That day, Guan Yue failed to convince Dong Mingyang after all.
Yes, how can one be persuaded about something like love?
It is an extremely complicated subject. Before meeting true love, everyone is a poor student.
After Qiao Nuo and I returned from our conversation in the car, we found Guan Yue crying at her desk at the bar.
She cried so pitifully that her makeup was all smudged. Men and women kept coming and going to look at her, and I got emotional in an instant. She was almost dragged out of the dance hall by me. Qiao Nuo accompanied me to send her home, and we bought some of her favorite food before we left.
Before leaving, Qiao Nuo gently reminded me to get enough rest.
In the end, I didn't tell him who I saw, and he didn't ask any further questions.
Many times what he wants is not a fact, but an attitude.
Somehow, I felt relieved. At least, I could be myself, right? However, when I think about it, I feel a little headache. From childhood to adulthood, I am most afraid of Guan Yue crying.
In fact, she seldom cried, so every time she cried, I was very scared, because I didn't know how to comfort her when she was so sad, I could only use all my strength to accompany her.
After helping her change her clothes, I urged her to remove her makeup, and then forced her to take a hot bath. After changing into clean pajamas, I tucked her into the warm bed, and then held her hand and accompanied her to sleep before the sunset.
I felt a little sad. She was actually crying when she was sleeping.
I was completely ignorant of this emotion, and suddenly I started to feel sad.
It turns out that liking someone is such a sour emotion. Then I probably can’t really say that I like Qiao Nuo.
Does it really not count?
Thinking of this, I began to hesitate and doubt again. I couldn’t explain what he meant to me, but I knew that he was special.
I thought about what he said to me in the car and couldn't recover for a long time.
What am I to him?
He is the first person who sees through me and hopes that I will treat him sincerely. He doesn't mind even if there are thorns underneath my mask.
He is the first special person in my life, so special that even if I don’t like him, I can’t ignore his existence.
After Guan Yue fell asleep, I left her a note, bought her favorite desserts and put them in the refrigerator, and then went home.
In fact, I had planned to find Dong Mingyang and give him a good beating, but then I thought, I can't become a person who likes to force others.
Guan Yue feels wronged, but doesn’t Dong Mingyang feel wronged too?
Love is to be fought for, not threatened.
Thinking about it this way, I decided it would be better for me to just stay where I am.
Another person who stayed as obediently as I did was Guan Yue.
In the next few days, she became listless and had no other hobbies except sleeping.
Every day I called her to remind her that I wanted to visit her, but she always refused. Accompanying her didn't work for her. She had a strong sense of self-esteem, and at this moment, she didn't want anyone to see her in such a state of embarrassment.
I knew what she was thinking, so I didn't go over.
She will get better, she needs to grow up.
But on the third day, I couldn't stand it anymore.
I was really worried about her, so I went to see her to see if she was okay and if she was eating well.
That day, I woke up very early. I was thinking about Guan Yue, so I called her as soon as I opened my eyes, but no one answered. She always kept her phone with her, so I was a little panicked. I didn't even have time to eat breakfast. I packed up and ran to their house. But when I opened the door, I found that she was not at home and her phone was left at home.
For some reason, I had a vague intuition about where Guan Yue would go.
Half an hour later, I took a taxi to where Dong Mingyang worked, a cafe in the city center.
It was opened by his friend, who had asked him to help out a long time ago. He worked full-time, sometimes in the day shift, sometimes in the night shift. I'm not sure if Guan Yue knows about this place, but I have to take a look. I don't want her to be obsessed with Dong Mingyang, she has been hurt enough these days.
When I pushed the door open, a familiar-looking waiter saw me and wanted to say hello, but before I could say hello, I turned around and saw Guan Yue sitting at the innermost seat.
She looked lonely and hadn't even taken a sip of the coffee on the table. On the seat next to her was an opened gift bag, but the gift inside was untouched.
That was Dong Mingyang's favorite light luxury watch. He just thought it looked good, but not cost-effective, so he never thought about buying it. I had no idea how Guan Yue got his preference so quickly. I just felt a surge of blood rushing to my head, as if I was the one sitting there in a daze.
