December 20th is Guo Lu’s 20th birthday.
He called many friends and then came to invite me personally.
I put the pen in my hair and leaned against a tree, flipping through a Java language book, preparing for the upcoming final exam. I went for the scholarship, no matter if Lin Xiaolun had me in his heart or not, I had Lin Xiaolun in my heart.
Transformation, not just for him, but also for myself.
Guo Lu came over, patted my head gently, and handed me the milk tea in his hand. I smiled and reached out to take the milk tea.
"Let's go to KTV together on the 20th." Guo Lu sat down next to me.
I pulled out my pen and scratched my cheek, without taking my eyes off the book. "Well, I thought you forgot to invite me. They all got the call, but I didn't."
"Because you are different."
Guo Lu sucked the straw with a hissing sound. I was used to this kind of conversation and said naturally, "Of course, I am prettier than them all."
After saying that, I seemed to realize something, looked over my shoulder, looked at the shoulder-length hair, and smiled at Guo Lu.
"Your hair is beautiful. Remember to bring me a gift when the time comes."
"Okay." I responded to Guo Lu.
Seeing that my attention didn't seem to be on his birthday, Guo Lu said, "I'm leaving first," and left.
I slowly looked up. Guo Lu was walking towards the dormitory with one hand in his trouser pocket and rubbing his eyebrows with the other hand. He met an acquaintance on the way, raised his head and greeted him, then rubbed his eyebrows and continued walking.
I know that Guo Lu is good to me, but I can't respond to his kindness to me, so I always act like it's none of my business.
There may be nothing wrong with the statement that feelings are the best way to help people grow psychologically.
At least that's what happened to me.
On Guo Lu’s birthday, I dressed simply and went out.
Guo Lu booked a large private room at the "Meet" KTV that could accommodate at least 30 people, but there were only a dozen people in the room, all of whom were Guo Lu's good friends.
I looked at the densely packed gifts on the table and held the "ordinary work" in my hand, feeling a little hesitant.
Ding Chuchu, who was busy helping Guo Lu greet his friends, ran over, put her arm around my shoulders, stared at the thermos I was carrying, and asked with a wink, "What are you carrying? You look so mysterious."
Guo Lu looked over here and greeted me eagerly. He also saw the thermos in my hand and asked tentatively, "Is it for me?"
"Yes, I hope you don't mind." I put the thermos on the table, opened the lid, and brought out a plate of peach blossom cakes.
Guo Lu's eyes suddenly lit up, and he excitedly picked up a piece and put it in his mouth.
"Mm, it's much more delicious than the last time." He held the whole plate of peach blossom cakes in his arms, "None of you are allowed to snatch it from me."
Lin Xiaolun, who was standing next to him, patted him on the shoulder and said with a smile, "No one is going to snatch it from you."
I don't know if I'm overthinking it, but Lin Xiaolun's expression is quite complicated. When he noticed that I was looking at him, he smiled at me and turned around to help Ding Chuchu decorate the private room.
I moved Guo Lu's gift off the table and put it somewhere so it wouldn't get in the way, then sat on the sofa and played with my phone.
After the private room was set up, everyone sang together for half an hour and then started clamoring to play games.
The game that is often played in KTV is nothing more than "Truth or Dare". Nowadays, people like to make a fuss, and this game is a good way to do it.
Everyone decides who needs to be punished by dealing playing cards. Whoever holds the big ghost or the little ghost must unconditionally accept the punishment they propose.
Since we were young, Lin Xiaolun and I always won prizes together when we bought lottery tickets, instant noodles, scratch cards, and opened a bottle of drinks. This time was no exception.
He held the "little ghost" with a frown on his face, while I held the "big ghost" with my heart pounding.
"Whoever drew the 'ghost', take it out quickly." Xiaoye glanced at us with his eyes like arrows while shaking his legs.
I silently threw the "big ghost" gently on the table, and then Lin Xiaolun also put the "little ghost" in his hand on the table.
The private room suddenly exploded.
Xiaoye asked loudly: "What should we choose? Truth or Dare?"
"Big adventure." Lin Xiaolun and I said in unison.
Xiaoye's eyes widened, with an unconcealable smile on her face. Just as she was about to tell him the punishment, Lin Xiaolun suddenly changed his words: "I choose truth."
"Okay then." Xiaoye slapped the table, pointed at Lin Xiaolun, and gossiped, "Besides Ding Chuchu, have you ever liked other girls?"
Ding Chuchu secretly gave Xiaoye a thumbs up.
Without waiting for Lin Xiaolun to answer, Xiaoye threatened: "Tell the truth, or you will be lonely for the rest of your life."
Lin Xiaolun smiled and said, "No."
My heart suddenly felt as heavy as if a thousand-pound stone was tied to it.
Xiaoye seemed not satisfied with this answer, but couldn't find any flaws in Lin Xiaolun, so he pointed the gun at me: "Qin Le, do you want to change to truth or dare, because you have to drink them." As he said that, he took out three bottles of beer from under the table.
"Xiaoye, you're playing too big a role. Lele is a girl."
