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Chapter 7 Despair 01
Chapter 7 Despair
01
Zhuang Li had so many ways to deal with me. He even confiscated my cell phone and cut off the Internet cable at home.
I really don’t understand why Zhuang Li has become so extremely sensitive and so easily afraid of losing, even though he has never had me.
For a month, I had no internet and no cell phone, and could only learn about the outside world from TV. I was powerless to resist Zhuang Li's decision. Later, when Zhuang Li was not at home, I searched through the boxes and cabinets to find the hidden cell phone. I didn't find the cell phone, but I found an old remittance slip. The name of the recipient of the remittance was Sun Qing.
That name seemed to stab a knife in my heart, and it hurt me so much.
Why did Zhuang Li remit money to Sun Qing? The date on the remittance slip was just after Sun Qing's birthday. What happened that night?
Countless questions are swirling in my mind. Those broken memories only need a thread to be connected, but I can't find that thread.
My hands were shaking as I held the list.
I haven't seen Sun Qing for a long time. I remember the time when she drove me and we cried by the lake. We were so close, but because of Su Jingnian, our relationship became fragmented.
During the high school entrance exam, I ranked first in the city, so I was specially recruited by Yacheng High School. At that time, I didn't know that Yacheng High School was a school for the nobility, so when I mentioned going to Yacheng High School to Mu Lianru, she was the most opposed, worried that it would cost too much. The admissions office specially visited the Ding family, and then the two sides negotiated the conditions before I was allowed to go. Unknowingly, I became Mu Lianru's bargaining chip.
From kindergarten to junior high school, I was a loner, I didn't have any friends, and I never invited anyone to the Ding family, let alone invite me.
When I was in the first year of high school, I was very aloof. Actually, I was just pretending. In fact, I was very self-abased. Because of my family background, I was often ridiculed in class, and even the teachers didn't like me very much. Because the students were rich and powerful, the teachers didn't dare to interfere too much, and they only looked for a sense of existence on me.
My seat was right next to the trash can, which gave off a foul stench in the summer, but I had to endure it. Yacheng High School had small classes, with a total of 24 people. Apart from me, Sun Qing was the odd one out. She scored full marks in English in the high school entrance exam and was specially recruited. Yacheng High School trains people who can be exported abroad, so they pay special attention to English talents. But apart from English, Sun Qing's other subjects were not that good.
On the first day of school, she had a fight with the girls in her class. A girl dressed like a Barbie doll mocked Sun Qing for being a country girl, ugly and rustic, and said that she should go home to farm instead of studying. Sun Qing, who had been calm at first, suddenly slammed the table and yelled, "Your mouth is so disgusting, and your family actually let you out without brushing your teeth!"
The girl was obviously the favorite of the family. She had never been bullied before. Her face flushed and she asked in disbelief, "Don't you dare say that again!"
Sun Qing sneered: "Do you think you are a princess? You are obviously ugly, but you still want to wear a skirt like others. Your elephant legs are big enough to patch the sky." She spoke bluntly.
The girl ran to Sun Qing angrily and wanted to slap her. Sun Qing kicked the girl on the calf without any hesitation and said viciously: "I am not a soft persimmon that can be easily bullied! If anyone talks too much in the future, don't blame me for being rude!"
That kind of aura shocked the whole class. Her act of killing a chicken to scare the monkeys was more effective, so people in the class didn't dare to mess with her and took their anger out on me.
I also want to resist like Sun Qing and have some strong aura, but I can't do it.
Although Sun Qing is only in high school, she has been in society for a long time, and the mature aura she exudes cannot be erased by her childish school uniform.
If I were the old me, I would never have made friends with Sun Qing, because we are not the same kind of people. It was a complete accident that I became good friends with her.
After school in the afternoon, I was assigned to clean the stairs. Some people deliberately stepped on the broom, threw garbage everywhere, or kicked the garbage together. I swept over and over again many times, and only finished sweeping when most of the people had left.
When I returned to the classroom, I found that some girls were dumping garbage on my desk, and some girls were discussing in groups of three or four, "Let's see what she will do."
Seeing their smug faces, I wanted to hit them with a broom, and in fact I did so, because this group of people was really bullying me too much, and I couldn't stand it anymore.
But there were five of them and I was outnumbered, so my broom was snatched away and I was cornered.
One of the girls mocked, “Tsk tsk tsk, what a pretty face! Maybe it can be sold for some money.” She placed emphasis on the word “sell” and the people around her sneered.
"Maybe she's secretly seducing someone. She has such a great figure, I really want to take off her clothes and see how we compare."
"Yes, take off her clothes. I really can't stand her pretending to be noble!"
Several girls seemed very interested in the proposal.
I stared at them, confronted them, and tried hard not to show any fear.
Several girls approached with sneers, some pulled my hair hard, some held down my arms and kicked my legs, and some tried to pull down my skirt.
