I like rainy days the most, even though the rain soaks my clothes and makes me feel miserable, but as long as I think of that day when you bent down to save me from the pouring rain, I feel that no matter how heavy the rain is, it doesn’t matter.
I like you, I envy you, I feel sorry for you, it seems like these emotions always come up involuntarily, but I still like you the most.
——Cuckoo

When the first ray of sunlight came through the window, I realized that I had not slept all night.
Those memories were so long that it took me a whole night to think through them all.
Since I couldn't sleep anyway, I got up directly, washed up and went to the hall, only to find that Xu Chenxi was already up.
She tied an apron and put the prepared breakfast on the dining table. Seeing that I got up, she smiled at me and said, "Good morning, Shan'er. Did you sleep well last night?"
"I slept well," I said, an obvious lie.
Because I didn’t sleep all night, my dark circles were as serious as panda eyes.
"Ah, it smells good." Ming Qinghe's lazy voice came from the stairs. The guy looked full of energy early in the morning. He jumped down the stairs two steps at a time, picked up a piece of bread from the dining table and started eating.
While eating, he suddenly stopped and looked at me, then handed the bread to me: "Do you want to eat it?"
"You eat first. I'll go wake Dujuan up."
I didn't take it and turned to leave. However, at this moment, a hand reached out and snatched the piece of bread that Ming Qinghe had bitten beyond recognition.
"Eh? Little bird, you're up now." Ming Qinghe looked at Du Juan and said with a smile, "I thought the little bird would sleep until the sun was high in the sky before getting up."
"Hmph, you underestimate me." Du Juan stuffed the bread back into Ming Qinghe's hand, walked directly to the dining table, picked up the orange juice and took a sip.
She looked at Xu Chenxi who was wearing an apron, and couldn't help but sigh: "Chenxi is so virtuous. She will definitely be a good family woman in the future."
After that, she took another bite of the fried egg Xu Chenxi made, nodded and said, "Ah, Chenxi, you are really amazing. I didn't expect that after not seeing you for three years, your cooking skills have improved so much."
"Do you think everyone is just a foodie like you?" Ming Qinghe couldn't help but tease Du Juan, "Hey, why hasn't Jiang Huai gotten up yet? It's outrageous. He even gets up later than the girls!"
My heart trembled slightly, and I thought of what he said to me last night. What kind of mood was Jiang Huai in when he said those words to me?
He asked me why I didn't ask anything. It was like this three years ago, and it is still like this three years later.
But Jiang Huai, most of the time it’s not that I don’t want to ask, but that I don’t know where to ask.
On the contrary, I will hide deeper, probably because I am disappointed in you!
When I stood up to protect Xu Chenxi, you were the first one to question me. And later, when that girl confessed everything, you didn't come to me either.
For three years, a full three years, he and Xu Chenxi were in the same school.
How can I ask this?
For example, has the relationship between you and Xu Chenxi turned into another kind of relationship?
How to ask?
For example, am I still hateful in your eyes now?
I can’t ask!
Afraid of getting the answer, you can deceive yourself if you don’t know, but once you know it, you can’t pretend you don’t know.
"Let's go to the beach after breakfast. It's more lively during the day than at night." Xu Chenxi said, taking off her apron and sitting down at the table.
"OK."
Dujuan likes anything that has to do with playing.
Seeing Du Juan so happy, to be honest, I envy her a little. It is not easy to forget all the unhappy memories. We were so unhappy at that time, but three years later, she seemed to have completely forgotten it and was as happy as a child who never grew up.
"I'll go call Jiang Huai."
Ming Qinghe stood up while biting a piece of bread and was about to go upstairs when the door of the villa was suddenly pushed open from the outside.
The person standing there was Jiang Huai.
He was still wearing the same clothes as last night. I was slightly shocked. Could it be that he hadn't slept last night either?
He looked like he had been at the beach all night.
"How did you get in from outside?" Du Juan looked at Jiang Huai in confusion, "You didn't stay out all night, did you? You look a little disheveled, Jiang Huai."
"I'm going for a morning run." Jiang Huai said, his eyes seemed to casually sweep across my face, "I'm going to take a shower, you guys eat first, I'll be right there."
"Hurry up, or I'll eat your share." Ming Qinghe said with a smile.
We had a peaceful breakfast and when Jiang Huai appeared in front of us again, he had dressed himself up neatly.
The beach is indeed much more lively during the day than at night. At a glance, it is no exaggeration to describe it as "hugely crowded". However, the beach is indeed the best place to go in midsummer.
