I never thought about quarreling with Song Yan.
Because there was a river between us, I couldn't enter his world and couldn't see the scenery in his eyes. After going to college, he always made me feel that we were very familiar with each other, but I knew that was not the case.
Putting aside those illusions, he and I are not that familiar with each other.
Sometimes I would think, if one day, I found that the person I was looking at was actually looking at me, how great would that be? But every time I would wake up quickly, because I knew that the probability of this happening was only one in a billion.
That day, Song Yan followed me out and happened to see Xu Minyou throwing himself at me out of control. He was mad at me and left, but soon he found me and asked, "Lu Nanxi, are we good friends?"
The word "good friends" was so harsh, but it was the only relationship I could grasp. I nodded and said, "Of course we are good friends."
"So, do you listen to your good friend?" His tone was very serious. He said, "Lu Nanxi, I hope you won't get close to Xu Minyou anymore."
I was stunned, because I had never thought that there would be a day when Song Yan would care about who I became friends with, and would even stop me in such a tone. I was a little happy at first, because I thought Song Yan just misunderstood Xu Minyou, and as long as I explained it clearly, he would be able to accept Xu Minyou.
But I didn't expect that the more I explained, the angrier he got, and the harsher his words became, and then I got angry too. I have the right to decide who to make friends with. I do have a crush on Song Yan, but I won't abandon my friends because of this.
Later, as they were arguing, Song Yan actually went straight to find Xu Minyou. I hurriedly followed him. I don't know why, but I was always afraid that Xu Minyou would get hurt. He was already so pitiful, and I couldn't let him get hurt again.
I don’t know why things turned out like this, even Xu Minyou was dragged into our quarrel. I never expected that Xu Minyou would reveal the secret that he couldn’t hear other people talking.
Song Yan insisted that Xu Minyou promise that he would never look for me or hurt me in the future, but he was surprised to know that Xu Minyou could not hear what he said. Fortunately, the matter seemed to have passed, and my mood improved unexpectedly.
I was lying in bed, thinking about the maple tree. I really wanted Xu Minyou to see that scenery. If he saw it, would he be more eager to cure his illness?
He said that in his eyes, the world was only black and white, and I was the only color.
He could only hear my voice and see my color. I couldn't understand why, and Dr. Jiang couldn't give me a good explanation. I remembered that Xu Minyou and I were from the same city, so I thought back to the past again, trying to find some clues in my memory.
However, I still couldn't find any memory of Xu Minyou, but I remembered the first time I met Song Yan.
The first time I met Song Yan was on the first day of high school. He was tall and had a bright smile, but there was nothing special about him. What really made me start paying attention to him was one rainy afternoon.
In the hot summer, a shower can always give people a very cool feeling. I suddenly remembered that when I came to the classroom just now, I passed by the school greenhouse and all the flowers in the greenhouse were moved out. After such a heavy rain, the flowers in the greenhouse would be damaged.
Thinking of this, I felt a little restless. I walked out with an umbrella and saw a pot of hydrangea on the steps from a distance. It was knocked over by the rain and many petals fell off.
I hurried over and tried to pick up the flowerpot, but it was unexpectedly heavy. Just when I was in trouble, Song Yan appeared in front of me. He bent down, picked up the flowerpot and put it into the greenhouse.
A petal fell on his shoulder, and I wanted to tell him, but he had already walked out of the greenhouse quickly. He looked at the rain outside, put the book on his head, and rushed into the heavy rain.
"Hey!" I wanted to call him, I looked at the umbrella in my hand, thinking I could hold it together, but he had already walked away quickly. The wind blew the petal on his shoulder and flew it to me, I reached out and gently grabbed it, and it was in my hand.
From that day on, my eyes would follow him subconsciously. He had a pair of very beautiful hands, and he could always spin the pen smoothly. He was very good at basketball, and every time there were many girls cheering for him. I was attracted by his brilliance little by little, and when I finally came to my senses, I had already completely put him in my heart.
It is clear that we have never had a conversation, and all my knowledge of him is just my fantasy, but I just like him, and I like him with an almost obsessive attitude.
When we were in the second year of high school, I chose the same class as him. I was in the same class with him for the entire three years of high school. I kept looking at him and even imagined him talking to me. I could even imagine his tone and the content of his conversation. But I knew it was just wishful thinking. Maybe after three years, he didn't recognize me at all and didn't know that there was someone like me in his class.
I am even afraid that one day he will know my fantasies and my secret love. Will he feel disgusted? Will he not want to be secretly loved by someone like me?
Despite my trepidation, I finally decided to go to the same university as him.
