Do you still remember the dreams you had when you were young? Those dreams about the future and the distant places have changed with the times. However, the dream in my heart has not changed from the beginning to the end, just because you are my only wish in this life, Chu Yubai.

On October 25, 2015, six months after the Nepal earthquake, my good friend Song Xiaoyan ruthlessly exposed to me the fact that I had always refused to admit.
Memories were like water, drowning my body and making me so painful that I couldn't breathe. I screamed hysterically as if to vent my anger: "Chu Yubai is not dead! How could he die? How could he die?" He hasn't come to keep the appointment I had with him.
Xiaoyan just looked at me, silent, and tears slowly flowed down.
She came over, hugged me gently and said, "Moli, six months, six whole months, you have been torturing yourself like this, enough, enough... No matter how you torture yourself, Chu Yubai will never come back..."
Her words were soft and gentle, but they were like a heavy hammer hitting my heart, shattering it into pieces and bleeding, just because of those words, Chu Yubai will not come back.
I was like a mad little animal just a moment ago, but suddenly I became like a deflated balloon, barely able to stand. My screams finally turned into desperate murmurs: "Chu Yubai will be fine, Yubai will come back, he will definitely come back..." I kept repeating it over and over again, just because I knew clearly in my heart that Chu Yubai would never come back.
"Jasmine," Xiao Yan looked at me seriously and said, "Do you know what Chu Yubai likes about you?"
I was stunned. I had never thought about what Chu Yubai liked about me. I only knew what I liked about him.
"I think it's probably because of your bravery and your determination to never give up," Xiao Yan thought for a moment and nodded, "It must be. So, Jasmine, look at yourself now. Do you want to become someone Chu Yubai doesn't like?"
I shook my head resolutely, my chest felt like it was pierced by a sword, and the extreme pain made my fingers tremble slightly. I reached out and tightly grasped the "Photography" textbook. I knew it was time to say goodbye to the past.
But, dear Chu Yubai, please believe that this farewell is by no means forgetting. I just put you in the deepest part of my memory, carefully collect you, stick to your dreams, as if you have never left and you are still by my side, and move forward courageously.
Yubai, I am going on a long journey with your unfulfilled dreams, do you see it?
I started studying photography courses to prepare for the major transfer exam, but probably because I was not very smart, I only had a superficial understanding of many things. After thinking about it, the only person I could ask for advice was the teacher of Architectural Photography, so I was very enthusiastic about taking that elective course.
The second class of "Architectural Photography" was at 7 o'clock on Sunday evening. I came to the classroom at 6:30 and started to play with the digital camera. At the end of the last class, Xu Jue asked us to bring our own cameras today. I thought he would teach us how to shoot on site, so I was very nervous.
In the empty classroom, I turned on my camera, pointed it at the scenery outside the window, pressed the shutter button, and took several photos in a row.
Someone came up from behind me and said hello: "Hi."
It was a pleasant yet indifferent voice of a girl, but it was not the voice I was familiar with.
I turned around and looked at her blankly.
She looked at the camera in my hand and said in a cold voice, "Do you like the class of 'Pervert Xu'?"
When she said "Pervert Xu", I remembered that she was the girl named An Ran.
I nodded subconsciously.
She looked at me seriously and said, "That's really interesting. But I think I kind of like your personality."
I smiled and really wanted to tell her that I liked her very much, but I didn't have the courage to be as straightforward as she did.
After she finished speaking, she didn't wait for my answer. She walked directly to the back row of the classroom and sat down. She took out a black "big guy" with a big lens from her bag and started playing with it.
I looked over curiously, and she pointed at the digital camera in my hand and said, "You'd better not let 'Pervert Xu' see that thing when you are in class later."
"Why?"
"Hmm..." She thought for a moment and said, "Because 'Pervert Xu' is a super snob. He judges people by their appearance, and the same is true for cameras."
I was a little confused: "My camera, is it ugly?"
She didn't answer, but just smiled faintly and said, "You can use mine. I just happened to bring two cameras."
