Three days later, the four-person date that Guan Yue mentioned actually happened.
When Qiao Nuo came to pick me up, I was eating an apple on the sofa in my loose home clothes. Qiao Nuo came quietly and saw my unkempt appearance. I was so scared that I jumped up from the sofa immediately. I really wanted to curse Guan Yue, "You uncle". Why didn't Qiao Nuo tell me in advance that he was coming? What if he disliked me because of this? Wouldn't all my efforts be wasted?
Just as I was pinching the apple and looking for a place to die, Guan Yue stepped out of the bedroom in her newly bought Valentino high heels, pointed at me, and said in a pretentious tone: "Hey, don't hide, my cousin is not such a vulgar person."
After saying that, Qiao Nuo couldn't hold it back any longer, and he turned sideways to me, laughing so hard that his body was shaking.
Okay, okay, isn't it okay that I surrender?
I rolled my eyes at her, threw the apple into the trash, and rushed into the bedroom to change clothes with a fearless look on my face. Guan Yue knew that I didn't want to participate in any four-person date, so she asked Qiao Nuo to come quietly. She always uses this trick to deal with me, and I can't do anything about her.
After I put on my coat, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
When I opened the door, it was Qiao Nuo leaning against the door. He was wearing a light blue shirt and khaki trousers, clean and refreshing like a spring breeze. In contrast, my black sweater and jeans did not match him at all. I was a little embarrassed and wondered whether I should change into a fresh outfit, but Qiao Nuo stopped me.
"It's fine, don't change it." He always knows what I'm thinking.
"It's a date after all, am I being a little perfunctory?" I asked sincerely, tilting my head. He couldn't help laughing, then shook his head: "It's OK as long as you come."
For some reason, Qiao Nuo at this moment made me feel particularly down-to-earth and cute.
On the contrary, I think Guan Yue is particularly annoying today and deserves a beating.
She wore a new season D&G skirt suit, paired with her limited edition Hermès bag, looking as noble as a little princess made of gold. I had to hold her along the way to prevent her new shoes from rubbing her feet and causing her to fall. That would have been fine, but the point was that she was so nervous that it was like she was going to enter the bridal chamber. Her face, which was already painted with blush, was flushed with nervousness. I was afraid that she would suddenly start singing "Errenzhuan" in the next second.
"What should I do? Will Dong Mingyang not come?"
She muttered to me and asked me in a persistent manner.
I couldn't answer her because I really didn't know. I knew Dong Mingyang, and if it was according to the past practice, he would definitely not come, but now was different - Qiao Nuo and I were here, and he should have heard some of the rumors between us, so I thought he might come.
"What are you going to do if he doesn't come?" I asked.
"If he doesn't come, I'll keep waiting until he comes." Guan Yue said firmly, not joking at all. Qiao Nuo, who was concentrating on driving, looked at Guan Yue meaningfully in the rearview mirror, then smiled and shook his head.
"Wait, we'll accompany you." said Qiao Nuo.
The meal was held at the most expensive restaurant in the city, and Guan Yue had booked a seat early on.
She was very attentive to this date, so attentive that I didn't want to disappoint her at all. So as soon as we sat down, I secretly sent a message to Dong Mingyang, asking him whether he would come or not. In fact, he had ignored me for several days.
He was angry with me because I told him that I hoped he would try to accept Guan Yue.
I know very well what these words mean, and I also know what they mean to him, but I don't want to be ambiguous and perfunctory, which is not good for anyone. The relationship between him and me is family, and it will never turn into love.
That night, he asked me, Su Jingan, have you never considered me?
You can not like me, and you can not let me like you, but you can not force me to like someone I don’t like.
My temper flared up at that moment, and I looked up and shouted at him:
"What's wrong with Guan Yue? Why is she unworthy of you? She can give you everything you don't have. She can let you live the life you want. There are so many people who are much better off than you who can't catch up with Guan Yue. Do you know what's good for you?"
Dong Mingyang just looked at me like that, his eyes as deep as a moon full of worries.
After a long silence, he finally held back the words that were about to burst out, then he returned to the bedroom and locked the door tightly.