On the day of registration, I was really happy. He talked to me and gave me his number. These things that once existed only in my fantasy actually appeared in reality. I was caught off guard and even couldn't tell the difference between true and false.
"Nanxi, Lu Nanxi!" Wang Sisi suddenly shouted at me.
I woke up from my memories and responded, "What's the matter?"
After Wang Sisi and I had a fight that day, we hardly spoke to each other and pretended not to see each other.
She actually called me on her own initiative, why?
"The weather outside has changed. It seems your quilt has been confiscated." She said, glanced at me, turned and walked into the bathroom.
I quickly looked out the window and saw that the sun was covered by dark clouds and it was about to rain. I quickly got out of bed, put on my shoes and ran to the rooftop where the quilts were drying. When I ran up, I met many girls, most of whom came to collect the quilts.
I found my quilt, held it in my hands, and was about to walk away when I suddenly saw someone standing not far from me, looking a little abnormal.
"Lu Feifei ?" I quickly put down the quilt, walked over and patted her, "What are you doing here? Are you here to collect the quilt?"
Her eyes were a little empty and red, as if she had just cried. I was stunned and asked her, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"
Lu Feifei seemed a little unstable mentally. When she heard me asking her, she suddenly burst into tears. At this time, many girls came to collect the quilts. Suddenly, they heard Lu Feifei crying and ran over to ask what happened. I saw more and more people coming, so I took the quilt from the shelf and pulled her down the rooftop.
"What's going on?" Seeing her like this, even though I don't like to pry into other people's secrets, I couldn't help it.
That night, she cried alone in the bathroom, and today she cried again on the rooftop. She is obviously very beautiful, but she hides her appearance. What happened? I found that everyone has secrets, and those secrets are much bigger than mine.
She was still crying and didn't say anything. I thought about it and asked her, "Is it related to Wang Sisi?"
She paused for a moment and then continued to cry. It seems that I was right. During this period, Wang Sisi seemed to have bullied her even more. The strange thing was that Lu Feifei didn't seem to care about what Wang Sisi did at all. She didn't say anything. So, was it because Wang Sisi did something more excessive that she couldn't help crying?
I remembered that it was Wang Sisi who told me that the weather outside had changed and it was going to rain. So, could it be that Wang Sisi was on the rooftop just now and Lu Feifei was made to cry by her? But why, after she made Lu Feifei cry, did she ask me to come to the rooftop?
I have no idea what Wang Sisi wants to do.
Lu Feifei stretched out a hand towards me. Her hand had been in her pocket. When she stretched it out at this moment, I realized that she was holding a fragment of something. I stretched out my hand and she put the thing in her hand into mine.
It was a crystal necklace. The pendant was broken and shattered into many pieces, but there was a small photo among the fragments.
"Huh?" I picked up the photo. It was of a boy of about sixteen or seventeen years old. The boy had a very delicate face with a smile on his lips. He was wearing a white shirt and trousers, which reminded me of white gardenia.
"What is this?" I looked at Lu Feifei in confusion.
Lu Feifei lowered her head and pursed her lips, as if she was making her last struggle.
"This is Sisi's brother." She suddenly raised her head and took off her glasses. Her beautiful eyes were watery. "He is also someone I like very much."
Although I guessed that they were friends who grew up together, I didn't expect that there was a third person involved between them.
"So where is he now?" I was curious.
"He's dead." She whispered, "It's my fault. I killed him. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have died!"
"Stop being so self-righteous!" Suddenly a female voice interrupted me, and then the photo in my hand was taken away.
I turned around quickly and saw Wang Sisi standing next to me, holding the small photo tightly in her hand: "You are not as important as you think. How long are you going to keep saying that you killed my brother?"
I was confused and couldn't figure out the situation for a while. Lu Feifei said that she was the one who killed the boy in the photo, but Wang Sisi said that was not the case. But if it wasn't Lu Feifei's fault, then why did Wang Sisi bully Lu Feifei so much?
"I really hate people like you. When others say you are wrong, you admit it. Don't you resist? Don't you tell others loudly that it is not true? You always look submissive, like you can endure anything, and like you will forgive others no matter how they treat you. You are so noble, you might as well become a nun!" Wang Sisi slapped the broken crystal out of my hand. The sound of the crystal falling to the ground was crisp.
Lu Feifei quickly squatted down and tried to pick up the broken pieces, but Wang Sisi was so angry that she kicked all the broken pieces away: "How long are you going to hold on to this thing? Do you know that you are really useless? You scolded me, you hit me, I broke your most important necklace, why didn't you hit me? Why didn't you scold me? Why are you just hiding on the rooftop crying alone?"
