Saturday finally came after counting the days on my fingers and looking forward to it. I rummaged through my boxes to find a piece of clothing that would make me look better when meeting Ji Suting. However, I found that my winter clothes only came in black, white and grey, and the variety was shockingly limited. I wanted to imitate Xu Meng'er and wear a dress with a windbreaker, but I couldn't. In the end, I went out in a combination of a sweatshirt, a sports jacket and jeans.
When I went downstairs, he was already waiting under the tree. In the words of Shi Shuxia, who was observing the battle from the window on the fifth floor, I ran towards Ji Suting like a hungry tiger pouncing on its prey, and I looked like I wanted to eat him alive. The fact that Ji Suting was not scared away by me showed that he was really brave.
When I heard her say this, I was sitting stiffly in front of the mirror, letting Xu Meng'er put on a pure and pleasant makeup for me. My head was held down tightly, so I couldn't rush up to argue with Shi Shuxia. I was so reserved about this matter.
"Aren't you cold?" After walking out of the school gate, Ji Suting frowned at my outfit today, "Are you wearing such a thin coat just to look good?"
"It's not cold. I'm used to dressing like this in winter." I always thought that wearing less and cooler clothes in winter would make my mind clearer. Over time, it became a habit, and I didn't feel that there was anything wrong with what I was wearing.
"It's so thin, how can you not be cold?" Ji Suting scolded me as we walked, as if he was an old friend I had known for many years.
I lowered my head and didn't know how to answer his question. I couldn't say that I hadn't received my salary yet and I had no money to buy clothes, right? I used part of the man's money to pay for tuition and before I received my salary. After I received my salary, I immediately paid back the part I used for living.
After all, part-time work is not a 9-to-5 job, and the salary is also much lower. In order to balance school, I couldn't work several jobs at the same time like I did when I graduated from high school, so my life was really tight.
There is no way I can say these words to Ji Suting. I can't tell him that I'm too poor to buy clothes and can only wear this. Even if you can't bear it, I don't have money. There's nothing I can do about it.
He may have understood something from my silence, and did not continue to ask questions, but took off the scarf from his neck and wrapped it around my neck. The long scarf crossed in front of the chest and then went back to the back, and then tied a simple knot. I watched him do all this skillfully, and the knotting posture was very much like a hug. I stretched out my hand and placed it on his back, as if we had really hugged.
"Okay." After he said these two words, he also realized how ambiguous this posture was. His face blushed all the way to his ears, like an apple on Christmas Eve. "I was worried that you were cold, so I didn't notice it. I... I..."
The first time I saw him like this, he was so cute that I couldn’t help but reach out and pinch his face. It was so smooth and soft, better than my skin.
However, my action seemed to scare him. He stared at me with wide eyes, stiff and not knowing how to react.
I tried to ease the atmosphere and thought for a long time before I finally said, "Senior... your skin is so good... better than mine..."
"Really?" He took out his phone and checked the time. "It's almost too late. Let's go!"
It turns out he is so cute when he lies. We still have two hours before our appointment with "Chimei", and it will only take an hour at most to get there by car.
I wanted to tease him, so I trotted over to him and asked him questions like I was playing a game of "Hundred Thousand Whys", which made his face redder.
"Senior, do you have any tips for skin care? Otherwise, why is your skin so smooth?"
"Senior, what brand of sunscreen do you use since you are so fair-skinned?"
"Senior, you look so thin and plump, but your face is not big. How do you do it?"
“Senior…”
The questions continued until we got on the bus and sat down. He said to me with a smile: "So you are this kind of Cun Zhiwei."
I winked at him and replied playfully, "Yes!"
I silently added in my heart, only in front of you am I so understanding.
He didn't respond to me and lowered his head to look at his phone. The two of us fell into a long silence. There were several times when I wanted to find a topic to break the silence, but looking at his quiet profile, I didn't know how to start talking.
After he put the scarf around me, I did overstep my bounds. Cun Zhiwei, you big fool, you really shine when you are given a little sunshine, and you want to start a dyeing factory when you are given a little color. How long have you known each other, and you dare to talk to him so recklessly, what if he dislikes you?
