I am the dust scattered by fireworks. If love is like fireworks, and pain is like dust, if a love with you is destined to be heartbreaking, I would like to be the dust sinking in the sea of ​​suffering, and let you become the most brilliant firework in the autumn night sky, happy like a child.

"Chu Yubai..." I gripped the edge of the desk tightly and heard my voice trembling slightly with excitement.
I tried hard to look at his face, but I couldn't see it clearly.
Then, I heard him say, word by word, clearly and distinctly: "Su-Mo-Li."
My heart started beating rapidly at that moment, and then quickly calmed down. Although he called my name, it was not the voice of Chu Yubai that I was familiar with.
But, but maybe he had a cold like before and his voice changed?
I looked up at him and called his name in a loud voice: "Chu Yubai!"
He seemed to be stunned for a moment, then quickly walked up to the podium, as if I were air, quickly glanced at the audience below the podium, and said, "Before the class officially starts, I would like to ask the 'biggest contributor' to the success of this course, the 30th class selection student, Su Moli, to answer a question. So, Su Moli, are you here?"
I stood there in a daze, not knowing why tears were about to flow. He was not Chu Yubai. He was just a stranger who happened to be wearing a navy blue windbreaker and whose height and figure were very similar to Chu Yubai. He was just my architectural photography teacher - Xu Jue.
You see, Chu Yubai, I am always so stupid. I can never tell whether the person I meet is you. I used to be so naive that I thought I could easily recognize you in the crowd just by that touch of navy blue. But now, I know how ridiculous I am.
I always thought that no one could replace you in my heart, but now, just a touch of color deceived my eyes. I hate myself for being so incompetent and helpless.
Sadness slowly covered my body like an anesthetic. I stood there in a daze, my eyes moist but no tears to shed. Suddenly, someone quietly pulled my clothes from behind and whispered, "Student, sit down quickly, or 'Pervert Xu' will cause trouble for you."
I turned around and saw a girl with beautiful long curly hair. I smiled at her gratefully, but before I could say anything, Xu Jue had already walked up to me.
"Su Moli?" He glanced at me and had already guessed my name.
Before I nodded, he quickly walked up to the podium and asked a very sharp question: "As the 30th person to choose this course, and as the key person who decides whether this course can be successfully opened, you must be very interested in this course or have done some research on it. So, Su Moli, for a course that you are so interested in, how many points do you think you can get in the final exam?"
"I……"
I hesitated for a moment, and he interrupted me, smiling and saying, "Well, it's okay, Su Moli, just make bold predictions. The bigger your heart is, the bigger the stage will be."
A girl in the back row couldn't help but whispered , "Wow, Young Master Xu is just like the legend says, his smile is so charming."
"Yes, yes, did you see it? There's a dimple on the left side. When she smiles, she's so gentle."
I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that a teacher with such a gentle smile couldn't be the "perverted Xu" as the legend said, right?
"70 points?" I reported a number that even I wasn't confident about.
Xu Jue was obviously dissatisfied. He crossed his arms and looked at me: "Student Su Moli, do you have no confidence in me? Or do you have no confidence in yourself?" He paused, slowly approached me, and said in a lazy nasal voice, "Hmm?"
I felt the pressure from him, so I had to say, "80 points..."
He looked at me with encouragement and said, "Student Su Moli, you still have to have dreams..."
The students below started to make a noise and said, “What if it comes true?”
Yes, Su Moli, have you forgotten the dream of trying to catch up with Chu Yubai? Why are you always so cautious and self-contained? Maybe this is why Chu Yubai didn't come to see you!
I mustered up my courage and said firmly: "90 points. I will definitely get 90 points by the end of the semester."
"Okay, it's a deal, Su Moli." Xu Jue suddenly revealed an unpredictable smile, blinked gently and said, "Of course you have to have dreams, what if you see a ghost?"
I suddenly felt like I had fallen into a trap, but I didn't know why Xu Jue, a complete stranger, treated me like this in the first class.
