My relationship with Ji Chuan reached freezing point.
At first I was expecting Ji Chuan to bow his head and apologize, but as time went by, I became more and more disappointed.
I even secretly passed by the door of Ji Chuan's classroom, but Ji Chuan walked past me with firm steps as if he didn't see me.
This is the kind of love I had never imagined. I never knew that one day Ji Chuan and I would become like this, becoming the most familiar strangers who passed by each other after meeting on campus.
At noon, a classmate took advantage of the break to tell jokes on the podium to make the students laugh. The students were all laughing, but I couldn't laugh at all.
In the past, a classmate said that after a boy and a girl break up, the girl will often feel sad and heartbroken. Some girls will find a boyfriend very quickly, and will show up in front of their ex-boyfriend every day; some girls will be heartbroken, cry all day long, start to doubt life, start to question the world, and then become resentful women, thinking that all boys in the world are unfaithful.
At the time, I didn't quite understand what that classmate said. I thought she was exaggerating. Who in this world really can't live without someone else? Who left who, wouldn't they just continue with their lives as usual? It was too arbitrary to attribute the reason for the breakup to the man. Now thinking about it, I think what that classmate said was really right.
Breaking up is like a verdict for the party who has invested too much. You have no way to measure how much you have invested and how much you have lost in this failed relationship. This is an unfair battle. Whoever loves more deeply will be hurt more deeply, and whoever pays more will lose more.
Ji Chuan and I had a quarrel before. At that time, in order to gain my forgiveness, Ji Chuan used fluorescent sticks to spell out the six words "Sorry, I love you" on the lawn under the dormitory building. I remember that Ji Chuan swore to me that although he could not guarantee that he would not make me angry in the future, he promised to make me happy after I was angry.
Who would have thought that this oath would quietly fade away with time without leaving any traces before a year had passed? I suddenly realized that oaths are the most unreliable, the least valuable, and the least authentic in the world... This also made me doubt how sincere Ji Chuan was when he made the oath.
Shen Xiaoyu won a good place in the preliminary round of the mathematical modeling competition. Soon, she would start the rematch. She was busy preparing for the competition again, and the time she spent with me was getting less and less. I wanted to help Shen Xiaoyu, but the mathematical modeling competition was a test of logical thinking ability, so I was unable to do so. I could only give her support in words.
I still went to work at the milk tea shop every day. Although I could recall the quarrels with Ji Chuan every day, I had no choice but to focus on work. I spent the rest of my time going to the library or shopping with my classmates.
I tried my best to keep myself busy, trying to use busyness to forget the bitterness in my heart, alleviate the sadness in my heart, and the fear of breaking up that these negative emotions brought to me.
Although Shen Xiaoyu was busy with the competition, she knew me very well and still noticed the conflict between Ji Chuan and me. I later found out that she even went to see Ji Chuan without telling me.
I don't know what Shen Xiaoyu talked about with Ji Chuan. When she appeared in front of me, she said to me: "Xiaoya, you should be more open-minded and take the initiative to find Ji Chuan to ask for clarification. Maybe things are really not as you imagined. You should decide whether to forgive Ji Chuan after understanding the truth!"
I don't know if Ji Chuan taught Shen Xiaoyu what she said, and I don't know what Ji Chuan said to her to make her change her stance. I didn't tell Xiaoyu that Ji Chuan and that girl were flaunting their intimacy in public, and I didn't want Xiaoyu to know that my love had been ruined and there was no possibility of redemption...
Shen Xiaoyu wanted to continue to persuade me to turn back, but I had already reached the end of love, how could I turn back easily? After all, I was the victim in this relationship, why should I, the victim, beg for forgiveness from the person who hurt me? This kind of thing is too illogical and too hurtful to my self-esteem! I have been hurt once, and I will never let him poke my heart and hurt me again.