I was scratching my head and thinking of a solution. Before getting off the car, Ji Suting seemed to finally be unable to help but asked , "Are there still mosquitoes in this season?"
I didn't understand what this sentence meant at first. It took me a while to realize that he thought I was scratching my ears and cheeks because I was bitten by a mosquito.
OMG! So cute!
My happy mood completely disappeared after I met the person in charge of Chimei. I have never met such a mean person.
Although my aunt speaks and acts harshly, she has never treated me badly in life. My understanding of the word "mean" comes from novels, about a middle-aged woman with a pointed chin who wears glasses and a professional suit. She likes to push her glasses before speaking, and every word she says makes you want to strangle her several times.
Ji Suting and I walked out of Chimei in despair. The information I looked up was of no use. I thought that a gifted man like him would feel frustrated and depressed when encountering such a thing. After all, I was very angry even though I hadn't said a word, let alone him who had been talking to the other party and trying to find a breakthrough.
On the way back after failure, he didn't get discouraged as I thought. Instead, he kept talking to me gently, just like usual.
After walking for a while, I finally couldn't help but ask, "Isn't the senior angry?"
"Huh?" He seemed not to understand what I meant.
"You're not angry at all after being humiliated by that person?"
"Why are you angry?" It was his turn to be surprised.
"Why aren't you angry? That person spoke so harshly, saying that we have lost all our dignity for money and are so shameless. Anyone would be angry if they heard that, right?" Isn't getting angry a normal reaction?
He smiled and said, "Isn't what she said true? We did go there for the money, and we are indeed very thick-skinned for the money. If it's the truth, why are you angry?"
What he said seemed to make sense, but I always felt that something was not right, but I couldn't think of any rebuttal for the moment.
"You go back first. I have other things to take care of." He put his hand on my head, ruffled my shoulder-length hair, and patted it twice. "This is just the beginning. You will see more outrageous things in the future. Everyone has their own considerations. If you understand them, it won't matter."
In fact, there is not so much mutual understanding between people. If there really was, the crime rate and dispute rate would be greatly reduced.
In order to occasionally create the image of a good girl in front of him, I didn't say this out loud. I just thought of myself as a junior who humbly accepted the guidance of her senior.
When he touched my hair, I was stunned for a moment, and then I accepted it with peace of mind. Isn't this a good start?
From then on, all my free time was divided into two parts, one for the coffee shop and the other for Ji Suting's follower. At first, I followed him from company to company, and even if it was a sponsorship of 1,000 yuan, I would accept it with a smile and gratitude. After a while, the money was still not enough.
As the party was getting closer, and after another failed visit, Ji Suting went out on his own like he did the first time, and came back with a contract that was exactly the amount of money we needed. The students in the student union patted him on the shoulder and praised him, but I saw reluctance in his eyes... and sadness.
I didn't ask him where his money came from. Everyone has secrets that they don't want to tell. Keeping a certain amount of space is the best way for people to get along with each other. Even the closest people cannot be without secrets.
Time slipped away from us minute by minute. After going through a series of processes including looking for investment, program preliminary selection, pre-selection and final selection, the time finally came for the New Year’s Eve party.
After more than a month of getting along, the relationship between Ji Suting and I became more subtle. I became more enthusiastic towards him, and he seemed to have some affection for me as well.
Just like what Shi Shuxia said, you can tell if someone likes you from their eyes. When Ji Suting looked at me, the most beautiful stars were dancing in his eyes.
I am not a person who can keep calm. After I feel that the other party is also interested in me, I really can't continue to wait for the other party to confess his feelings. I am also afraid. What if Cheng Yaojin appears halfway and takes the lead?
The day before the New Year's Eve party, Shi Shuxia and I held a confession meeting, and Xu Meng'er, who had never been on the same page with us, also participated in the discussion.
Xu Meng'er: "I think confession should be straightforward. Just go out and say, I like you, do you like me? If you like each other, then hold hands and kiss each other. If you don't like each other, then go back to your own homes and find your own mothers. If you want to be friends in the future, then we can be friends. If you don't want to be friends, then we can just disappear. It's that simple."
Shi Shuxia: "I also agree that we should speak directly and clearly."
Me: “What if I get rejected?”