“No, no.” I quickly thanked her for her kindness. “I’ll just use mine. Yours is too big and too heavy. I might not be able to hold it steady.”
Xu Jue strode into the classroom at this moment. As if it was planned, the bell for class rang at this moment. He said with great momentum: "I give you three seconds to show your partners!"
My classmates around me quickly placed their big cameras on the table. Then I realized that the "partner" Xu Jue was talking about was a camera, so I quickly placed my small camera as well.
Xu Jue stood on the podium, looking down at the cameras on the desks, and pointed at a boy and said, "Canon 70D, made of engineering plastic, compact and light, full-pixel dual-core focus, accurate and fast focus."
The boy vaguely heard the tone of praise in Xu Jue's voice and felt a little proud.
But Xu Jue's tone suddenly changed: "Well, you see, usually only amateurs who know nothing about photography will buy this so-called 'cost-effective' camera."
The boy's face turned red as if he was humiliated, and I had a vague feeling that there was no way to escape.
Xu Jue suddenly called An Ran's name again: "Wow, An Ran brought the Hasselblad H4D60."
"Yeah." Xu Jue looked at An Ran with a smile on his face, "Hasselblad H4D60 is good in every way, but it's too nouveau riche, so you shouldn't learn from her."
Then his eyes slowly swept across my desk and paused for two seconds.
I seemed to see the corners of his eyes twitch, and then I heard him almost squeeze out my name from between his teeth: "Su-Mo-Li!"
I remembered how I had fallen into his trap without realizing it last time, and suddenly I became nervous and answered subconsciously, “Here!”
The classmates around him burst into laughter. Xu Jue touched his forehead helplessly and said, "Su Moli, tell me, what the hell is that on your desk?"
"Camera!" I was stunned for a moment, then explained, "Digital camera."
Xu Jue narrowed his fox eyes and said unhappily, "Do you know what the predecessor of your thing was called?"
Without waiting for my answer, he said directly: "It's a point-and-shoot camera. Do you know why it's called a point-and-shoot camera?"
I said tremblingly, "No...I don't know."
"Because it's for idiots." He glanced at me and said, "Do you think an idiot can be a photographer? Do you think anyone who can press the shutter can be a photographer?"
I was so ashamed that I was speechless, thinking that I had truly experienced Xu Jue's sharp tongue.
But I didn't expect that it was just a test run, because his next words really made me feel ashamed.
He glanced at me calmly and said, "Student Su Moli, do you think this is a wedding photography training company? Why don't you just bring a Casio selfie camera?"
Although Xu Jue was intimidating without being angry and the classroom atmosphere was very depressing for a while, there were still many students who couldn't help laughing after Xu Jue said this.
I was angry and anxious. I lowered my head, held the card machine tightly, tried hard not to let the tears fall, and slowly became absent-minded.
I don’t know how long it took, but someone sighed and called me softly: “Student Su Moli…”
I looked up and saw Xu Jue approaching me without me noticing. He looked at me sideways and said, "If you feel that you can't stick with this course, it's not too late to withdraw now."
"No!" I don't know where I got the courage from, I looked up and confronted him, "I will work hard to learn this course well. Isn't it just to get 90 points in the final exam? I can do it." I can definitely do it. In order to realize Chu Yubai's dream, I will do anything.
"Okay, very good." Xu Jue nodded. "Student Su Moli, to be honest, I'm beginning to admire your courage."
Although Xu Jue said this, I don’t believe him.
"Well," he looked at me and said, "Remember to bring your SLR camera to class next time."
I don't know why, but I always felt that if I confronted Xu Jue head-on, I would be able to defeat him. If I defeated him, it would be like I could definitely realize Chu Yubai's dream. I asked with a sense of righteousness, "What is an SLR camera?"
Xu Jue was stunned for a second, as if he was choked by my question. Then, he looked at me with a smile and said, "Student Su Moli, don't you know there is something called 'Baidu'? Next time, if you have questions that don't require intelligence to answer, just ask it."
Without waiting for me to react, Xu Jue opened the courseware, and a photo immediately appeared on the projection screen. Looking at the photo, all my original dissatisfaction with Xu Jue had long been thrown out of the window, and all that was left was conviction.
