I used to be a proud princess, thinking that if I conquered Lin Xiaolun, I would conquer the whole world. It was not until I thought that everyone in the world no longer belonged to me that I realized to my horror that I couldn't live without him. During the years of self-deception, I suddenly realized that it is better to let things take their own course, not to force things, and not to ask for too much.

After returning home, I felt extremely free.
I was bored, so I rolled up my sleeves, picked up the mop, and mopped the house inside and out . I couldn't stop for a moment, because if I stopped, I would start to think about random things.
When it was dragged to my room, I found a box under the bed. Inside were the letters I wrote to Lin Xiaolun during the three years of high school, as well as the white shirt that Lin Xiaolun gave me to cover my embarrassing parts when I had my first period.
I wondered, when did I hide it under the bed? Did Ms. Ye Qianli put it there when she was bored and cleaning the house?
I took out the letters from the box and read them one by one, and the past events came to my mind vividly.
The first letter was written on September 10, 2009, which was Teachers' Day.
Although Lin Xiaolun still had a hint of childishness on his face when he first entered high school, his handsome appearance and outstanding temperament attracted many girls of the same grade.
After school that day, Lin Xiaolun represented the whole class to deliver a fruit basket to the teacher and asked me to help him pack his schoolbag and wait for him in the carport.
When I was helping Lin Xiaolun pack his schoolbag, I accidentally found an anonymous letter. The envelope was pink and folded into heart shape. I knew what it meant at a glance.
I ran to the carport and showed the envelope in my hand to Lin Xiaolun, with a tone of 70% happiness and 30% jealousy, and said, "This is the first pink letter of the new grade. Do you want to open it and take a look?"
I was 70% happy because the boy I liked was so popular, which proved that he was very good and that I had very good taste; I was 30% jealous because I was very unhappy that other girls were eyeing Lin Xiaolun like that.
Lin Xiaolun, who was unlocking the door, didn't even raise his head and said to me in a commonplace tone: "Just handle it yourself. Why are you asking me about this?"
I was very satisfied with Lin Xiaolun's answer, so I jumped on the back seat of Lin Xiaolun's bicycle and said, "My bicycle is broken."
At that time, Lin Xiaolun always took me back without saying a word, and everything was like a common occurrence.
After dinner, I secretly wrote and tore off page after page of the newly bought stationery at my desk. The trash can was filled with crumpled-up stationery.
After more than two hours, I finally wrote a letter that satisfied me.

Lin Xiaolun:
This is the first letter from Qin Le to you. I think you meet my requirements in every aspect. You should follow me in the future. Don't accept letters from other girls. I'm not jealous. I just think you should focus on your studies now. I will follow your footsteps and focus on my studies.
Qin Le is very considerate and caring about you
September 10, 2009 at 21:34

He warned Lin Xiaolun without revealing his own thoughts.
In fact, Lin Xiaolun has always been very self-conscious and his academic performance has always been among the best. In contrast, I was too playful and could not keep up with Lin Xiaolun in my studies.
I didn't dare give this letter to Lin Xiaolun. He would definitely look at me with strange eyes and ask me, " Lele, why are you writing to me? We live so close to each other. You can knock on my door and I will come out. Is there anything you can't say to me in person?"
In his heart, Qin Le has been fearless since he was a child, speaks his mind, and is a person who has never experienced pain or sadness.
Even though her parents are not with her all year round, she doesn't feel lonely.
It is because of this that Lin Xiaolun didn't know how sad I was after he got together with Ding Chuchu, right? So once I showed it, he would think I was fooling around.
The envelope in my hand was opened and folded, then folded and opened again.
The last letter was not folded properly, it was just folded casually after the words were written.
This is the last letter I wrote to Lin Xiaolun. I wrote it two days before I left for the United States while lying on the floor in boredom. It only contains a few words:

Lin Xiaolun, I was thinking, there are so many unexpected things in life. What if God goes blind one day and lets an accident happen to us? What should we do then?

