I have always been thinking, if I had not returned to the classroom that evening because I forgot to take a book, would everything have not turned out to be so decisive?
Or, if after hearing what Xu Chenxi and Du Juan said, I had not lost my composure and let them discover my existence, could those invisible cracks have been repaired, so that we would not have been torn apart for three years?
All this happened without warning, or rather, the warning had always been there, but I just pretended not to see it. When the three of us were together, it was no different from the past, but after entering the next semester, everyone seemed to become busy.
Sometimes Dujuan leaves first, sometimes Xu Chenxi leaves first, but they will never leave me alone.
Maybe it was because his reasons were so convincing every time, I never felt anything was wrong. Until one day, my grandfather asked me to go home quickly after school and not to do homework at school because my mother would be home that day.
After leaving the classroom, I suddenly remembered that my Chinese textbook was still with Dujuan. Since I didn't walk too far, I decided to go back to the classroom to get it.
It was late spring, so the sun hadn't set yet at five or six o'clock. I ran to the classroom door and was about to open it when I heard the sound of cuckoos coming from the classroom.
There was a hint of anger in her voice, and she said, "Xu Chenxi, don't pretend when it's just the two of us!"
"Why should I pretend?" Xu Chenxi raised her voice slightly. Perhaps because of her personality, I could hear a tremor in her voice. "Du Juan, you always say I'm cunning and excessive, but you're also excessive!"
I took a step back, the setting sun shone on the glass window, the reflected light fell into my eyes, it hurt me so much that I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to go in and stop them from arguing, but for some reason, I hid myself in the shadows.
"Do you dare to say that you are not going too far? Do you know how much Shan'er cares about you and worries about you? When you are alone, she always tries to make you integrate into the group. I see it all! She is so good to you, don't you think it is annoying for you to do such a thing?" Du Juan threw a letter in front of Xu Chenxi with a "bang".
Xu Chenxi's face turned pale instantly, and she hurriedly explained: "No, someone else asked me to pass it on, it was not written by me."
"Forwarded? Then why is your name written on the back of the envelope?" Du Juan was very angry, "Xu Chenxi, I'm not blind!"
Xu Chenxi quickly took the envelope. When she saw the words on the back of the envelope, she was very surprised and explained in a panic: "I don't know, I really don't know, how could this happen? This is probably just a prank, it really isn't me..."
"Then Xu Chenxi, do you dare to tell me that you don't like Jiang Huai?" Du Juan interrupted Xu Chenxi, "Do you dare to say that Xu Chenxi no longer likes Jiang Huai?"
At that moment, I felt like someone poured a bucket of cold water over my head as I stood outside the window.
Xu Chenxi likes Jiang Huai?
Why did Du Juan know this? And it seemed that he had known it for a long time.
I suddenly remembered that Xu Chenxi's grades had dropped abnormally last semester, and that she always avoided me and even pretended to avoid Jiang Huai casually.
What did Du Juan say to Xu Chenxi at that time that made her pretend nothing had happened and come back to us?
I was startled. Could it be that...
Did Du Juan and Xu Chenxi have a conflict since then? Otherwise, with such a long friendship, it would be impossible for them to quarrel like this.
An unprecedented fear instantly enveloped me. It turned out that I knew nothing.
"I like Jiang Huai, that's my business, but I've given up. I won't do anything!" Xu Chenxi's voice was already tearful, "You've been watching me for so long, didn't you notice that I've tried my best not to appear in front of him? I tried so hard...but I gave up."
"Have you really given up?" Du Juan obviously didn't believe her. "Xu Chenxi, you knew Shan'er liked Jiang Huai. You are her best friend, and she treats you much better than she treats me. Sometimes I even feel jealous of you, but you actually fell in love with the person she likes!"
I was stunned again, my heart beating wildly as if it was about to jump out of my throat.
I thought I had hidden my feelings well, I thought I was secretly in love with Jiang Huai, but apparently my secret love was not successful, and was eventually discovered by Xu Chenxi and Du Juan, who were with me day and night.
You can't hide your love for someone.
At this moment, I suddenly understood this sentence that I had seen by accident .
Just as I can see that Dujuan likes Mingqing River, she is particularly happy every time Mingqing River comes.