It was a landscape photo, the sunset at dusk reflected in a lonely stream, with withered grass growing everywhere, a look of infinite sighing and sadness. I don't know how to compose and frame, but I can see infinite loneliness in that photo. Ordinary people only take pictures of landscapes and people, while professional photographers take pictures of moods and emotions. This is probably the difference between amateurs and professionals.
Sure enough, people with sharp tongues often have the capital to do so.
"Do you have any questions about this photo?" Xu Jue's voice was clear and solemn, a change from his usual unruly tone.
"Teacher!" I raised my hand and asked, "How hard can I work to reach your level?"
Hearing this, his eyes fell on my face, his expression was so serious that it was unlike him: "Did you say 'try hard'?"
"Yes, how can I work hard to become a photographer?" I nodded solemnly.
He stroked his chin, stopped looking at me, and scanned the whole class with a sharp gaze, saying, "There is a fact that may be cruel, but I must tell you clearly today. There are many things that actually only require innate talent , not hard work. Those who need to work hard are skilled workers who become proficient through practice, while masters only need talent. Did Van Gogh need to work hard? Did Monet and Picasso need to work hard?"
I don’t know why, but I actually agreed with his point of view a little bit. But I refused to give in. How could I know that I couldn’t do it if I hadn’t tried?
I really wanted to refute him and say, doesn’t the book say that hard work can make up for lack of talent?
However, Xu Jue had already moved on to the next topic. He crossed his arms, looked at us with a face that looked like he was joking, and said, "You have seen my works. Now it's my turn to see the works in your cameras."
The classroom suddenly fell silent. The students who were called out held their cameras tightly and struggled desperately, but in the end they could not escape Xu Jue's sharp tongue. Every photo that I thought was much better than mine was criticized by Xu Jue.
Until he saw the photo , he suddenly became uncharacteristically silent.
In the photo, it was the sunset at dusk. Under the flower stand full of white wild roses, there was a slightly yellowed rattan chair. An Ran was lying on her side in the rattan chair, leaving a large empty space on the left. An Ran was clearly smiling, but I felt inexplicably sad. I always felt that there should have been someone on the left side of her empty space, but I didn't know who that person should be.
"An Ran!" After a long while, I heard Xu Jue's extremely calm voice. He said, "It's okay to deceive yourself in dreams occasionally. But don't expect that if you deceive yourself too much, it will become a reality. Some people can't come back and they can't come back."
Before he finished speaking, there was a loud "bang" from the back of the classroom. I turned around in surprise, only to see An Ran staggering out of the classroom quickly.
From their conversation, I vaguely guessed that Xu Jue and An Ran had known each other for a long time. Who was the "person who could not come back" that Xu Jue mentioned? Was the girl named An Ran also waiting for someone to come back like I used to?
"How cool!" Someone marveled at An Ran's behavior of ignoring Xu Jue's angry exit from the classroom.
There was a whisper in the classroom.
I looked up and met Xu Jue's gaze. I keenly felt the suppressed anger in his eyes and quickly lowered my head.
But a second later, I had to admit that I was unlucky. Xu Jue's inexplicable anger was finally directed at me.
"Then let's take a look at the work of our very hard-working classmate Su Moli." Xu Jue clearly picked up my camera with a smile on his face, but I felt a chill down my spine. This was really "a fire in the city gate affects all the fish in the pond."
By the time I remembered that there was something in my camera that I didn't want to show to the public, and wanted to grab the camera back, it was too late. The camera was connected to the projector, and Xu Jue took a few photos, and the projection screen was all black.
Xu Jue looked at me silently with an expression of gloating. I knew that he was too lazy to even humiliate me.
"Um..." I swallowed hard and said, "Um, I seem to have forgotten to turn on the flash..."
"Well, let's not look at it anymore." I bravely stood up and wanted to get the camera back.
Xu Jue had quickly opened the last photo in the camera. In the photo, there was a piece of white paper. On the paper was a boy's profile that I had drawn with a pencil, but there were no facial features on that face. Next to it were three big words "Chu Yubai".
