Sleeping in the same bed with my mother in her arms seems like a long time ago and vague thing in my memory.
It’s not that the relationship between us mother and daughter is so shallow, it’s just that she has countless things to do every day, and I just stay silently in my small room, listening to Eason Chan’s music over and over again until late at night. Occasionally, I would see my mother’s tired but forced smiling face on a certain night, and I couldn’t bear to disturb her.
But today, I miss her warm embrace terribly.
The bedside light was adjusted to the appropriate intensity, and after I was covered with the quilt, my mother patted my back with her calloused hands and hummed a soothing lullaby.
She was protecting him like a fragile baby in swaddling clothes.
I curled up in her arms, and my chaotic emotions were relieved by her breathing .
"Mom, you said that in this world, feelings can't be forced, right?" I asked softly.
"Of course." Mother replied with a smile, smoothing the hair around my ears with her fingers. "Many things can be forced, but feelings cannot. For things like this, you need to exchange true heart for true heart, otherwise you will only get the worst result..."
"Sometimes, I feel like there's no hope for the future." I stared at the dim light and murmured, "I try to see the future clearly, but everything that's happening now makes me at a loss."
"Silly child, how could that be?" She was surprised. "Don't speculate about things that haven't happened yet. If you make a conclusion arbitrarily and think that everything will develop in the worst direction, then your feet will involuntarily walk towards that path, and there will be no way to save it."
"But...what should I do?" I stared at the lonely night outside the window, as if the young man not long ago was standing stubbornly and humbly in the night, just waiting for me to look back.
However, those days seem to be gone forever.
I naturally have no choice about whether the future will be good or bad, but from time to time I always feel as if there is a piece of iron with strong magnetism attracting my thoughts, making me ready to bear all the worst results.
There's no way to control this kind of thing, right?
"You haven't met the person who can give you the courage to face everything." Mother stroked my hair, "Don't worry, that person will always come. You can't wait now, but the time has not come yet..."
My tense body finally relaxed, and tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to my mother's gentle whispers.
These were different tears from usual ones. There was no heartache, no heart-wrenching sorrow, just calm tears. Those emotions that had nowhere to escape in the heart were finally released in the mother's arms.
I understand that no matter what, my mother's arms will always be my most solid harbor and irreplaceable support.
I held my mother's hand tightly, and my warm tears wet our intertwined fingers.
Who could that person be?
Suddenly, Xiang Nanfeng's clean face appeared in front of my eyes. He looked at me quietly, as if he had thousands of words to say but he couldn't say them.
Could it be him?
But we are destined to have missed it and can never go back.
Faced with my abnormal emotions, my mother did not ask any questions. She just patted my back from time to time, tucked in the quilt for me, and hummed a familiar tune softly.
In such a rare warm atmosphere, I gradually fell asleep, but was awakened by a sudden cell phone ring.
I got up drowsily, fumbled around and finally found my phone, but was stunned by the strange number on it that I had never seen before.
For some reason, although I had never seen this kind of number that should not belong to the country, my calm heart suddenly began to ripple.
perhaps……
I know who this person is...
Xiang Nanfeng once said that his parents lived far away abroad, so could his sudden disappearance be because he chose to escape there?
Suppressing the waves in my heart, I cleared my throat and pressed the answer button.
Sure enough, the familiar voice that almost made me cry again appeared on the other end of the phone, thousands of miles away.
Xiang Nanfeng greeted softly: "Wen Yu, how have you been lately?"
With such a simple sentence, it seems as if we are really old friends who haven't seen each other for many years, chatting and expressing condolences in a plain and simple manner.
But how should I answer him? Should I say indifferently that life without him is peaceful, or should I release the bitterness in my heart and pour out my heart?
After a long silence, my blank brain gave the wrong instructions and I blurted out, "Have you... contacted Jiang Xing?"
Hearing this question, Xiang Nanfeng sighed heavily, with a hint of helplessness in his words: "I called you because I was worried about you, why did you tell me about Jiang Xing?"
His evasive tone reminded me of Jiang Xing's pale face and her painful concession, and a wave of self-blame surged in my heart.
If I could, I'd rather be the one to quit.
I gritted my teeth and continued, "Xiang Nanfeng, there is actually one thing I have been hiding from you. Now you have the right to know. Jiang Xing has brain cancer and may not have much time left. The person she likes is you. Why don't you try to accept her?"
Xiang Nanfeng was slightly angry: "But you know clearly that what I like is..."
"No matter who it is, I hope you can be with Jiang Xing." I interrupted him quickly, "After all, you two are a perfect match, why don't you try to accept her?"
"Wen Yu, stop talking!" He retorted bitterly, "Don't you know that you are really cruel?"
"I know!" My voice was firm and indifferent.
What would happen even if I knew?
There are many things where we know the answers and the direction we have chosen in our hearts, but because of the obstacles of reality, we have to go against the wind!
Just like my mother said, maybe the time is really not right, and the person who belongs to me has not come yet, but I firmly believe that Xiang Nanfeng must stay by Jiang Xing's side!
