Parting is a carnival for a group of people.
I didn't join in yesterday, but tonight, as if to vent some emotions, I followed her in the crowd and danced until I was exhausted, regardless of how clumsy my dancing was.
When the show finally ended, it was already past midnight. The crowd gradually dispersed and the bustling beach finally became deserted.
"Goodbye." She said goodbye to me with a smile.
"Goodbye." I suddenly felt reluctant to say these two words to her, because no one had ever told me those truths.
My biggest wish is to make everyone I love happy, but one day, someone told me that it is impossible to live without hurting anyone at all. The only way to do this is to hurt yourself.
My beliefs and the things I held on to were like castles in the air; they collapsed with a slight push.
I watched her turn and walk out of my sight until I could no longer see her, and then I looked away.
At this moment, I suddenly thought of Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai.
As I was squeezed into the crowd, I didn't seem to see those two people.
I walked back a while, and soon I saw Jiang Huai and Xu Chenxi sitting on the beach, just like him and I did yesterday, sitting there looking at the sea and chatting about something.
A sour feeling surged in my heart, and for the first time I wanted to face my feelings calmly, facing this feeling that was like swallowing a raw grape.
I was actually a little lucky yesterday. I thought Jiang Huai didn’t go in to play with everyone because he didn’t want to leave me alone, and because he cared about me.
However, I only now realize that in Jiang Huai's eyes, there is no difference between Xu Chenxi and me. In fact, to some extent, I am far inferior to Xu Chenxi.
He could have simple conversations with Xu Chenxi and get along with them easily, but when facing me, he spoke much less.
Hearing my footsteps, Xu Chenxi looked up at me and asked, "How was it? Did you enjoy dancing?"
"Very happy." I said.
"Are you going back?" Jiang Huai looked at me and asked calmly.
"Um."
Although I slept for so long during the day, I was still very tired after all the noise at night.
"I don't know if Dujuan and the others have finished their work." The atmosphere was too silent, so I tried to find some topic to break the silence.
"Even if she hasn't finished her work, she probably won't ask us for help." Xu Chenxi took over the conversation and said, "Du Juan will persist to the end. Even if she has to go all the way to the end, she will never turn back."
I agree with Xu Chenxi's evaluation of Du Juan. Although Du Juan is an optimist and always forgets unpleasant things quickly, it does not mean that she has nothing she wants to stick to.
Sometimes, the person who appears to care less is actually the more persistent.
Back at the villa, Du Juan and Ming Qinghe were still busy making props.
Seeing us coming back, Du Juan immediately asked, "How was it? How was your fun?"
"The Moon Wind Band has disbanded, and tonight is their last performance." I said, smiling at Du Juan, "Do you regret not going with us?"
"What?" Du Juan was shocked. "That band actually disbanded. Wasn't it fine yesterday?"
"It's like the moon waxes and wanes, and people are subject to misfortunes and blessings at any time. No one knows what will happen tomorrow." Xu Chenxi said, yawning, "I'm so sleepy. Let's all rest early. We must be very tired today."
"Okay." I replied, went back to the room, took a shower, and lay down on the bed. Dujuan had not come back yet.
I had planned to wait until she came back before going to sleep, but my eyelids became heavier and heavier, and then I fell into a daze and fell asleep.
I don't know when Dujuan went to bed. If I hadn't seen the quilt on her bed moved when I woke up in the morning, I would have suspected that she hadn't come back to sleep all night.
I came to the lobby downstairs, but surprisingly did not see Du Juan. Only Jiang Huai was sitting at the dining table, drinking a glass of boiled water.
Seeing me coming down, he nodded at me and said "Good morning".
"Good morning, where's Du Juan?" I looked at the empty hall. There were a lot of things piled up here yesterday, but they were gone today. "And where are the things she prepared?"
"She and Qinghe went out early in the morning with those things. They looked mysterious. I guess they were going to make preparations." While Jiang Huai was talking, Xu Chenxi pushed the door open from outside.
She was holding a large bunch of gardenias in her hands. Yes, midsummer is the season for gardenias.