Perhaps, from the perspective of an outsider, I was wrong, but even so, I didn't think there was anything wrong with what I said. This may be the fundamental difference between him and me. He is an idealist and a man of temperament, while I have experienced the ups and downs of life and have become eager for quick success and instant benefits, and have become more inclined to seek benefits and avoid harm.
I think being with Guan Yue is his best choice.
Guan Yue can give him everything, not to mention love, so what's wrong with that?
But Dong Mingyang was a stubborn man, thinking only of his love affairs and his pride, while I only cared about reality and food and clothing. As I expected, he still ignored me.
I took a deep breath and tried to control my irritability. Guan Yue was even more irritable than me. Half an hour had passed since the agreed time, and Dong Mingyang had not come yet.
"Don't wait, let's eat." I said impatiently, "He's such a big shot, can you find someone else to pursue him?"
After saying that, I called the waiters over and asked them to serve the food quickly.
Qiao Nuo saw my restless mood and didn't say much. He just silently poured me a glass of water and turned to Guan Yue and said, "Eat while you wait."
Since her cousin had spoken, Guan Yue didn't dare to refute anything. She just snorted and glared at me.
I took a big gulp of water, and at this moment, a figure suddenly came into my sight, drawing all my attention away.
He wore the black jacket I picked out for him last year and a dark gray baseball cap, pulled out a chair, and sat down neatly. At the same time, Guan Yue stood up excitedly.
"You really came! I thought you wouldn't come!" She was so excited that she could hardly control herself.
"Sit down first, sit down." Dong Mingyang's face flushed, and he glanced at me awkwardly. Guan Yue also realized her loss of composure, and immediately returned to her appearance as a rich lady, and then introduced him to us in a proper manner. I awkwardly pretended not to know Dong Mingyang, and greeted him hypocritically and politely, and everything seemed to be okay. When Dong Mingyang saw Qiao Nuo, his eyes obviously froze, but Qiao Nuo always met his gaze calmly.
All the dishes were served at this time, and I kept shouting, "Eat, eat," and my heart was somewhat relieved.
Dong Mingyang had a cold face, but he also talked to Guan Yue in a proper manner.
I don't know why, but I felt guilty and didn't dare to look at him. I just ate my food in silence. Guan Yue was very excited and chatted with Dong Mingyang enthusiastically.
I had never seen her like this before, and I couldn't help feeling a little worried.
As if noticing my absent-mindedness, Qiao Nuo picked up some of my favorite dishes for me and said, "I framed the "Return of Spring" painting and hung it at home. My father likes it very much."
"Ah?" I was a little confused, but fortunately I reacted quickly and understood what he said.
"No, that painting is so childish." I smiled awkwardly, "It's really too embarrassing, you should take it down."
"You spent several days and nights painting this, you must cherish it." He smiled, as if he was joking, but not quite.
"Yes, I spent several days and nights painting it, and it's all because of your one word!" Guan Yue chimed in, not noticing that Dong Mingyang's face had become extremely dark.
"I won't say such things anymore. After all, some kids are so stupid that they will believe them." Qiao Nuola said in a long tone, looking at me lovingly. This look startled me and I was panicked.
I never told anyone that I was in need of love.
I need love more than anyone else.
The two people who should love me the most in the world don't love me. In order to protect my fragile self-esteem, I choose to close my heart and pretend to be indifferent. But no one knows that when I face other people's care, I am always terrified and flattered.
And when that person is Jono, this feeling is multiplied.
I can't explain what kind of feelings I have towards Qiao Nuo. He is more like a life-saving straw. When I see him, I see hope for life. It is impossible for me to have any other emotions.
"I'm done eating." At this moment, Dong Mingyang on the side spoke again. He looked at Guan Yue and said without a trace of apology, "You guys eat. I'm leaving first."
After saying that, he picked up the hat on the table and stood up without hesitation. Almost at the same time, Guan Yue's face, which had been smiling like a flower, suddenly wilted, but Dong Mingyang ignored her and walked forward with big strides. Guan Yue chased after him immediately. I subconsciously wanted to follow him, but was stopped by Qiao Nuo.
"Let them solve it themselves. If you stay by their side, Guan Yue will lose face."
