You write youth into poetry, like the brilliant fireworks in midsummer.
You once told me that if you feel sad, add some happy memories.
——Xu Chenxi

"My feet still hurt a little, Jiang Huai, you should be responsible for carrying me."
When Xu Chenxi said this, his eyes were always on me with a prying look, as if he wanted to see through the thoughts hidden in my heart.
"Then Shan'er and Qinghe are in one group, and Chenxi and Jianghuai are in another group." Du Juan seemed to have not noticed the interaction between Xu Chenxi and me at all, and said with a smile, "Now we will go our separate ways, and at eight o'clock, we will meet at the entrance of the woods in front of the cave."
"What about you?" I asked, "Are you in a group by yourself?"
"Haha, as the organizer of the event, wouldn't it be a violation if I participated? Of course, I will also enter the cave, and whoever of your two groups catches me first will win! The losing group will then be punished." Du Juan smiled with some pride.
"What punishment?" Xu Chenxi asked.
Du Juan smiled mysteriously: "Let's not talk about this for now, I'll tell you later."
"You're still keeping us in suspense." Ming Qinghe reached out and tapped Dujuan's head.
"Don't hit my head!" Du Juan jumped up, slapped Ming Qinghe's hand away, and then reached out and touched the top of her head.
She lowered her head, and I sat on the sofa. From my angle, I could see the corners of her mouth slightly raised. Although she looked so angry, she was actually very happy in her heart.
Du Juan likes Ming Qing River, just like I have a crush on Jiang Huai, which cannot be hidden. I think Du Juan must be very happy these days, because after arriving at the beach , she spent much more time alone with Ming Qing River than with us.
It was not yet dark, but Dujuan went to the cave, probably wanting to hide first.
At 7:30, Ming Qinghe came to call me to leave. Although it was midsummer, it was still a little cold at the beach. I found a thin coat to put on, closed the door, and followed Ming Qinghe out of the villa.
I happened to meet Jiang Huai who was carrying Xu Chenxi on his back. The thin Xu Chenxi was lying on Jiang Huai's back, looking very petite. She saw me and smiled at me. It was just an ordinary smile, but in my eyes, it didn't seem like that.
I sighed. Has it become so obvious that I am now afraid of everything?
"Let's go together." Jiang Huai looked at me and said.
I originally wanted to leave first with Ming Qinghe, but now that Jiang Huai has said so, it would seem strange if I refused.
"Okay." I smiled casually, "Qinghe and I will definitely win in a while, and you will definitely accept the punishment then."
"Yes, we will definitely win!" Ming Qinghe put his hand on my shoulder and smiled brightly.
Jiang Huai's eyes swept over me vaguely, and I suddenly felt that Ming Qinghe's hand on my shoulder was a little heavy. I don't know why, but Du Juan's smiling face appeared in my mind.
"I like Mingqing River!" Her words suddenly echoed in my mind.
I subconsciously took a few quick steps, pretending to avoid Ming Qinghe's hand. Although we are friends, I always feel that getting too close to Ming Qinghe will hurt Du Juan.
You need to keep a distance from the Ming and Qing Rivers and the Jianghuai River, because getting too close will hurt others.
I feel very uncomfortable and even confused. I had vowed before that we would return to the intimacy we had in the past, but now, I don’t know what to do.
Growing up is really a troublesome thing. If you were a child, you wouldn’t have to care about who likes who, and you wouldn’t have to think about whether getting close to a boy would hurt other girls.
"Walk faster!" Ming Qinghe said to Jiang Huai and the others, and soon caught up with me.
He put his hands in his trouser pockets, sighed exaggeratedly, and said, "Little Apple, are you worried about something?"
"No." I denied reflexively, "I was just wondering where Du Juan would hide later."
"Don't worry about that. We will definitely win." Ming Qinghe was very confident. "Don't forget that I am also very familiar with that cave. Du Juan and I decorated it together."
"So, I'm cheating." I smiled and said, "If I still can't win, I'll be embarrassed to see anyone."
"So in order to hold our heads up high in front of people, we must win no matter what!" Ming Qinghe said.
We chatted along the way and when we arrived at the agreed place, it was almost the agreed time.