I subconsciously glanced at Wang Sisi. I have never had a good impression of her, largely because she always bullies Lu Feifei. But now, seeing the dispute between them, I suddenly feel that maybe I have made some mistakes. Wang Sisi is not the kind of person who likes to bully others.
What kind of hidden story is this?
"Um... I'll go back first." I didn't want to pry into other people's privacy, so I turned around and wanted to leave with the quilt in my arms, but Wang Sisi grabbed my arm and pulled me back forcefully.
This is an empty room behind the dormitory building. Lu Feifei was crying at that time, so I brought her here to avoid attracting attention. Now Wang Sisi has blocked me here and it seems that she is not going to let me leave.
"You are not allowed to leave!" She glared at me, "And you, Lu Nanxi, you are also annoying!"
Thinking that she deliberately led me to the rooftop, I thought that she probably had something to say to me.
"It's none of her business, let her go." Lu Feifei, who had been silent since Wang Sisi came in, finally spoke.
"She has already seen the photos, so it's her business." Wang Sisi said, looking at me. Her eyes seemed to say, I can't leave until they finish their quarrel today.
Wang Sisi grabbed the photo, raised her hand, and said, "It's good to have a third person present. This way I won't feel awkward talking to you."
It suddenly dawned on me that this was exactly why she had blocked me here.
Thinking back to how Wang Sisi and Lu Feifei got along in the dormitory, we always couldn't talk to each other well, probably because I was not very noticeable. Moreover, in Wang Sisi's eyes, I made her feel uncomfortable just like Lu Feifei, and there was no third party more suitable than me.
"How long are you going to hide?" Wang Sisi slowed down her voice, and her tone was not as aggressive as before.
Lu Feifei lowered her head. Although she was not wearing glasses, her long bangs still covered most of her face.
Wang Sisi suddenly stepped forward and took something out of her pocket like lightning. Then a black flash passed in front of my eyes. Looking closely, what Wang Sisi took out of her pocket was actually a pair of scissors! She cut off most of Lu Feifei's bangs.
What floated past my eyes was the hair that Wang Sisi had discarded. She seemed very satisfied with her masterpiece. She completely ignored Lu Feifei's extremely pale face and clapped her hands: "Tsk tsk, it's much more pleasing to the eye this way."
I don't understand Wang Sisi anymore. It seems that more than two months have passed since the day I registered, but the only thing I still don't understand is Wang Sisi. She seems to get angry easily and is very unreasonable when she speaks, but she always says what she wants to say. She doesn't like anyone except her in our dormitory.
She once scolded Guo Jiani for being hypocritical to our face, and told Lu Feifei and me that she hated people like us the most.
Such a straightforward girl actually has her cuteness.
Without the protection of her bangs, Lu Feifei seemed to have suddenly lost her self-protection barrier.
"My brother's death is not anyone's fault. I really can't stand the way you think everything is your fault. Even if an ant dies on the earth, it's your fault. Do you know that you are really annoying, especially the way you look at me, full of guilt, as if you owe me tens of millions and have to work like a slave for me for the rest of your life." Wang Sisi said coldly, "I'm telling you, Lu Feifei, I don't need it, and my brother doesn't need it either!"
"Um...what's going on?" I couldn't help but ask, because Lu Feifei didn't say anything and only Wang Sisi was talking, which always felt very strange.
Wang Sisi glanced at me and said, "Let me tell you a story. This is actually the reason why you came here."
"As the saying goes, those who are involved in the matter are often confused, while those who are not involved in the matter can see things more clearly. After you listen to this story, you can tell Lu Feifei that this is no one's fault!" She said, handing me the small photo of her brother again.
I took the photo, and it turned out that the boy in the photo was no longer there.
Lu Feifei refused to listen to anything Wang Sisi said, so let me speak? But sometimes it is true that the same thing, the same sentence, when said by a different person, will have a completely different effect.
I had guessed about the story between Wang Sisi and Lu Feifei, but I didn't expect that the real story would be like this.
Lu Feifei and Wang Sisi are good friends who grew up together and their two families live together. Wang Sisi has an older brother who is one year older than her. Unfortunately, Wang Sisi's brother suffers from congenital leukemia. The doctor told Wang Sisi's parents since he was born that the child would not live past the age of 18, so Wang Sisi was born.
My brother is really a gentle child. He was carefully cared for and grew up with a calm personality. He also has a very delicate appearance. He has received many love letters since he entered junior high school.
In contrast, Wang Sisi was much more naughty and played all the roles that her brother couldn't play. At that time, Lu Feifei's personality was like her brother's, very quiet. Many people were surprised that such a lively girl and a girl who hardly talked all day could become such good friends.