"It's not my fault. There's no way to control liking someone!" Xu Chenxi was irritated by Du Juan. She yelled, "You're talking about me, so why don't you talk about yourself? You still like Ming Qinghe. Look how good Ming Qinghe treats Shan'er. That's why you were jealous of Shan'er and deliberately shoveled snow into Shan'er's eyes!"
"No!" Du Juan was obviously a little panicked because she couldn't keep calm when talking about her own affairs. "I was just careless that time, and I would never do anything to hurt Shan'er. I admit that I like Ming Qinghe, but I also like Su Shan'er!"
"You're lying!" Xu Chenxi's expression was a little ferocious. She was such a quiet girl, but she showed such an expression. "Liar! Du Juan, you are the biggest liar! What qualifications do you have to say that about me? You always say that I betrayed you. In your eyes, I have become an unforgivable villain. I just like someone, and I have decided to keep this love in my heart forever. You said I was hypocritical. On the surface, I was very nice to Shan'er, but secretly I liked the person Shan'er liked. Aren't you hypocritical?"
"No!" Du Juan said, rushing forward and pushing Xu Chenxi hard, "Yes, I admit that sometimes I envy Shan'er, I envy her for being like a luminous body, everyone likes her. But Xu Chenxi, I envy you too! You have good grades and are good-looking, Shan'er cares about you more than me, do you know? I feel sad too, always being ignored, because I always smile happily and become the one who is left behind!"
"Who asked her to meddle in other people's business? Sometimes I really feel like I can't breathe. The better Shan'er treats me, the more I feel that I have sinned. Do you understand how I feel? Do you understand the feeling of liking someone but not having the heart to hurt someone who treats me well? Because of this kindness, even the right to secretly like someone has been taken away!"
At this moment, Xu Chenxi finally said what he wanted to say most in his heart.
Dujuan was stunned. Like me, she had never thought that being too nice to another person would become a burden to that person.
I clenched my hands into fists and felt very sad.
It felt like a stone was pressing on my heart and I couldn't breathe.
I always thought that a lively girl like Du Juan didn't need too much care, so I paid too much attention to Xu Chenxi, but I just want everyone to be happy.
My face felt itchy for some reason, so I reached out to touch it and found that I was already in tears.
"Snapped--"
The book in my hands fell to the ground because I suddenly reached out to wipe the tears from my face.
The quarrel in the classroom stopped abruptly, and then I saw the stunned expressions of Xu Chenxi and Du Juan.
"Fan..."
Xu Chenxi was the first to react. She called me anxiously and moved her mouth as if she wanted to say something to me. However, I didn't listen and I ran away from them spinelessly.
"How could this happen? Why did it happen? What should I do..." I muttered, running towards the sun setting into the horizon, "How can I make everyone happy again? I don't want this. I feel so miserable and uncomfortable."
I thought about it all the way and for a long time, but this time, even I couldn't think of a way to make our relationship return to the original intimacy.
After that day, the three of us seemed to have collective amnesia. No one mentioned that incident again, but we no longer waited for each other after school and no longer stayed together .
Qingtang Street is so small, but we never met each other again, not even once.
This situation lasted for two months, and Jiang Huai didn't know what happened between us because no one was willing to tell him.
I don't know whether the letter Du Juan threw to Xu Chenxi was handed over to Jiang Huai. Because from that day on, I also deliberately avoided Jiang Huai.
If I didn't notice Xu Chenxi's feelings for Jiang Huai before, now I know it. It would be too cunning for me to take advantage of this opportunity to be alone with Jiang Huai.
There is nothing wrong with liking someone, and I don’t think Xu Chenxi did anything wrong.
On the day of the summer solstice, it rained heavily without warning when school was over. I had the habit of carrying an umbrella, and when I walked out of the classroom, I unexpectedly saw Xu Chenxi and Du Juan standing in the corridor.
The distance between them seemed to be kept that far intentionally.
None of them brought umbrellas, and it seemed they were planning to wait until the rain stopped before leaving, but the rain didn't look like it would stop any time soon.
I hesitated for a long time until there were only three of us left in the corridor.
"Chenxi, Dujuan." I finally plucked up the courage to speak. Silence can never solve the problem. What's more, I don't want the three of us to remain silent forever. Someone has to speak first, someone has to extend a hand first.
They looked at me at the same time, somewhat surprised, probably not understanding why I called them.
"Let's go home together."