Sure enough, Xu Jue showed a barely perceptible smile of triumph and walked in front of me. He slowly leaned over the desk, put his hands on the desk, and whispered in my ear: "Student Su Moli, to 'thank' you for making this course a success, I will 'take extra care' of you in the future."
I looked at him in confusion. He clearly said "thank you" and "take care", but I could hear tension in his words. I just had no idea what caused that tension.
"Su Moli, I hope you don't forget the agreement of 90 points just now." Xu Jue took a step back and said to the whole class in a loud voice: "I checked. Su Moli is majoring in Cultural Relics Identification and Restoration, which has nothing to do with this course. Even Su Moli can confidently guarantee to get 90 points in the final exam, so I don't need to say much to the rest of the students in the Department of Architecture and the Department of Photography, right? If I don't require you to get more than 90 points, it would be considered an insult to you, right?" He smiled cunningly and said words that were scarier than a horror movie.
There was a wailing sound in the classroom.
I finally understood why he got the nickname "Abnormal Xu". However, I don't dislike such teachers. On the contrary, I am willing to meet such teachers because I firmly believe that only strict teachers can produce excellent students.
However, after class, when I said the five words "strict teachers produce excellent students" to comfort the dejected classmates, the girl with long curly hair behind me said firmly: "Classmate, you are still too young and too naive."
"Ah?" I was stunned.
"Nice to meet you. My name is An Ran." She said, "I can only say that you are too kind, Moli, and you don't see through Xu Jue's sinister side. He is famous for taking pleasure in playing tricks on students."
"Isn't he a teacher? Aren't teachers supposed to be role models for others? How could he..."
"Teacher?" An Ran shook her head. "What kind of teacher is he? He is just a doctoral student of Professor Wang from the Department of Architecture. Because Professor Wang went abroad to attend an academic seminar, he was asked to temporarily teach the course for one semester."
"Ah? He studied architecture? Then why is he teaching a photography class?" I suddenly began to regret wasting my time taking a class taught by someone who didn't know anything about photography.
An Ran didn't say anything, just looked at me as if I were some strange creature.
A second later, I realized that I seemed to have focused on the wrong thing, but I was still unwilling to give up: "Do I still have time to change to other photography courses now?"
An Ran looked at me helplessly and said reluctantly, "Although Xu Jue is a Ph.D. in architecture from C University, I heard that he also obtained a master's degree in photography in the United States, so..."
"Oh, that's great!" I said, "I can ask him all the questions about photography from now on."
An Ran looked at me with a bit of disappointment: "Student Moli, don't you think your focus is wrong?"
I don't understand.
An Ran pointed out bluntly: "Don't you think Xu Jue has been targeting you from the beginning?"
“It seems so…” I nodded in confusion, “But why? I didn’t seem to have done anything wrong. Besides, if I hadn’t chosen this course, this course wouldn’t even be offered.”
When I finished speaking, I could clearly feel An Ran sighing helplessly.
She was silent for two seconds, then said resolutely: "Forget it, you won't understand even if I tell you. Anyway, this matter started because of me. From now on, I won't let Xu Jue bully you."
"Thank you!" I thanked her out of habit. After I said that, I realized that I didn't understand what An Ran meant at all. Why did she say "this matter started because of her"?
However, now, all the troubles in the world have nothing to do with me. I just need to learn photography and fulfill the promise I made with Chu Yubai. What does everything else have to do with me?
I began to dream about Chu Yubai often. I dreamed of him riding a bicycle across a campus in a foreign country; I dreamed of him sitting on the other side of the computer, 15,000 miles and thirteen time zones away, saying "Hi" to me; I dreamed of him standing in the bright sunshine, looking back quietly, saying to me with a smile, Jasmine, I'll wait for you at C University.
It was such a beautiful scene, but I often woke up in the middle of the night for no reason. In mid-October in City C, the night was as cold as water, making me shiver. Whenever this happened, I would quietly take out my phone from under my pillow, check the only contact who lived in my QQ and WeChat, Chu Yubai, and then hug my phone and fall asleep peacefully.