"Su-Mo-li!" Xu Jue lowered his voice and called my name word by word.
I roughly guessed that he was going to humiliate me with his ruthless and sharp tongue again.
So I said, "Teacher, I'm sorry, I know what you are going to say. I will take good pictures next time and won't just take pictures of a blank piece of paper for fun. In fact, in my heart, I feel the same as you do. I think being a photographer is a very sacred and serious profession."
Xu Jue raised his eyes and said slowly: "That 'white paper'..."
I was afraid that he would comment on the person on the paper, so I said anxiously: "That piece of white paper and everything on that white paper are very, very important to me. So, you can scold me, but please don't comment on anything about that paper..." I don't know why, but without any warning, my tears suddenly fell.
After a few seconds of silence, the classroom became noisy and some people began to speculate about the contents on the white paper.
I could no longer control my tears, and they fell drop by drop onto the table.
The bell for the end of get out of class rang at this timely moment.
"get out of class dismissed!" Xu Jue strode down from the podium and walked out of the classroom. When he passed me, I vaguely heard him whisper, "I just want to say that the 'white paper' was taken well."
Outside the window, the night was as dark as ink. Some people in the classroom looked at me with strange eyes. They didn’t know how important the "white paper" in their eyes was to me.
A few days later, Xu Jue met An Ran on the way to the office. An Ran didn't hide or avoid him, but just stared at him coldly.
He laughed, he knew An Ran never treated him well, especially after what happened last night. Xu Jue sometimes found it funny, seriously speaking, he and An Ran did not have a deep hatred, all the conflicts between them were just because of that boy named Qiao Huan.
But in fact, except for himself, including An Ran and Qiao Huan, no one knew that what he did before was not against Qiao Huan. He actually just regarded Qiao Huan as the only rival who could compete with him. He might do whatever it takes to compete with Qiao Huan, but that doesn't mean he would deliberately harm Qiao Huan. On the contrary, he actually respected his rival Qiao Huan very much, at least, he didn't hate him. Especially after Qiao Huan disappeared, he often felt that life without a rival was a bit too boring.
But others didn't understand these things, and Xu Jue was too lazy to explain them.
"Hey, come to me if you have anything to say!" An Ran looked fearless, "Don't bother Su Moli."
"Huh?" Xu Jue looked at An Ran thoughtfully, "This is the first time I see you care about someone other than Qiao Huan. Why? I didn't know you liked to make friends with stupid people like Su Moli."
"She's not my friend." An Ran explained, "I just think that you didn't want to teach the class, and I encouraged students to take your class, which ultimately led to your wishful thinking being frustrated. From the beginning to the end, it was just a grudge between the two of us. Why did you have to involve innocent people? That would also be unworthy of you, Mr. Xu."
"Really?" Xu Jue looked at An Ran slyly, "Are you afraid that if you admit that she is your friend, I will target her, right?"
"Master Xu," An Ran said angrily, "So you also know how others see you..."
She thought for a moment and used the word "rogue".
Xu Jue smiled nonchalantly: "You've already called me a scoundrel, so what's the harm in being even more of a scoundrel?"
An Ran was thinking about how to get back, but Xu Jue changed the subject and said, "Actually, don't you think that idiot Su Moli likes me very much?"
An Ran couldn't believe her ears, but seeing Xu Jue's serious face, it was obvious that he was not joking, An Ran didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Where on earth did this person get such self-confidence?
An Ran didn't say anything. Xu Jue said frankly: "So you think so too."
"Do you want me to tell the truth?" An Ran looked at him with disdain.
"Am I so overbearing that I won't let you tell the truth?"
"I don't think she likes you." An Ran said bluntly, "I think she is a normal person. Any normal person would hate you."
"After class, she likes to chase me and ask me some super simple questions," Xu Jue said confidently, "She is clearly asking questions to get close to me. If this isn't infatuation, what is it?"