"But--"
I felt so suffocated that my chest was stuffy and I was short of breath. God knows how much I wanted to punch Dong Mingyang.
"Be obedient, Guan Yue is an adult, she can handle it herself." Qiao Nuo pulled me to sit next to him, and then gently picked up some food for me. I looked at him, who was so elegant even when eating, and I had to admit that even though he and I were both children from wealthy families, we were different in nature.
He seems like a natural born king, while I am probably like the stupid son of a wealthy local tycoon.
I stuffed the food into my mouth with a heavy heart, and my eyes couldn't help but wander around the two people. The distance was really far, I couldn't hear what the two people were saying, I just knew that Guan Yue didn't look good.
After a long while, I heard the sound of Guan Yue's high heels walking towards us.
Looking up, Guan Yue's originally delicate makeup was a little smudged. She looked like she had just cried, and her eyes were wet. I put down my chopsticks and lost interest in eating. Dong Mingyang in the distance did not leave, but paced with his hands in his pockets. Qiao Nuo also realized that something was wrong, and his expression became serious.
"What's wrong?" we asked in unison.
"Please come with me to go somewhere." Guan Yue forced a smile and looked very strong, but only I knew that she looked like she was about to collapse at any time.
From childhood to adulthood, Guan Yue has been the apple of the eye of almost everyone around her.
She is cheerful, lively, optimistic and likable. Her parents, brothers, uncles, aunts and cousins ​​all like her. This is her unique advantage and God's favor.
There was a time when I was particularly jealous of her. At that time, I had nothing and was as pitiful as a beggar. I couldn't treat her as usual and tried to avoid her. But no matter how I ignored her, she would stick to me like a piece of taffy. Knowing my situation, she didn't blame me at all.
If there is anything delicious, she will give me most of it.
When buying clothes, she always buys one more piece and always keeps asking me to wear couple outfits.
When I had no money to eat, she would secretly put her pocket money into my bag, allowing me to endure countless days of hunger and cold.
On her sixteenth birthday, I finally came out of this morbid mood. I bought a small birthday cake, put a thin candle on it, held it up under the dark night sky, and said to Guan Yue, I'm sorry.
She hugged me and cried with joy.
She said in a hoarse voice, Su Jingan, you are finally back.
I have spent about half of my life with her. I don't have an exact number to calculate my feelings for her, I just know that seeing her sad makes me feel bad, even more miserable than she is.
Dong Mingyang told her that they were not from the same world and were not suitable at all.
Guan Yue said, then you should at least let me see your world, at least let me give up.
Then, Dong Mingyang agreed to take the three of us to the small dance hall where he had been hanging out since childhood. When I knew all this, I really wanted to hit Dong Mingyang's head hard twice, and then slap them both.
He was using every trick in the book to force Guan Yue to give up.
In the deepest part of the unfinished alley with the worst security situation, the only place that can be regarded as a place for poor people to enjoy the bright lights and wine. The people who linger there all year round are all middle-aged men and women from the bottom of society, with sharp eyes and eyebrows full of mercenary and sourness, and their minds are filled with poverty and dirtiness. Dong Mingyang's talk of hanging around is simply nonsense. He only worked part-time there when he was in junior high school. Faced with his lies, I was so angry that I had no place to vent, and I couldn't expose him.
And just as I expected, when Guan Yue saw this messy place, her worldview was almost destroyed.
Qiao Nuo, who followed in right after him, was choked by the smell of cigarettes in the dance hall and felt a little uncomfortable. It was daytime now, so there was no strong atmosphere of feasting and revelry as at night. There were only some middle-aged men and women gathered together to smoke, drink, and play cards. Men and women hugged each other, and were intimate with greasy faces, which made people feel sick.
Unlike Guan Yue's discomfort, Dong Mingyang looked very relaxed. He walked to the front desk with big strides, asked the bartender for a can of beer, and drank it without hesitation. Guan Yue followed him, her face frosted. Dong Mingyang wanted to say something, but what no one expected was that the next second, Guan Yue snatched the beer from his hand and poured it into her mouth without hesitation.
In just a few seconds, she finished the entire bottle of beer, then crushed the can and slammed it on the table.
She looked at Dong Mingyang unwillingly , and Dong Mingyang's expression looked as if he was choked.