I wrote just a few lines for half an hour, and finally fell asleep on the floor. After waking up, I folded the paper and threw it into the box.
Unexpectedly, my words came true and the accident happened.
I sighed, put the box back where it was, then put the shirt in the bag and took it back to school.
When I arrived at the dormitory, I didn't see Ding Chuchu, so I casually asked, "Where's Chuchu? Is she back from Beijing?"
Yangyang answered while watching TV: "Oh, I just came back, but after I came back, I received a call and went out. I guess it was Lin Xiaolun's call. He left in a hurry."
"Well, these two have been inseparable recently." Pei Ya bit her apple while admiring the high-definition photos of Korean stars, echoing Yang Yang's words. After a while, she turned her head and asked me: "Le Le, didn't you want to pursue Lin Xiao Lun before? Why did you become Ding Chu Chu now?"
As if he had caught the opportunity to gossip, Yangyang took off his headphones, came over, and said repeatedly: "Yes, yes."
"What?" I looked at them both with pretended disgust. "I didn't think clearly before, so I mistakenly thought I liked Lin Xiaolun. Later I found out that he was just a friend I grew up with. Don't make blind guesses here."
After that, I turned around and put the shopping bag containing Lin Xiaolun's white shirt into the closet. Yangyang and Pei Ya obviously didn't believe me, and said with a smile: "You can quibble. If you don't like Lin Xiaolun, Yaya and I will be single until we grow old." After that, they saw that I didn't answer, and they all laughed happily.
The laughter was like a piercing devil's sound, stimulating my eardrums again and again.
I turned and walked into the bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the flush valve. The sound of water covered up their conversation.
I turned on the faucet in the sink, scooped up a handful of water and splashed it on my face. In the mirror, I saw strings of water droplets sliding down my thin face, making me look exhausted.
I closed my eyes and soaked my face in the sink filled with water until I couldn't hold it anymore and then I looked up. Only by forcing myself to be sober could I avoid doing things that would seem stupid to others.
The face in the mirror can be just as beautiful, so why should I always envy what others have?
I dried my face, took a quick shower, read for a while, and went to bed.
When Yangyang turned off the lights, he asked me in surprise: "Lele, why did you go to bed so early today?"
"Beauty sleep." I responded calmly and pulled the quilt up to cover my head.
Although it was a bit suffocating, there was an indescribable sense of security.
Although I have not grasped the past, I must grasp the present and the future.
On the way to class, when I met classmates who greeted me, I smiled back. I would prepare for each course in advance, and when the teacher asked someone to answer a question, I would be particularly active. Sometimes, even if I answered incorrectly, the teacher would praise me for my efforts, which earned me a lot of extra credits.
Everyone started to look at me with admiration.
I know that one day I will live the life I want.
Before I became sensible, I always thought that what Lin Xiaolun wanted was the best. I always ignored my truest thoughts and always regretted that I was not a good match for Lin Xiaolun.
It's not that I don't deserve him, it's that he is not worthy of me.
If it’s not worth it, just keep it in your heart and leave everything to time.
It was already past 10 o'clock. Seeing that I had been working on a PPT for three hours in front of the computer, Ding Chuchu made me a cup of fragrant tea to improve eyesight.
She looked at me several times, and finally couldn't help but said curiously: "Lele, you seem to have changed recently."
"Really?" I answered while searching for text information materials for the PPT. "Has it gotten better or worse?"
Ding Chuchu thought for a long time and said, "You are no longer like before, but it seems to be a good change."
I smiled calmly and said, "It's fine as long as it's good. I want to treat you to a meal next year when I get the scholarship! By the way, how are Guo Lu and Lin Xiaolun doing recently?"
Ding Chuchu stretched and said, "Lin Xiaolun is still the same as before! By the way, I feel like the interactions between you two seem to have decreased a lot! Are you too busy recently? Guo Lu is busy dealing with club affairs, and we haven't been in touch much in the past two days."
My fingers on the keyboard landed on the space bar, and I said without looking away, "Chu Chu, it's not a good idea to ask a girl why you and your boyfriend have less interactions, right?"
Ding Chuchu was stunned, obviously not expecting me to say that, and said awkwardly: "I was just saying it casually."
I didn't say anything and continued typing on the keyboard.
Ding Chuchu noticed the alienation in my tone, restrained the awkward expression on her face, and asked: "Qin Le, don't you think our relationship seems to have become very subtle?"
I smiled and said, "I don't think so. I've been busy with my studies recently, so I'm not as close to you as before. Don't be surprised. Besides, you have a boyfriend, and I can't always monopolize the time you spend with your boyfriend."
"It's true that I'm with Lin Xiaolun all the time now, so I haven't considered you in many ways. That's why I need to apologize to you." Ding Chuchu seemed calm on the surface, but her words were full of sarcasm.
I admit that her words easily exposed my thoughts. I pasted the last page of the template onto the PPT, saved it, closed the computer, and said simply, "It's okay, go to bed early, good night."
"Good night."
When saying good night to me, there was a gleam in Ding Chuchu's eyes that was hard to read.
