I hid the pregnancy test report and calmly waited for Zhuang Li to show up. Perhaps because I had experienced too many ups and downs, my heart seemed to have plunged into stagnant water and would never beat again.
It's spring, and the weather is getting warmer. Outside the hospital, a few peach blossoms are eager to spit out their fragrant stamens, and the flowers and trees in the forest are sprouting green new buds. The sun is shining, the spring breeze is blowing, but I'm really not feeling well.
This heart has let down the friendship of spring.
Zhuang Li came to see me in the evening. When I faced him, I hid my hatred deep in my heart and tried not to look at him directly, for fear that my hatred would leak out.
Zhuang Li sat beside me as usual, looking at me quietly without saying a word. In my peripheral vision, his expression was very solemn, with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
I am in this situation because of him, and he is still injured. It is a huge irony.
He thought that what he did could move me, but he didn't realize that those things might only move himself.
People are all so self-righteous.
It has been a long time since I looked at Zhuang Li carefully. I turned around stiffly and cast my eyes on him. Zhuang Li today is no longer the Zhuang Li in my memory. His face is thin and his features are clear. After years of precipitation, he is more stable than before, but his eyes still make people unable to guess what he is thinking. His original bangs were cut off, revealing his forehead, making him look more capable. Zhuang Li began to wear a suit and tie, and wear an expensive watch. His every move revealed the spirit of a businessman.
In the past, Zhuang Li was always cold and never showed his emotions. But now, when he was in front of me, he began to show some emotions on his face.
He saw me looking at him with a little surprise in his eyes.
I said slowly: "I want to be discharged from the hospital."
He stood up, took my arm, and asked joyfully, "Have you forgiven me?"
I refused to answer directly and repeated, "I want to be discharged from the hospital!"
"Okay, okay, I'll go and complete the discharge procedures right away." After saying that, Zhuang Li ran out of the ward.
I walked step by step to the window and tried to catch the spring sunlight with my hands. Unfortunately, even though the sunlight was so bright, my hands were empty.
It turns out that I can't catch anything.
Zhuang Li completed the discharge procedures, carefully hugged me, and walked out of the hospital. He asked me in my ear with concern: "Are you okay? How do you feel?"
I turned to look at Zhuang Li and said, "I want to go see Su Jingnian."
"No!" Zhuang Li was still so domineering.
"I must go see him!" I said stubbornly.
Since Su Jingnian died, I have never visited him, fearing that looking at his grave would tear my heart into countless pieces. But since Zhuang Li revealed the truth, I wanted to say "I'm sorry" to him.
It turns out that Su Jingnian has as much to bear as I do.
It turned out that his betrayal was just a plan, someone else 's revenge.
Having misunderstood Su Jingnian for so long, I should say "sorry" and go see him.
After my repeated insistence, Zhuang Li compromised.
Su Jingnian is buried in a cemetery in the suburbs, where the mountains and rivers are quiet and mournful. As soon as I stepped in, I could feel the silence that comes from death.
I didn't know where Su Jingnian was buried, so I could only look at the tombstones one by one. Finally, I found his resting place.
There is a black and white photo of him on the tombstone. He smiles so gently that it makes people want to cry. I slowly stroke the photo, copying his handsome features and clear eyes. Although the tombstone is cold, I can feel a little warmth.
It was just this little bit of warmth that kept me from collapsing on the ground.
Zhuang Li did not follow, but just watched from a distance, his hands clenched into fists. I could no longer care about his feelings, my eyes were full of Su Jingnian who was always on my mind.
Only when I silently recite his name do I feel alive.
"Su Jingnian, I'm sorry..." I knelt in front of the tombstone, covering my face and crying softly.
There are still many things I can only say in my heart, but I don’t know what to say.
Su Jingnian, our life together is too short, I will definitely pursue you in the next life. So, please wait for me, okay?
Su Jingnian, my favorite moment is meeting you in my dreams. You not only warm me, but also warm my dreams.
Also, Su Jingnian, I am pregnant with Zhuang Li’s child, will you blame me?