A deep sense of shame filled my heart, and I even cursed these girls viciously, hoping they would be hit by a car and die. I struggled and resisted, tears of humiliation welling up in my eyes.
Just as she was getting desperate, Sun Qing leaned against the door frame and said sarcastically, "Why are there a few mad dogs biting people here?"
Her appearance gave me a glimmer of hope. The girls stopped what they were doing, and the leading girl said, "You'd better not meddle in other people's business!"
"I just can't stand seeing mad dogs biting people randomly. Mad dogs should be chained and not let out."
"Who are you calling a mad dog?"
"Whoever is responsible is responsible."
The girls in front of me rolled up their sleeves and turned their attention to Sun Qing. I saw that she was alone, so I shouted, "Leave me alone."
Sun Qing came over with a smile and said, "It's not that I have to help you, but I just want to take action when I see a mad dog barking."
Then there was a big brawl among the women. Sun Qing was very ruthless, attacking the opponent's weak spots, but she was not much better. In the end, I also joined the melee without hesitation. Although I had never fought before, I used all the moves I could, grabbing, kicking, biting, and doing everything I could.
Finally, the teacher who was responsible for checking hygiene came and the girls gave up.
There were claw marks on my face and Sun Qing's face, and deep tooth marks on my arms. My hair was messy, and a few strands were pulled out, and my scalp was aching. I was kicked several times in the stomach, and I curled up on the ground and couldn't get up. It was Sun Qing who helped me up and sat on the chair.
The first thing she said to me was: "You are so noble, why are you always bullied?"
"A noble person is not necessarily powerful." I said with a grin, "I really envy you."
"You're so pretty, you can definitely use boys to protect you."
I know what a person's appearance means, but my reputation has long been ruined by jealous girls. At first, there were boys passing me love letters, but later those boys also bullied me.
It turns out that jealousy is such a powerful force.
I dusted myself off, straightened my clothes, and said, "Let me treat you to some ice cream."
"Okay, I know a shop that has delicious and cheap ice cream."
We held hands and became friends.
Sun Qing will never know how grateful I am to her. If she hadn’t appeared, perhaps my life would have been ruined.
If I had known earlier that she liked Su Jingnian, I would definitely not agree to be Su Jingnian's girlfriend. Instead, I would have tried to bring them together.
My happiness is her bitterness.
The friendship of many people is inexplicable. Maybe just by asking the other person "Where did you buy your clothes?", or just by complimenting her beautiful hairpin, or maybe just by sharing a novel, the distance between two girls becomes closer.
Love at sixteen and friendship at sixteen are so simple.
It’s so beautiful, no wonder I often recall it.
How nice it would be if time could only stay at the good old age, but life is not that simple.
Sun Qing and I have been together for so many years and shared many things, but the only thing we have not shared is the person in our hearts.
Secret love belongs to only one person. It is too embarrassing to talk about it and hidden by the years. It is the storms and waves, joys and sorrows of one person.
I have never had a crush on anyone, I just passively accept things, so I can't understand how Sun Qing loves Su Jingnian.
But when she went to Tibet alone, I realized that Su Jingnian's death also took her heart away.
I have to admit that I forgave Sun Qing. Just looking at her name on the remittance slip brought back so many memories from the past.
Now I have only memories.
Since I have no clue, I can only ask Zhuang Li.
When Zhuang Li came back in the evening, I handed him a glass of water as usual.
He took the water, smiled and came over, wanting to kiss my forehead, but I dodged him.
I took out the remittance slip from my pocket and handed it to him. A hint of panic flashed in Zhuang Li's eyes, and the cup in his hand suddenly slipped and fell to the ground, with pieces flying and water splashing everywhere.
His face was livid and somewhat scary.
"Who gave you permission to rummage through my things?"
I said calmly, "I want an explanation."
"What kind of explanation do you want in your heart?" He had a sarcastic smile on his face.
"I just want the facts."
He grabbed my shoulders uncontrollably and shouted, "Well, I'll tell you the facts. Sun Qing was paid to do things for me. On her birthday, I asked her to call you and Su Jingnian and put drugs in the wine you drank. She supported Su Jiangnian, and I took you. The photos of Su Jingnian's cheating that you received were taken by her, and Su Jiangnian also received intimate photos of you and me. I just didn't expect that the two of you would choose to remain silent at the same time!"
Zhuang Li's eyes were red because he was angry, like an enraged lion.
So this is the truth.
I suddenly felt that the Zhuang Li in front of me was too unfamiliar, and I wondered if I was dreaming. Was the Zhuang Li in front of me still the Zhuang Li who disdained everything?
I looked at him with great sorrow and anger in my eyes and asked, "Why did you do this?"
"Everything I did was to get you. I told you, you're going to regret it!"
I couldn't help but throw my head back and burst out laughing.
How ironic!
"Zhuang Li, you are so proud, but you actually know how to play tricks." I couldn't help but mock him.