I opened the umbrella and walked out into the corridor. The raindrops hit the umbrella with a crackling sound. I didn't continue walking forward. Instead, I turned around and waited for them quietly.
I could see the struggle in their eyes. After all, that day they both used the cruelest way to reveal the other's most reluctant thoughts.
I didn't say anything, just waited quietly. As time passed, I said to myself, as long as they came down from the umbrella, I must find a way to get us back to the past.
It is impossible for friends to never quarrel, but if they can still be friends after a quarrel, then they are true friends.
Du Juan smiled and said, "I really can't do anything about you." She slowly walked under the umbrella with her schoolbag in hand, "Let's go."
I didn't move, but looked at Xu Chenxi. Finally, she raised her foot and walked towards us.
That day, the three of us shared a small folding umbrella and returned to Qingtang Street in the pouring rain. When we stood under the eaves, I realized that our clothes were already soaked.
"Puchi!" Dujuan laughed out loud, "I still got wet in the end."
"But these are not wet." I took out everyone's schoolbags from under the umbrella. Because they were held in my arms, the bags were still dry.
"It turns out that some things are still protected." Xu Chenxi suddenly said.
"Yes, Shan'er, thank you for your umbrella." Dujuan said, "It blocked the rain in my heart." She opened her arms and hugged me, her voice very soft, "Sure enough, I still like Shan'er the most."
My eyes suddenly turned red. That day, Dujuan said something about jealousy towards me in anger. I thought she hated me, but she said she loved Fan'er the most.
I felt like I was saved by her.
"Go home, take a shower and change your clothes." I handed the umbrella to Xu Chenxi. Du Juan's and my home are close together, but Xu Chenxi still needs to walk some distance.
She took the umbrella in a daze, then nodded at me, picked up her schoolbag, and walked into the heavy rain holding the umbrella.
The rain formed a curtain of rain.
Du Juan said softly: "Maybe I did something wrong."
"No one is wrong." I said, "Because we are friends. It is impossible for friends to never quarrel, but they will definitely make up after a quarrel. Dujuan, we will definitely make up."
I went home and took a shower. For the first time in so many days, I didn't dream of unhappy scenes. In the next few days, we began to see each other. Just when I thought everything was going to be fine, because of one thing, this hard-earned relationship was completely broken.
At that time of year, the grape vines in my yard are already full of small green grapes, which are getting bigger day by day. By the time summer vacation comes and the end of summer, the grapes will be ripe.
At this time of year, on a day that couldn’t be more ordinary, something big suddenly happened .
Early in the morning, Du Juan, Xu Chenxi and I were finally able to go to school together.
However, as soon as I stepped into the school gate, I felt that the atmosphere around me was very strange.
The classmates around looked at him strangely, their gazes lingering on Xu Chenxi.
"What's going on?" I asked with a frown, "Did something happen?"
"it's wired."
Even Du Juan, who was usually a bit thick-skinned, noticed something was wrong.
After walking a little further , I suddenly saw a lot of people gathered around the bulletin board in front of me, talking about something in a noisy manner.
I have a hunch that what's on the bulletin board must be directly related to the way people look at us.
What could it be?
I let go of Du Juan and Xu Chenxi's hands and subconsciously ran to the notice board before them. When I squeezed into the crowd and looked up to see what was posted on the notice board, my hands and feet felt cold, and I even forgot to breathe at that moment.
There were two things posted on the bulletin board, one was an unfolded envelope and the other was a piece of pink letter paper.
I wanted to walk away from the bulletin board, but just like that day when I accidentally heard Du Juan and Xu Chenxi arguing outside the classroom, I couldn't take a step forward. My feet seemed to have taken root to the ground.
The name of the recipient written on the envelope and the name written on the back of the envelope were exposed so clearly in the sunlight. What I thought was a thing of the past was presented so directly in front of everyone.

This letter was the one that Du Juan took out when she questioned Xu Chenxi that day.
Why is this letter here?
I originally thought this was just a secret between a few of us, but now everyone in the school knows it.
"Xu Chenxi? I ​​didn't expect she would fall in love prematurely!"
"Yeah, the results are so good."
"But her grades ."
"Could it be because she fell in love too early?"
I could hear all kinds of discussions, and in a trance, someone pushed me. I suddenly came to my senses and quickly looked outside the crowd. I saw Xu Chenxi standing pale under the dense camphor tree, and Du Juan was also stunned.