Don't be afraid of being lonely, I will meet you soon.
I stood up with the help of the tombstone, walked to Zhuang Li, raised my tear-stained face and said, "I hope you can apologize to him. I will never come here again."
Although Zhuang Li's face was livid and he seemed to disagree, he still strode to Su Jingnian's grave and said "I'm sorry" dryly.
From now on, Zhuang Li and I completely reversed our roles, and everything was up to me. Perhaps his autism scared him, so he was so accommodating to me. He even agreed to apologize to his love rival, something that would hurt his self-esteem.
I was just testing him.
He tied me up in the name of love, and I will take revenge on him in the name of love, to avenge Su Jingnian, and also to avenge the tears I have shed and the pain I have endured.
Zhuang Li, this is all your own fault, don't blame me for being cruel and heartless.
After returning to the city from the suburbs, everything seemed to have returned to normal. There was no Su Jingnian, no one else, only Zhuang Li and I, living a peaceful and stable life.
The second semester of my junior year has started. I go to classes occasionally, and when I don’t have classes, I buy groceries and cook at home, like a hardworking snail girl.
Zhuang Li continued to be busy with his studies and company affairs. Since Zhuang Yanzhi's illness, he began to accept the position of chairman of Zhuang's company. Although he was young, he was able to do it with ease.
However, Zhuang Yanzhi’s health deteriorated day by day, and in the end, he did not survive.
When Zhuang Li received the news of Zhuang Yanzhi's death, he and I were having dinner.
I heard the Zhuang family's driver crying on the phone and saying that Zhuang Yanzhi was dying. Zhuang Li put down his chopsticks without saying a word, and rushed out grabbing the car keys without even having time to change his shoes.
A trace of sympathy flashed through my mind, but I continued to eat in silence. It was none of my business, so I just ignored it. I didn't want to intervene, and I couldn't intervene.
Zhuang Li doesn't even get any sympathy from me.
Three days later, Zhuang Li came back here, his eyes were red and he looked depressed. He hugged me tightly and said, "Lanlan, you are the only one I have in this world..."
I kept silent and said in my heart: But I don't want to be your only one, I wish you would die too.
The resentful thoughts in my heart were like fast-growing ivy, gradually covering all the dark corners.
Zhuang Li rummaged through the drawers and found a lot of wine. He sat on the floor of the living room and drank bottle after bottle.
I stood at the bedroom door and said viciously in my heart: Just drink yourself to death.
Once hatred arises, there is no way to stop it.
I watched Zhuang Li drunk and crying. Whenever he called my name drunkenly, I would lock the bedroom door and pretend to be asleep.
I was unwilling to deal with Zhuang Li perfunctorily, and always believed that this was just the retribution he deserved.
Yes, it’s retribution!
The pain he endured was only one-tenth of what I experienced in my life, and he always ignored the remaining nine-tenths of pain.
A few days later, Zhuang Li knocked on my door with an untidy beard and said seriously with red eyes: "This is the last time I will let myself be decadent. I won't do it again. Because Lanlan, I still have you."
I yawned nonchalantly and said, "I'm glad you understand."
Who can tell the difference between true feelings and false ones?
Zhuang Li cleaned himself up and also cleaned up the messy living room. After experiencing sadness and decadence, he put on a suit and became the proud son of heaven again, as if all the sadness had never happened.
Zhuang Li's self-healing ability is far beyond my imagination, and also beyond my self-healing ability. The wounds I have suffered before are still bleeding and will never heal.
After being tossed around repeatedly, life finally returns to stability, but this is only superficial stability.
Zhuang Li was very good to me, and from time to time he would give me some small gifts or roses. He was traveling more and more often, and every time he came back he would bring pearls, shells, and all kinds of things, but I was not happy. All those gifts were thrown into boxes and locked in drawers, and I didn't want them to be placed in front of me.
Zhuang Li and I were like ordinary lovers, but there was an unbridgeable gap between us in our hearts.
It's always the calmest before the storm.
I'm just waiting for an opportunity, waiting for an opportunity to end everything and destroy the memories and the future.