"Shan'er, come and help me." She placed the gardenia on the coffee table in the living room and pointed to the glass vase on the table next to me. "Fill the vase with some water and hand it to me. Don't fill it too full!"
"Okay." I followed what Xu Chenxi said and filled the glass vase half full of water and placed it on the coffee table.
Some of the gardenias she picked were still buds, with a line of white between the green.
"If you keep a flower bud like this in water, it will bloom tomorrow." She said, inserting the flower between the half-opened gardenias, "Isn't it fragrant?"
"Yes, I always feel that a summer without gardenias is an incomplete summer."
I remember when I was very young, there was a big gardenia tree in the yard of Xu Chenxi's house. Every summer, Du Juan and I would go to pick gardenias. At that time, we were all still young, and we liked to use combs to braid each other's hair, and then insert a gardenia in the messy braids, so that the fragrance would emanate from the hair, mixing into the unique smell of midsummer.
"There are also some unripe purple grapes from Shan'er's family." Jiang Huai suddenly said.
Xu Chenxi and I were both stunned, and a slight pain surged into our hearts. In the summer when the grapevines died, many things died with them.
"What are we going to do today?" Xu Chenxi seemed to have sensed the sudden chill in the atmosphere. She put the gardenias into the vase, then picked out the best-blossomed one and gently placed it on my bun.
" We're back!" Du Juan's energetic voice came from the door. "It looks so lively over there on the beach, it seems like they're playing beach volleyball!"
"Let's go play together." Jiang Huai stood up and looked at me with a smile. "Anyway, there's nothing special you want to do today, right?"
"Let's go, let's go!" Du Juan dragged me out directly, "Shan'er, you should exercise more for your health!"
"I'm fine." I couldn't help but defend myself, "Yesterday was just an accident."
"Since there's no problem, let's go." Du Juan's smile was a little cunning, "It seems like it's been a long time since we've gathered together to do the same thing like this."
Yes, it turns out that not only I, but Dujuan also noticed it.
Even though we are all here, we are still divided from the beginning to now.
In the end, none of the five of us could find an excuse to break away from the group and act alone.
I don't know how Ming Qinghe communicated with them, but they actually let all five of us join. In the end, Jiang Huai, Xu Chenxi and I were put in one group, while Du Juan and Ming Qinghe were in another group.
In fact, strictly speaking, among the five of us, only Xu Chenxi's athletic ability is weaker, and the other four are not bad. It has been a long time since I played so recklessly. I can feel that everyone is trying hard to fully immerse themselves in it, including Xu Chenxi.
"Be careful!" Dujuan suddenly shouted.
While I was in a daze, the opponent's ball had already hit me, and I quickly dodged it. However, I didn't notice that Xu Chenxi was standing behind me. If I dodged, Xu Chenxi would be hit by the ball.
Before I could come up with a solution, my body had already reacted, and the step I had just taken was quickly taken back.
"Idiot." Jiang Huai's voice was very close to me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out with force. All these actions happened in an instant.
By the time everyone came to their senses, the ball had already fallen to the ground. I turned around in panic, and the gardenia in my hair fell to the ground at Xu Chenxi's feet with a "click".
She fell to the ground, and the ball flew past her side and didn't hit her. I was relieved, and quickly shook off Jiang Huai's hand and walked towards Xu Chenxi.
I crouched down next to her and asked, "Are you okay? Sorry, I was distracted."
"I'm fine." Xu Chenxi's face was a little pale. She gritted her teeth, as if she was enduring the pain. "I'm sorry, I think I sprained my ankle."
In such a hurry, danger was approaching, and Xu Chenxi instinctively dodged, but her motor skills were not well developed and she still sprained her foot in the process.
"Let's stop here today. We've had a lot of fun anyway."
We can’t just leave Xu Chenxi alone with her sprained foot, let’s continue playing!
"That's good. Qinghe and I still have some final preparations to do. Tomorrow night, haha, just wait and see." Dujuan said mysteriously, with a look of excitement on her face.
Du Juan and Ming Qinghe went directly to the cave, leaving only three of us on the beach: Xu Chenxi, Jiang Huai and I.
