I sat with Shu Nian until very late at night before going home. Unexpectedly, I slept without any dreams the whole night until dawn.
However, when I looked in the mirror in the morning, I found that the side of my face where Aunt Chen had slapped me was swollen.
As soon as I sat down in the classroom, Su Nan, who was sitting in front of me, turned his head and saw that I was acting strange, so he asked with concern: "Bai Xiaodie, what's wrong with your face?"
"Oh, it's nothing. I just fell accidentally. Thank you for your concern!" I forced a smile.
Because laughing involves the muscles on my face and it hurts a bit.
"So that's how it is. Be careful when walking." She blinked and smiled at me.
On this day, Shen Xiaoxi did not come to class. A classmate who got along well with Shen Xiaoxi went to ask the teacher, and the teacher told everyone in the class that Shen Xiaoxi had fallen down yesterday and was injured, so she could not come to class for the time being.
Su Nan looked back at me in surprise and asked, "Did you wrestle with Shen Xiaoxi?"
"Probably!" I answered quickly, lowering my head and clasping my hands together tightly.
I couldn't tell her that Shen Xiaoxi and I had a fierce fight. Fortunately, she didn't ask any more questions, but just took out a White Rabbit candy from her schoolbag and put it in my hand.
I came home after school and there was no one at home. I guess they were all in the hospital with Shen Xiaoxi! I don't know how she is, but I can be sure that her eyes are fine because I saw that the book only rubbed the corner of her eye.
In the middle of the night, I was very thirsty, so I got up and went downstairs to get some water.
The living room was pitch black. I walked over to turn on the light in the living room. When I was about to walk past the sofa in the living room, I suddenly found someone sitting on the sofa.
It's Dad, he's smoking.
I wanted to bypass him and go get some water, but he suddenly called me, "Xiaodie, sit down, let's talk for a while."
I sat down opposite him with an empty cup in my hand. He didn't say anything, but just looked at me as if he was sizing up a stranger.
"Xiaodie, I know you've been unhappy since your Aunt Chen brought Xiaoxi to live with you. Dad is usually busy with work and doesn't have time to have a good chat with you. But Xiaodie, Dad has always believed that you are a quiet and sensible child." As he said this, he took a puff of cigarette and exhaled gray-white smoke rings.
"What do you want to say, Dad?" It was still early autumn, but I felt extremely cold, with ice-cold hands and feet.
"Dad doesn't want to blame you for anything, but Xiaodie, don't say those things you said to Aunt Chen today again. And Xiaoxi is very pitiful because she doesn't have dad. To you, she may just be an outsider, but to your Aunt Chen, she is the most precious daughter. Your Aunt Chen hit you at that time, I hope you can understand that she was too anxious and couldn't control herself. If Xiaoxi's eyes were really injured, her life would be ruined." He sighed helplessly, "I don't know why you hit Xiaoxi. Xiaoxi is a good child. Of course, Xiaodie, you are also a good child. It's just a small mistake. It doesn't mean anything. Dad understands."
"So?" I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.
"So don't be like this in the future, and be more considerate of Xiaoxi. She is an outsider to this family, and she must have been unhappy many times! Xiaoxi told me about what happened this time, and you didn't mean it. Just apologize to her and let it go." He continued speaking with his mouth opening and closing.
But his voice became so distant.
I opened my mouth, but tears started to fall.
Yes, tears fell, falling impatiently and fiercely.
"Dad." I called him softly, but he didn't seem to hear me and continued speaking with deep affection. I finally couldn't help it and stood up and threw the cup in my hand to the ground.
"boom!"
Just like my heart that was broken into pieces at this moment, the white porcelain cup broke with a harsh sound, and the porcelain pieces splashed far away. Dad finally stopped.
He looked at me in disbelief, as if he were a hopelessly bad child.
Then I knew that no matter what I said next, it would be meaningless.
"Children without fathers are pitiful, so you try hard to become her father." I said softly, "But dad, Shen Xiaoxi doesn't have a father, but she still has a mother."
"I have nothing now that I have no father." I didn't look at his expression, nor did I care what expression it would be. I just continued, "No father would not know his own daughter's height and the size of clothes she wears, but know clearly about other people's daughters. If only the mother was still alive, at least she wouldn't let an outsider slap her daughter in the face without knowing everything. No man would tolerate an outsider talking about his dead wife!"
After saying that, I turned and ran up the stairs.
"Xiaodie, stop!" Dad suddenly shouted, his tone somewhat exasperated, "What do you mean by that? Are you blaming Dad for ignoring you? Yes, Dad gave half of his care to Xiaoxi, but didn't you also get Aunt Chen's love? So in your eyes, Aunt Chen has always been an outsider? But she married me, and she is a member of this family. She and Xiaoxi are not outsiders, it is wrong for you to think so."
"Really?" I took a deep breath, my tears had dried up, because I suddenly realized that it was not worth shedding tears for such a father, my tears were not that cheap, "Then, you misunderstood. In this family, Dad is not an outsider, Aunt Chen is not an outsider, Shen Xiaoxi is not an outsider, only I am an outsider. Really, I am the outsider in this family. If I were not there, you would be happier!"
"Why don't you listen, kid? Why do you think like that? No one would think like that." Dad said anxiously, "What Dad said just now was wrong. It's over. Dad will pretend that I didn't hear anything today. Go to the hospital with Dad tomorrow to pick up Xiaoxi and take him home. It's normal for a family to quarrel. Just let it go and don't take it to heart."