At the end of October, Song Xiaoyan came from the other side of the city to see me. It seemed like it was arranged by God that my good friend Song Xiaoyan also passed the exam and came to City C. However, my school was in the south of the city, and her school was in the north.
However, Xiaoyan always looked sad every time came to see me. In my memory, Xiaoyan should be a lively and cheerful girl.
So, when she once again looked at me in silence in my dormitory, I finally couldn't help but ask her: "Xiao Yan, what's wrong with you?"
Xiaoyan avoided answering and asked me softly, "Jasmine, are you... really okay?"
She looked up at me, her eyes fixed on me, as if she wanted to see into my heart.
I lowered my head to avoid her gaze and said in a light tone: "I'm fine, what could possibly happen to me?"
As if to prove what I said, I raised my head, met Xiaoyan's gaze, and said word by word: "I'm fine, very good..."
I was admitted to C University as agreed, and will transfer to the photography department in the near future. By then, my Chu Yubai will come as promised. In my world, all I have is "wishes come true". What else can I do?
As Xiaoyan looked at me, a feeling called "pity" gradually emerged in his eyes.
As if I was afraid, I turned my head away from her gaze and tried to cover up my intention to open the architectural photography textbook in front of me.
Xiaoyan was one step faster than me. She reached out and pressed the textbook, her eyes fixed on the cover for a long time, and her silence was unlike her usual self.
After a long while, she coughed softly, and when she spoke again, her voice was choked with sobs. She said, "Moli, let's talk about Chu Yubai."
I looked up and saw a tear falling down. I felt like I was stung by a bee and almost jumped up in panic, but I still tried to remain calm and said, "Why are we talking about Chu Yubai? Chu Yubai is fine now. He is studying at Yale University in the United States. In the future, he will become a photographer for the National Geographic Magazine. It won't be long before he comes back here to see me. So, Xiaoyan, why are you crying?"
I don’t understand why Xiaoyan was crying for no reason. My Chu Yubai is chasing his dream, and I am chasing him. One day, when his dream comes true, he will come back to find me.
I blinked and looked at Xiaoyan with dry eyes.
Xiao Yan's tears welled up even more: "Moli, do you really not know why I'm crying? Or are you pretending not to know?"
I shook my head blankly, not knowing what she was talking about, nor wanting to know what she was talking about.
I hurriedly picked up my textbook, stood up and was about to walk out: "Xiao Yan, I have something else to do. If you don't have anything to do, let's see you next time."
"Su Moli!" Xiao Yan called my name harshly and held me tightly.
My body trembled slightly involuntarily, and I instinctively looked at her with pleading eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jasmine…” She finally broke down in tears, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… But, even if I have to hurt you today, I still have to tell you, Jasmine, Chu Yubai… He… He’s dead!”
"You...what did you say?" I blinked mechanically, and then blinked again. The corners of my eyes were sore, but I smiled softly and said, "Xiao Yan, what's wrong with you? Chu Yubai is obviously in Yale now. My Chu Yubai, he is fine."
"I'm sorry, Jasmine, I won't let you go on like this. If you continue like this, you will get sick." She said with tears in her eyes, "Chu Yubai is not at Yale at all. Those are just fantasies that you refuse to admit the truth. Jasmine, listen carefully. On April 25, 2015, an 8.1-magnitude earthquake occurred in Nepal. Chu Yubai was in the earthquake... already... already..."
"Stop talking!" I covered my ears and screamed, "Stop talking!"
I thought that if I covered my ears, I would not be able to hear the words I didn't want to hear, and the things I didn't want to admit would not happen. But why did those cruel and deadly memories still come like a tide, as if to destroy me completely.
Memories are like the tide, rapidly receding.
2015.4.25, this is a day I will never forget. At noon on this day, the boy I liked told me that he would wait for me at C University. Happiness came so unexpectedly yet was within reach.