I know that Ji Chuan's mother once betrayed his father. Because of this, Ji Chuan and his father no longer believe in love. His father plays tricks every day, changing women around him. I don't know if I had a premonition that Ji Chuan would become like his father, playing with feelings... However, these are not important. What is important is that when I think of the scene of Ji Chuan hugging the girl's waist, I feel extremely disgusted.
Shen Xiaoyu wanted to continue to persuade me, but I smiled and shook my head at her, whispering, "Let's talk about Ji Chuan and I later. How was your match? This is a semi-final, and there are many experts. You must be fully prepared."
Shen Xiaoyu realized that I didn't want to talk about this topic, so she had to cooperate and talk about the competition: "Don't worry, I will be well prepared. Speaking of which, being able to enter the semi-finals is already a pleasant surprise. I will definitely prepare well. After all, this competition is no longer just my business, it is already the top priority of the entire department. I am also under a lot of pressure. I haven't had a good sleep recently. Look at my dark circles, they almost occupy half of my face."
"I'll bring you some facial masks later. After all, you still have to participate in the competition, and you have to pay more attention to your image. When the time comes, you have to let Yao Yizhou take a good look at you and make this guy regret his lack of vision." I said casually, but I was still thinking about Ji Chuan and that girl in my heart.
At this time, a classmate happened to be looking for Xiaoyu, so Xiaoyu gestured to me and followed that classmate.
I waved at them and lay weakly on the table.
After school in the afternoon, Yao Yizhou said he was worried about me and wanted to go to the milk tea shop to accompany me. I didn't know how to refuse, so I just let him go.
The proprietress was very welcoming to Yao Yizhou's arrival.
This time, Yao Yizhou brought his own violin and actually played it in the store.
Yao Yizhou is a young man with red lips and white teeth. He is clean and tidy, and always makes people feel warm. With him, the milk tea shop's business has become popular. Many people line up to buy milk tea, just to see Yao Yizhou, listen to his piano, take a photo with him, etc. The atmosphere is extremely warm, just like a small celebrity meeting.
More and more people came into the store. I was so busy that I was exhausted. The boss lady came to help me. She was busy and smiling from ear to ear. She kept praising Yao Yizhou, which made me feel like she had become a fan of Yao Yizhou.
The boss's wife was not at home on the day Ji Chuan and I had the argument. She thought Yao Yizhou was my boyfriend and kept looking at me with envy and jealousy. Only when I told her that Yao Yizhou and I were just ordinary friends did her look return to normal.
However, the lady boss still looked at me in disbelief and asked in a low voice: "Xiaoya, I really don't understand what you girls are thinking. How can you leave such a perfect man behind? Look at him, he is not only handsome, but also has good character, and most importantly, he can play the violin. Tell me honestly, do you secretly like him but dare not tell him?"
After hearing what the boss lady said, I was so helpless, but I couldn't tell her everything. I stamped my feet anxiously and said, "Boss lady, what are you talking about? How could I like Yao Yizhou? We have known each other for several years. If I liked him, I would have confessed my feelings long ago. Why would I wait until today? In fact, it was a friend of mine who liked him and was afraid that he would be snatched away by another girl, so she asked me to watch him every day."
I felt that I had explained it clearly, but the lady boss still looked at Yao Yizhou with a puzzled look on her face, and continued to mutter: "Why can't I figure it out? Your friend likes Yao Yizhou, and she asked you to keep an eye on him? If she likes him so much, why doesn't she keep an eye on him yourself? Aren't you afraid that you will fall in love with each other after a long time of contact?"
I gave the boss lady a thumbs up and shook my head helplessly: "Boss lady, your reasoning ability is really too strong. But didn't I just say that Yao Yizhou and I have known each other for several years. If we could be together, we would have been together a long time ago, and we wouldn't have waited until today. Besides, do you think I'm the kind of person who would have a crush on someone? If I like a boy, I will let him know no matter what. Otherwise, it's really unfair for me to hide in a corner and secretly like someone else!"