Guo Lu wanted to stop him, but Xiao Ye rejected him with a wink: "Boss, I'm doing this for your own good."
"If I lose, I lose. I am willing to accept the punishment." I picked up a bottle of beer, opened the lid with a bottle opener, and drank it down.
Let me get drunk, then I won’t be so sad.
After a bottle of beer, my face looked a little ugly, and my stomach kept churning, but I had to force it down. Guo Lu couldn't bear to see it, so he drank a bottle for me, and then I drank the third bottle.
I still couldn't bear the exciting feeling, the beer bottle slipped from my hand, and I immediately got up and ran to the bathroom.
Uncomfortable.
The alcohol content of the beer was not high, but my body was not suitable for drinking. Now I was lying on the toilet and wanted to vomit but couldn't. Guo Lu followed me into the bathroom, closed the door, squatted down and patted my back.
I was so upset that my eyes were blurred with tears. I put my hand into my throat to induce vomiting. With a "splash", all the wine and food that had just entered my stomach came out. I frowned and said incoherently: "Guo Lu, you go out first..."
I felt like my heart, spleen, and lungs were about to surge up into my throat.
I wished I could crush all my internal organs and lose consciousness immediately.
"Why are you trying to be so stubborn? It's just a game, right?" Guo Lu said with a hint of blame in his tone.
I pulled out a tissue, wiped my mouth, and said, "I probably can't lie."
"Don't play anymore later. Lie down on the sofa and have a good rest. I will take you home after I settle them." Guo Lu took a bottle of mineral water for me to rinse my mouth.
After returning to the private room, I sat alone in the corner of the sofa, and Guo Lu covered me with his coat. I looked towards the lighted side, and Lin Xiaolun's figure was shrouded in the light.
I was drowsy and a little sleepy, and I only vaguely heard everyone clamoring for Ding Chuchu to kiss Lin Xiaolun.
I gradually came to my senses. Do I want Ding Chuchu to kiss Lin Xiaolun?
I subconsciously looked at Ding Chuchu.
The light in the private room reflected an ambiguous glow on Ding Chuchu. Lin Xiaolun turned his head to look at her. She held the back of Lin Xiaolun's head with one hand, closed her eyes, and kissed Lin Xiaolun's lips affectionately.
"Wait a minute!" I exclaimed, quickly got up from the sofa and ran towards them.
My consciousness was still a little fuzzy, and my foot stepped on a dice that fell from the table. I slipped and hit my head on the edge of the table.
Guo Lu and Ding Chuchu ran over to me first, each helping me up. I felt a faint stinging pain at the corners of my eyebrows.
"It looks like you were hurt, there's a little blood." Ding Chuchu's hand stopped above my eyebrows, but she didn't dare to touch me any further.
Tears kept flowing out of my eyes and I sobbed apologetically: "I'm sorry, I think I lost something."
"What did you lose? Tell us. Do you know how dangerous it is for you to get up in such a hurry?" Guo Lu said as he picked up his coat on the ground , found a band-aid from his outer pocket, and carefully put it on my wound.
I was sobbing a little, and the moment I spoke, my tears broke out: "I don't know where I dropped it, can you help me find it?"
Guo Lu pushed me onto the sofa and said softly, "Sit down first, I'll help you find it." After that, he turned on the light and asked everyone to help me look for it.
I sat there with my hands on my knees, tears dripping down my hands.
A pair of familiar casual shoes caught my eye. I raised my head and saw Lin Xiaolun looking at me. The aura revealed between his brows seemed to penetrate my body.
"What did you lose?" he asked.
I lowered my head for a long time, and said in a hoarse voice: "You."
Yes, I lost Lin Xiaolun and it’s almost impossible to find it back.
"Le Le, please stop making trouble, okay? We have all grown up and will have our own lives." Lin Xiaolun probably thought that he was the savior who saved all living beings, and he said these educational words to me in a condescending manner.
I said nothing and treated him coldly.
Guo Lu and his friends were like insects crawling on the ground, looking for something that didn't exist for me.
"Today is Guo Lu's birthday." Lin Xiaolun said, without any warmth in his voice, "Look at what he is doing now?"
I lowered my head even lower. I did feel guilty, but not towards Lin Xiaolun.
"Le Le, you made Guo Lu's 20th birthday an unforgettable one. This is so like you. You always ask others to fulfill your wishes and everything you want in your mind, but you never consider other people's feelings. You think what you want is the best, but you don't know whether it belongs to you."
Lin Xiaolun seemed to be on a roll today. For the first time in his life, he blamed me so bluntly.
However, what he said seems to make sense.
"Feel sorry."
I stood up, wrapped the loose scarf around my neck, covering half of my face, and left the "Meet" KTV silently.
Meet means meeting, but before meeting you are not acquainted.
I don’t know what happened in the private room after I left. I was completely disheartened. All their moods and opinions had nothing to do with me.
If we have to talk about the friendship between Guo Lu and I, it was developed based on Lin Xiaolun. It's no small matter if we gain too much or lose too little.
So, it’s okay to blame me for not knowing how to cherish.