It was still the evening of this day, the sunset dyed most of the sky red, I held my phone and hummed a song on my way home, and my eyes were reluctant to leave Chu Yubai's text message "I'm waiting for you at C University". The wind was light that evening, the sky was dark blue, the air was fresh, and I was in a happy mood , as if all people and things were no longer in my eyes. In my eyes, there was only Chu Yubai's smile and that text message.
Therefore, it was not until dinner time that I noticed the unusual atmosphere at home. My parents became unusually silent, and occasionally, my mother would look at me with a worried and sad look, but when I looked at her, she would quickly avoid me with a guilty conscience. I realized that something had happened.
But at that time, I felt that even if something terrible happened, it would not matter, because I had my parents who loved me, and I also had Chu Yubai whom I loved, so what was there for me to be afraid of? I already had the whole world.
So, when my mother looked at me quietly for the third time, hesitating to speak, I smiled and winked at her: "Mom, did Dad hide his private money again? Or did he not buy the clothes you like? Or are you worried that I won't do well in the college entrance examination? Don't worry, I will definitely be admitted to C University..."
"Jasmine..." Mom suddenly choked up when I said the word "C University".
Dad kept winking at Mom and shaking his head.
I suddenly had a bad feeling, and stood up nervously and said, "What's wrong?"
Mom and Dad fell silent at the same time. The living room was eerily quiet, with only the sound of the TV being particularly harsh and weird. The TV news was reporting a piece of news: "At 14:11 Beijing time on April 25, an 8.1 magnitude earthquake occurred in Nepal..."
"It turned out to be an earthquake..." I muttered to myself. The light in the living room was so bright and dazzling that I could hardly stand. It seemed that something particularly bad was pouring out of my memory. I closed my eyes and tried hard to stop myself from thinking about those terrifying things.
I wanted to go over and turn off the TV, but my body was shaking so badly that I almost knocked over the chair. My mother held me and looked at me worriedly, but she kept her mouth shut and said nothing.
"Moli!" Dad sighed softly, as if he had made a very difficult decision, and said, "Dad originally thought that I shouldn't tell you this before you took the college entrance examination, but... you've grown up, and you have to learn to face many things on your own..."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" I don't know why, but my heart was beating so fast that it seemed like it was going to jump out of my chest.
"Yubai's grandmother just called and said that Yubai arrived in Nepal today..." Dad spoke word by word, as if it took a lot of effort to say each word.
"I know!" I interrupted my father quickly as if I was afraid of something. "I know Chu Yubai is in Nepal today. He even called me at noon today. How could I not know that he was in Nepal?"
I blinked and smiled: "What is the necessary connection between the earthquake in Nepal and Chu Yubai being in Nepal?"
"Yubai's grandmother said that after watching the news, she couldn't contact Yubai, and asked us to help contact him... Yubai is a child with such a miserable life... What should we do..." Mom burst into tears first. She knew how important Chu Yubai was to me.
My mother’s crying was suppressed and sad, like a very thin needle slowly piercing into my heart, and my left chest was numb with pain.
"Mom, why are you crying?" I tried to raise the corners of my mouth and whispered, "This doesn't mean anything. Maybe Chu Yubai's phone ran out of battery; maybe he was concentrating on taking pictures and didn't bring his phone with him. You know, Chu Yubai, once he starts working, he completely forgets himself; or maybe his phone was stolen by a thief? This kind of thing happens frequently when you travel, what's so strange about it?"
I heard my own voice, trying to be calm but vague: "I can't get through to Chu Yubai's phone. What does that mean? I can't represent anything. So, mom, why are you crying?"
“Jasmine…” Mom hugged me and burst into tears. “In the evening, your dad called Yubai’s cell phone, but it wasn’t Yubai who answered… it was a hotel staff member over there who said… that he found the phone in the ruins… Yubai… he might have…”
"Mom, please stop talking." I said softly as if nothing had happened. "I don't want to hear these weird words. Chu Yubai called me at noon and said he would wait for me at C University. He always keeps his promises and will do what he says. Since I met him, he has done everything he promised me, so this time, he will definitely do it too. So, Chu Yubai must be fine now."
"Jasmine..." Mom and Dad called me in panic at the same time.