"I'm going to swim in the ocean for a while!"
Du Juan was running towards the sea holding the swimming ring, and Xu Chenxi was looking at me, as if asking me what I was going to do next.
"I'll go swim in the sea for a while too." I said, and followed Dujuan forward.
Xu Chenxi hesitated for a moment, but still followed. Ming Qinghe and Jiang Huai followed one after another.
"So comfortable!" Du Juan threw the swimming ring aside and jumped into the water, as happy as a fish in the sea. "Shan'er, come on! Let's have a competition! And Chenxi, let's see who swims the fastest."
"Let me go, I can't swim." Xu Chenxi floated on the water holding the lifebuoy, but just this made her very nervous.
"I'll compete with you." I said, throwing the lifebuoy to Xu Chenxi, "Help me watch it!"
"Haha, I can definitely beat you, Shan'er!" Dujuan said, swimming to my side, "Starting from here, whoever reaches the beach volleyball net first will be the winner, and the loser will be responsible for tonight's dinner!"
"Then I'll be the referee." Xu Chenxi stood in the knee-deep sea water holding a lifebuoy. "When I give the order, you guys start."
Dujuan and I had no objections. Xu Chenxi shouted "Start", and Dujuan and I swam forward at the same time.
My swimming style is really not pretty, it's just the simplest doggy paddle, but Dujuan's swimming style is much prettier. When I was a child, I heard Dujuan say that she learned to swim from her father.
In my memory, the impression of Dujuan's father is very vague. I only heard from my mother once that Dujuan's father was a very good professional swimmer.
“Haha!” Du Juan swam in the water with ease. She soon surpassed me by a large margin and deliberately made a face at me, “Come and chase me, Shan’er. You can’t catch me! You can’t catch me!”
"call……"
I was already out of breath, but Dujuan still had the energy to make faces at me. I really don't know where the strength from.
I no longer had the energy to respond to her and could only swim forward, hearing all kinds of laughter.
It seems like a sea of ​​happiness here, with bright smiles on everyone's face.
However, at this moment, I heard someone screaming and slapping the water vigorously. I looked up and was immediately terrified. I saw Du Juan with a pale face and slapping the water vigorously with both hands.
She seemed to be in great pain, floating up and down in the water and about to sink.
"Cuckoo!"
I shouted loudly, not caring about my weak limbs, and swam desperately towards the cuckoo.
Fortunately, she was not far away from me, and I quickly swam to her side and grabbed her arm.
"Don't be afraid, Dujuan, I will take you ashore!" I shouted anxiously.
"My feet hurt so much!" Du Juan gritted her teeth, and it was hard to tell whether it was sea water or sweat that kept rolling down her face. "My right leg seems to have a cramp!"
"Don't move." Because she kept moving, I could hardly hold her. "Hold on for a while."
"No, I can't help it!"
As Dujuan was speaking, I felt her sinking deeper and deeper, until I was dragged down with her, and I swallowed several gulps of sea water.
"Don't worry about me, Shan'er." Du Juan tried to push me away, "I'll take you down with me if you do this!"
"No, if I let go you'll choke on the water." I gritted my teeth, looked toward the beach, and shouted, "Help! Someone is drowning! Help!"
The people on the beach finally noticed us, and many of them ran towards us at once. Someone was shouting, "Hold on, we're on our way!"
I also wanted to hold on, but I really had no strength left. The rescuers were already in front of me. I finally couldn't hold on anymore and sank with Dujuan.
But at this moment, a hand grabbed me firmly.
In the sea water, I opened my eyes and could see small bubbles coming out of my mouth. A pair of eyes came into my sight, and then I saw him smile.
I was a little surprised that this time, the first person to catch me was Jiang Huai.
He pulled me out of the sea, and I was very close to him.
He whispered in my ear: "It's okay, it's okay now."
The tone was so gentle.
I was very anxious, so I grabbed him and said, "There's still the cuckoo, the cuckoo is still in the water!"
"It's gone now, and Dujuan is fine."
Jiang Huai pointed forward, and I looked in the direction of his finger. I saw that Du Juan had been rescued to the beach, and someone was massaging her right leg.
"It's all right, it's all right."
I let out a long breath, and after the relief came an overwhelming feeling of fatigue. Coupled with the fact that I didn't sleep the night before, my eyelids were already starting to droop.
"You." Jiang Huai's voice was somewhat helpless, "Why do you always do things that hurt yourself for others?"