Many times, I wish I could be more decisive, and not think about some things at all. However, if rationality could really suppress sensibility, there wouldn't be so many missed opportunities and misunderstandings in the world.
I thought I could just keep avoiding Lin Xiaolun and never see him again, but I found that the more I avoided him, the more I missed him.
On the weekend, I put aside all my self-esteem and took the initiative to text Lin Xiaolun, asking him to go home with me on the weekend.
Lin Xiaolun replied quickly: "You can go home by yourself this weekend. I'm going to Beijing with Chuchu."
I continued to text without giving up: "How long have you not been home? Your parents miss you a lot."
Lin Xiaolun replied to me very bluntly: "Please help me take care of my parents."
My hand holding the phone was shaking. Help you take care of your parents? Lin Xiaolun, how thick-skinned do you have to be to say such a thing?
Not long after, I received another text message from Lin Xiaolun: "After all, they took such good care of you when you were a child, treating you like their own daughter."
"Ha!" I sneered and threw the phone back on the bed.
After the last class on Friday, I secretly followed Ding Chuchu.
I was in the taxi behind and started the stalking scene again.
The taxi drove all the way to the train station. As soon as Ding Chuchu got off the car, Lin Xiaolun, who had been waiting at the train station, came up to her and took her hand.
Then, the two of them walked towards the waiting room together, their steps somewhat hurried.
I sat in the back of the taxi for 3 minutes without getting off. The driver finally couldn't wait any longer and asked, "Little girl? Are you getting off or not?"
"No." I turned around and said, "It's a 200 yuan ride, let's drive around Tianjin."
When the driver heard me say this, he stepped on the accelerator without saying a word. When the price on the taximeter jumped to 200, he dropped me off on the side of the road and drove away.
He dropped me off at a place I had never been to. After locating it with my phone, I realized I was in Binhai New Area. He really did go around Tianjin in a circle.
But I didn’t have a penny on me and there was no way I could go back.
I held the phone, but I didn't know who to call. In the past, if I encountered any difficulties, I just called Lin Xiaolun, and no matter how far away he was, he would always rush to my side in time. But now he is in Beijing, and it would be foolish for me to call him again.
I have lived for half of my life, but I can't find a reliable friend other than Lin Xiaolun. I really want to laugh at myself.
I suddenly thought of a person - Gao Hu.
Women need to learn to adapt to changing circumstances. As long as they are not doing anything bad, they should seek help. I called Gao Hu and he promised me that he would come within an hour.
I was looking forward to it with high hopes, but unexpectedly it was Guo Lu who came. Guo Lu drove himself, avoiding traffic lights and congested areas, and arrived in front of me within an hour.
I was silent after getting on the bus. Halfway through the journey, Guo Lu asked me, "You've been standing by the roadside waiting for more than an hour. Are you cold?"
I turned away and didn't answer him.
Guo Lu, you'd better not care about me like this, it's not worth it.
Seeing that I didn't answer, Guo Lu continued to ask, "Why did you leave suddenly last time? I'm sorry that I couldn't find your things. Did you leave them in the dormitory or at home? Have you looked for them again?"
"I don't want it anymore." I interrupted Guo Lu and whispered, "It's not something particularly important. If it's lost, it's lost. I don't want it anymore. I was drunk at the time and thought it was important."
I said something that was contrary to my true feelings, but my expression was extremely honest.
Guo Lu parked the car on the side of the road, looked at me, and called softly, "Le Le?"
I didn't say anything, tears splashed on the back of my hand. I wiped them away in panic and turned my head to pretend to look at the scenery outside the window.
Suddenly, Guo Lu reached out his hands and held my head tightly, holding me in his arms. He put his chin lightly on the top of my head and said gently, "It's okay. I understand that some sad things are hard to talk about. I won't force you to do it. But Lele, I hope that when you are unhappy or encounter difficulties, you can think of me, and don't hold on alone. How tiring it would be."
When Guo Lu said this, it was so gentle that people wanted to fall into it.
"Although it feels like it will take a very long time to get into your heart, I don't mind wandering outside, because I always feel that one day, you will open your heart and see me standing outside." Guo Lu comforted me softly, and it seemed like he was comforting himself . My left ear was pressed against his heart, and every "thump, thump" sound was clearly transmitted to my ears, knocking on the deepest part of my heart.
I suddenly wanted to see the boy who had been hurt by me countless times and had to take out his heart and mend it. However, I was indifferent to Guo Lu's efforts, so why was Lin Xiaolun indifferent to my efforts?
My heart is completely rotten!
I snuggled into Guo Lu's arms, grabbed his sleeves tightly with both hands, and cried out.
I want to release the thing that is suppressed deep in my heart. I want to live without any pressure or worries. I want to live wholeheartedly for myself.
I don’t want my mind to be filled with Lin Xiaolun every day, wondering why he never looks back at me again.
I ended up not saying a word.
For me, it takes ten thousand years to forget someone I like, and it takes even more ten thousand years to accept a new person.
Time flies, who missed who, who is sorry to whom?