"Let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm sleepy and I want to go to sleep." I didn't dare to look at the expressions on their faces. I pretended to be calm, walked quickly into the bedroom and closed the door immediately.
I don’t know if it was because my hands were shaking and I couldn’t control the strength well, but the moment the bedroom door was closed, there was a loud “bang” sound, like a thunderclap out of the blue, which made my heart jump.
I leaned against the door, slumped down on the ground, tears falling without warning.
I tried desperately to wipe away those tears, and I told myself, Jasmine, don't cry, you must not cry, it doesn't mean anything. Maybe, maybe the phone was just dropped by Chu Yubai when he was fleeing the scene when the earthquake occurred. Maybe, maybe, there are countless possibilities of "maybe Chu Yubai is fine."
However, my tears were like water bursting a dam, and I couldn't stop them, because I knew, although I didn't want to admit it, but I knew clearly that among the millions of "maybes", there was another "maybe", that is, maybe Chu Yubai disappeared in the 8.1 magnitude earthquake in Nepal...
I held the phone tightly and shook my head desperately to stop myself from thinking any further.
No, God would not be so cruel. God would not be so cruel as to let the boy I liked tell me that he would wait for me at C University on the same day, and let me lose the boy I love most on the same day.
My Chu Yubai is as warm and kind as an angel. No one can bear to hurt him. So, merciful God, you will never do such a cruel thing, right?
The wind was particularly strong that night, blowing through the alleys and corridors, making a "woooo" sound, as if someone was hiding in the dark night and crying. I lay motionless in bed, unable to sleep all night. In the second half of the night, it suddenly rained heavily, and the thunder seemed to hit my heart.
I was panicking and anxious, so I had to sit on the bed, looking at the bright lightning outside the window anxiously. At this moment, the mobile phone on the bedside table suddenly lit up. I rushed over to reach the phone desperately, and fell heavily to the ground, but I didn't feel any pain.
It must be Yu Bai calling to let me know he's safe, right? He never wants me to worry.
I grabbed the phone and the screen showed the caller was "Yu Bai Waipo". I subconsciously threw the phone away as if I had caught a poisonous snake. The phone fell on the bed and kept buzzing.
I stared at the phone in panic, not daring to answer it, as if as soon as I picked up the phone, some disaster that would overturn my life would befall me.
In the silent night, the cell phone kept ringing. I thought that on such a stormy night, my grandma might be sitting on the bed, feeling anxious just like me. I knew that no matter what, I couldn't help but answer my grandma's call.
I clenched my left hand tightly, letting my nails dig into the flesh. I picked up the phone with my right hand, took a deep breath, and pressed the answer button.
The moment the phone was connected, I heard my voice, which I tried to pretend to be cheerful: "Grandma, why aren't you sleeping so late? Is it because of the thunder? Don't be afraid."
I pretended to speak easily and casually, as if nothing had happened, but the palms of my hands holding the phone began to sweat. I was afraid that my grandmother would suddenly burst into tears on the other end of the phone, or say something heartbreaking. I was even afraid to hear the slightest tremor in her voice.
However, my grandmother's gentle and calm voice came from the phone. She called my name softly: "Jasmine..."
"Yeah." I bit my lip to prevent myself from making any sad sounds, "I'm here, grandma."
"It's thundering again, don't be scared. Grandma, I just want to check on you." I even heard grandma laugh softly, "Little Jasmine, you're fine."
"Yeah, yeah." I tried my best to control my trembling voice, "Grandma, I'm fine."
"Okay, okay, I'm glad you're okay. It's enough to know that you're okay. Well, grandma is hanging up now."
There was nothing unusual in my grandmother's voice, but the moment the call was hung up, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer.
In such a sleepless night, because she is the only person closest to Chu Yubai in the world, and because Chu Yubai is a very important person to me in this world, grandma thought of me and called me. We pretended that nothing had happened, we pretended to greet each other happily, and we pretended that we talked late at night just to talk about the weather, but we tacitly agreed not to mention the person who is most important to us, Chu Yubai.