Xu Meng'er flicked her nails and said, "What can we do? Let's go back to our own homes. Are you still worried that there's no place for you to cry in the dormitory?"
"No, in fact, I've seen Ji Suting hesitate to speak to you several times. If the people around him hadn't suddenly interrupted him, he might have confessed to you a long time ago. You must seize this opportunity!" Shi Shuxia patted my shoulder, sighed and said, "Zhiwei, it's not easy to fall in love with Ji Suting. This revolutionary road is full of thorns. You must live well until graduation!"
Her joke was not funny at all. Instead, it gave off a sense of the tragic heroism of Dong Cunrui sacrificing himself to blow up the bunker.
"Then... let's make an appointment and try it?" My uncertain question received unprecedented unanimous nods from the two of them, and then Shi Shuxia's series of psychological counseling made me feel a lot more at ease.
"After the rehearsal, I found that some details need to be re-finalized. I'll wait for you in the auditorium." Ji Suting's WeChat message scared me. After seeing the content, Shi Shuxia encouraged me to take this opportunity to win him over. As the saying goes, opportunity is fleeting, so don't miss it.
"Since you want to confess your love, you should put on some makeup!" Xu Meng'er suggested. Seeing the hesitation in my eyes, she added, "I can put on makeup quickly. In five minutes, I guarantee you will be beautiful."
Fifteen minutes later, I replied to Ji Suting: " Sorry I didn't see your WeChat message just now, I'll be there right away." I hurriedly put on my coat and went out in a panic.
On the way to the auditorium, I still felt a little uneasy, so I took out my cell phone and called my grandmother.
The old and familiar voice coming from the other end of the phone gave me peace of mind.
My grandmother didn't ask me why I called her, she just called my name.
"Grandma, I like a boy and I want to confess my love to him." I hesitated and asked her in a low voice, "Grandma, I also have the right to be happy and to be loved, right?"
"Grandma loves Weiwei the most."
"Weiwei also loves grandma the most." Her words gave me a firm answer.
After hanging up the phone, I swung my arms and strode towards the auditorium. I didn’t know what was waiting for me, I only knew that if I didn’t take this step, there would never be an answer.
Pushing open the door of the auditorium, Ji Suting was the only one standing facing the stage in such a large space.
I walked in through the main door, looking at his back, and walked past the rows of seats to his front. When he heard my voice, he looked back at me, then turned to look at the stage and said, "We have been busy for so long, and the party can finally begin. I feel like this is like one of our children, who has finally been born after more than a month of pregnancy."
"The baby won't be able to fall to the ground for a month," I corrected him.
"Hahahaha, Cun Zhiwei, your understanding is always different from others!" He suddenly laughed.
I have seen many sides of him in this period of time, the shy one, the embarrassed one, the proud one... and the one who laughed out loud in front of me. In my eyes, Ji Suting has always been restrained, and his biggest smile is just showing eight teeth. This is the first time I see him smile like this, and I can't help but be infected and laugh along with him.
All the uneasiness caused by the confession disappeared in the laughter.
I walked down the last step, straightened my clothes, put away all my emotions, stood in front of him, and mustered up the courage to say: "Senior... I like..."
"Some things are better for me to say." Ji Suting interrupted me and looked at me.
Sunlight came in from a small window at a very high position, but it did not brighten the auditorium but made it even darker. In the weak light , Ji Suting stood opposite me against the light. I could not see his expression, but I could feel two hearts beating rapidly.
thump--
thump--
Is he going to confess his feelings before me?
I closed my eyes and waited for this moment with a flushed face.
My hand was gently pulled up, and when our slightly moist fingertips touched each other, a tingling sensation like an electric current spread throughout my body. I held my breath, waiting for his next move.
Should I just say I love you? Or should I just kiss you? Isn't it a bit too fast to hold hands and kiss before we even start?
How nice it would be if time could stop at that moment of heartbeat?
"Snap!" With a crisp sound, Ji Suting's hand that was holding mine was pulled apart by external force. The crisp sound was accompanied by a burning pain in my left cheek.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a girl with a distorted face and gnashing teeth standing in front of me. She shook her right hand which was hurting from hitting me, and slapped me again with the backhand.
Before I could react, the slap was about to fall, but someone stood in front of me and caught the slap.