Zhuang Li was also smiling, but that smile was filled with chilling coldness.
"Why can't I play tricks? Ding Chushan lost his job because I had someone do something behind the scenes."
"Do you think Ding Xuan can win the championship and become a famous painter just by his own efforts?"
"Also, the man who married Mu Lianru is our business partner in the banker's business."
"Sun Qing wants money and Su Jingnian, but I want you."
Every word Zhuang Li said was like a dagger, stabbing mercilessly into my heart.
It turns out that behind every person there is such an ugly reality.
It turns out that every truth will make people feel miserable.
The so-called family, friendship , and love all have a price, and are so cheap.
Zhuang Li destroyed everything I had, but he kept saying he loved me. Isn't this the biggest joke in the world?
My heart was screaming and crying out that I hated the person in front of me. Those memories were intertwined with hatred, and those beautiful things were twisted together with Zhuang Li's hateful face, creating a psychedelic and painful illusion.
I could have had a stable family, warm friendships, and happy love, but they were all destroyed by this demon in front of me.
When Sleeping Beauty opened her eyes, she saw her prince, her true love, but when I woke up, I saw the devil who pushed me into hell.
What right does Zhuang Li have to ruin my life? What right does he have?
I stared at Zhuang Li with gnashing teeth, wishing I could tear him to pieces. The perfunctory attitude I had shown over the past few days also vanished . All my forbearance, including sympathy, turned to ashes in this cruel reality, leaving only deep hatred.
That kind of hatred seems to be able to burn a person to ashes.
God, please make my heart of cold iron so that I don't have to feel the devastating pain.
Van Gogh's paintings cannot fully express this hatred, and Dante's poems cannot sing of this hatred.
I only hope that all consciousness will be completely annihilated, that the world will be destroyed, and that memories and the future will no longer have any boundaries. Let all the pain be swallowed by the black hole, let all the love be evaporated by the sun, let all beautiful things become ugly, and let the true nature of reality be revealed.
His adoptive father’s car accident, Su Jiangnian’s death, Sun Qing’s departure, and Ding Xuan’s abandonment were all inextricably linked to Zhuang Li.
All the truth added together almost makes people collapse.
In front of me, Zhuang Li's face gradually became blurred, and the dizziness engulfed my consciousness. Finally, I couldn't bear the blow anymore and fainted.
It turns out that the darkness that I once despised has now become a kind of salvation. How wonderful it would be if I had always indulged in this darkness, without having to face reality or the devil Zhuang Li.
It’s a pity that I’m not Sleeping Beauty and cannot sleep for a hundred years.
Those who need to wake up will wake up, and those who need to face it will have to face it.
When I woke up, Zhuang Li's anxious face appeared in my sight.
I turned my head to the side, my eyes calm and my expression indifferent.
"Lanlan, you're awake, do you want to eat something?"
I don't speak.
"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't do that, but in order to have you, I have to do it."
I still didn't speak.
"Lanlan, I don't hope you can forgive me, but I hope you can understand this love, and I hope you will never leave me."
I still didn't speak.
I was like this for several days afterwards. I stopped talking and ate and slept numbly, as if all my emotions were cleared away with one click. Ding Lanyin was now like a piece of wood, not understanding anything.
No matter how Zhuang Li comforted me or threatened me, or how he was gentle or angry, I ignored him from the bottom of my heart and completely treated him as air.
He didn't say much, but just sat next to me for a while every day.
I fell into a state of autism, my expression was numb, my heart was numb, my five senses were numb, I couldn't see, hear, or feel. Every day, I would just stare out the window and hug my quilt in a daze, not going anywhere.
Zhuang Li’s brows furrowed deeper and deeper, but this was no longer my business.
The doctor would come for routine check-ups every day, and I would cooperate obediently. When the medicine was handed to me, I would take it, but I would not say much.
One day, after a routine checkup, the doctor handed me a sheet and whispered, "Madam, congratulations, you are pregnant..."
I blinked woodenly, turned my head stiffly, stared at the doctor, and asked word by word: "What did you say? "
"You are pregnant, and the baby has just reached full term."
I slowly reached out and took the list. My heart sank as I read the words on it. There was a child in my belly, and it was a demon child.
It was a strange, yet disgusting feeling.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. Then I said to the doctor, "Please don't tell the man who comes to see me every day. I want to tell him in person that this is a surprise for him."
The doctor nodded in agreement and gave some further instructions before leaving.
I lay on the hospital bed, looking at the new buds on the trees outside the window, rubbing my lower abdomen repeatedly with my hands, still finding it a little unbelievable.
This child came at a very bad time.
No, that's not right, this child came at the right time.
Zhuang Li destroyed everything I had. I hate him and I won’t be satisfied until I get revenge on him.
He bound me in the name of love and ignored my pain, so I will fight back.
Love is never a reason to hurt.
If this life is destined to be unhappy, then let everything be destroyed.
My child, I am only sorry for you...