It's just because we are so deeply afraid that the nightmare will come true and we will lose him forever. Therefore, we try our best to cover up the peace with each other, we pretend that nothing has happened, and we tell each other that everything will be fine in the future.
It was a long time later that I understood that people's first reaction is always to seek benefits and avoid harm. When people encounter great harm, their subconscious instinctive reaction is to avoid it. Therefore, when huge harm that we cannot bear comes, the most painful and desperate expression is not heartbreak and crying, but pretending to forget.
Because I couldn't bear it, I never mentioned it and pretended that those heartbroken days disappeared in the chain of time.
So, Chu Yubai, you have never left, you have never been to Nepal, and there has been no earthquake in Nepal. You are now studying at the coveted Yale University. In the future, you will become the best photographer in the world, and I am your little Jasmine, and I will be waiting for you at C University.
So, everything I said is true, and everything else is a lie.
It must be.
The next day, my mother asked for leave for me. I locked myself in my bedroom for the whole morning. I didn't cry or laugh. I just tried hard to recall over and over again everything that happened between Chu Yubai and me.
In the afternoon, after my parents went to work, I went out alone to Chu Yubai's house. I knew that my grandmother needed my company the most now.
When I arrived, I just knocked lightly on the door, and the wooden door of the small courtyard was immediately opened from the inside, revealing my grandmother's obviously haggard face. She was startled when she saw me, but still smiled and said as usual: "It's Jasmine!"
"Grandma, I brought you your favorite honey lemon tea." I quickly lowered my head, not daring to let her see my eyes. My nose was so sore that tears were about to fall. Grandma must have thought that Chu Yubai had come back. She came to open the door so quickly. It was obvious that she was looking forward to Chu Yubai coming home all the time. But when she saw it was me, she tried her best not to show the slightest disappointment, as if Chu Yubai had just gone out to the supermarket and would be back soon.
I know that, probably, the only person in this world who loves Chu Yubai more than I do is my grandmother, so I understand that her obsession is deeper than mine.
This is probably the reason why we tacitly agree not to mention Chu Yubai. We can't mention him because it would hurt our hearts. Chu Yubai is our common wound that we cannot even touch but will feel pain just thinking about him. So, we cover each other's wounds and talk about family matters with laughter as if nothing had happened.
That afternoon, I did nothing but make my grandmother her favorite honey lemon tea, put headphones in her ears, and coaxed her to listen to her favorite operas. I wanted her to feel better and not suffer so much, although I knew it was useless. I just wanted the sadness to come later, much later.
However, things did not always go as planned. In the evening, a middle-aged man and woman rushed into the courtyard. I had seen them once before. They were Chu Yubai's uncle and aunt.
I suddenly had a bad feeling, so I stopped them at the door and said softly, "Uncle, aunt, grandma needs to rest now. Let's talk about it in two days."
I was afraid that they would mention Chu Yubai in front of grandma.
"Who are you? What do you want?" The middle-aged woman pushed me aside, forced her way in, and said loudly, "Grandma Yubai, I heard that Yubai..."
"Stop!" I shouted at her, but I couldn't say a word. I just grabbed her clothes tightly. I wanted to jump up and cover her mouth, but when I opened my mouth, my voice had turned into begging, "Auntie, I beg you, please... please, don't mention Yu Bai in front of grandma, at least not now... okay? Grandma... she, she won't be able to bear it. Yu Bai is the only one she has in this world..."
"If you don't tell me now, when will you tell me? You are just a little girl, when will it be your turn to manage our family's affairs!" The woman struggled to pry my hands apart. "The most important thing now is that if you are sure that someone is dead, you should immediately ask the travel agency for compensation. Do you understand?"
Time seemed to have stopped with a "ding" sound, and my ears were filled with a buzzing sound, which repeated over and over again, and it was always the sharp and piercing words "If you are sure that the person is dead..." I felt like I was possessed by a ghost, and everything in front of me became hazy. I slowly turned my head, and under the glass window of the bedroom, in the bloody sunset, there was my grandmother wearing headphones. On her kind face, there was a distressing and hidden worry and anxiety.