"Du Juan is no one else." I was so sleepy that I leaned my head on his shoulder and whispered, "Du Juan and Xu Chenxi, Jiang Huai and Ming Qinghe are all my most cherished friends."
At this moment, Jiang Huai's body seemed to stiffen for a moment, not sure if it was an illusion.
I didn't have time to think about it anymore, because what I wanted to do most at this moment was to have a good sleep.
I don’t know how long I slept. It felt like a very long time, but after I regained consciousness it seemed like just a blink of an eye.
The things in my sight became clearer from blurry. The first thing that caught my eye was a pair of big eyes. Du Juan's face was very close. She was obviously relieved when she saw me wake up.
"Phew, I was scared to death, Shan'er." Du Juan reached out and touched my face, muttering, "You are amazing. It was obviously me who got a leg cramp and drowned, but it was you who fell down in the end. Your physical fitness is really too poor."
“Crack.”
My throat felt a little uncomfortable, probably because I choked on some sea water.
"How long have I slept?" I asked, subconsciously looking out the window. The sky was almost dark.
At dusk, the beach is obviously much quieter than during the day.
"It's been almost ten hours! Are you hungry? Chenxi is making dinner. I'll go find you something to eat." Dujuan jumped off the bed. I looked at her right leg and couldn't see anything unusual.
"There happened to be a doctor at the beach, and he massaged the little bird for a while, so her legs are fine now." Ming Qinghe sat on a chair nearby and explained to me with a smile, "You suddenly lost consciousness, which scared everyone. Finally, the doctor said that you were just tired and fell asleep, and we were relieved."
I swept my eyes around the room, but there was no one else there except Ming Qinghe, and a sense of loss welled up in my heart.
He was the first one to pull me out of the water, and I thought...
Why did I think?
"Little Apple?" Ming Qinghe came over and waved his hand in front of my eyes. "Little Apple, I'm talking to you, and you're daydreaming!"
"No, I was just wondering how long it would take for the bonfire party to start." In a hurry, I made up an excuse.
Ming Qinghe laughed twice and said, "Then we have to wait until eight o'clock in the evening. It's only six o'clock now, so there's still more than an hour left."
As we were talking, someone knocked on the door and came in with a bowl of rice porridge. I looked up and was slightly stunned. It was Jiang Huai who came in with the porridge.
"Qinghe, Dujuan seems to be looking for you." Jiang Huai said to Ming Qinghe.
"That guy!" Ming Qinghe muttered, but still stood up. He walked to the door and turned back to me and said, "Xiao Pingguo, you should eat more. Your physical condition is as bad as it can be."
"Yes, I know."
I didn't want to let everyone know that I didn't sleep last night, so I could only accept the comments of being weak. And everyone really cares about me, I can feel it.
Ming Qinghe closed the door, and Jiang Huai came to me with porridge.
He handed me the porridge and said, "You didn't have lunch, have some porridge."
"I'll get up first."
I didn't take the porridge he handed to me. I wasn't sick, I was just tired and fell asleep. It was too exaggerated to ask someone to bring porridge to my bed and feed me.
I got out of bed, opened the window, and walked to the balcony with the porridge in my hand. I sat down on a stool on the open-air balcony and took a sip of the porridge. It was neither cold nor hot, but just the right temperature.
Jiang Huai followed out silently. He didn't say anything, just stood on the balcony with his hands casually resting on the railing.
"Thank you," I said.
He didn't look back at me, but just hummed softly: "Last night..."
"Shan'er." Xu Chenxi walked in at this time. She had changed into a white beach dress and looked very beautiful.
She looked at Jiang Huai with some surprise: "You are here too!"
Jiang Huai nodded, and Xu Chenxi walked over and sat down next to me.
She looked at me carefully for a while and seemed relieved: "From the looks of you, I think you're fine."
"It's fine anyway." I drank the last mouthful of porridge and showed Xu Chenxi the empty bowl. "The porridge you cooked is delicious."
Xu Chenxi was stunned for a moment. She was about to say something when Jiang Huai interrupted: "Let's go and see what Du Juan and Qinghe are doing."
The three of us went downstairs and when we walked into the hall, I saw a pile of things on the sofa. Du Juan was kneeling on the sofa, burying her head and busying herself with something. Ming Qinghe seemed to be in high spirits as well.
"Shan'er, come quickly!" Hearing our footsteps going downstairs, Dujuan looked up, saw me coming down, and immediately waved at me.
"what are you doing?"
I walked over and looked at the busy cuckoo in confusion.