She walked up to Guan Yue angrily, raised her panicked face, and asked weakly: "How did you find this place? I——"
"Guan Yue, are you self-abuse?" I rolled up my sleeves and wanted to slap her to wake her up, to let her know how ridiculous her malnourished appearance was. If you have ever seen a beautiful flower turn into a drooping flower that is about to wither, you will definitely understand the feeling of "hate for not being able to make a good person".
She glanced at me, didn't want to pay attention to me, and looked away.
"How long do you want to torture yourself like this?" I sat down next to her. "Have you ever thought about the people who love you while you torture yourself like this?"
"What can I do? I don't want this to happen." She smiled, but tears suddenly flowed down her cheeks. I was stunned, because I didn't expect her to burst into tears. Crying was a rare thing for Guan Yue, so I immediately felt that I was the one who should be slapped.
She was already in such a state of mind, but I still spoke such harsh words to her.
Even if she is my friend, she is not me. She is not as shameless and strong as me. She is a flower and she needs care.
"Don't cry! I was wrong, isn't it okay if I was wrong?"
I was so soft-hearted towards her that I quickly took out a tissue and clumsily wiped her tears. But she smiled and shook her head, wiping away her tears with her wrist, not caring at all about the most delicate skin under her eyes, which is the most delicate for women.
"I thought about it for three days and three nights, and I still like him."
"I'm so sad." She let out a long sigh, "I feel like I can't get over this hurdle."
"Do you like him that much?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yes, I just like him that much." Guan Yue said resignedly, "At the beginning, before I confessed my feelings, I was really happy with him. He looks like someone who is not easy to mess with, but he is actually very gentle at heart. He is very strong and independent. He knows that I have everything but he still doesn't want to accept it. I have never met a boy like him."
"At first, I didn't understand why you chose to pursue Qiao Nuo, but now I understand that when love comes, you don't have that much time to prepare."
"Go or die."
She spread her hands, looking helpless.
"I'm going to die anyway, so why not die quickly?" She looked at the ceiling, as if talking about someone else, and took a deep breath. "I can't break free, I know. Sometimes, I think to myself, life is so tiring."
After hearing what she said, I leaned back on the sofa like her, resigned to my fate. She was right, life is exhausting. And I had nothing to advise her about, because she often saw things more clearly and was smarter than me. Because of her intelligence, she could see the results of many things at once, and even the solutions.
There is no answer to the question of loving someone, so she chooses to face it.
It's just that Dong Mingyang is still stubborn and doesn't know how to cherish. In fact, Dong Mingyang and Guan Yue are really suitable.
Dong Mingyang is like a cold wooden stick covered with frost in winter, while Guan Yue is like a fire that can set the whole prairie on fire. She can give him everything, she can make him happy, and in this chaotic world, how can we say that they are the same kind of people?
Everyone is an independent individual. When facing love, we will clumsily label and categorize ourselves.
I waited with Guan Yue until night, but Dong Mingyang still didn't show up.
Maybe because I was there, Guan Yue didn't seem so lost. After eating a lot of desserts with me, she went home in a good mood. I didn't choose to go to her house, but went straight to Dong Mingyang's house. I knew he was at home, he didn't have so many entertainment activities, and when he had nothing to do, he would stay at home with his grandmother.
I rushed over like a cat catching a mouse. After knocking on the door, Dong Mingyang was stunned when he saw me, then he smiled.
"You're here, come in!"
He pulled me as if nothing had happened, but I pulled him out again.
"I have something to talk to you about. Let's go out and talk."
Many times, Dong Mingyang can't do anything to me, like now.
He knew what I was going to say, so he became very silent. He and I walked slowly under the street lights. He saw a food truck and pretended to buy me some food, but I stopped him.
"I think we should have a good talk." I said earnestly, "You know why I came to you. I think it's pointless for you to keep avoiding me like this."
"So what do you think is interesting, Su Jingan?" He smiled with an unbearable smile. He rarely called me by my full name, and I knew he had been suppressing his temper these days.
"Why didn't you go to work today?" I pressed, because I didn't think there was any need to talk nicely.
"Going to work and being pestered by Guan Yue?"
