relationship between him and me cannot be summed up with just one simple word, love.
We appeared in each other's lives and witnessed each other's ups and downs. Although we were ruined by fate, we did not lose our commitment and original intention to each other.
But even so, I can't take his money.
Because for us now, money is life and life is money.
Looking at his clear and bright eyes, I opened my eyes wide, trying hard not to let my tears fall easily, and then stuffed the money into his pocket.
"I can't take your money. You still have a mother to take care of."
"But I can't bear to see you drop out of school! Don't you want your future?" His brows were tightly furrowed.
"Then I can't take your money either." I said firmly, "This is my own path, my own choice, and I have to bear all the consequences of my mistakes. Lu Mingyu, we are not children anymore. You know this better than I do."
Yes, we are no longer high school students who can be in a cold war for a long time because of a little thing. We have more important things to do and a harder road to go.
He bit his lip and looked at me unwillingly. After a long time, he finally gave in.
After all, he is the person who knows me best besides myself.
The decision I made can never be changed by anyone.
That night, Lu Mingyu sent me a text message, saying, Pei Jixing, it is you who makes me eager to become stronger.
He said, Pei Jixing, when I become strong, I will definitely protect you well.
I curled up in my one-meter-wide bed, reading text messages over and over again, unable to fall asleep for a long time. God was kind to me after all, and I didn't fall in love with the wrong person.
So that no matter how many desolate roads I walk in my future life, the warmth in my heart will never disappear.
After dropping out of school, I officially found a job in a supermarket not far from my home.
I was a cashier at 7-11, and I worked the night shift regularly. During the day, I had to look after Chen Meihua. After returning home, Chen Meihua's temper became more and more violent. She often smashed the bowl when eating. When watching TV, if she saw a beautiful woman, she would suddenly lose control of her temper, crying and shouting. Of course, she would vent her anger on me more often, saying that I was her enemy and debt collector.
Similar things happen all the time, but I am helpless to do anything about it.
She became depressed, withdrawn and aloof.
I tried to take her to see a doctor, but she threw the ashtray directly at my head, leaving a big cut on my forehead. It wasn't until I went to the hospital and got three stitches that she calmed down for a few days.
I try my best to satisfy her materially and take care of her as carefully as I would take care of my child, not afraid of hardship or fatigue, just hoping that one day she will truly forgive me.
When I went to work with my injury, my boss happened to be there. Seeing the bandage on my head, he insisted on giving me a few days off, but I refused. I am not that squeamish. Making money is more important. That's how he asked about my family situation for the first time.
In fact, since I dropped out of school, I have deliberately distanced myself from my old friends.
Most of them are not the kind of people who like to laugh at others. The reason I am like this is that I don't want to accept anyone's pity, not even Lu Mingyu. So even he doesn't know where I am working now.
Similar to Chen Meihua, I didn’t have anyone around me to talk to.
I was her outlet for her emotions, but I had no place to vent my emotions. Perhaps for this reason, I easily told my boss a lot of things, such as my father's affairs, Chen Meihua's affairs, and my suspension of school.
My boss is a kind man. After learning about my situation, he immediately offered to raise my salary, but I refused.
I don't want to be misunderstood as someone who makes a living by playing the victim. No matter what, I will live my , even if my hands are covered with calluses and my body is covered with wounds.
After the boss left, it was already past ten o'clock and not many people came to buy things. I took out my English book and planned to read it carefully. But at this moment, I found that there was a customer sitting in the corner eating, and it seemed that he had been there before the boss left.
Actually, it doesn’t matter. Just listen to those things. They are strangers anyway.
But the fact was completely the opposite. From the moment he stood up, I recognized who he was.
Such cold eyes, such upright posture, in all my years, I have only seen one person possess such a pair.
That’s Chen Jialing.
But why is he here? Shouldn't he be abroad?
He took a bottle of Coke from the refrigerator, then strolled over and handed me the money.
I was surprised by this sudden encounter and my reaction was much slower.
Just as I was frantically looking for money, he suddenly called out softly, "Pei Jixing?"
At this moment, I was suddenly extremely grateful for the heavy gauze on my head, because it prevented him from recognizing me immediately.
I subconsciously lowered my hat and didn't dare to look up at him.
How could I have the courage to tell him who I was?
Now, I am no longer the good student who used to stand side by side with him to receive the award. I am now just a working girl.
"No, you've made a mistake." I lowered my voice and quickly handed him the money.
He paused, took the money back, and said very politely, "Okay, thank you."
Even so, I still didn't dare to look up at him.
After a while, he finally left.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched him walk away. But at this moment, I found a note on the cash register with a number and a line of words written on it .
"If you have any trouble, call me."
My head suddenly buzzed.
He heard it, he heard it all.
I don't know why, but I suddenly felt so regretful. Maybe he just wanted to help me. In fact, since I met him, he has been trying hard to change my life, but every time he failed.
Putting down the book , I rushed out, but his figure disappeared into the vast night and could never be seen again.
The note was wrinkled in my hand, but I knew there was no way I could call him.
After all, his life and mine are different. It’s better for me, such an unlucky person, not to drag him down.