I was shocked by Guan Yue's cool behavior and almost clapped my hands in amazement. After living for so many years, this was the first time I felt that Guan Yue was so handsome. Not to mention a man, even a woman like me was attracted by him. I turned back to look at Qiao Nuo, who was still calm. Seeing that I was dumbfounded, he smoothed my hair like he was coaxing a puppy, then leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Let her handle it herself."
"Is this your different world?" Guan Yue sneered, "I like you, but you can't treat me as a fool. After all, I have received nine years of compulsory education."
"Drinking beer and fighting, who hasn't done that? Do you think we are all nerds?"
After drinking, Guan Yue became more eloquent and bolder, and he didn't look like a paper tiger at all.
"Guan Yue." Dong Mingyang's expression became serious, because Guan Yue was harder to deal with than he thought. "There is a huge gap between our families and identities. It won't work if we are together. I'm just a gangster. What's good about you and me?"
"How do you know there will be no result? We haven't even tried! What gives you the right to veto me?" Guan Yue cried. I couldn't stand this embarrassing situation and wanted to go over and pull Guan Yue away, but I didn't expect that at this moment, I heard a familiar voice.
"Come back with me..."
The voice was humble and pitiful, like a quick and powerful hand grabbing my heart.
Turning back, the familiar face of the woman came into view. I was five or six meters away from her, and the dim light was between us. She couldn't see me at all. But I still recognized her at a glance. She was standing next to the wine table, looking down in her bag for something, while the man next to her was urging her impatiently. The other people at the table looked at her as if they were laughing at her. The man urging her was Ai He.
"That's all we have. You should drink less!" Lin Fang tried to persuade her earnestly, but Ai He drove her away with a bad attitude.
"Hurry, hurry, hurry! You always keep urging me! You keep nagging me even after drinking a little bit of wine!"
"Didn't we agree that you would eat with us today? Look, I even cooked the meal—"
"Are you done yet? Why are you eating? Can't you see I'm here talking about business with my friends?" Ai He's face turned red and his neck was thick, and the fake affection in his eyes disappeared because of the alcohol.
"That's not what you said when you asked me to come. I've given you all the money, why don't you keep it in your mind?" Lin Fang looked aggrieved, but still obedient.
"I'm convinced by you. Why are you never going to stop?" Ai He slammed the table and stood up, looking like he was going to hit someone. The others immediately held him back. Lin Fang was startled and took a step back. The women sitting there with cigarettes in their mouths said to her, "Sister-in-law, you'd better leave. If you have anything to say, we can talk about it when we get back."
"Yeah, just a drink, we'll take him back later."
"Don't worry, it's okay."
Those people were laughing and talking nonchalantly. Lin Fang hesitated for a while, but finally left. I didn't look away until her back disappeared.
She didn't know that after she left, the group of people took off their hypocritical masks and began to laugh at her. They laughed at her for being cowardly and stupid, and that she couldn't live without Ai He. Ai He was complacent and told her group of friends that she had to find a woman like this to serve her and her daughter comfortably.
They kept talking like noisy flies, but I had no heart to listen any more. I just felt like something collapsed in my brain. They turned into gravel and dust, disturbing my world.
My body froze in place, not daring to admit that the cowardly and incompetent woman whose self-esteem had just been trampled underfoot was my mother.
It was at this moment that I realized that she had become like this during the period of her life that I was absent from.
No matter whether she does this for a living or is imprisoned by love, the way she is now only makes me sad.
I really want to ask her, can't she live without a man? Can't she live without love? Does she have to live such a humble life to be happy?
Jono touched me and asked, "What's wrong?"
I was a little flustered, and my eyes started to ache. At this moment, I didn't care about Guan Yue and Dong Mingyang anymore. I just felt like my chest was hit hard, and I was lacking oxygen in a large area.
Qiao Nuo glanced in the direction of my gaze and said nothing more. He supported me while interrupting the conversation between Guan Yue and Dong Mingyang.
"The air here is not very good. I'll take Jing'an out first."
After saying that, he didn't even turn his head, but supported me and walked out. I leaned against his body lightly, and felt like every step was on cotton.
