Can we find the feeling we once had when we meet again? All the secrets are exposed nakedly in broad daylight, and all the lies continue shamelessly, as if there is no end. But... I want to see him once, just once.

Next to Ni Nuo, I was like an extremely fragile glass doll. He took good care of me every day, chatted with me, played Eason Chan's music, cooked delicious meals for me, and even always found strange things to make me happy.
It is undeniable that it is happy to be with him. That kind of relaxed and happy feeling cannot be found in anyone else.
I was like a canary craving for a comfortable life, enjoying everything that Nino brought me - kisses in the morning, greetings at night, and his warm hands.
Only occasionally when I think of Xiang Nanfeng, it is as if a huge black hole appears in my heart, so empty and dark inside.
This feeling of worry and fear completely stopped after receiving a text message from Jiang Xing one day.
There were only a few simple words on it, in Jiang Xing's usual speaking style - "Xiang Nanfeng is back and is in the hospital."
Looking at the glowing screen of the phone, my fingers suddenly tightened.
He's back? Is he really back?
My thoughts were wandering. I typed a lot of words and deleted them in a panic, repeating this over and over again. After a long time, the phone beeped again. It was Jiang Xing's second text message.
"Wen Yu, come here quickly! The three of us haven't been together for a long time!"
I paced around the room in a distracted manner, as if something was blocking me, but also as if something was attracting me and making me hesitant.
Can we get back the feeling we had before when we get together?
All the secrets are exposed nakedly in broad daylight, and all the lies continue shamelessly, as if there will never be an end.
But... I want to see him once, just once.
Listening to his voice and asking about his recent situation, just like ordinary friends, the three of us sat on the rooftop where the cool breeze was blowing. I smiled and watched the two of them holding chopsticks, fighting for each other's tomatoes and green tea.
Once this thought came to my mind, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't suppress the longing any longer, so I grabbed my phone and ran towards the hospital.
Jiang Xing's physical condition has improved a lot, but under the orders of her parents and doctors, she still cannot escape from the dull cage of the hospital.
When I rushed to the hospital, she was sitting cross-legged on the hospital bed, her brows furrowed, fiddling with a puzzle that looked extremely complicated.
And to the south wind...
I dug my fingers into the peeling paint on the door, my nails almost digging into it.
He had lost weight, and his eyes were no longer as bright as they once were. They were covered with a faint shadow, and it was hard to find the shadow of that bright young man in them.
He pursed his pale lips slightly, looked at Jiang Xing with a smile, and took out a lot of things from the big bag beside him: "These are all brought back from abroad... Hey, don't just play with that puzzle, this doll is also very good!"
Jiang Xing waved her hand impatiently: "Why should I play with dolls? You brought back so many things, but the puzzle is the only interesting one."
Xiang Nanfeng laughed dryly and said, "I'm really sorry about that."
Jiang Xing raised her eyebrows and was about to say something, but her peripheral vision suddenly caught sight of me standing in front of the door with a complicated expression. At the same time, Xiang Nanfeng was also looking in this direction.
The reunion that I had imagined thousands of times in my memory turned out to be like this.
I ignored my frantically beating heart, smiled calmly, strode into the ward, waved my hand, and said in a brisk tone, "I'm here."
"You knew to come too? I've been waiting for you! I'm almost bored to death!" Jiang Xing's expression instantly returned to normal, and he pushed aside the puzzle that was already half completed, "Did you bring me something delicious? I've been eating porridge and oatmeal every day in the hospital these days, and my sense of taste is about to fail..."
"You can't eat carelessly now, right?" I frowned and didn't look into Nanfeng's deep eyes.
"Ah - it's okay to eat less." She shrugged, looking nonchalant.
I glanced at Jiang Xing reproachfully, looked around the ward quickly, and finally chose to sit down at a place farther away from Xiang Nanfeng.
Ni Nuo's words seemed to still be ringing in my ears. He said that when it comes to emotional matters, no one is allowed to show pity or charity. But in front of Jiang Xing, I always subconsciously wanted to stay away from Xiang Nanfeng, so that the relationship between us would seem as indifferent as possible.
A trace of heartache flashed across Xiang Nanfeng's black eyes. He turned around stiffly and continued to pack the things in the bag.
For the next few moments, none of us three spoke a word.