"That's just because she's stupid." An Ran felt that she had finally found a way to strike a blow against Xu Jue, and said mercilessly, "To tell you the truth, she worked so hard and stupidly just to transfer to the photography department. As for why she wanted to transfer to the photography department, of course it was because of that boy named Chu Yubai."
Su Moli told her that she wanted to transfer to the photography department. An Ran guessed that Su Moli did all this because of Chu Yubai. She left the classroom angrily that night but actually did not go far. She saw the photo of Moli on the white paper outside the window.
"So, you see, the person she likes is a boy named Chu Yubai." An Ran deliberately shrugged with regret. The meaning was clear, how could Su Moli like you, Xu Jue?
However, Xu Jue seemed to be blind to it, and said firmly and confidently: "Do you think this can discourage me? How naive. She doesn't like me, that's the best. It's really too difficult to be obsessed with someone and not be able to agree to her against your will."
"Of course I know that the fact that 'Su Moli doesn't like you' won't affect you, Mr. Xu, who is so self-righteous." An Ran said confidently, "But I know that some people will feel uncomfortable once they know that there are people who are more attractive than themselves in the eyes of others, right, Mr. Xu?"
Xu Jue put on a very hurt expression. Just when An Ran was about to show a little bit of complacency, he suddenly laughed knowingly: "Silly girl, do you think I will be fooled so easily? Your provocation is too obvious!"
In the heart of the irrelevant Su Moli, who is more eye-catching, and what does it have to do with him, Xu Jue?
Xu Jue smiled and ignored it. Of course, he refused to admit that he was the kind of person An Ran described, but for some reason, he felt that An Ran had grasped his vitals without him realizing it.
Two hours and eight minutes later, Xu Jue finally understood what that unpleasant feeling was. He actually developed a "strong interest" in the stupid Su Moli.
Because Su Moli actually "pretended" not to know him.
It was a sunny day in late October. Xu Jue was driving his white Maybach Landaulet on campus, from the southernmost office building to the northernmost teaching building of the Department of Architecture.
The handsome guy and the luxury car naturally attracted countless onlookers along the way. It was class time at that time, and the roads in the campus were full of students rushing to class, so the car was driving as slow as a snail.
Xu Jue was a little impatient, so he found a secluded place to park the car and prepared to get out and walk.
The moment he got off the car, he saw Su Moli standing on the lawn next to him. She just stood there blankly, her face slightly tilted toward the sky. In the warm orange sunlight, her profile and neck formed a graceful arc.
She looked at a certain spot in the sky very intently, as if there was something very important in her life there.
Xu Jue subconsciously looked up like her, but in the vast sky, there was nothing but the deep blue.
Xu Jue originally planned to walk away, but at this moment, Su Moli turned her head and slowly moved her eyes towards where Xu Jue was standing...
Just when Xu Jue was thinking whether he should wait for her to call him teacher first and then respond, or just take the initiative and ask her why she was still daydreaming when the class was about to start, an incredible scene happened to Xu Jue. Su Moli's eyes slowly swept across Xu Jue's handsome face without stopping for half a second.
Then she turned around and strode past him as if Xu Jue was air.
Xu Jue could hardly believe his eyes. Was the girl who had clearly seen him but ignored him just now really Su Moli who liked to chase him after class and ask him some "idiotic" questions?
She actually pretended not to see him! Is his face so ordinary? Even if his facial features are too handsome, he may not be recognizable, but his face and his car together, are they still recognizable?
Xu Jue's heart almost collapsed, but he quickly calmed down. Over the years, what kind of girls had he not met? Some chased him madly, some pretended to be aloof to attract his attention, and of course there were those like Su Moli who "rejected but welcomed".
In the past, he had a strong opponent like Qiao Huan, so he focused all his attention on his studies. No matter what tricks those girls used, he turned a blind eye and remained constant. Now that he has no opponent, he suddenly feels that life seems a bit boring, so boring that he finds it very interesting to compete with a girl like Su Moli, who obviously does not have enough IQ but wants to be clever.
Xu Jue made up his mind, put on a cool pair of sunglasses, and strode to catch up with Su Moli, who was crawling slowly like a snail with her head down in front of her, and walked past Su Moli without looking at her.