"Here, here!" The cuckoo's call came from afar. She stood on a rock and waved at us.
The three of us stood there waiting for about five or six minutes, and Jiang Huai and Xu Chenxi finally arrived.
"Do you want to take a break? Otherwise, I always feel that Jiang Huai's team is at a disadvantage." I said.
"No, let's start now." Du Juan said with a smile, "Okay, you can come in ten minutes after I go in. This cave has two entrances. Shan'er, you are entrance number one; Chenxi, you are entrance number two."
Dujuan stood on the rock and explained the details, then walked into the dark cave with a flashlight.
About ten minutes later, Ming Qinghe stretched himself and gave each of us a flashlight. We turned on the flashlight and walked in through the entrance.
The cave was very quiet, the only sound was the sound of our footsteps.
The footsteps became clearer and clearer, which meant that the surroundings were getting quieter and quieter, and my nerves were getting more and more tense.
Darkness makes people fear instinctively, and narrow caves make people feel daunted. I held up a flashlight and tried to see farther and more clearly. Ming Qinghe walked beside me, also carefully watching the surroundings.
Suddenly, something flew past me. I couldn't help but scream. Ming Qinghe quickly grabbed my hand and said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here."
"I'm fine."
I tried to pull my hand away, but he didn't let go.
He said, "It's dark here, it's safer to hold it this way."
I thought about it and felt that what he said made sense.
Ming Qinghe smiled and said, "Has Little Apple grown up yet ? Didn't you always play hand in hand when you were little?"
"Not really..." I didn't know how to continue this topic.
"Haha, I was just kidding." Ming Qinghe said, "How is it? Are you not scared now?"
I was stunned for a moment. Was he saying this just to make me not afraid?
"Well, I'm not scared anymore." I said, " But , what on earth is here? Du Juan has been busy and mysterious for so long, it won't end so easily, right?"
"You'll find out if you keep going forward." Ming Qinghe blinked his eyes, obviously not intending to tell me what exactly was interspersed in this great adventure game.
"Okay, I'm suddenly looking forward to it," I said.
Dujuan used so many pieces of cloth and spent several days preparing. I thought she would paint many horrific portraits. However, as I walked along, the cave was very quiet and dark, and nothing scary happened.
So what does Dujuan want to do?
My question was soon answered. After walking for five or six minutes, the flashlight shone on a piece of cloth. The cloth was the discarded curtains, and there were a few words written on it with a pen - boys go left, girls go right.
It suddenly dawned on me that this was the so-called great adventure.
"I'll go this way." Ming Qinghe walked towards the fork on the left. He turned back and smiled at me, "Little Apple, don't be afraid. We'll see each other again soon."
"Yeah." I nodded and walked towards the fork on the right with the flashlight.
Holding a flashlight, walking alone in this cave with no end in sight, no matter how brave and calm you are, you will still feel a little scared.
However, nothing happened on the previous section of the road, which means that the cave is safe and there is nothing dangerous.
After walking for about five minutes, my tense nerves gradually relaxed. However, just before I felt relieved, the flashlight suddenly dimmed and could only illuminate one meter ahead.
I was a little panicked. If there was no light in the cave, I would be scared even if there was no danger. Because in the darkness, there are too many things that can make people imagine.
"Hey!" I couldn't help but shout, "Ming Qinghe! Du Juan! Chen Xi! Are you there?"
"Stop shouting." Someone responded in the darkness where my flashlight couldn't reach me. "Go a little further and you'll see me."
"Chenxi?" I was stunned. "Is it Chenxi?"
"It's me." There was not much eagerness in Xu Chenxi's voice.
But there was someone in front of me, and my heart, which had been hanging in the air, finally settled down.
"Great, just stand there and wait for me, I'll be right there," I said.
Xu Chenxi didn't respond to me, so I quickened my pace. When I got closer, I saw Xu Chenxi standing in front of the same curtains as before. She was holding a flashlight that emitted a faint light, and it looked like the flashlight in my hand had run out of power when it got here.
"Your foot..." I looked at her in confusion, " Can you walk? Does it hurt?"