"What do you mean by pestering me? Guan Yue is also my friend. Can't you be polite to her for my sake?" My voice became very loud, attracting the attention of people around me, but I remained indifferent, like an angry little lion.
"What do you want me to do? I've already told her directly that I can't be with her and I don't want to keep her hanging!" Dong Mingyang's dark pupils shone with resentment, "Just because she is your friend, I have to make it clear!"
"Do you feel wronged?" I asked him with a sneer, "When you were a hero saving the beauty and wanted to get closer to her and me, did you ever think about doing it for her own good ?"
"I--" He was speechless and pulled his hair out in anger.
"I'm telling you, Dong Mingyang, we are like family, but that doesn't mean I won't care if you approach my friends without my consent. If you do something like this, don't think I blame you for feeling wronged!" I said it with reason and evidence, and he couldn't refute it at all. Even if he wanted to refute it, he couldn't win the argument.
"Yes, I was wrong," he nodded, "but you can't force me to like someone I don't like!"
"Dong Mingyang, be smart, okay?" I wanted to punch him awake. "You've had hard times before, and your life now isn't much better. You have grandma to take care of, and you have nothing. How can you take care of her?"
"You think you are very noble and pure, but in my eyes you are just an ungrateful fool. Is liking someone so valuable?" I stared at him straight in the eyes, "If liking someone is really so valuable, would my mother be kicked out?"
"Will Su Yuan abandon me just because I'm a girl and not a son?"
"In my eyes, Guan Yue is the benefactor of your life. Not only can she help you, she can also give you the most expensive love. I don't understand why you would refuse!" I almost shouted the last sentence. I can't stand fools, especially when this fool is someone I cherish.
"What about you? You like Qiao Nuo, is it because he can give you everything?!" The fire in Dong Mingyang's eyes burned completely.
I didn't know how to answer for a moment.
Jono, Jono.
I approached him for other purposes, and I confessed to him, so what is my attitude towards him now? After I avoided this question several times, it was brought up again.
I haven't had any contact with Qiao Nuo these days, but I'm a little upset. I don't know what this is a sign of, I just know that I've been constantly checking my phone these days, hoping that he can take the initiative to talk to me.
Look, I am so shameless. I was the one who initiated the attack, and now I am also the one who is pretending.
Does this count as love? I have no idea. I have never liked anyone.
"What I'm talking to you about now is what happened between you and Guan Yue." I took a deep breath, "Don't bring me into this."
"Su Jing'an, you always try to clear yourself. You are the most selfish person from beginning to end." He smiled helplessly, but his smile was uglier than crying. "I like you, but you asked me to like Guan Yue. How can you have the heart to say these words?"
"Dong Mingyang--" I tried to comfort him, but he motioned for me to stop talking.
"I know that you have always treated me as your own brother for so many years. But this does not mean that I still treat you as my own sister. I still like you, Su Jingan, and it has never changed. I am not a very loyal person, I just like you." His voice became soft but affectionate, "I don't ask you to pity me, I just ask you to let me live freely."
"I know you are doing this for my own good, but I'm sorry, I don't accept your doing this for my own good."
"I have already spent all my passion on you. I don't have the energy to like someone else. I think you will never understand this feeling. I don't expect you to understand. After all, it's quite painful." He smiled helplessly, like a rain in my heart. It was wet and full of water vapor.
I looked up at him and wanted to say sorry, but I didn't say it in the end.
Some questions really have no solution.
No matter how smart a person is, he can only say, "It's so helpless," and then escape and live his life as it comes.
For the next period of time, I didn't go to look for Dong Mingyang or Guan Yue.
The weather suddenly turned cold, the grass and trees withered, and the green leaves faded. I replaced all the summer clothes in the closet with autumn clothes. Time seemed to have drawn a clear line between me and them, separating them. But I would still send voice messages and messages to Guan Yue every day, and occasionally report safety to Dong Mingyang to show my existence.
Basically, I'm tired too.
I don't have too many complicated emotions to help two people share, and I don't want to get involved. Love is a difficult problem that can only be faced by the parties involved.