The bright sunshine leaked through the leaves and fell on the slightly upturned corners of Xu Jue's mouth, as if it was a "battle" horn blown quietly. Su Moli, the game has just begun.
Two hours later, in the office of the Department of Architecture, when Xu Jue made the third mistake in writing the courseware, he had to secretly admit that what An Ran said seemed to make sense, and his curiosity was being piqued little by little.
Especially when he remembered that when the first class of "Architectural Photography" started, the clumsy Su Moli stood up stupidly when she saw him for the first time and called out to him a name that seemed to be "Chu Yubai", his heart felt like it was being scratched by a cat's claws. He wanted to know who this "Chu Yubai" was.
Just at this moment, the teaching secretary Xia Shiyu rushed in rashly. Xu Jue asked without even looking up, "Is there anyone in our school who looks like a copy of me?" He remembered that Su Moli had mistakenly called him "Chu Yubai", and the more he thought about it, the more he frowned.
He has been sought after by girls since he was a child. There were boys who tried to imitate him to please girls. He couldn't understand the mentality of those boys. Even if girls were attracted to him, it was only because they looked like him, not because they really liked him. Why couldn't they just be themselves and win a love that truly belonged to them?
In short, Xu Jue hated others imitating him, and of course, it was even more impossible for him to imitate others.
Shi Yu could of course hear the displeasure in Xu Jue's tone. Although he didn't understand why he asked that, it was always right to flatter someone, so he smiled shamelessly and said, "Someone wants to copy our Senior Brother? Who? Who has that confidence? Can anyone copy our Senior Brother Xu just because they want to?"
Xu Jue ignored Shi Yu's exaggerated acting skills, and Ding Bu Leng said: "You are right."
Shi Yu thought that he would at least pretend to be humble, so he prepared a lot of words to continue complimenting him, but he didn't expect him to just admit it so directly!
Shi Yu didn't know how to respond for a moment, and she was distracted. She remembered that a senior sister once said that Xu Jue was not handsome in face or talent, although he had all those. What made him really handsome was that he knew he had both talent and appearance, but he was not hypocritical or modest. He was always direct and straightforward, and his hatred and love were open, without any cover-up. He also disdained and did not need to cover up.
You can call this "quality" of his self-confidence or narcissism. But only people with real strength can be narcissistic without being annoying.
Shi Yu nodded subconsciously as she thought about it. Looking at Xu Jue who admitted it calmly, she felt that she had probably been completely brainwashed by her senior sister's words.
Other people’s narcissism is just the result of ugly people, but Brother Xu’s “narcissism” is really just about being handsome!
Seeing that Shi Yu didn't respond, Xu Jue looked up at her and said, "It's nothing, you can go."
Shi Yu came back to her senses, feeling a little overwhelmed. The look in her senior brother's eyes just now clearly showed that he disliked her for being a fangirl, but, obviously, she was not a fangirl normally. She felt that she had lost all her face and wanted to escape from the office immediately.
However, just as Shi Yu took two steps out, Xu Jue stared at the computer screen and asked casually, "Is there someone named Chu Yubai in our school?"
"Of course." Shi Yu turned around excitedly, "Senior Brother Xu also knows Chu Yubai?"
"Hmm..." Xu Jue answered ambiguously, and raised his head for a rare moment to look at Shi Yu, "What kind of person is he?"
"Hmm..." Shi Yu thought about it, his eyebrows dancing, and he said as if he knew all the treasures, "Chu Yubai is from my previous class. He is one of the three most outstanding figures in C University in the past ten years. He is handsome and is definitely a school idol. Most importantly, his academic performance is also unmatched. He got a perfect TOEFL score and received a full scholarship to study photography at Yale University last year..."
Shi Yu kept talking, and Xu Jue raised his eyebrows inadvertently. He was just good-looking and had good grades, and he had these two things.
"You just mentioned three influential figures?" Xu Jue interrupted Shi Yu, "What about the other two?"