I squeezed out of the crowd, then grabbed two people who were standing there in a daze, one each with my hand, and pulled them away from the scene.
The atmosphere was calm, like the time before a storm.
Xu Chenxi said nothing and refused to answer no matter what others asked her.
Everyone knew what consequences would result from the letter being posted on the bulletin board. We all knew it, so when Xu Chenxi was called to the office and the bell rang but she did not return to class, no one was surprised.
"Dujuan, that letter..."
I found Dujuan and was a little hesitant, not knowing how to ask.
Du Juan's body trembled violently, and her expression was a little stiff: "What?"
"No." I didn't know how to ask her, whether she knew why the letter appeared there, and whether this matter had anything to do with her.
I can't ask such a cruel question.
"Fan'er." She shrank in the chair, her already petite body looking even weaker, like a doll, so fragile that people wanted to hug her, "Are you... doubting something?"
"No!" I said quickly. "Let's find out who really put the letter on the notice board."
Du Juan didn't rush to speak . Her eyes were very calm, so calm that I dared not look directly at them. After a long while, she suddenly said, "Shan'er, do you suspect that I was the one who posted the letter? After all, I was the one who threw the letter in front of Xu Chenxi that day."
"I..." I was speechless for the first time. Faced with Dujuan's question, I felt so guilty that I didn't know how to answer.
Because there was indeed a moment when I wavered and doubted.
Friends should trust each other, but I actually doubted my cherished friends.
"Shan'er, I will definitely find that person!" Dujuan said this to me and walked away from me.
The atmosphere between us instantly dropped to freezing point, and the other party involved in the letter - Jiang Huai was also called to the office.
All the secrets that want to be hidden are completely exposed under the sunlight, all disguises are stripped off, and the real self has nowhere to hide.
The impact of this incident was so great that all the students in the school were talking about Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai. Finally, even the principal couldn't sit still. He called Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai's parents to the school. Amid the accusations of everyone, Xu Chenxi finally couldn't stand it anymore and exploded.
She said, "I didn't write that letter. A girl asked me to pass it to Jiang Huai. I don't know why my name was on the back of the envelope! Just wait, I will find out who wrote the letter and framed me. If I can't find it within a week, I will drop out of school!"
Xu Chenxi’s words shocked everyone.
How much pressure must a girl like Xu Chenxi be under to be forced to say such words?
I seem to be able to imagine her pain, but how can I help her, so that she can return to the warm world from such despair ?
The gap between us was about to disappear, but now, it seems that our relationship can never go back to the way it was before. After that, Xu Chenxi went to find Du Juan with a ferocious look on her face, and in front of many people, they quarreled and refused to give in to each other.
Xu Chenxi felt that Du Juan did this, and that Du Juan didn't want me to be nice to Xu Chenxi, so she did this on purpose.
Dujuan refused to admit it and said that if she wanted to do this, she would have done it at the beginning.
However, these quarrels are meaningless and only serve to entertain others, making things worse.
The week that Xu Chenxi mentioned is about to arrive. If the person who wrote the letter cannot be found after a week, Xu Chenxi will leave the school.
But the entrance examination is coming soon, and something like this will ruin Xu Chenxi.
I can't let this happen. Their quarrel is actually largely my fault. If I did a little better, a little better, then Du Juan wouldn't feel left out and be jealous of me being nice to Xu Chenxi.
If I hadn't been too nice to Xu Chenxi, she wouldn't have been living in pain because of the pressure.
It was my fault!
it's all my fault!
In this mood, I made a crazy decision - I went to the principal and told him that I wrote the letter and posted it on the bulletin board on purpose, and the purpose of doing so was... a prank, just a prank between friends.
Everyone believed that I was the culprit, but no one believed my so-called prank.
People are always good at assuming the greatest malice towards others. They all think that I say one thing on the surface and another behind the scenes. They think that I must be jealous of Xu Chenxi, jealous of her good grades and good looks, and I deliberately hurt her.
I have no way to defend myself, or rather I have given up defending myself. I don't need everyone in the world to understand the purpose of my actions. I just want to protect Xu Chenxi. I want to protect the friendship between Du Juan and Xu Chenxi, which is already in jeopardy and almost non-existent.
