"Su Jingnian!"
Sun Qing's heart-wrenching screams broke the silence of the school late at night. Trembling, I called the emergency number, then walked down the stairs step by step, holding the handrail.
In front of the teaching building, Sun Qing hugged Su Jingnian, who was covered in blood, and burst into tears, murmuring "I'm sorry" over and over again.
Watching the scarlet blood slowly spreading, I collapsed to my knees on the ground, unable to move.
Such a beautiful Su Jingnian looked ashen and his body was covered in blood. I seemed to hear the sound of his bones slowly cracking.
Panic enveloped me. I wanted to call his name, to wake him up, but it seemed as if I had lost the ability to speak and nothing came out.
More and more people were gathering around, and the shrill sirens of ambulances echoed throughout the city.
The emergency personnel lifted Su Jingnian onto a stretcher and put him in the ambulance. Sun Qing and I also stumbled into the car.
Su Jingnian was lying on a stretcher, the rise and fall of his chest was very weak, as if the rise and fall that represented a sign of life would disappear in the blink of an eye.
I didn't dare blink, tears flowed one by one and rolled down my cheeks.
Su Jingnian's fingertips moved slightly, uttering a few unclear syllables.
He is saying "I'm sorry".
Sun Qing cried out, "Su Jingnian, you must not be in any condition. I should have been the one to die. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been with Zhuang Li... I'm so sorry... You're dead... What should I do? What should I do? I just wanted to love you well and didn't want things to turn out like this..."
Su Jingnian looked at me, so gentle, so beautiful. There was a hint of smile on his lips, just like the spring breeze in March blowing away the cold winter snow.
He said the last words of his life: "Ding Lanyin, I love you."
Before I could digest the information revealed in Sun Qing's stumbling words, Su Jingnian's eyes gradually closed and the rise and fall of his chest stopped.
Heartbeat, stop.
Breathe, stop.
The emergency personnel were busy, and the noisy voices were right beside my ears, but I couldn't hear them clearly. The only thing I could hear was one of them saying, "The patient has lost vital signs..."
It was as if the whole world suddenly lost power, darkness fell, and the silence was so oppressive that it was hard to breathe.
I love you.
Originally these three words were so happy, why were they so unbearable? Especially when Su Jingnian used up his last breath to say these words, it was as if I was dying with him.
In this vast universe, nothing can glue my broken heart together.
When I close my eyes, all I can think of is his warm smile and gentle words. Those beautiful memories are no longer happiness, but a kind of torture.
The person I love is no longer by my side. Am I, Ding Lanyin, destined to be lonely for the rest of my life?
The loss was simultaneous, I also lost my best friend.
The moment Sun Qing pushed Su Jingnian away, our friendship could no longer be restored.
After Su Jingnian's death, Sun Qing and I became strangers. Even if we met in a small city, we pretended not to see each other. That kind of indifference was not just on the surface, but the determination to never see each other again emanated from the bones.
Sun Qing seemed to have been reborn, a completely different person. She became calm and indifferent, and every time he met her, she always had a cigarette in her hand. Baldy said that she liked to hang out in nightclubs, where she found comfort.
Sun Qing was so lonely. When he talked about her, the bald man's eyes flickered with sadness. He said: "Her heart died with Su Jingnian, and she lived like a walking corpse every day. She had a very hard life. She lost her relatives, her lover, and finally she was burdened with a lifetime of guilt. Her life was ruined..."
Sun Qing's life was ruined, and Su Jingnian's life was ruined as well. Even my life was not spared. Who can I blame for this?
The script has been written. We are all puppets in the hands of fate. It watches our joys and sorrows from somewhere, and then laughs at us and applauds.
The more miserable we are, the more it cheers.
A long time later, I received a text message from Sun Qing, saying that she had dropped out of school and had bought a train ticket to Tibet.
This place is the beginning of youth and the grave of love. She wants to go to the place closest to heaven and make a long prayer, so that God can wash away her sins and let Su Jingnian's soul in heaven rest in peace.
I specifically asked Bald Sun Qing when her train ticket was and then went to see her off.
At the train station, in the crowd, I saw her carrying a huge backpack and wearing big, baggy clothes, which made her look even more fragile. She was originally a bold and aggressive girl, but she was pushed forward by the crowd.
Even though there were so many people there, I still felt that that thin figure was so eye-catching.
She is leaving and never coming back.
I hid behind a pillar and said goodbye to her with red eyes. I could never say goodbye in my heart. Not long after she stepped into the carriage, my phone prompted that I had received a text message from Sun Qing.
She said that loving someone is not a mistake for anyone.
I saw a cell phone flying out of the car, drawing a beautiful parabola, and finally landing somewhere unknown. That cell phone belonged to Sun Qing.
I looked at the message stupidly, then slowly squatted down, covered my mouth , and tried not to cry out loud. All the love and hate were intertwined, almost tearing the soul apart.
As the train rumbled by, I burst into tears and couldn't even raise my head to look at the passing train.
All emotions collapsed after the train left, and the indifference of the past few days disappeared at this moment, leaving only endless sadness and pain.
Be it deception or betrayal, no one is by my side now, no one will deceive me, no one will betray me, and I am all alone again.
Su Jingnian’s death drained all my emotions, and Sun Qing’s departure also took away the last hope in my heart.
From then on, Ding Lanyin was like a dying tree, with only a layer of dry skin left and the center completely hollowed out by insects.
Please someone save me...
My name is Ding Lanyin, but I am no longer the original Ding Lanyin.
Sixteen-year-old Ding Lanyin was arrogant, eighteen-year-old Ding Lanyin was humble, and nineteen-year-old Ding Lanyin was so numb that she had no perception at all.
From the age of sixteen to nineteen, I lost both my parents, fell in love with two people, and lost my best friend. It was less than four years, but it felt like half a lifetime.
For a long time, I was used to walking a long way alone. But on this road, I often thought of Su Jingnian's warm hands and Sun Qing's flamboyant smile. Every memory was like a knife, cutting off my newly born feelings until I became numb again.
In fact, I am a cold person at heart. I constantly compromise in order to gain warmth. I am so greedy for the warmth given by others, even if it is only a little bit, but I have never given it back. Whether it is to Zhuang Li or Su Jingnian, I just enjoy everything they bring me, and I have a clear conscience. I have never thought about responding or giving back.
Love that cannot be obtained is love without hope.
I was so cold and selfish, I deserved this ending.
Time passed by little by little, but I couldn't get over it. I was still standing still, still delusionally hoping that maybe at some point Su Jingnian would jump out and smile at me.
This is a paradox.
For a long time, I have been addicted to this kind of pain, unable to extricate myself. Every day, I go to class and leave class numbly, eat and sleep numbly, and I am no different from a dead person.
I often wonder why I have to continue living, after all, a person has to face so many things. I feel uncomfortable every , and I will shed tears unconsciously no matter what I do. When I eat, wash clothes, and go to class, tears always come unexpectedly.
I never knew my tear ducts were so developed.
Nineteen-year-old Ding Lanyin was already so fragile that she could not even withstand a glance.
I don’t know if it’s an illusion, but I always feel like there’s a pair of eyes around me watching everything, leaving me nowhere to hide.