"Yes." Shi Yu nodded. "There is also Senior Brother Qiao Huan. However, when I entered the school, Senior Brother Qiao Huan had already dropped out to study medicine in Japan, so I have never met him in person. I have only heard about him. Senior Brother Qiao Huan is rumored to be the brightest new star in C University in the past ten years. Unfortunately..."
Xu Jue frowned subconsciously. Recently, whenever someone mentioned the name "Qiao Huan" in front of him, he always felt a little depressed about this existence that was both an enemy and a friend to him. It was probably affected by An Ran's mood. Xu Jue waved his hand to stop Shi Yu from continuing.
Shi Yu stuck out his tongue and said to himself, "There is another one, that is you, senior brother. It's just that Chu Yubai and Qiao Huan are both undergraduates at C University, while you are a C University PhD who studied abroad at Yale. It's different. I think, if we compare them seriously, you are slightly better."
Shi Yu's flattery became smoother and smoother, but Xu Jue didn't take it seriously. Although he was overconfident, he was not stupid. People always say good things in front of the person concerned, so what Shi Yu called "slightly better" might be "equally matched."
"Then what do you think of Qiao Huan and Chu Yubai?" Xu Jue avoided the question, in order to avoid any hidden meaning in Shi Yu's words.
"Uh..." Shi Yu thought about it seriously, looking embarrassed, "Senior Qiao Huan is from our Department of Architecture, and Chu Yubai is from the Department of Photography. It seems that there is no comparison between them. However, during their time at school, they both always ranked first in their majors, so they should be considered equal."
Xu Jue was originally leaning leisurely on the back of the chair, but after hearing Shi Yu's words, he subconsciously sat up straight, looking as if he was facing a formidable enemy.
If he can be on par with Qiao Huan in academics, then he might not be much worse than Xu Jue!
Xu Jue blurted out: "Then who do you think is better looking, me or Chu Yubai?"
He has always been like this, always trying to be the first in everything.
Shi Yu was completely stumped. She wanted to say that if she had to choose between the two, she would choose Senior Brother Chu Yubai without hesitation. Who doesn't like a gentle and warm boy? Only those "brain-challenged and immature" little girls would have a special taste for a moody young master like Xu Jue, right?
But she didn't dare, because at this moment, Young Master Xu was looking at her with a look that could kill her at any moment, so she had to say against her will: "Although Senior Brother Chu Yubai is as gentle as jade, he looks too ordinary. Personally, I think Senior Brother Xu looks more... unique."
Xu Jue seemed not to notice Shi Yu's duplicity. He nodded seriously and said, "Well, your statement is quite objective."
Shi Yu was choked and speechless, but she keenly noticed that when Xu Jue said this, the corners of his thin mouth inadvertently curved up.
What she didn't know was that at this moment, Xu Jue's inner monologue was, Su Moli, it seems that your taste is not that good either!
My name is Su Moli. It is the last day of October now. I met a strange boy in the library of C University. When I walked into the library, I found that he had been following me slowly. When I went to the library search room, he also appeared there. Then I went to the projection professional book room on the third floor to look for a professional course, and he happened to be opposite the bookshelf where I was standing.
He was observing me openly as if he were observing a small animal. I suddenly became a little angry. I took the book I wanted to borrow and walked straight towards him as if to protest. Just as I was about to pass by him, I heard him slowly utter three words from between his teeth: "Su-Mo-Li..."
I was stunned. This almost gnashing-teeth way of calling him was of course very familiar to me. He was Xu Jue.
"Teacher Xu..." I subconsciously took a step back.
Xu Jue took a step forward and leaned forward, his face almost touching mine, staring at me with burning eyes: "Now, finally, do you recognize me?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Xu, I didn't see it just now..." I answered perfunctorily. Of course, I would not explain to Xu Jue, a stranger, the fact that I have face blindness. Therefore, I took a step back and wanted to walk around him and continue forward.
But he suddenly said unhappily: "Su Moli, what on earth do you want to do by doing this?"
I was stunned. Was he asking me why I wanted to borrow these photography books?
I answered without hesitation: "Of course I want to switch my major to photography and become a photographer for National Geographic magazine in the future."