Xu Chenxi turned around and looked at me with a strange expression.
She said: "My feet don't hurt anymore, so I can walk a short distance."
"That's good." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Did you also come across the sign that said 'Boys go left, girls go right'?"
"What we saw was the opposite, 'girls go left, boys go right'... What on earth is Du Juan trying to do?" She suddenly realized something and her face changed several times, "Big Dare... So that's what it is."
"What?" I was still confused.
"Du Juan." Xu Chenxi lowered her head, her neat bangs covering her eyelashes, so I couldn't see her expression. "The big adventure she wants is for us to meet in the dark."
She pointed to the curtain behind her. I leaned closer and saw the words written on it in the dim light: "The flashlight can only continue to shine if it is combined into one."
I was stunned for a moment, then I realized that the flashlight Du Juan prepared had a new battery and an old battery that was almost exhausted. After walking for a while, the old battery was exhausted and the flashlight would not light up. At this time, only by putting the new battery in one of the two flashlights can the flashlight light up again.
"Then let's act quickly." I said hastily, looking at the flashlight that was about to go out, "Otherwise, if it goes out completely, we won't be able to see anything."
"You haven't finished reading it yet." Xu Chenxi said, "Let's talk about it after you finish reading it."
"Huh?" I didn't expect there was more than one sentence. I looked up and saw clearly that there was another sentence next to it - those with flashlights go to the left, those without flashlights go to the right. Not choosing, or going through the same hole, is considered giving up.
"If we just keep going forward, one going left and the other going right, we might be able to hold on to the end," Xu Chenxi said, "but if we give the glowing flashlight to one person, the other will have to walk in the dangerous darkness."
"This Dujuan girl..." I never expected that Dujuan would set such a rule. She deliberately let Xu Chenxi and I meet here, and deliberately gave us such a difficult problem to solve.
This is really a big adventure.
"Let's give up." I thought about it and decided to choose the safest route.
In this dark and complicated cave, although none of us encountered danger, there is no guarantee that there is no danger. I don't want Xu Chenxi to encounter danger, and if possible, I also want to protect myself.
"Coward." Xu Chenxi laughed sarcastically, "Have you noticed? All along, when faced with such a choice, you have always been a coward."
"But..." I wanted to argue.
However, Xu Chenxi did not give me a chance to defend myself. She said, "You always choose the most convenient and pleasing path. But Su Shan'er, how could such a path exist? Someone will always get hurt. The reason why they appear to be in harmony is because the injured people hide their pain in their hearts."
I was stunned when I heard this.
That day, the girl in white who was playing the drums said something similar to me. Now, in this dim cave, Xu Chenxi also said the same thing to me in a resolute tone.
"You want to satisfy everyone and make everyone happy. This is just the most cunning and easy-to-think approach." Xu Chenxi said calmly, "Do you understand now ? You have been making similar choices all along."
"I……"
I want to say, "That's not the case." I want to say, "Xu Chenxi, I really cherish you all."
So my actions are so cunning in everyone's eyes?
A chill surged from the bottom of my heart. I reached out and pressed my hand on my chest, which felt very uncomfortable.
"How long are you going to run away?" Xu Chenxi suddenly raised her voice, and the faint light of the flashlight in her hand finally dimmed.
She dropped the flashlight on the ground. I couldn't see what she was doing in the dark, but I could hear her heavy breathing. She must be very angry!
"Make a choice, Su Shan'er, don't avoid me anymore. You, me, and Jiang Huai, three years ago you chose the easiest path. You chose to pretend that nothing had happened, and that you didn't know that I liked Jiang Huai. But now, Su Shan'er, please don't do this anymore."
"I don't know." I could hear my voice trembling. People in the dark are always very sensitive and can sense emotions that they would normally ignore. "Chenxi, I really don't know."
"You know!" Xu Chenxi said sternly.
I slowly squatted down, groped on the ground, and finally found the flashlight that Xu Chenxi had thrown on the ground.
"You are right, I do always choose the easiest path, but Chenxi, I don't choose that path to avoid the hurt caused by other choices. I am afraid that after those hurts, we will never be able to stay in the same place with a smile on our faces again. I admit that I am cunning. I am cunning enough to want each of you to stay by my side. I am cunning enough to want to grab everything. I am sorry that my cunning hurts you."
