Chapter 7: Some Things Are Unforgettable Xiang Qianlan03
Tongluo Lane was filled with thick white fog and was extremely cold, much colder than the school.
Growing up, I always felt that Tongluo Alley was colder than other places. The ground was always wet and sticky with water. I held my mother's urn and looked at the crisscrossing wires and other people's clothes hanging out to dry.
Light grey clouds floated in the low sky, the morning air was chilly and nothing seemed to have changed.
There will never again be someone pushing a wheelchair out in the alley, covering his knees with a blanket and telling me, "Lanlan, don't forget to bring the milk."
The robber was not caught. Someone called the police, but there were no witnesses, so the police couldn't find anything for a while.
I saw two people sitting at the door of my house from afar. One of the boys had his head buried in his knees. When he heard footsteps, he looked up at me and a long-lost smile appeared on his dark face.
"Lanlan, long time no see."
I said, “Long time no see.”
The girl next to me looked at me, and I saw some hostility. A long time ago, I had seen such a look in Yin Shuitong's eyes.
"I've been waiting for you all night and I'm a little hungry. I'm going to eat ramen. Do you want me to take one with me?" The girl rubbed her knees, stood up and walked away with a swagger.
Chai Quan smiled bitterly: "Her name is Gudong, a little girl who doesn't know any better."
I smiled too.
"Lanlan, are you okay?" Chai Quan looked at the black urn in my hand. I don't know why, but his sad eyes made my heart feel uneasy.
I know that this boy treats me sincerely. He never forces me, never says excessive words to me, and never causes me any burden.
I understand. I understand everything.
Because of this, I can't give him any hope. What I have is so little that I can't afford to lose it.
I pursed my lips and said, "No, I'm so bad."
"Nonsense, in my heart, Lanlan is the most perfect 'goddess'." Chai Quan scratched his head embarrassedly.
"Chai Quan, do you have time to drink with me?"
"Yes, I was very idle. I stopped studying and focused on running the billiard room. Lanlan, when I saw how hard you worked before, I wanted to earn money as soon as possible. Now that I make money, I find that I seem to be further away from you," he said.
I felt so sad that I wanted to cry.
I walked into the house, placed my mother's urn, and then went out with Chai Quan.
"Is it okay that Gudong doesn't know we're leaving?" I asked him.
"Oh, she is a wild cat, going out to play everywhere, leave her alone." Chai Quan waved his hands.
Chai Quan bought four bottles of beer and two large cups, which he held in his hands. We went to catch a car together. Without any discussion, we went to the factory tacitly.
The rusty factory's iron gate opened wide to welcome us. The weeds had withered, revealing a bare space that looked a bit deserted.
We climbed up the escalator to the second-floor terrace, sat on the railing, dangling our legs, squinting our eyes and looking into the distance. There were no lonely flying birds, only a gray sky.
"I heard you became a star? Are you still in love with that person?" he asked me.
That person? Is he referring to Qi Beichen or Sun Nuofan?
I touched my beer glass to the wall of his glass: "Cheers."
"What are your plans for the future?" he said.
“Well, study hard until graduation, and then find a job that’s not too tiring.” I said after taking a sip of beer.
"Don't you dream of becoming a star and making a lot of money?" he asked me with a smile.
I smiled and didn't answer.
Star? Dream? Dream...
Chai Quan stood up, he turned around and looked at me and said: "Lanlan, I want to admit a mistake to you. If you promise to forgive me, I will tell you."
"I forgive you."
"You forgive me so quickly? Never mind, I won't say anything. Anyway, my plan has failed, and I haven't been able to catch up with you yet." He tilted his head and smiled.
We stayed in the factory until midnight that day, and Chai Quan took me home because he was afraid I would catch a cold. When we went back, the girl was already waiting for us, and Chai Quan's black motorcycle was parked next to us.
"Chai Quan, she likes you, right?" I asked him.
"Yeah." Chai Quan replied sullenly, "Gudong is my ex-girlfriend."
"I won't see you off." I patted his shoulder.
He said, "Goodbye."
I watched them leave Tongluo Lane. I walked into my house. The living room was tidy and the door was not closed. My neighbor called me, "Qianlan, why did you come back just now?"
The neighbor is a 50-year-old lady. When we asked her to borrow money, she would always mock us. I was about to make a cup of tea when she put a shoe box on the ground and muttered, "You Xiangyu is also very miserable. When I found her, she was holding this shoe box with her last breath and told me to remember to give it to you. She said it was the dowry money for your wedding... Qianlan... Hey, you should think more positively. Death is like the extinguishing of a light. Everyone will have this experience..."
The neighbor shook his head and walked out.
I couldn't see anything clearly in front of me, my mind was chaotic and empty, I walked slowly, step by step, my whole body felt light and floating, as if I was walking in a cloud.
There was no sound around, it was very quiet.
I turned on the light, and the glaring fluorescent light made everything look dizzy and pale.
I stared blankly at the red shoe box on the ground. Suddenly, it felt so unreal. I suddenly felt that maybe I was just dreaming. As long as my mother shook me, I would wake up.
I picked up the box and opened it. A thick stack of old banknotes appeared in front of me. At the bottom was a piece of red cloth, and inside was a gold necklace that my mother had worn.