That was once Yubai’s dream, and now it is my dream.
"High-sounding." He was stunned for a moment, then smiled sarcastically and said pointedly, "Aren't you doing all this just for one person?"
The secret hidden in my heart was exposed directly by a stranger. I stood there in a daze, as if a wound that had just scabbed over was ruthlessly exposed and bloody. The pain in my left chest made it almost impossible to breathe. My body was stiff and I tightly clenched my slightly trembling fingers.
"Chu Yubai!" He smiled knowingly and said, "Do you like the boy named Chu Yubai?"
I thought I had let go of the obsession in my heart and was ready for a long journey, but when he gently said the three words "Chu Yubai", I realized that the three words "Chu Yubai" had become a pain that I could never touch in this life. I wanted to escape, but I didn't even have the strength to take a step.
"Because Chu Yubai majored in photography, you have to transfer to the photography department." Xu Jue's mouth was filled with disdain. "Maybe in the future, will you follow his example and go to Yale? Is your wish to become a member of the National Geographic magazine just because of your pitiful love for the whole family? Su Moli, is it interesting to repeat someone else's life like this? Is it interesting to live your life like someone else?"
There was mist in my eyes, I bit my lips tightly and said nothing. If my life could be like Chu Yubai's, my dear Chu Yubai would come back. I would be willing to exchange my life for his peace and happiness. But what's the use? Chu Yubai, he will never come back!
"How pitiful," Xu Jue concluded firmly, "You like Chu Yubai so much, but it's a pity that he probably doesn't like you at all, right? Otherwise, you wouldn't be like this now."
He looked down at me, his eyes gradually filled with contempt, and said without thinking: "I don't care about this kind of thing. But, Su Moli, if you want to do something, if you like someone, you should do it seriously and focus on it, and don't be fickle. Otherwise, even the only thing that may be admirable will be gone, and others will only look down on you!"
I suddenly realized that he was questioning my feelings for Chu Yubai? How could he, a stranger who knew nothing, doubt the feelings I had maintained for so many years?
I looked at his contemptuous eyes, as if possessed by evil, and nodded coldly, "Yes, I like Chu Yubai! I have liked him for a long time. I am a very stupid person and I am not good at studying, but it doesn't matter. I can work hard, I can not play during the holidays, I can sleep later than others every day, and later. Others do ten questions, I do a hundred questions. Yes, I am not as smart as most people here, but I have to kneel all the way to get here, even if I risk my life, I want to study the same major as him, because in this way, in the future, I will have the opportunity to go to his side and stand shoulder to shoulder with him. But, these are all my hard work and efforts, what does it have to do with you? What do you know?"
I didn't want to cry, but the tears started to flow down unconsciously, and finally I couldn't hold them back anymore and they burst down.
I almost collapsed and cried out loudly: "What do you know? Now... even if I follow in his footsteps all the way and become the best photographer, it's useless... It's useless. It's not because he doesn't love me, but because... because Chu Yubai, he... he's dead!"
More than six months later, I finally heard myself utter the taboo word "death". I no longer had the strength to stand up and sat down on the ground, muttering, "He said he went to Nepal just to take pictures of the beautiful scenery for me. If...if I knew he would get into trouble in Nepal, I would rather he had never liked me; I would rather he had never known me; I would rather he had not saved me; I would rather die at the age of 12. If that were the case, he would be alive..."
I lowered my head, immersed in deep sorrow, crying my eyes out, not caring about the reactions of the people around me.
After a long while, I sniffed, raised my head, and prepared to deal with the expected inquiring or gossipy looks. However, there was nothing around me, and all I saw was a navy blue.
I raised my head slightly and saw a face looking down at me. Someone was standing behind me, took off his windbreaker and wrapped it around me, blocking everyone's view of me.
I recognized the long navy blue windbreaker; it was the one Xu Jue was wearing just now.
Sure enough, the next second, I heard him say, "I'm sorry."
Then, there was a long silence.
I stood up without saying a word. He handed a handkerchief to me, but I didn't appreciate it. I didn't even look at him and turned and walked away.