Xiang Nanfeng seemed choked by my coldness. He gasped and didn't say a word for a long time.
Just when I couldn't stand this torture anymore and wanted to hang up the phone, he finally spoke in a hoarse voice: "Okay, if this is what you want, I will bear it all."
"Wen Yu, this life is not very long, but it is not short either. In my opinion, as long as I meet someone who makes my heart beat and whom I will protect at all costs, I will stick with him/her. But you are desperately pushing me into the world of other people."
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling.
"It's just my choice, don't interfere." Xiang Nanfeng 's tone became firm, "I will bet, even if it costs me my whole life, I will get your answer!"
After saying that, he hung up the phone in a hurry, leaving only a hurried busy tone.
I stood in front of the window, holding the phone stiffly. I felt like all the strength was being drained away from my body. If I moved a little, I would collapse to the ground.
The light behind me is so dim and warm, like a hazy veil that covers the entire room and illuminates the scar in my heart that seems like it will never heal.
It was oozing bright red blood, which was dripping slowly.
Recently, Ni Nuo has finished the heavy burden on his shoulders and finally made some time to chat and laugh with me. In order to make me feel more relaxed, he even suggested going to the beach to play.
"The seaside scenery and air are very good for your body's recovery," he said.
I subconsciously wanted to refuse, but when I thought of Jiang Xing who left me speechless, and Xiang Nanfeng who was so stubborn that I was helpless, I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe.
Maybe going out for some fresh air and some relaxation is a good option, allowing me to temporarily get away from these unsolvable troubles.
Thinking of this, I smiled and agreed.
Ni Nuo was obviously in a good mood as well. He immediately packed up his things and took me to the nearby beach.
The salty sea breeze hit my face. I walked barefoot on the beach, feeling the fine sand under my feet, with a relaxed smile on the corners of my mouth.
"How is it? Not bad, right?" Ni Nuo held two inflated swimming rings and winked at me. "When I'm in a bad mood, I like to go to the beach, swim, eat barbecue, and I always feel happy quickly."
I couldn't help but tease: "Do you also have bad moods sometimes?"
He frowned in a wronged manner: "I am also a normal human being! Okay, let's not talk about this. I'll take you swimming. Remember to hold on to the swimming ring!"
Because my mood suddenly became brighter, I didn't have the slightest objection to any suggestion made by Ni Nuo. Instead, I agreed to them immediately, took a blue swimming ring, and ran towards the blue sea.
In the sea, Ni Nuo had completely lost his usual elegant demeanor and was as happy as a teenager. He swam nimbly in front of me, splashing water on my face from time to time.
I didn't want to be outdone, so I slapped the water and hit back, asking, "Do you usually come here alone?"
Ni Nuo wiped the water off his face and said, "Yeah, in fact, most of the time it's more comfortable without the interruptions of others!"
That's true.
Without the constraints of outsiders, quietly feeling the passage of time is also one of the great pleasures in life.
I smiled, leaned back, and floated freely on the swimming ring, but suddenly I felt something strange. The swimming ring under me was shrinking rapidly at a speed visible to the naked eye.
I straightened up in panic and subconsciously pressed my hands towards the water surface. In just a few seconds, the swimming ring turned into a useless piece of plastic. Without its support, my legs kicked wildly in the salty sea water, but I could not resist the power of the sea and sank.
Was the swimming ring pierced by something?
I frantically looked for Ni Nuo's figure, but found that he had already swam far away and I could only see his head floating up and down from time to time.
"Ni Nuo!" I let out a sharp scream, and then the sea water completely submerged me.
At that moment, I really thought I would die in this vast ocean.
Fortunately, Ni Nuo heard my vague cry for help. The last thing I saw was him swimming towards me quickly, with an expression of unprecedented anxiety.
The sea water blurred my vision. Because of panic and helplessness, I completely forgot to hold my breath. The big gulps of sea water choked me and made me dizzy.
Ni Nuo finally arrived beside me, lifted me up, and swam desperately towards the beach with me.
"Wen Yu! Wake up! Spit out all the sea water that you choked on!" he shouted loudly.
But this simple sentence turned into a vague pronunciation when it reached my ears.
"Don't move!" He held my shaking arms, slowly laid me on the beach, and began to press hard on my chest.
I squinted my eyes and looked at the vast blue sky in front of me. My consciousness was sometimes clear and sometimes blurred. Finally, I started coughing violently and spit out large mouthfuls of sea water.
Seeing that I finally reacted, Ni Nuo also breathed a sigh of relief, but his face turned extremely pale due to excessive panic.
"It's okay, it's okay..." He seemed to be comforting me, but more like comforting himself, "Lie here and have a good rest, relax..."
"I feel fine, don't look so serious." I smiled weakly and reached out to pat his shoulder weakly.
But Nino pursed her lips and her eyes were red.
He held his head in his hands and kept murmuring: "I really thought...you would be like this...I seemed to see it...at that time..."
I looked up in shock, looking at Ni Nuo, whose movements and words were somewhat out of control. He seemed like a completely different person.