No one knew what to say, exactly.
Xiang Nanfeng learned from me about Jiang Xing's illness and her feelings for him. Jiang Xing had seen through the distant relationship between Xiang Nanfeng and me and felt guilty. I was also stuck in the whirlpool of emotions and couldn't extricate myself.
I pursed my lips sadly and looked at Jiang Xing's pale and beautiful face.
As expected, the three of us could never go back... I sat awkwardly in the corner, racking my brains to find a topic to liven up the atmosphere.
What should we talk about? Talk about Xiang Nanfeng's life abroad? Isn't this just opening up a bloody scar?
Just when I was getting restless and even planning to leave this dull ward, Jiang Xing, who had been in a trance, suddenly said cheerfully: "How about we escape from the hospital and eat hot pot?"
It sounded like a casual sentence, but it made Xiang Nanfeng and I jump up from our chairs and ask in unison: "Are you crazy?"
"Hahaha! Look at the expressions on your faces! I'm dying of laughter!" Jiang Xing laughed while holding her stomach. "If you keep silent, I'll start to suspect that you've turned into zombies!"
I was slightly startled, then I realized that it was a joke she made to ease the atmosphere.
"You little bitch, you have such a bad heart..." Xiang Nanfeng was also stunned, and then his tense expression relaxed.
"Have I become evil even in my heart? Sigh, it seems that I really have no status in your hearts, which makes me so sad..." Jiang Xing pretended to be aggrieved and stretched out her hands to rub her eyes to wipe away tears, "It's really useless to grow old..."
"What nonsense are you talking about!" Xiang Nanfeng had a headache, but the smile on his lips did not change.
I also sat back down slowly, staring at Jiang Xing with amusement, unable to speak for a long time.
She must have seen the awkwardness and concerns between Xiang Nanfeng and I...Even at this time, is she carefully considering me?
What have I, Wen Yu, done to deserve Jiang Xing to be so nice to me... In order to prevent the lively atmosphere from dying down again, Jiang Xing began to chatter on and on about what had happened in the past few days, and even begged Xiang Nanfeng and I to take her out for a hotpot meal. However, when we rejected her with a stern face, she simply softened her voice and acted coquettishly, repeatedly pretending to be pitiful.
Looking at Jiang Xing like this, I felt mixed emotions, but I didn't know what to do. I could only force myself to laugh and joke with her, and try to talk to Xiang Nanfeng as naturally as possible.
Amidst the pleasant conversation, the nurse came in with three bottles of medicine and explained carefully: "The patient needs to rest. Can you come visit again tomorrow?"
We all shut our mouths and nodded obediently.
"Remember to bring me something delicious tomorrow!" Jiang Xing smiled brightly and wanted to twist her body to act funny, but one of her arms was already held down by the doctor, so she could only make faces.
Xiang Nanfeng and I nodded helplessly to ask her to calm down.
The last ray of sunlight in the sky has disappeared, and a deep blue has occupied the entire sky. In the distance, one can vaguely see a bright white crescent moon emitting a soft halo.
Xiang Nanfeng and I walked together in silence, and the atmosphere suddenly became tense again.
"How are you...really?" Unable to endure the suffocating silence, I finally asked dryly.
Xiang Nanfeng seemed to be startled, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses: "It's, it's okay..."
The same dry answer.
A few moths flapped their wings under the street lights, making slight sounds.
We all stared at the moths silently, as if we were really attracted by their funny appearance.
"Shall I take you home? It's already dark." Xiang Nanfeng spoke again abruptly.
I waved my hands repeatedly and replied in a low voice: "No need, Ni Nuo is waiting for me not far away."
When he heard Ni Nuo's name, Xiang Nanfeng's eyebrows twitched, he said "Oh", and said nothing more.
I continued, “We are… together.”
Even I don’t understand why I told Xiang Nanfeng in person about my relationship with Ni Nuo.
What's the point of him knowing this? Should he give up his persistence and throw himself into Jiang Xing's arms?
No, that's impossible. In terms of feelings, Xiang Nanfeng's self-esteem is much higher than others.
I firmly rejected Xiang Nanfeng's offer to take me home.
After learning that Ni Nuo and I were together, he no longer asked for anything. He just gave a few simple instructions and turned to walk in another direction.