I persuaded Guan Yue to give up, and persuaded Dong Mingyang to accept, but in the end, I was still the one who bore the blame. Of course, I am not that great, so I can only roll my eyes and leave time for myself.
In my free time, I go to the library to study. When I get tired of reading, I go to the studio for a while. When I am happy, I go shopping alone. When I am bored, I go to the movies alone.
I don't have many friends, only Guan Yue and Dong Mingyang. When I left them and lived on my own, I realized that my life was so monotonous, even more monotonous than that of normal girls of the same age.
What made me even more uncomfortable was that I began to experience the feeling of constantly thinking about someone.
I often find it difficult to understand why Guan Yue would hold her phone and wait for a whole day, and then be overjoyed when she saw Dong Mingyang reply with just one word.
No matter what I do, Jonno's shadow will be mixed in with my memories and break into my mind. I seem to understand something, but I also feel very annoyed.
There is one thing I am particularly dull about, and that is love.
I have almost never liked anyone, but now, the word "almost" seems to have lost its effect. I know very clearly that I am thinking about Qiao Nuo, but I don't think this is love, it is just one of the millions of emotions in the mortal world. When you get used to a person, his short disappearance will also make you feel uneasy.
After telling myself this, I regained my composure.
Ever since my brief conversation with Jonno in the car, I don’t think he has any reason to accept me. Before this battle even started, I had already been defeated by my own lack of composure.
Of course I didn’t dare tell Su Yuan, but I was too lazy to think of a solution. Being myself is a very precious thing, and I have to cherish it.
But while being myself, I also had to face a cruel reality, which was that I had to put away my temper and behave properly in front of Su Yuan. So, when Chen Pei threw that gaudy dress on my bed, even though I was so disgusted that I wanted to swear, I still asked with a stern face, what's wrong.
"This skirt is the latest model from Fendi. Put it on quickly and put on your makeup. Your dad is waiting for you to go out." Chen Pei was like a queen. After glancing at me, she turned around and walked away, twisting her waist, leaving me with a confused look on my face.
At this moment, I have only one thought in my mind.
Fendi's skirt is so expensive, it can be worth a lot of money if it is sold!
Half an hour later, I stood in front of Su Yuan as expected.
He glanced at me, his eyes stopped at the pair of Vans shoes on my feet. Then, he frowned, indicating that he didn't quite understand my aesthetic taste.
"Korean female stars are all wearing this recently, so don't be surprised!" I opened his car door and got in with a swagger. Chen Pei, who was putting on makeup in the passenger seat, looked at me in the small mirror and asked with a little contempt: "Can you put on some lipstick? You put on makeup on your whole face but don't put on lipstick?"
"I'm poor and can't afford it." I curled my lips and answered honestly, which earned me a look of extreme contempt from her.
A little unexpectedly, I was in a surprisingly good mood. In fact, Su Yuan never dragged me out, and I knew there was something wrong with his routine. I was too lazy to think about what he was up to, I just knew that I was bored to death. And I was not the only one in a good mood, Su Yuan was also.
When we arrived at our destination, I immediately understood why he was in such a good mood.
In contrast to him, I felt like a stupid pig who didn't even know that someone had calculated my weight and sold me. I looked down at my precious pink skirt and wanted to take out a pen and draw a few lines on it. Seeing that I was sulking and didn't want to get out of the car, Chen Pei opened the door and pulled me out.
"Can you please be more nice-looking? Do you know where this is?!" Chen Pei said to me in a low voice.
Of course I know where this is, this is Jono's home.
I can't think of anyone else in this city who can own such a magnificent villa and such a large garden. Besides, Qiao Nuo was standing not far from the gate, chatting with Su Yuan. I stood there with no desire to live, like an ostrich that hadn't eaten enough. Qiao Nuo looked at me from time to time, and after the nanny led Su Yuan and Chen Pei in, he walked towards me slowly.
I could clearly feel my heart clanging in my chest.
I suddenly felt very embarrassed, extremely embarrassed, so embarrassed that I wanted to shake him off and run into his swimming pool to hide. Qiao Nuo seemed to see my emotions, and he grabbed my arm. I tried to break free, but he looked at me with a half-smile: "Do you want me to hold your hand?"