I took out the batteries from the two flashlights in the dark. There were four batteries, and I didn't know which two had power and which two had no power.
"I also admit that I'm a big liar, Xu Chenxi. I lied to you and said I didn't mind. I'm sorry." I put the batteries into the flashlight and pressed the switch, but the flashlight did not light up.
I pulled out the batteries again, placed them on the ground, one on the left and one on the right, and fumbled to replace a battery and put it back in. Four batteries, six combinations. How many times do I have to try before the light can return to this dark cave?
"You know what? Actually, I hate myself for who I am now. I have become unrecognizable to myself. But the thing I hate the most is that I have turned the once beautiful Xu Chenxi from a quiet gardenia into a wild rose covered with thorns." I suddenly realized that I would feel better after saying these words.
Xu Chenxi was silent for a long time. I didn't know what her expression was like or what she was thinking. It was good this way. At least I didn't have to see her unhappy expression and wonder if I didn't do something well enough.
"Have I changed?" Xu Chenxi asked me, "Shan'er, have I really changed now?"
"Xu Chenxi used to have a gentle voice and a calm expression. I liked Xu Chenxi like that." I said lightly, "I really liked her. I liked her so much that I wanted to protect her and let her stay beautiful like that forever."
"But Xu Chenxi likes Jiang Huai, whom you have always liked." Her voice seemed a little choked.
I tried five times, and the flashlight didn't light up once. The last one was a sure win. I put the batteries in and fumbled to screw the back cover .
"It would be nice if you could control your love for someone. Chenxi, do you know why I pretended to know nothing three years ago?" I walked slowly towards her and said, "Because we were both too naive back then, I wanted to make myself better, and when we both become better people, I would compete with you fairly. I'm not that great, and I will definitely fight for what I want."
I stretched out my hands in the darkness and finally touched Xu Chenxi. I reached out and hugged her, and I felt her body trembling slightly.
I said, "But before we become competitors, I want us all to be together because we are friends."
I untied my hands and thrust the flashlight into hers.
"You're right. I can't be so cunning forever. Thank you, Chenxi. I'm no longer confused. You once promised to help me do something. If possible, Chenxi, please be happy forever."
At this moment, the fog that had been bothering me finally dissipated.
No matter if I am cunning or say one thing and mean another, I understand that I am a human being and I have all kinds of emotions. I am like this only because I have begun to mature.
People always have to go through the baptism of tears to grow up. In the darkness, the depressed mood of so many days finally disappeared. I gave myself a smile, and I believe that I will be better tomorrow than I am today.
"Shan'er!" Xu Chenxi suddenly called me.
Holding another flashlight, I groped my way to the entrance to the darkness.
I stood there and said to her, "Let me be cunning one more time."
Three years ago, when Xu Chenxi was in a desperate situation, I went to the principal without telling anyone. I am not great, I just wanted to protect my cherished friend.
At that time, I chose to walk into the darkness so that Xu Chenxi would not have to stay in the darkness.
I gently pressed the switch of the flashlight, and the cave was still dark. I put the flashlight into Xu Chenxi's hand. Three years later, I was still not great. Now I don't care what others think of me. I just follow my heart to make choices.
"Su Shan'er, you're such a big fool!" Xu Chenxi's voice came from some distance away, and I could hear that she was crying.
The corners of my mouth curled up. In fact, when there is no fear in my heart, I will not tremble even if I am trapped in darkness.
I put one hand on the wall and walked forward bit by bit. This journey into the darkness was unexpectedly short. When my hand touched the soft curtain, I knew that I had walked out of the darkness.
When I opened the curtain and the light of the flashlight came into my eyes, I felt calm.
Standing at the entrance of the cave is Jiang Huai.
He looked at me with a smile, opened his palms towards me, and said, "It's you. I walked to the fork, and on the curtain over there it said 'Go left to welcome the light, go right to wait for darkness'." He smiled gently, "Seeing that, I finally understood the meaning of adventure. Dujuan is quite capable."