"I suddenly feel that swimming in the sea is still too dangerous. But since we are at the beach, how can we not have a seaside adventure?" Du Juan suddenly showed a piece of cloth with a skull painted on it, "How about it, is it interesting?"
"Big dare?" I was stunned for a moment, "You don't want to play a game of courage?"
"Yeah." Du Juan folded his arms and nodded, "You slept too long. While you were sleeping, I looked around. I found a good place, absolutely suitable for a big adventure! "
“Isn’t it some weird place?” I immediately became alert, because usually the things Dujuan comes up with are not what a normal person can think of.
"No, don't worry." Du Juan said confidently, "It's definitely reliable this time . The place is not far from here, and it only takes about ten minutes to walk there. Although this is a beach, there is a dense forest a thousand meters away. There is a mountain behind the forest, and I just happened to find the entrance to a cave. I went in during the day and took a look. It had the atmosphere of telling a ghost story!"
"Can I not participate..." I instinctively felt that this was definitely not a good suggestion.
Generally speaking, such activities will eventually lead to something going wrong.
"No!" Du Juan raised her index finger and shook it in front of my eyes. "Hey, don't be so timid. In fact, we all know that there are no real ghosts. It's just that momentary excitement that makes our heart beat faster. Let's play for once!"
I looked at Xu Chenxi, she spread her hands helplessly at me, pointing at the pile of cloth that Du Juan had transformed: "These are the useless curtains that my aunt replaced, I contributed them all. There is no other way, unless you can convince Du Juan, otherwise she will be annoyed until you agree."
"Then let's make it clear first. No activities related to danger are allowed." I felt that it would be a very difficult task to convince Du Juan to give up, so I had to settle for the next best thing. "But these need to be prepared. It is definitely impossible tonight."
"Give me two days to prepare, and then I will definitely give you a surprise!" Du Juan was high spirits, and no one could dampen her enthusiasm at this time.
"Also, Ming Qinghe, you need to help!" Du Juan put one hand on her waist and pointed at Ming Qinghe, "As for Jiang Huai, send him to protect Shan'er and Chenxi! Well, it's decided happily."
"Wait!" Ming Qinghe immediately looked at Du Juan with a defensive look on his face, "Send Jiang Huai to protect Shan'er and Chenxi? Why?"
"Because it's not safe for two girls to go to the beach at night." Du Juan said as a matter of course, "I won't go to the beach tonight, Jiang Huai, you have to protect the two girls well."
"I want to go to the beach too!" Ming Qinghe protested, "Little bird, you are even more despotic than Wu Zetian!"
"Hahaha!" Dujuan laughed a few times, "So don't call me little bird from now on, call me Queen!"
I was amused by the conversation between the two people, and my originally depressed mood disappeared in an instant.
Doing happy things with the people you love is the happiest time in life.
I wanted to stay and help Dujuan prepare the props for the great adventure, but she kicked me out on the grounds that the props wouldn't have any scary effect now.
Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai were also kicked out.
The three of us saw a hint of helplessness in each other's eyes. Once Du Juan decides to do something, she will do it with determination.
"There's really nothing we can do about her." Xu Chenxi sighed, "Let's go, it's almost time, the band's performance over there is about to start."
I remembered the drum-playing girl I met on the beach late last night. I wonder what kind of mood she was in when she performed today?
I subconsciously quickened my pace. There seemed to be more people on the beach today than yesterday, so many that it was difficult to squeeze close to the bonfire.
"Hey, Shan'er, walk slower." Xu Chenxi's voice was filled with anxiety and worry. "There are many people here at night, so let's try to stay together and not get separated!"
I turned around and waved to her, saying it was okay, then turned around and continued walking forward. When I got closer to the front, I was pushed in by a crowd, and finally I was miraculously squeezed to the innermost position.
Everything seemed to be back to yesterday, the only difference was that when I squeezed in, the band hadn't started playing yet.
But all five members of the band were there, and they seemed like they were waiting for something. This atmosphere made me feel like something was wrong.
Sure enough, just as I stood firm, I heard the handsome uncle's voice over there: "Our Moon Wind Band has been established for five years. In these five years, we have been to many places and finally came to this beach. Everyone in the band is very happy to meet you who listen to our music seriously. Today I want to announce one thing to everyone, that is, our Moon Wind Band is about to disband. Today is the last performance, let us indulge in music together!"
“Dong——” The girl in the white dress hit the first note hard. Her eyes fell on me and then she smiled at me.
She clearly got herself drunk yesterday and was clearly unhappy, but why can't I see any sadness or grief in the girl in front of me?