I didn't manage my facial expression well and rolled my eyes honestly in front of him.
He seemed to be particularly fond of this and laughed out loud. After laughing, he asked me, "Little friend, have you missed me these days?"
After confessing to him, I did not hide my true nature at all. I looked at him sideways and thought in my mind, you finally remembered me.
But my answer was nonchalant: “Yes, I think about it every day.”
He smiled again, revealing eight neat and white teeth, like a model in a toothpaste advertisement.
"I missed you, too." He nodded like an old scholar. I couldn't tell whether it was true or not, so I just followed him in. I have to admit that a wealthy family is a wealthy family. As a child born in a wealthy family, I have seen a lot of the world, but I was still shocked by their Suzhou garden-style courtyard and home.
But I can't show it, after all, I have seen the world.
"You haven't sent me a single call or message these past few days. What's wrong? Do you really want to give up on me?" He tilted his head and looked at my face. At this moment, I really wanted to find a piece of chewing gum so that I could pretend to blow bubbles without having to answer him.
"Don't you hate me like this?" I finally answered him.
At this time, he and I stood at the door of the villa. He put his hands in his pockets and looked at me steadily. Finally, he sighed: "Su Jingan, you still don't understand me."
After saying that, he opened the door and made a gesture of invitation.
I walked in confusedly, and when I looked up, I saw Su Yuan and Chen Pei sitting on the sofa in the lobby. They wore the same smile as the lucky cats at the entrance of the hotel, and looked like they were meeting an emperor. Next to them, I saw a well-dressed and well-educated couple.
This time, it was my turn to be stunned. Qiao Nuo’s parents were also at home!
It took me a full ten minutes to digest this fact.
Every time I saw Qiao Nuo, I was as nervous as a primary school student sitting in the examination room waiting for the papers to be handed out. Now that I met his parents, I realized that the previous ones were nothing. This was real nervousness, so nervous that my scalp was numb. I held the cup of fragrant milk tea handed to me by the nanny with both hands, like a dumb person, unable to say a word.
Unlike what I imagined, Jonno's parents were extremely kind people, but the more this was the case, the more nervous I became.
Qiao Nuo is smart enough. His father, who is such a successful entrepreneur, must be very smart.
It's easy to tell the depth of a person like me. Fortunately, Qiao Nuo was sitting next to me, helping me out and answering questions for me, while I kept nodding like a moron, and the only thing missing was for Qiao Nuo to answer my measurements for me.
Qiao Nuo's mother kept looking at me with a smile and said something very gracious.
"Xiao Nuo, take Jing'an to visit your territory. You can't interrupt us adults' conversation, it's boring."
"Okay." Qiao Nuo responded, turned around and grabbed my wrist. I shuddered subconsciously, especially shamelessly, I actually wondered why he didn't hold my hand.
Shocked by my own thoughts, I became even angrier.
Yes, I have been angry since I entered the door. I am angry at Su Yuan, Qiao Nuo, and even a little angry at Qiao Nuo's parents. I am angry at Su Yuan for dragging me here without telling me, and I am angry at his flattering appearance, which is really embarrassing. As for Qiao Nuo, my anger is indescribable. It's probably about why you didn't contact me for so many days, but suddenly dragged your house.
But the one who was most angry was actually myself, because the first time I saw him, I knew that the longing for him was actually real.
It is not a tiny speck of dust in the vast stars, it is the realest emotion and the most sincere mood in my body.
Jono took me to his study.
The study is the perfect place for people like him to play. There are fine coral velvet carpets, thin silk curtains, exquisite and elegant solid wood desks, and bookshelves filled with various classical Chinese and foreign literature. I stroked those books and sighed a little. Of course, some intelligence is not innate, because the higher you stand and the farther you look, the more vast the world you touch.
He made me a cup of Biluochun tea, put it on the table and asked me to taste it.
I looked at him helplessly, and really wanted to say - you might as well open a bottle of 1982 Lafite for me.
Of course I didn't say that, after all, I'm so cool.
So I gritted my teeth and started to sip the tea. He leaned against the table and looked at me like a kitten: "Are you feeling better now?"