"What did you see?" I couldn't help but ask.
Ni Nuo's teeth were chattering and he was tearing his hair like a madman. No matter how I tried to dissuade him, it was useless. It took a long time for him to calm down from this shock.
" Wen Yu, I never told you that I once had a sister." He released his hands that were hugging his head and finally spoke.
I shook my head. After being with Ni Nuo for so long, I had almost never heard him mention anything about his family.
Since he used the word "once", does it mean that it is no longer there?
"It was also during this season. She said she was in a bad mood, so I took her to the beach to swim. When I went to buy barbecue, she drowned and there was no way to save her..." His eyes were red and he almost shed tears. "It took me a long time to get over this horrible shadow. For many days and nights, all I could think of was her drowning in the sea, crying for help in pain, but I was powerless..."
Faced with such a Ni Nuo, I don’t know how to comfort him. He is an excellent psychologist. If he himself can’t get out of this haze, then what role can I play?
"I thought the same thing would happen to you... Wen Yu, if something really happened to you, I wouldn't have the courage to live anymore..."
I quickly reached out and placed my hand on the back of his cold hand, and whispered to him in comfort: "I'm fine here, right? Besides, the water where I was just now wasn't very deep, so nothing will happen... Although, although I also thought I would never come back..."
My voice gradually faded away.
I didn’t want to say anything more. The moment I lost consciousness, the figures of Xiang Nanfeng and Jiang Xing suddenly appeared in my mind.
Ni Nuo is Ni Nuo, his mental strength is far beyond my reach. He noticed the loss in my tone and quickly regained his usual composure, holding my wrists with his moist hands.
His eyes told me: Don't be afraid, I'm here.
I stared at Ni Nuo in a daze. His appearance gradually overlapped with Xiang Nanfeng under the tung tree.
"Ni Nuo..." I covered my face with my hands tiredly, and my voice became hoarse, "A lot of things happened during this period..."
In a cafe near the beach, Nino carefully ordered warm chocolate milk tea for me, as well as many sweet and tempting pastries, and sipped a cup of light green tea herself.
Under his gentle gaze, I told him intermittently about the entanglement between the three of us, my inner confusion and helplessness, and my humble feelings towards Xiang Nanfeng.
"I have been thinking about whether what I did was right or wrong. Jiang Xing is such a proud girl. She can't accept my charity to her in terms of feelings. I know all this... But she doesn't have much time left. What should I give back to her? What should I do?"
The tears fell and hit the glass table with delicate carvings, but soon dried up and no trace could be found.
Ni Nuo took out a handkerchief and placed it in my hand lovingly: "Wen Yu, I believe that it is not just Jiang Xing, but everyone in the world who cannot accept charity in terms of emotions, no matter if it comes from an enemy, family, or best friend."
"But what can I do?" I held the cup tightly with my hands, tears welling up in my eyes. "I don't even know how to face her, how to face Xiang Nanfeng, and I don't know how to face my own heart..."
If only none of this had happened!
Sometimes I still think, if I hadn’t known Jiang Xing, she would have always been that proud and outspoken girl. She would have met Xiang Nanfeng on the basketball court, and the two of them would have appreciated each other, and sooner or later they would have come together and had a happy ending.
It is because of my existence that all these developments have gone off track.
These thoughts were crowding and clamoring in my mind, about to explode. I picked up the cup nervously, but almost spilled all the milk tea in it.
The next second, I was gently embraced in an embrace filled with the smell of grass.
Ni Nuo lowered her head gently, her eyes were gentle as water, and her soft lips were like an angel's feathers, imprinted on my forehead.
"Give me a chance." He almost begged, "I always thought that in my heart, you were like a sister, but until just now... I almost lost you, and the heartache and confusion made me wake up immediately. Wen Yu, I love you, you have become an indispensable person in my life, I understand your pain, I will always be by your side to accompany you and solve all your troubles, okay?"
This sudden confession left me stunned, wondering if I was still dreaming.
Ni Nuo actually said... he loves me?
He clearly knew that my heart had already moved towards Nanfeng, and he clearly knew that I had complicated feelings towards Nanfeng, but he could still accept me without any reservations?
But what force made my hands lose the power to push away Nino's arms and keep him away?
"Are you serious?" was all I could ask in panic.
"I won't lie to you," he replied firmly. "Ever."
"Even if I am against Nanfeng..."
"I don't care about these, Wen Yu, I just want you to be happy and to be happy!" He tightened his arms, "I have the ability and the qualifications to do so."
The sweet aroma of milk tea, the fragrance of pastries, Nino's calm breathing... everything around me blended together to form a soft and gorgeous cage. I lost the strength to struggle and gradually got lost in it. I just wanted to close my eyes comfortably and fall asleep forever.
Finally, I also stretched out my arms and hugged Ni Nuo and responded to him.
Is that okay?
Xiangnanfeng, as the name suggests, is really like an elusive wind in my life. I have no way to catch it and can only pursue it desperately, but cannot embrace it.
Instead of enduring such pain every day, letting go is the best option.
At least, I still have Nino by my side, right?