"I won't go." I said loudly, "It's impossible for me to go pick up Shen Xiaoxi! And, Dad, Shen Xiaoxi is actually your daughter! Mom and I must be insignificant people, otherwise how could you do such a thing? Mom has only been gone for a year, and you let those two people move in and throw away all the things that originally belonged to her!"
After saying that, I quickly went upstairs and locked myself in the room.
I opened the window. The night wind was cold. The stars were sparse, and each one was very far away.
I just don’t know if my mother who lives in heaven will quietly wipe my tears while I fall asleep?
Shen Xiaoxi came to class a week later. She had gone home a few days ago, but she just used the excuse of staying at home to recuperate for a few more days. Her eyes were fine, just scratched by a book, no major damage.
Aunt Chen cooked all kinds of delicious food for her, but I only ate a little bit and left the table because I didn't want to watch them picking up food from each other.
You see, I am the outsider in this family .
In my childhood, my father always wore glasses, was gentle and soft-spoken, and was a gentle father who would not beat or scold his children. But this impression is now very unclear. I can't even remember the last time he smiled at me.
Some people say that anything that can be taken away is not worth cherishing.
I thought I had stopped expecting anything, but what he said to me that night made me feel so heartbroken that I couldn't breathe. Every day, watching the three of them loving each other, my heart ached as if it was being slowly pierced by needles.
To say that I have no expectations is just deceiving myself.
I laughed at myself and watched everyone in the front of the classroom surrounding Shen Xiaoxi, asking her questions and giving her gifts with concern. Shen Xiaoxi smiled and accepted everyone's care.
"Are you very envious of her?" Shu Nian lay on the table, "But you can't envy some people because you can't become that kind of person."
“Because I don’t want to be that person,” I whispered. “Ever.”
"Hey, Little Butterfly actually said something like that?" Shu Nian seemed surprised. "Tsk tsk, Little Butterfly, you haven't been very good these past few days. Did something happen after the fight with Shen Xiaoxi?"
"How do you know that Shen Xiaoxi and I had a fight?" I turned around and asked him in surprise.
His eyes flashed, and then he showed a mocking smile: "You are an idiot whose IQ will never improve. You seem to know that we live very close to each other, right? As a neighbor, how could I not have heard of such a thing?"
I was a little disappointed. Indeed, many people in the yard had heard about the fight between Shen Xiaoxi and me and the fact that Shen Xiaoxi had to go to the hospital. Shu Nian knew about this and there was nothing to be surprised about.
"But, Little Butterfly, you can't become that kind of person. Look at how beautiful she is. It's only right that she's loved by everyone. It's understandable that a guy like you would be alienated." His mouth is always so vicious, and the words he says can make people unbearable.
Because only the truth can make people so embarrassed.
"Wow, it's Xia Nuo!" Just when I was feeling depressed, someone suddenly exclaimed, and my attention was immediately drawn to him.
Since I entered this school, I have hardly met Xia Nuo, even though he is in the class next to mine. I turned my head and saw Xia Nuo standing in the corridor, and a girl blocked his way.
The girl's face was red, and she was obviously very nervous. She was so nervous that she couldn't even speak a complete sentence clearly, but her eyes were very bright, with a dizzying light.
"Xia, Xia Nuo..." She took several deep breaths before speaking, "I, I want to give you this."
She held it out with both hands, and in her hands was a sky blue envelope.
"I've accepted it." Xia Nuo took the letter carefully and said to the nervous girl with a smile, "I will definitely read it."
"Well! Thank you!" When the girl heard him say that, her cheeks turned even redder with excitement. She excitedly pulled the girl who accompanied her to deliver the letter away from in front of our classroom.
Xia Nuo lowered his head to look at the letter, then turned around and glanced over to me inadvertently. When our eyes met, he paused slightly, then smiled and nodded at me.
I was stunned.
Did he just smile and nod at me?
Does he still remember me?
——At this time last year, the girl who wrote him in her diary, but fainted because the secret was leaked, and was carried to the infirmary by him.
I subconsciously looked at Shen Xiaoxi, and saw that she was staring at Xia Nuo, and her eyes were very similar to the girl who had just sent a love letter to Xia Nuo. My heart skipped a beat, as if I had accidentally discovered Shen Xiaoxi's secret.
Although I heard before that she had a crush on Xia Nuo, that was just hearsay. Seeing it for real is another matter.
"It is said that Xia Nuo has never rejected any girl." Shu Nian saw me staring at him in a trance and suddenly spoke slowly, "No matter who he is facing, whether they like him, disdain him, or hate him, he always smiles back. Tsk tsk, little butterfly, you are not attracted by his indiscriminate smile, are you?"
"No." I looked away and stopped staring out the window.
"Alas, little butterfly, I just like people who are not frank, because if they are too frank, it's not fun." Shu Nian snorted coldly, "With your IQ, you still lie. Are you doubting my IQ, or are you too confident in your lies?"
My anger instantly flared up, and I wanted to beat him up, just like I did that day when I fought against Shen Xiaoxi, but in the end I did nothing. Because the person who sat with me on the steps that night was him!
Even though he always speaks so unpleasantly, he still has a good heart after all!