Can't go back? I think it's not just Lin Xiaolun and I, it seems that Ding Chuchu and I can't go back. We once met in the purest way, and we can't go back to that time.
I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.
If life could really be smooth sailing, people would not have so many worries.
I took some time to visit the "Red Association". There were a lot more members in it than before. I heard from a sophomore student that because of Guo Lu, there were a lot more freshmen in the club, but the girls couldn't do a lot of the heavy and rough work in the club.
I was listening and found it a little funny.
Suddenly, a dark shadow stood in front of me.
My body trembled violently, and I adjusted the black-framed glasses without lenses on my nose and saw the person in front of me clearly.
I squinted my eyes naturally, held the temples, and felt forward: "Oops, I think I wore the wrong glasses. Everything in front of me is blurry. I have to go get a new pair of glasses."
Gao Hu immediately stopped me, grabbed my arm tightly, and said excitedly: "Classmate Qin Le, long time no see. Hey, are you nearsighted?"
"Yes, I am nearsighted." I deliberately stumbled and stepped on Gao Hu's instep, pretending to sprain my ankle. "Oops, sorry, I stepped on you. I am extremely nearsighted and I can't see you. I'll go back first."
Gao Hu endured the pain and asked me with concern, his voice changed: "How can you go back if you can't see?"
"With consciousness." I said hurriedly, and then smiled foolishly, "My consciousness has always been very tenacious, don't worry, don't worry."
After saying that, I staggered like a drunk and accidentally bumped into the edge of the table, which made me grimaced in pain.
I turned around to say hello to Gao Hu and told him he didn't need to see me off, then walked towards the classroom door.
"Bang——" I bumped into someone's arms again, and then that person grabbed my arm and asked, "Qin Le, what are you doing?"
I just wanted to die.
He wanted to avoid Gao Hu, but bumped into Lin Xiaolun instead. This time, neither of them could avoid him.
"It's okay. I'm playing 'Eagle Catches Chicken' with Gao Hu." I stood up, pushed Lin Xiaolun's hand away calmly, and then winked at Gao Hu.
Gao Hu's mind was too simple. He stared at me in confusion and said, "Le Le, aren't you going to get a new pair of glasses because you are extremely nearsighted? I think I should take you home . If you accidentally bump into something you shouldn't bump into again, I'll be sad."
Is there something wrong with his brain?
As smart as Lin Xiaolun was, he understood what happened to me as soon as Gao Hu said it: "In that case, I'll just send Lele back."
After saying that, he winked at me. Although I was not happy about his help, I still took a step forward.
Lin Xiaolun caught up with me.
I looked at him with disdain and said coldly, "You're out of breath after running a few steps? It turns out that you haven't even exercised since you got together with Ding Chuchu."
Lin Xiaolun ignored the sourness in my words and asked, "What happened between you and Chuchu recently?"
"What's wrong?" I stopped and turned to ask him.
The boy playing basketball next to me missed the ball, and it hit the rim and bounced back, then spun to my feet before stopping.
Seeing this, the boy next to him shouted, "Hey, classmate, please help pass the ball over here."
Lin Xiaolun bent down, picked up the basketball, and shot it with one hand, and the basketball went into the basket steadily. Several boys looked at Lin Xiaolun as if he were an idol, but I was used to it and turned around and walked away.
Lin Xiaolun followed and said, "Chu Chu said that there is some rift between you and her."
"Oh, you're quite fond of telling tales." I walked in a hurry, and Lin Xiaolun followed me in a hurry.
"It's not like that. Chuchu really cares about the relationship between you two." Lin Xiaolun explained.
To get back to the dormitory, you have to pass through a small path, and at this time, the street lights are on.
I said puzzledly, "There is a gap between her and me. Why didn't she come to tell me in person, but complained to you and then told me through you?"
There is no conflict between Ding Chuchu and me. It’s just that she is together with Lin Xiaolun and I really can’t .
From the time she gave me advice and confessed to Lin Xiaolun to the time she and Lin Xiaolun started dating, it wasn't long at all. If Lin Xiaolun really didn't know how I felt about him, how could the attentive Ding Chuchu not know?
She made me wonder whether she had approached me with a purpose from the very beginning, but this purpose was unclear.
Lin Xiaolun said to me calmly, "Chu Chu seems to not care about anything, but it's because she's strong-willed at heart, so she keeps some things to herself. She said you've been acting strange lately, and she was afraid she'd say something wrong and make you angry, so she didn't tell you."
"Lin Xiaolun, how long have you known Ding Chuchu? Do you know her so well?" I asked back, with a hint of teasing in my tone.
Lin Xiaolun was silent for a while, then slowly said, "Lele, knowing someone doesn't need to be measured by time."
"Really?" My heart ached, but I smiled brightly on the surface. "You're right. Are you done? I'll leave when I'm done. Don't follow me. My eyesight is pretty good."
Seeing that I didn't want to say more, Lin Xiaolun had to say, "Chu Chu said that you've been studying too late recently. Take good care of yourself and don't get too tired."
"oh."
Lin Xiaolun nodded, turned and left.
Ding Chuchu, Ding Chuchu, every sentence is about Ding Chuchu, what am I?
I smiled self-deprecatingly , turned around and disappeared into the crowd.
If you ignore it, you can live in peace.