It is enough for my cherished friends to believe in me.
However, I thought everything was too good to be true. There were already cracks, and we could no longer trust each other. The last straw that held our friendship together was broken by my own hands.
I didn't expect that the first person to question me would be Jiang Huai - the Jiang Huai I secretly liked.
His eyes were very strange, and he asked me, "Did you really do this, Su Shaner?"
He rushed into my classroom to ask me. Many people were watching at the time, so I could only answer him: "Yes, I did it."
"Su Shan'er, I've never seen clearly what you are thinking, but hurting a friend... is too much." After he said that, he turned and left. I will always remember the look in his eyes before he left, cold and without the familiar smile.
I was just trying to deceive others. Maybe I made it too realistic, so realistic that even my friends who I grew up with took it seriously.
Not only Jiang Huai, but even Xu Chenxi believed it.
She was very disappointed with me and said, "Su Shan'er, I didn't expect that you would hurt me like this for Jiang Huai. Do you know? Because I knew you liked him, I kept everything in my heart. It turns out that your kindness to me was just to hurt me badly at this time and stab me in the heart? Su Shan'er, it would be better if I hadn't met you!"
It felt like countless needles were piercing my heart. I was in so much pain that tears were about to come out, but I forced the tears back. I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Su Shan'er didn't like to cry!
Soon, the school punished me.
The principal asked me to write a self-criticism and announce the criticism to the whole school, and I did everything he asked.
That night, Dujuan rushed into my house.
She said, "Su Shan'er, you are the dumbest idiot in the world. How far are you going to go to protect that guy?"
"Do you believe me?" I stared at Du Juan in a daze. "Are you still willing to believe me?"
"I don't believe that you did that on purpose, just because you're jealous or something." Du Juan's eyes were red. "You're obviously a fool, but you always try to be strong. Why do you do that? It obviously has nothing to do with you, why do you have to take responsibility?"
"Because not being able to protect friends is also a mistake!" I finally couldn't help it and hugged Dujuan and burst into tears.
The cuckoo who is willing to believe in me is like the only light in the darkness, so warm.
I clearly made Dujuan sad, but she chose to believe me when I was most desperate.
I don't remember how I got through that period. I had to face everyone's accusations at school. Xu Chenxi and I were like a stranger. Even Jiang Huai wouldn't speak to me when he saw me.
Only the cuckoo is still there, fortunately the cuckoo is still there.
I don’t know if it was a coincidence, but on the days when I was in a terrible mood, the grapes in my yard got sick, stopped growing, and slowly dried up. When my grandfather and I found out, the vines were almost dead.
Grandpa said that the juice in the grape leaves had been sucked dry by an insect called red spider, so there would probably be no grapes to eat this year.
I touched the dry branches of the grapes. Did it know in advance that even if the grapes were ripe, no one would come here again from now on?
The entrance examination ended in depression. Du Juan and I only scored enough to go to the local high school. Later, I heard from my grandfather that Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai would leave here at the same time and go to Rongcheng to attend high school.
About a month later, on a summer evening, Xu Chenxi came to see me.
She was at a loss, seemed to feel guilty, and told me that the person who wrote the letter was a girl in their class. It was just a prank at first because she couldn't stand her condescending attitude and wanted to play a trick on her.
The girl was caught off guard by what happened and so did not have the courage to admit it or face the accusations and strange looks from everyone in the school.
Now that everyone has graduated from their original school, the guilt in her heart has never disappeared. Finally, she found Xu Chenxi and told him the truth.
She did it, all of it.
"I'm sorry, Shan'er." Xu Chenxi stood in front of me like a child who had done something wrong and apologized to me, "I will explain it clearly, and I will also explain it clearly to Jiang Huai."
"It's okay," I said to her. "Even if I could choose again, I think I would still do the same thing, but I would definitely handle it better."
That summer vacation, Ming Qinghe only stayed for a few days before hurried home.
Because the entrance examination was over, his family took him to Jiuzhaigou for a trip.
The holiday disappeared amid the chirping of summer cicadas, and by the time golden autumn arrived, the four of us had gone our separate ways.
Jiang Huai never came to see me, not even once.
Although he knew everything in the end, some things could not be undone.
Three years later, although we can get along well on the surface, we all know that the past will eventually pass, and the wounds left in our hearts will probably never be healed.