This is all my mother's belongings, the dowry she left for me.
I watched all this with a smile, my eyes became moist. I lowered my head to cover the shoe box and slowly walked to the urn.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hidden it from you. I will never hide anything from you in the future. Please come back..." I knelt on the ground, covering my face and crying.
"Mom, how can I be happy if you leave... I hate you so much..."
The silent room was empty and quiet, with only the sound of the wind and my crying.
For a long time.
In the classroom, light poured in through the glass windows, as if it came from heaven. Students were talking about campus gossip, and I was the only one sitting here quietly.
Silently lost in thought.
I no longer cared about Sun Nuofan, nor did I care about those annoying notices. I didn’t want to care about anything anymore.
After a while, someone exclaimed. I slowly raised my head and looked towards the classroom door. A hot pain like magma surged in my chest. His face was entangled with my memories.
Falling apart.
"Xiang..." He looked at me blankly, perhaps he was wondering whether suddenly asking me to go out would make me angry.
I took the initiative to walk out and we walked to a quiet place.
The leaves were shaking violently, and a dazzling light shone into Qi Beichen's eyes. He was silent and slowly lowered his eyes.
Get revenge on him.
There was an evil voice in my heart shouting, "Take revenge on him." If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have missed seeing my mother for the last time.
He was also the one who made mistakes, why should I be the only one suffering?
Take revenge on him severely, use the cruelest method, and make him suffer unbearable pain.
The screams in my heart got louder.
I approached him, stood in front of him, looked up, and saw the panic in his eyes. I looked at him calmly: "I will listen to you and stop being a star. Can you ask me to love you again? Sun Nuofan and I broke up because of you. How strange, I found that I can't forget some things. I still love you. Do you believe it?"
I love you so much that I wish you would die.
"Haven't you always wanted me to quit this circle? I'm quitting now. I'm quitting for you, Qi Beichen, are you happy?" I hooked my arms around his neck and stared at him quietly, with a hateful smile flashing in my eyes.
I was born to be an actor, if I wanted to act.
At this moment, my hypocritical face is so ugly.
"…What happened?" He thought for a moment and asked me hesitantly.
"Qi Beichen, can you beg me to start over? If you beg me, I will agree to your request." I stroked his cheek and my hand fell on his collar. The meeting when I was seventeen years old replayed in my mind like a movie.
At that time, I touched his name with my index finger through the cold glass window. Now, my hand is touching his chest.
Do you like him? Do you love him? In the end, it was replaced by hatred.
"If this is what you want to hear..." He held me tightly in his arms, in his embrace. He protected me like a treasure, buried his head in my hair , and said in a muffled voice, "Xiang Qianlan, I beg you, please let me love you, please love me, please let us love each other, please let us be together through life and death."
He begged humbly, and I couldn't tell how much truth and falsehood in his words.
He lifted my face, looked at it carefully, and gently stroked the place where I was injured with his fingers: "The scar is gone."
"Well, Sun Nuofan hired a very good doctor for me and the operation was very successful," I said.
He rolled up my sleeves, looked at my arm, touched the shallow scar with heartache, and murmured in pain: "I have always wanted to ask you, the wound on your hand was caused by her, right?"
"Back then, they tried to lock me in the bathroom, and I forced the door open and hurt my hand." I wanted to pull my hand back, but he held my hand instead.
He asked me, "Xiang Qianlan, are you always so desperate, so willful, so fearless, and so ruthless?"
I said, "Yes, I am desperate, willful, fearless, ruthless, and have a lot of bad habits. Do you regret knowing me like this?"
He smiled: "No regrets."
"If one day I hurt you to the point of being completely broken, won't you regret it?" His hands were warm, and mine were cold. Holding them in his hands, I felt like I was wrapped in cotton.
Why can't I feel the warmth?
He came close to me, so close that I could see his eyelashes, and he said, "Will you hurt me?"
"I will."
He looked at me with his deep eyes and the deep affection in them, as if they had traveled through time, stabbing my chest like a dagger, causing a sharp pain.
He grabbed my hand, poked his chest again and again, and said with a smile: "It's right here, you can heal it as you like."
The atmosphere was quiet.
"How are things at home?" I changed the subject.
"Qi Huatian is in jail, my mother divorced him, and I heard she's with another man."
"Is that so?"
"You were right at the beginning. How do you feel when you see my father and mother separated?"
I was shocked. I didn't expect that he would actually go through such a thing.
After a while, he whispered, "How is your mother?"
I was slightly startled, the scene at home appeared in front of my eyes again, the phone call that I missed, and a sharp pain came from the palm of my hand.
"My mom is over there, everything is fine..." My lips turned pale, and the cold pain like the sea water slowly drowned my heart...
"I'll find you after class." Qi Beichen still had classes, so he kissed me on the forehead. I responded with a smile. I didn't close my eyes until his back disappeared under the tree.
I stood there for a long, long time.
Hatred took root under my feet. The hatred for him that had accumulated in my heart now grew rapidly , piercing my heart, piercing my skin, and entangled my body and mind.
Black, cold, those emotions in my heart.
They turned into hatred, turned into pain, and turned into deadly poison vines that entangled me and dragged me into the abyss of eternal darkness.