I didn't look back, nor did I watch his figure disappear from my sight like I had countless times before.
In fact, there was no Ni Nuo waiting ahead.
I need to walk alone and let the cool night breeze wake up my dormant reason.
The familiar cool night breeze still lingers beside my ears and nose, but the sound of the wind that year seems to have gradually faded away.
In the next few days, Xiang Nanfeng and I would go to the hospital to visit Jiang Xing on time.
When facing us, she always had a bright smile on her face, and she exaggeratedly told jokes that she heard from somewhere, which made us laugh.
But when I laughed, the sadness in my heart became more intense, because I knew what kind of pain was hidden in Jiang Xing's heart.
Every time I see Jiang Xing’s smile, I subconsciously build a solid wall between me and Xiang Nanfeng.
We walked further and further away.
During Jiang Xing's nap, I walked aimlessly in the hospital to relieve my depressed mood. But when I walked to the park not far away, I saw Xiang Nanfeng lying on the lawn with a tired face and basking in the sun. He had lost a lot of weight, and I could no longer see the shadow of that sunny boy.
At an appropriate distance, the south wind stared at me quietly, and my feet seemed to take root in the ground. I neither turned a blind eye nor turned away.
I saw him raise his hand and wave it gently in my direction.
Is he motioning for me to come over?
I gritted my teeth, walked over, and sat quietly beside him.
"Jiang Xing is asleep?" He narrowed his eyes.
"Yeah, he just went to bed. He said he would eat when he woke up."
"Oh..." He nodded thoughtfully, "She seems to be in good condition recently. I hope she can keep it up."
I looked at the green and lush grass, unsure of how to respond.
Was he trying to find something to talk about?
I reached out and picked up a smooth leaf, rubbing it anxiously in my hands again and again until my eyes were filled with the green that made me feel upset. I moved and was about to get up and leave, but I heard the voice of Xiang Nanfeng again.
He said, "Wen Yu, what about you? How are you?"
Listening to his serious tone, I suddenly had a bad feeling, so I could only ask knowingly: "I'm fine too."
"Really?" He raised his lips forcibly. "Actually, there is a question I have always wanted to know the answer to. In your heart, what kind of existence do Ni Nuo and I have?"
I squeezed the already broken green leaves tightly, and they turned into fine powder.
A look of sadness emerged on my face and I turned my head away hastily, not wanting to be caught by the south wind.
Hasn't he given up yet?
This seems like an ordinary question, but in fact it is extremely sharp. After thinking about it carefully for a while, I carefully answered: "Ni Nuo... is a very warm person. I feel very at ease around him. I don't have any worries. I can say that I am very happy."
"Oh, that's right." He responded without any emotion. "What about me?"
“You…” I let out a long sigh, smiled bitterly and looked up at the floating clouds in the sky, “Xiang Nanfeng, you are a very elusive existence to me. Look—” I stretched out my hand and pointed at one of the white clouds, “Sometimes you seem very close, and sometimes you seem very far away. When I think I can reach out and touch you, we are actually still very far apart…”
My voice gradually became quieter than a mosquito's.
Xiang Nanfeng stared blankly at the white cloud that was sometimes far away and sometimes near, and opened and closed his mouth several times woodenly.
After a while, he smiled calmly: "I understand. Compared to Ni Nuo who can give you a sense of security, I am the one who really bothers you, right?"
“That’s not the case,” I retorted immediately. “It’s just that there are many reasons…even we can’t control them.”
After all, facing a fate that has not yet arrived, we are all so small and helpless that we can only summon the courage to resist and hope that things will develop in the best direction.
Xiang Nanfeng's expression was extremely calm, without any major ups and downs, as if he was just listening to me telling someone else's story.
"I have already consulted the doctor about Jiang Xing's condition. If she doesn't have surgery, she really doesn't have much time left." He raised his hands high to catch the warm sunlight. "Life is precious. Jiang Xing is an important friend of mine. Of course, I hope she can live forever. I will try my best to persuade her to undergo surgery, at least to give herself and all of us hope."
"But the success rate of the operation..." I said anxiously.
I still remember Xu Zejun once said that the reason why Jiang Xing did not undergo surgery was because she fully understood the risks involved. Rather than gamble on a torture without seeing the light, it is better to enjoy the last moments of her life.