On that evening when the sunset was as red as blood, in the light and shadow, my grandmother's thin back was slightly bent as if she could no longer bear the weight. It was the only picture I could see clearly that hurt my eyes.
I said to myself, Chu Yubai, don't worry, I will definitely protect grandma for you when you are not around.
Then, I caught up with the woman, hugged her from behind, and silently tried my best to drag her out of the yard and not let her get close to my grandmother.
“Ah, you damn girl, what are you doing?” The woman was dragged back by me and screamed, “Grandma Yubai, Grandma Yubai, don’t hide away. We took care of Yubai when she was young, and we agreed that when there is compensation, we should get a share. Of course, if you want to go to Nepal now to claim Yubai’s body, we can pay for it…”
I felt like I had suddenly fallen into an ice hole. My whole body was freezing cold. When I heard her nonchalantly say those two cold words "body", I fell to the ground. It was as if something deeply rooted in my heart had been ruthlessly uprooted. I was in so much pain that I lost consciousness.
The woman got rid of me and continued to go inside.
I looked at my grandmother's slightly turned face in the sunlight under the bedroom window. At that moment, it was as if a surge of blood rushed up. I jumped up like a madman, picked up the stool next to me, rushed to the woman to stop her, and shouted desperately: "Get out, get out!"
That evening, I was like a mad little beast, screaming at the top of my lungs, fighting with others as if I wanted to destroy the world. All I wanted to protect was the fact that my grandmother and I both knew very clearly.
That evening, after I desperately drove the middle-aged couple out of the courtyard, my grandmother slowly walked out of the bedroom. She stood in the sunshine in the courtyard, gently took off her headphones, and said to me: "Moli, I just had a dream."
"What was the dream?" I turned my back and wiped the tears from my face desperately, then turned around and smiled as if nothing had happened.
"I met Yubai." This was the first time my grandmother mentioned Chu Yubai after the accident. When she called out Yubai's name softly, her eyes were filled with tenderness. She said, "Jasmine, Yubai asked me to tell you in a dream. He said that true love is not about clinging to obsessions, but about hiding the longing in your heart, silently accepting the facts, and smiling as you go on your journey. He said that in that way, the person who left will feel at ease."
"Grandma..." I couldn't say a word, I just cried silently. I thought I would be hysterical again, but I didn't. I just felt that my body was hurting as if it had been hollowed out, leaving only a shell.
Grandma touched my head, smiled and shed tears, she said: "I'm sorry, Jasmine, I want Yubai to feel at ease, so grandma has to learn to move forward, and you too, Jasmine..."
I stood there in a daze, my throat felt like it was being strangled and I couldn't speak.
Of course I understood what grandma meant by this. I was so sad, so sad that even crying and screaming were useless, because I knew that grandma had already accepted the fact that Chu Yubai had met with misfortune. What made me even sadder was that I actually accepted grandma's statement.
If even the two people who love Chu Yubai the most in the world accept the fact that he has met with misfortune, then perhaps he is really gone!
I shook my head resolutely and murmured to myself, "No, no, grandma, we can't accept this fact, we can't admit it. If even the person who cares about him the most in this world has admitted such a fact, then Yubai may really not come back. No, Yubai is studying at Yale. He also said that he would wait for me at C University. I believe him, I believe him..."
I ran out of the courtyard desperately, not wanting to listen to anything, not wanting to believe anything. I turned myself into a cocoon, wrapped myself tightly with all the beautiful fantasies, escaping from the chain of time to eliminate that period of sadness and pain, and rushed to a date where Chu Yubai was destined not to appear, until Song Xiaoyan appeared in front of me and said clearly and distinctly: "Chu Yubai is dead, everything is just your illusion."
With just a few words from her, she broke through the cocoon that I thought was unbreakable. From then on, I had no way to avoid it or escape.
I have come here with all my heart, just to keep my appointment with you, but I know that you will never come, my dear Yubai.