The voice was still clear, and her palms and backs of her hands were already red.
Hua Siyu, I have heard this name many times from the boys in my class since the second day of school. The rumors about her are similar to those about Ji Suting, she has excellent grades, a good family background, good looks, and a gentle temper... They generously use all the compliments on her, as if she was Aphrodite from mythology, the embodiment of love and beauty.
It was this goddess who stood in front of me with a furious look on her face. She stared at Yan Wenbo and gnashed her teeth at every word he said: "Get out of the way."
"Hua Siyu, calm down. No matter what happens, you can't do anything." Yan Wenbo persuaded her, and the body standing in front of me did not give in at all because of her anger.
"Yan Wenbo, if you're a friend, get out of my way!" Hua Siyu yelled, pulling Yan Wenbo's collar and trying to pull him aside. After trying several times without success, she became even more angry, "You just want to protect her today? For her, you can even give up my friend, right?"
"I won't let you, Siyu. As a friend, I hope you can calm down instead of venting your anger on a girl like this." Yan Wenbo said, holding her shoulders.
"Calm down? Yan Wenbo, you've always known, right? You've always known about the bad things that Ji Suting did with this girl and didn't tell me, right? Do you think I'm a fool that I can't see that my boyfriend is distant and absent-minded towards me?" Two lines of tears slid across her delicate face. Even when the beauty was crying, she was still breathtakingly beautiful.
Boy friend……
I couldn't hear what they said again. I looked at Ji Suting, who was standing not far behind Hua Siyu and remained silent, and couldn't help laughing.
Didn’t I say that I have seen many sides of Ji Suting? Today I saw another side of him - cowardice.
It turned out that I had become the third party in someone else's relationship without being noticed, and the one who caused all this was the gentle boy who I fell in love with at first sight and who didn't dare to approach me when he saw me being beaten.
Gentle, but really gentle.
I can accept that he doesn't love me, and I can even tolerate him turning a blind eye to me and letting me live alone in my unrequited love, but I cannot accept the fact that after such inexplicable ambiguity, I found out that he was a mistress.
Even if it is a mistress, it is absolutely unacceptable.
I looked at Ji Suting, feeling particularly uncomfortable and disgusted with myself. Cun Zhiwei, are you blind? He has a girlfriend, and you didn't notice it at all after all this time? Don't you always boast that you are as meticulous as dust?
When we first met, Ji Suting planted a seed in my heart. With his watering, the seed took root, sprouted, and grew into a big tree. When it was about to bloom, a woman named Hua Siyu appeared and told me that this tree did not belong to me and must be pulled out.
She used all her strength to pull out the tree that grew in my heart, and every bit she pulled out was filled with blood and flesh.
I was in so much pain but I had no right to cry. I was wrong, really wrong.
This secret love that I thought was about to blossom and bear fruit was just a joke from the beginning. I was the only one who took this joke seriously.
"I'm sorry." I walked around Yan Wenbo and went to Hua Siyu to apologize, then walked to Ji Suting step by step with difficulty. I raised my hand to slap the boy, but my hand turned into a fist in the air and then retracted. Even so, I still didn't want to hurt him at all.
Ji Suting looked at me with heartache in his eyes.
I know my eyes are dead.
He opened his mouth but in the end, no word came out. I stood up straight and forced myself to walk out of here with a straight back. The moment the door of the auditorium closed, I could no longer hide my tears.
Yan Wenbo chased me out, grabbed my arm and led me to a corner where almost no one passed by. He patted his shoulder and said, "If you want to cry, just lean over here and cry!"
"You knew it a long time ago, right? You knew I liked Ji Suting, and you also knew Ji Suting and Hua Siyu were a couple, right?" I grabbed his collar and shook him back and forth, asking at the top of my lungs, "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me become someone else's third party like a fool? Why didn't you tell me?"
My hands pounded Yan Wenbo’s chest again and again. I knew that what he did was not wrong. It was me who was wrong, only me.
"Weiwei, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He pressed my head into his arms, and no matter how I struggled, hit him, or bit him, he refused to let go. He just held me tightly, letting my snot and tears get on his expensive coat.
Grandma, I'm sorry, after all, I am not loved and I am not worthy of happiness.