I was impressed by his intelligence and said honestly, "No."
"Alas." He shook his head and sighed, "I am not a big man, but I have a big temper."
"If it were you, would you feel comfortable being dragged here without a word?" I looked at him aggressively, "Tell me the truth, did you do this on purpose to make fun of me?"
"Do I need a joke so badly?" He raised his eyebrows. "You really can wrongly accuse me."
I don’t know if it’s because we’re familiar with each other, but I always feel that he speaks to me with a little more friendliness. He taps my head lightly with a ballpoint pen: “I called you, but you didn’t answer. I sent you a message, but you didn’t reply.”
I was about to say that it was nonsense, you obviously didn't contact me at all, and then I suddenly remembered that it seemed to be true. However, the situation at that time was that I was arguing with Dong Mingyang and hung up his phone. And later he did send me a message, but I seemed to reply with my mind.
Thinking about it this way, it is not difficult to understand why he didn't contact me for a while. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to contact this ungrateful person again.
"You're avoiding me like this. I always think that what I said that day made you uncomfortable, or that you have other emotions." He stood up and paced beside me. "I'm not very good at guessing what girls are thinking, especially a special girl like you."
"It's weird, isn't it?" I added honestly, and he laughed at me: "That's a very accurate word."
"I've been holding it in for a while, and I think I still have to meet you. It's better to be formal so that you won't be too disrespectful to me."
"So you asked Su Yuan to bring me here?" I shook my head unconvinced, "I really have to admit that you are inferior to me in this trick."
"Actually, I mainly want you to meet my parents, and for my parents to meet you." He returned to his original position and looked at me intently. I was a little confused by his words, and after blinking for a long time, I finally realized what he meant. I have never been a smart person, but I still understood what he wanted to say. I suddenly became nervous.
"Qiao Nuo, I, I think I need to explain. Anyway, I made it clear to you last time. I just wanted to give up. I approached you for a purpose, confessing my love, drawing, and everything else. These were all arranged by Su Yuan. You don't have to take them seriously. I, I... I didn't think about doing anything with you."
I want to say, I know I'm not worthy of you, so I never thought you would treat me like this.
How should I put it? Although I have had a pretty good-looking face since I was a child, I never think that I am a fairy holding a fairy wand.
I am a most inconspicuous weed among all living things. I struggle every day to survive. I never expect happiness, because I will suffer if I don't get it. This is also true for Qiao Nuo.
He is too dazzling and too perfect. Maybe I am lucky enough to get him, but if I lose him one day, I know I will be in unbearable pain.
I am more afraid of the desolate loneliness when I lose something than the short-lived beauty when I get it.
" But I do."
Qiao Nuo interrupted what I was about to say and looked at me with satisfaction.
In all my years, I have never seen anyone look at me with this kind of eyes, including Dong Mingyang. When Dong Mingyang looked at me, he was more flattering and expectant, but he was really sincere, no matter what you did, he was willing.
He has the capital to do so.
Because no one can resist his charm, including me who is cynical about love.
"Su Jing'an, you often remind me of a cat I had when I was very young. That cat was very beautiful, and everyone liked it, but it had a very bad temper." He told me with a smile, his eyes shining with memories, "Because of its bad temper, no one liked it anymore, except me. Later, the cat only approached me, and later, everyone found that its personality had improved. It turned out that it was not because of its bad temper, but because it was too afraid of this new environment."
"You are very similar to this cat. Because of your life experiences, you are full of disappointment and vigilance towards this world. You never let anyone enter your heart easily. That's why I have been looking at you with a critical attitude. I am not guessing about you or doubting you, but I hope you can reveal your true self."
"I told you, this world is not that unlovable."
"Even if it's really not cute, I will try my best to make the world you see cute."
I half opened my mouth and looked up at him, feeling like a silly mimosa. He looked at me so gently that I suddenly felt shy.
"Su Jing'an, I agree with your confession. Compared with others, your answer to love in your life should be considered full marks." He stretched out his hand and pinched my face with a smile.
I stared at him blankly, feeling dizzy.
What did he say?
Do you agree with my confession?
Does that mean he wants to be my boyfriend?