"You're waiting here on purpose?" I was a little surprised. "Why?"
"Waiting for you." He said, "The only person I know who would choose darkness is a fool."
"Hey!" I protested quietly, "I'm not stupid."
"A smart person would never do anything to hurt himself to protect others." Jiang Huai's tone was very helpless, "You are such an idiot."
"Why not cunning? I always choose the simplest way to solve problems. Isn't this what smart people do?" I was a little unconvinced. Xu Chenxi and the girl with the drum set both thought I was too cunning, but only Jiang Huai said I was a fool.
"Smart people will use more tactful methods." Jiang Huai said, "Let's go, it looks like we have to move forward together."
"Is Chenxi's foot okay?" I thought of Xu Chenxi in the other corridor, still worried, "Why would you let her walk alone?"
"So you're an idiot." Jiang Huai couldn't help but sigh, "Her foot injury is not that serious."
"But you carried her here on your back." I still didn't quite understand.
"Girls sometimes have a little temper. As her friend, you should be tolerant of her little temper. Do you understand this explanation?" Jiang Huai said.
"Huh?" I was a little stunned. "That is to say, she asked you to carry her on her back. She was just being petty. But it's great. Her leg is fine now."
I just figured it out now, and I can't help but feel a little funny and a little sad.
Xu Chenxi did this to show me, right? She couldn't stand my constant avoidance, so she used this method to force me to speak out my inner thoughts.
But if that was the case, then why did she rest her head on Jiang Huai's shoulder that day?
"Aren't you angry?" Jiang Huai asked me.
I shook my head and said, "You also said that girls sometimes lose their temper. As her friend, shouldn't I tolerate her temper?"
Jiang Huai didn't expect that I would answer his question in this way, and for a moment he didn't say anything else.
"I don't care about what happened today." I couldn't help but ask, "I just care a little. The night I arrived at the villa, I wanted to go out for a walk, and then I saw..."
Jiang Huai was stunned: "Did you see it?"
"In fact, I also have random thoughts. Sometimes I wonder why you didn't believe me three years ago, and were the first to question me. Sometimes I worry that in a school where there are only two of you, where I can't see you, will you get too close." I laughed at myself, "Every time this happens, I hate myself the most."
"Why don't you look for me?" Jiang Huai asked softly, "Why don't you ask anything?"
"Because I don't know how to ask," I said. "I don't know where to start, and I don't know how to ask to get the answer I want."
"Idiot!" He stretched out his hand and rubbed my hair. "No matter how you ask, I will answer you. Three years ago, I questioned you because I hoped you would refute me, so that others would know that the letter was not written by you. I know that you like Xu Chenxi the most, and you will never do anything to hurt her. I have known you for so many years, if I don't even understand you this much, how can I become your friend, Su Shaner?"
I stared at Jiang Huai in amazement, watching his lips opening and closing, and the words that came out of them made me freeze in place.
I never thought that this would be the reason why he came to question me first.
"I was really angry at that time. I was angry that you didn't know how to protect yourself. I was angry that you didn't understand my intentions." He suddenly felt annoyed. "In fact, I was wrong. I was obviously a fool, but I expected you to understand my intentions."
"You guy!" I felt a little touched, but this guy's explanation was so vicious and hateful.
"I didn't expect that we would become so estranged because of that incident. Many times I thought that I should have not said it that way, or changed it to a better way." He said with a smile, "At that time, I was really scared by you and lost my mind."
"Huh..." I exhaled forcefully, "I feel very relaxed now."
"That day when I went to Chenxi's flower shop to pick up flowers, I saw you. I was ready to say hello to you, but you ran away." His tone was very helpless, "You built a wall between us, so I could only follow you and act stupid."
Is that so?
I suddenly wanted to laugh. Yes, Jiang Huai just appeared in the flower shop, and it just happened that the flower shop was opened by Chenxi's family. And we are obviously friends, but I always think too much.
It was me who was thinking about letting everyone go back to the past, and at the same time, because of my own obscure thoughts, I created a distance between Xu Chenxi and Jiang Huai.
Now that I understand, I really feel ridiculous.
It turns out that Su Shaner is the biggest fool.