The lady boss smiled and nudged my arm with her elbow, and asked curiously, "Xiaoya, after hearing what you said, I would like to know if you already have a boyfriend?"
I was stunned, not knowing how to answer the boss lady's question. After a long while, I smiled bitterly and said, "I don't have a boyfriend."
At this time, Yao Yizhou finished playing a song, and the girls around him cheered loudly, and some even asked him to play another song.
Yao Yizhou seemed not to care. He put the violin on his shoulder and started playing a new piece of music.
When Yao Yizhou finished playing the second piece, no matter how much the girls begged him to stop, he just smiled and said, "If you want to listen again, come at this time tomorrow. I will basically come at this time every day during this period."
Although the girls were not happy about it, since Yao Yizhou had said so, they could only wait until tomorrow no matter how eager they were.
People gradually dispersed. As I cleaned up the table, I curiously asked Yao Yizhou, "Yao Yizhou, what are you doing?"
Yao Yizhou looked at me in shock. After a long while, he said with a look of disappointment, "Wen Ya, what were you doing in class? This is just a common marketing tactic! Have you not been paying attention to the class during this period?"
Faced with Yao Yizhou's accusations, I really had nothing to say and could only lower my head and remain silent.
Unexpectedly, Yao Yizhou got excited, shook his head and sighed, saying, "It seems that you will drag me down with this month's homework again. When can you finish your homework independently? If you can write your graduation thesis independently, I will really admire you and follow your lead from now on."
I smiled and said nonchalantly, "Yao Yizhou, don't worry too much. I will definitely help you realize your wish. Since you want to be my follower so much, I will mercifully grant it to you."
As soon as I finished speaking, Yao Yizhou's eyes lit up: "Wen Ya, this is what you said. From today on, I will be your follower!"
I nodded. "It's mainly because you're too willing. We've known each other for so long, I really can't bear to refuse you... Never mind, let's just leave it like this."
Yao Yizhou sat down aside, smiling with a particularly malicious look.
After I packed my things, it was almost time to get off work, and Yao Yizhou actually said he would take me home. In fact, I understood what he meant. He couldn't bear to see me continue to be depressed, and he was afraid that I would do stupid things like other girls. I also needed company and comfort...Yao Yizhou was like a castle to me. When I was hurt, he would understand me, comfort me, and tolerate me without any reason.
Many times, I feel that Yao Yizhou is like the match in the fairy tale I read when I was a child, and I am the little girl selling matches. Although the light from the match is very weak, it is this little light that illuminates my entire world and brings me the warmth and hope that I desire most. It has an irresistible attraction to me.
In the following days, Yao Yizhou spent more and more time with me.
He would go home with me after class every day, go to the milk tea shop with me, play the violin while I worked, and accompany me through every difficult minute and second.
Yao Yizhou insisted on sending me home after work every day, accompanied me on the bus when Beijing was the most congested, and waited with me for every red light.
I don't know where Yao Yizhou got a lot of jokes from. Some of them were funny, some were not. But he read them to me very seriously every time, and he would not stop until I smiled. However, he didn't know that every time he told me a joke, it would bring back my memories and remind me of Ji Chuan's promise to make me happy. Today, Ji Chuan 's promise still echoes in my mind, but he was not the one who fulfilled his promise.
As I thought about it, my mood became low again. However, I didn't want Yao Yizhou to see it, and didn't want him to feel that my good intentions were wasted, so I could only force a smile.
But only I can understand the bitterness in this smile.
Although my mood gradually improved with Yao Yizhou's company, I don't know why, I always feel that if the current situation continues, the relationship between Yao Yizhou and I will become very dangerous.
Besides, Shen Xiaoyu still loves Yao Yizhou wholeheartedly...
I was a little worried that if the relationship between Yao Yizhou and I changed unknowingly, that would be something I didn't want to see.
I warned myself in my heart, however, I couldn't control my loneliness and desire for warmth.