Lu Feifei has always liked Wang Sisi's brother, and her biggest wish is to become a gentle person like him.
Wang Sisi knew that Lu Feifei liked her brother, and she also knew that her brother would not live past the age of 18. She thought it would be a pity if her brother died without even having a romantic relationship. So Wang Sisi, who was never content, went to her brother to lobby him and let him feel what it felt like to like someone. She pushed her best friend in front of her brother.
Lu Feifei's date with her brother went as planned .
Those were the days that Lu Feifei never wanted to forget. She thought that if possible, she would hold them all in her hands and use them to recall her for the rest of her life.
Things took a turn when her brother said he wanted to give her a surprise on her 17th birthday and asked her to meet him at an ice cream shop. Lu Feifei went there early in her most beautiful dress, but in the end, what she waited for was the bad news about her brother.
Wang Sisi found Lu Feifei with a small box wrapped in exquisite packaging and told her that her brother had died. He suddenly fell ill and died suddenly on the street corner. A kind person called 120, but he was not saved in the end. Wang Sisi found this gift in her brother's pocket, and she took the gift and gave it to Lu Feifei on her birthday on behalf of her brother.
From that day on, Lu Feifei changed.
People who didn't know that their brother had leukemia and would not live past the age of 18 started to talk nonsense, saying that it was Lu Feifei's fault that their brother died, and that if he hadn't given her a birthday present, he wouldn't have died on the street corner.
She did not argue and silently endured whatever others said. She felt it was all her fault and if it weren't for her, her brother would not have died.
That crystal necklace was the last gift her brother gave her. She had kept it carefully, and from that day on, she always felt guilty when facing Wang Sisi, and never dared to look her in the eye. She blamed herself, hid herself, and tortured herself.
Wang Sisi tried many ways to make her understand that her brother’s death had nothing to do with her, because her brother died only three days before his eighteenth birthday.
Her brother found her and said to her, "Sisi, if I die, Feifei will be very sad. You must make her happy and let her come out of the shadow. Tell her that I really loved her. Sisi, as my sister, you can do it."
Wang Sisi promised her brother that she must help Lu Feifei come out of the shadow. She did not expect that her brother would leave on Lu Feifei's birthday. This became a heavy mountain that completely crushed Lu Feifei.
She became completely different from the former Lu Feifei, but it seemed as if she had never changed, because she was still as quiet as before.
Wang Sisi had no choice. Seeing Lu Feifei like this, she was always furious. She couldn't stand it and started to bully Lu Feifei, wanting her to learn to resist and let her know that it was not her fault and she should not bear it on herself.
"Brother doesn't like the way you are now at all." Wang Sisi said to Lu Feifei.
I finished listening to Wang Sisi's story. In fact, the story itself is very simple, but what is not simple is Wang Sisi's original intention of bullying Lu Feifei.
"I don't want to continue." Wang Sisi was frustrated. "I have tried many ways, but there is no way to fulfill the promise with my brother."
I turned to look at Lu Feifei, and I had no idea what she was thinking. Her thoughts seemed to be flying far away.
"It's not your fault." I walked over and gently pressed her shoulders. "Don't blame yourself anymore."
I thought about it and said to Wang Sisi, "Have you ever thought that she is like this because she is in too much pain? Losing someone you love and thinking that no matter how far you go in the future, there will never be another person like you in this world, and you won't even meet them again, this kind of despair and pain is enough to crush a person."
Wang Sisi was stunned for a moment, then fell silent. It seemed that she had not thought that Lu Feifei became like this not only because of self-blame, but also because of too much pain.
If this is a way to escape pain, then who wouldn't want to escape?
The image of Xu Minyou suddenly appeared in my mind.
This is the story of Wang Sisi and Lu Feifei, but what about Xu Minyou? What will it be like to have him hide in a solid shell?
I was just daydreaming when Lu Feifei suddenly burst into a suppressed cry. I had never heard such a cry before. It was like the emotions that had been suppressed for a long time finally burst out. She rushed over and hugged Wang Sisi, saying to her, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Wang Sisi didn't say anything. She seemed to be stiff . Facing such a Lu Feifei, she was a little overwhelmed. After a long time, she hugged Lu Feifei and whispered, "It's me who should say sorry. I've bullied you for so long. I should be the one who says sorry."
Looking at these two people, I think I should leave. Lu Feifei has actually reached her limit. Like a balloon, she will explode if you poke her lightly. And Wang Sisi, for so long, she has never thought that Lu Feifei is like this not just because of self-blame.
It seems that people are always unable to say everything they want to say to each other, even Wang Sisi, who seems to be straightforward, is like this.
It turns out that we are all cowards. We are always cowards when facing certain people or certain things.