When we finally left that smoky place, all my strength seemed to be drained away. I squatted on the ground exhausted, breathing heavily.
"Jing'an, what happened? Who did you see?" Qiao Nuo also squatted down, took out the handkerchief he carried with him, and began to wipe my tears.
I am a mean person who cannot bear to be loved. The more he acted like this, the harder I cried. I was like a child with a lot of anger and nowhere to vent, so I grabbed him and started to throw a tantrum.
"Just go away! Leave me alone! I'm just a lunatic! Leave me alone!"
After yelling at me, I started crying again. I thought he would be angry and leave, but he didn't. He picked me up from the ground, dragged me, and finally threw me into the car and locked me in with the seat belt.
Maybe it was because this series of commotion was too loud, so I calmed down a little.
He sat in the driver's seat and looked at me quietly. I was still shedding tears as if I was aggrieved. He still said nothing, but helped me wipe away my tears from time to time.
When I had almost stopped crying, he spoke again, asking: "Who did you see?"
I swear, he is the only one in the world who dares to ask me questions so persistently, and I dare not lose my temper. But I dare not lose my temper, but it does not mean that I can control my temper.
I have to admit that I was a little overwhelmed at that moment. What right did he have to question me like that?
"It's none of your business." I said with a cold face, deliberately provoking him.
His expression did not change at all, he just said calmly: "Su Jingan, you don't have to live like a hedgehog."
"Then you don't have to look at me like a god."
My voice rose, but I subconsciously pulled back. "Qiono, I don't think there's any need for us to pretend to each other anymore. You don't like me, and I approach you with a purpose. You know these things better than I do."
"I think this is boring. Everyone is tired, especially me."
"The good girl in front of you is completely pretending. I'm not that kind of person, and I can't pretend anymore! I believe that you understand many things better than me without having to say it."
The more I spoke, the lower my voice became. I admit that I was still a little afraid of him. I was afraid that he would lose his temper and leave.
This panic made me feel extremely depressed.
But no matter what, I'm tired of pretending in front of him, because I find that my hard pretending is of no use except making myself uncomfortable.
I can't save my mother at all. Even if I am willing to give her a good life, she will not change her bad habits. So, if this is the case, my balance point of compromise is gone.
Because if it's just for myself, I can just be more relaxed and not care about Su Yuan.
Go far away alone and don't worry about anyone.
But I am not as selfish as I imagined.
I can't let go of the woman who gave birth to me and raised me, that fragile, dodder-like woman.
In my heart, I always felt that maybe when I had financial strength and could be relied upon, that woman might be willing to leave that father and daughter who were like blood-sucking worms and live a stable and peaceful life with me.
As long as I am strong and capable enough, she will feel safe enough to follow me. She will trust me and love me, and I can have a plain but precious mother-daughter relationship like any ordinary .
The reason why she is so weak and wants to rely on men is because she is stimulated by an unfaithful marriage. One day she will figure it out...
But the scene I just saw shattered the fantasy in my mind.
That's even sadder, isn't it?
"If you don't want to pretend, then don't pretend." Qiao Nuo looked at me, his eyes softened, he didn't seem to be joking at all, "I have always wanted you to not pretend in front of me. But I don't know how to tell you, and I don't know how you will listen."
"You are a girl with a strong psychological defense. I don't know what you have been through to become like this. Maybe the more you are like this, the more special you will be in my eyes."
"I hope you're happy, because you often seem unhappy."
"I also hope that before our relationship truly turns into love, you can be sincere and honest with me."
…
"In fact, I'm very happy to see your true appearance. Although you are fierce, at least you look like a flesh-and-blood person." He sighed, "My mother once lived like you. It was very tiring."
Watching him speak these words slowly, I was stunned and didn't know how to respond.
Is this what he calls using softness to overcome hardness?
The more he acted like this, the more I felt that my previous behavior was simply unreasonable.
Yes, I am being unreasonable.
My cheeks started to heat up when I thought about it. He knew everything and kept giving me opportunities. I kept trying to cover it up with my own cleverness. I was really stupid.
"Jing'an, learn to be friendlier to this world."
"It's not as unlovely as you think."
He touched my head and said that like a gentle and generous brother.