I stared at her, at everyone in the band, in a daze.
They looked as happy as they were yesterday, but after knowing the girl's story, I was completely unable to be infected by their happiness. I only felt sad and thought it was too much.
A girl's dream blooms here and ends here.
Tonight is a carnival night for everyone except that girl in white. Even I can’t imagine what kind of pain she is feeling in her heart.
"Then let's dance! Last night, let's dance together!" The girl threw the drumsticks behind her, walked around the drum set and into the crowd.
She walked towards me step by step. In the dancing crowd, she and I were the only ones standing straight. We looked so abrupt, yet also easy to be overlooked.
"Nice to meet you again." She said to me with a smile, and then stretched out her hand to me, "For this wonderful fate, I'll ask you to dance with me."
"But I can't dance."
I didn't have the heart to refuse her, but I really couldn't dance.
"It's okay. I'll teach you. If your heart is dancing, dancing won't be difficult." She grabbed my hand hanging by my side and took me one step forward. "Forget all the unhappiness and stop thinking about anything for now."
"Okay." I have to say, her words touched my heart.
"Come, follow my beat." She taught me how to dance softly, "Follow your heart. Sometimes you will have no way to go, sometimes you will be at a loss. Don't worry about it, just follow your heart."
"Follow your heart?" I murmured again, "But what if following your heart will hurt others? I don't want to hurt anyone. Everyone is a friend I want to protect."
"Silly." She laughed softly, as if I was telling the funniest joke in the world. "I used to be unwilling to hurt anyone, but it is absolutely impossible for a person to live in this world without being hurt by anyone and being so cunning."
"Cunning?" I suddenly remembered that Du Juan once said Xu Chenxi was cunning, and Xu Chenxi also said that I was cunning, so, are we really both cunning people?
"You have to look at everyone's face and care about everyone's mood. Indeed, this will make everything peaceful or even harmonious for a period of time, but have you ever thought that you are actually hurting someone?" She said, looking into my eyes, as if waiting for me to continue.
However, I had no idea and could only shake my head: “I don’t understand, who would I hurt by doing this?”
"You, idiot." Her tone was full of sympathy. "You give all your care to others. You keep compromising just to protect no one from getting hurt. Maybe it won't matter for a day or two, but over time, you won't be able to bear it."
She suddenly opened her arms and hugged me, and whispered in my ear: "Stop hurting yourself in exchange for other people's smiles. How far do you want to wrong yourself?"
My body instantly became very stiff . Every word she said was like a thorn, piercing into my heart, not allowing me to ignore it.
It turns out that I have always wanted everyone to be happy, and wanted everyone to be happy forever, but this was just my own compromise.
Indeed, at the beginning I did not feel that it was wronged, I was very happy, but three years ago, I stood up to take all the responsibilities in order to protect Xu Chenxi. Did such a heavy responsibility finally crush me who was always smiling?
Making compromise may not be the most terrible thing. The most disheartening thing is probably that your compromise is cruelly trampled upon.
Many images instantly emerged in my mind - Jiang Huai's strange and distant eyes, Xu Chenxi's hateful expression...
These thoughts keep circling in my mind and can't be shaken off.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked her.
"Maybe it's because I want to say it to myself." She laughed at herself, "Didn't someone say that sometimes the words you use to persuade others are not necessarily meant for them to hear, nor are they meant for them to believe. Those words are just meant for myself to hear. If you say them so many times, you will start to believe them."
"Is that so?" My chaotic thoughts seemed to gradually become clear because of her words, "But thank you anyway."
The fire was flickering, and she looked me in the eyes and suddenly said, "It's different."
"What?" I asked subconsciously.
"Eyes." She reached out and touched my eyelashes. I closed my eyes instinctively. "Your eyes were very confused yesterday, but now they are starting to become firm."
"You too." I opened my eyes and looked at the girl who was so close to me. "Giving up is a relief for you, right?"
"Yes, people always have to learn to give up some things. There are so many things to experience in life. If you hold everything in your hands and carry them on your shoulders, one day you will be overwhelmed and unable to move forward. Those things you insist on will become the heaviest burden, making it difficult for you to move forward and losing the strength to move forward." She seemed to be relieved and looked very relaxed. "I want to move forward. The scenery ahead may not be worse than the present. As long as I move forward, there must be hope. Is there anything happier than setting out on the road with hope in my heart?"
I stared at her face blankly.
She looked young, but what she said was so convincing.
I haven't experienced what she's been through, but I think what she said must make sense.