"I know, I already know everything." Xiang Nanfeng interrupted me, his voice full of determination and bitterness, "But this is her only chance to survive, isn't it?"
I was speechless.
Yes, only this dangerous method can give Jiang Xing hope of survival.
How I wish she could stay by my side forever... "Then, as long as Jiang Xing undergoes the operation, I will give you a thorough answer."
He turned his head towards Nanfeng and looked me in the eyes with a strong look, his eyes were full of broken light, "I will make a real ending."
I stood up from the grass and looked at Xiang Nanfeng helplessly. I almost wanted to run away from him immediately, but I heard a cool voice behind me.
"I don't need to wait any longer, I'll get the surgery right away."
It’s Jiang Xing!
Xiang Nanfeng and I turned around in shock, and found that she had been standing in the corridor behind us at some point. Her long black hair fell to her waist, and her pale face was filled with the familiar smile that belonged only to Jiang Xing.
The proudest smile.
That smile was so bright that it made my heart ache slightly.
Jiang Xing, she actually knows everything.
Jiang Xing's decision was hasty and resolute . She no longer even listened to anyone's opinions - including those doctors who were already furious.
First, Jiang Xing's parents rushed to the hospital. The middle-aged woman who looked like Jiang Xing burst into tears and almost knelt down in front of Jiang Xing and begged, "Can we think about it again? Maybe there is another way?"
But what he got was Jiang Xing's decisive refusal: "I want surgery! As soon as possible!"
Jiang Xing's father stood at the door with a tired look on his face, as if he didn't even have the courage to go in, as if he would lose his daughter who was as lively as a little sun in front of him in the next moment.
Looking at the messy ward, my eyes were filled with bitter tears, and I really wanted to go up and hug this stubborn girl tightly.
I know that she made this decision because of Xiang Nanfeng and me.
The three of us have completely integrated into each other's lives, leaving indelible marks. Whether such marks are good or bad, all we can do is accept them.
Now I can only pray desperately that Jiang Xing's operation can be successful. If this wish can come true, I am willing to pay any price!
The crying sounds in the ward gradually died down with Jiang Xing's comfort. Jiang Xing's parents, with red eyes, had no choice but to agree to their daughter's request and follow the doctor to learn more about what they should pay attention to.
Jiang Xing sat proudly on the snow-white hospital bed, the smile on her face did not change at all. Her clear eyes fell on Xiang Nanfeng and me, and she smiled and said, "Why are you all looking at me like that? It's as if my decision to have surgery is a terrible thing."
"Jiang Xing, you don't have to be like this..." Xiang Nanfeng said with difficulty, "Don't be so hasty, there are still many issues to consider..."
"What's the difference?" Jiang Xing shook his head . "I am the only one who knows my own condition best. As you said, the most important thing is to survive. Don't you have confidence in me?"
After saying that, she lowered her head and fiddled with the huge puzzle that Xiang Nanfeng had given her.
Xiang Nanfeng knew Jiang Xing's character very well. After hesitating again and again, all his words turned into a heavy sigh.
And me? What else can I say?
All of Jiang Xing's decisions were made for me, and now he is even risking his own life.
"Don't worry about not being fully prepared." Jiang Xing picked up a piece of the puzzle and comforted her softly, "The surgery is scheduled for three months later. My doctor will make good arrangements, so I'm not afraid. During these three months, I will wear the most beautiful clothes, eat the most delicious food, and go to the most fun places with you, and then--" Her voice suddenly became louder, "Wen Yu, let's have a fair competition, how about it?"
I was choked by the word "competition" and was speechless. I could only stare blankly. I don't know how long it took me to come to my senses.
The competition that Jiang Xing was talking about must be Xiang Nanfeng, right?
I carefully turned my head to observe Xiang Nanfeng's reaction, only to see a bright light in his eyes that were originally covered in shadows. He stared at me intently, as if everyone was waiting for my answer.
Yes... We all hope that Jiang Xing can survive... If that's really possible, then why not have a competition?
It turns out that there is really no room for tolerance and compassion in her feelings .
Thinking of this, it was as if a huge stone had finally landed on the ground. I walked forward, hugged Jiang Xing's shoulders tightly, and nodded vigorously.
I said, "Okay, I'll listen to you. We will definitely compete fairly!"