"Jiang Huai, carry Chen Xi back. Her injured foot must be very painful." I thought for a moment and said, "There should be a medicine box in the villa. There should be safflower oil or something like that. I'll go back and look for it first. You guys go slowly and be careful."
After saying that, I left without waiting for their answer.
You can call me a coward or a wimp...
No, I am a coward and a wimp. I dare not admit that I still have feelings for someone.
Back in the villa, I found the medicine box in a small compartment. Carrying the medicine box, I just walked into the hall and saw Jiang Huai carrying Xu Chenxi and pushing open the door and walking in.
Xu Chenxi's hands were tightly around Jiang Huai's neck, and her chin was resting on his back. They looked so pleasing to the eye and so well matched.
"I found the medicine box." I waved at them while holding the medicine box. "Jiang Huai, help Chen Xi apply some safflower oil. I'm going to take a bath."
I once again ran away from these two people. I have never hated myself as much as I do now, and I hate myself for being so petty.
I, Su Shaner, am the one who clearly wants us to be together forever, but I can't do it.
I turned on the shower head, and the warm water poured down . I leaned my back against the cold wall, and the chaotic thoughts in my mind finally became clear.
I don't want to be the kind of person I hate!
I think, among all of us, the one who needs to change the most is me.
After getting myself in a good mood and changing into clean clothes, I went downstairs to find Xu Chenxi. She was sitting on the sofa watching TV, and when she saw me coming down, she waved at me.
I walked over, sat down next to her, and asked, "Does your foot still hurt?"
"It's okay, I just sprained it. After applying safflower oil, it doesn't hurt so much now." Xu Chenxi said with a smile.
"Oh." I nodded and didn't say anything else.
I tried to find a topic to liven up the atmosphere. At this time, I wished Du Juan was here. Du Juan always had a way to make the awkward atmosphere disappear.
"Um... Shan'er." Xu Chenxi hesitated for a moment and asked me, "Do you mind... that Jiang Huai and I are getting close?"
"No." I shook my head.
What bothers me is not that Jiang Huai is close to her, but that I don't know what the relationship between Jiang Huai and Xu Chenxi is. If they are just friends, they won't sit on the sofa and cuddle with each other late at night, right?
"Shan'er, what do you think of Jiang Huai?" Xu Chenxi asked me indifferently.
"Huh?" I was stunned.
At this moment, the only thing I could think of was, why did she ask me this question? She clearly knew, clearly knew at that time that I liked Jiang Huai.
"I remember you told me that you never blamed me, and you would definitely let everyone go back to the past." Xu Chenxi said, pausing for a moment, "You said that if I felt guilty, I would do something for you. Anything is fine, Shan'er, no matter what you ask, I will agree to it, including... asking me to keep a distance from Jiang Huai."
My back stiffened and I turned to look at Xu Chenxi.
I hoped she was just kidding me, because why would she say that on purpose? But when I looked into her eyes, I realized she wasn't kidding, she was serious.
"We are friends." After a long time, I heard my own voice, "Jiang Huai and I are friends , and you and Jiang Huai are friends too. I don't mind, no."
"Friends? What if the relationship is closer than friends?" She looked straight into my eyes, her gaze was so sharp.
Under such a gaze, I had nowhere to hide, like a clown exposed in the sun.
"Did you see that?"
There was a faint smile on her lips, looking as innocent as a gardenia, but the words that came out of her mouth were like those of a cunning devil.
This is not the Xu Chenxi that I know—the Xu Chenxi who is always too quiet and can’t even protect himself.
"You saw me and Jiang Huai together, right?" Her tone was not questioning, but firm, "If that's the case, what would you do?"
"That's great." I gave her a big smile and wanted to leave here. "As a friend, I will definitely be happy."
"Snap!" She grabbed my wrist and pulled me back as I tried to walk away, her voice deliberately low.
She said: "Liar, Su Shan'er, you are such a big liar. Stop lying to others and stop lying to yourself!"
"I didn't!" I shook her hand away and looked back at her.
At this moment, Xu Chenxi's eyes were sparkling, and I dared not look directly at her. I finally ran away, because I was a liar.
It turns out that until now, I have not been able to deceive Xu Chenxi. The only person I have deceived is myself.
I convinced myself that I didn't mind.