Maybe because I cared about what Guo Jiani said, I almost never took the initiative to contact Xu Minyou later, because I felt that my relationship with him was just that of strangers.
I invited him to dinner and returned the favor, and there is no need to contact him again.
I've been feeling a bit down lately because Guo Jiani got Song Yan's contact information and they seem to get along very well. Guo Jiani said the other day, "Let's compete fairly." But how can there be fairness between two people?
I told her that I would never have the courage to tell Song Yan that I like him. Of course, maybe in Guo Jiani's eyes, I have no competitiveness at all .
After all, no matter who it is, between me and Guo Jiani, they will choose Guo Jiani instead of me.
Sitting in the classroom, I was a little absent-minded. I didn't listen to what the teacher said. Guo Jiani sat in the row in front of me. She sat at the same table with Lu Feifei, and Wang Sisi sat at the same table with me. I saw Guo Jiani's fingertips flexibly pressing the phone, and then I looked at Song Yan, who was supporting his head with one hand, looking very happy.
In Song Yan's eyes, what kind of existence is Guo Jiani?
Maybe you can see it when you look back, unlike me, who is always the first person others forget.
I thought the get out of class was almost over, so I took out my phone to check the time, but I saw an unread text message. I had a glimmer of hope, could it be him? But then I thought, how could it be him? He would never send me a text message, would he?
I looked at Song Yan, and my heart felt like a fermented green plum, so sour and astringent.
When I opened the text message, I found out the sender was Xu Minyou.
He asked me where I was, and I answered, "I'm in class." He then said he wanted to see me.
I was stunned for a moment, and I felt that something might have happened to Xu Minyou, because he gave people a very abnormal feeling. For such an abnormal person to send a text message saying that he wanted to see me, the only possibility was that something had happened to him.
So I asked him where he was, and the get out of class happened to be over, so I went straight there to find him.
When I found Xu Minyou under a large area of ​​magnolia trees, my heart sank . Xu Minyou looked terribly pale. Although he was already sickly pale, there was almost no blood on his face now. He looked lifeless, like a nobleman in hell.
I subconsciously slowed down my steps. He was holding a leaf in his hand. When he saw me, he handed the leaf to me.
I reached out to take it, but he didn't let go. My fingertips touched his fingers, and they were so cold.
I asked him if he was feeling unwell, and he replied that I was indeed feeling unwell. I frowned and said, "Why don't we go see Doctor Jiang? You don't look very well."
He shook his head and just said, "It's okay, I just... don't want to be here."
"Huh?" I was stunned. "Then let's go back to the dormitory."
He suddenly stepped forward and held my wrist. His hand was shaking slightly, as if he was afraid of something. He suddenly lost his balance and stumbled. I quickly supported him and said, "Are you okay? I'll take you to see Dr. Jiang."
I pulled him to walk out of the white flower forest, but he refused to go forward. He raised his head and looked at me. When I saw his eyes, my heart trembled.
What kind of eyes are those? They reveal despair, fear, terror and escape.
He suddenly opened his arms and hugged me. His voice was trembling as he said, "Don't go. I don't want to go anywhere."
I was startled by his sudden hug, and couldn't bear his weight, so I bent my legs and knelt on the ground. He still stubbornly hugged me as if he was using all his strength, and his whole body couldn't stop shaking. I wanted to push him away, but a trace of reluctance rose in my heart.
I don’t know what’s going on with Xu Minyou, but since I’m here, I can’t just ignore him.
If I leave him alone, he will die.
I don't know why, but I saw such despair in his eyes.
After a while, he finally calmed down. He let me go, as if a little embarrassed, and said, "I'm sorry, I was just... just too scared."
"Afraid? What are you afraid of?" I couldn't help but ask him. He looked really scary just now. What on earth could make him so scared?
"I'm afraid of eyes, countless eyes." He sat down next to me, slightly raised his head, and looked at the sky full of white clouds. "Those eyes make me feel very scared. I have nowhere to go. I'm sorry for making you come here."
"You helped me too." I said, "Is that look that scared you still there? If not, do you want to go see Dr. Jiang or go back to the dormitory?"
"Aren't you going to ask me what look scares me?"
He looked at me steadily, as if he was looking at someone very familiar, not a stranger who he had only met a few times and was not even a friend.
I shook my head. I didn't want to know about him. Or rather, I was curious about everyone's secrets, but I didn't want to dig them out. The reason why a secret is called a secret is that it is something that one wants to hide forever.
He suddenly laughed and said, "Nanxi, do you think I'm a weird person?"
"Everyone is different. Maybe I am weird in the eyes of others," I said.
"No, it's not." He was a little anxious, "If one day you find out that I'm weirder than you thought, will you hate me?"
"Why should I hate you?" I felt confused.
He was silent for a long time before he said, "No, I'm just talking nonsense. Can I trouble you with something?"
"You say." I stood up from the ground.
He said, "Please take me back to the apartment building. Just drop me off at the door."
"Is there a look that scares you?" I reached out to him and waited for him to hold my hand. "Let's go."
He seemed to be relieved, took my hand and stood up. His book fell not far away. I walked over to pick it up and took a look at the cover. I was a little surprised: "You like German too?"
"Yeah," he said. "Do you like it, too?"
"I like it." I glanced at the German book with some nostalgia. Actually, I like German better than English.
"Then why didn't you choose German as your major?" he asked in confusion.
"No reason."
How could I tell him that because the person I liked chose English, I gave up my favorite German and followed my heart to choose English.
I was a little surprised. I knew the direction of the boys' dormitory building, but Xu Minyou's dormitory was in another direction, and it seemed that few people lived here. It was much more upscale than the dormitory we lived in. I subconsciously glanced at him. What was his origin? It seemed that he was full of mystery , and I couldn't see clearly no matter how I looked at him.
"Thank you." At this point, his emotions stabilized a lot, and he said, "That's all."
"You're welcome." I stood there and watched him go up the stairs.
I took a deep breath and planned to go back to the dormitory. However, after I took a few steps forward, a person suddenly appeared in front of me.
This person turned out to be Dr. Jiang.
Doctor Jiang was a man in his thirties, wearing a pair of gold-framed glasses. He looked gentle and refined, and was wearing a white coat with a work badge on his chest.
"You are classmate Lu Nanxi, right?" He said with a smile, "Is it convenient for you? I would like to buy you a cup of coffee."
I was a little confused. Why would Dr. Jiang invite me for coffee?
He extended his hand as if to invite me in, and without waiting for me to refuse, he said, "The coffee I brew is still delicious."
I thought about it and didn't refuse. It seemed that he came to see me on purpose. Although I didn't know why he knew I was here, he definitely wouldn't just invite me for a cup of coffee. There must be something going on.
I followed him to the infirmary, where the smell of alcohol always cooled people down.
Dr. Jiang led me into the inner room, then went to make coffee and let me read a magazine by myself.
He wasn't lying, the brewed coffee was delicious.
I held the coffee in my hand and couldn't help asking, "Doctor Jiang, do you have anything to ask me?"
He smiled and did not hide anything: "I do have something to ask you, and I want to ask you for a favor. "
"How did you know... that I would go there?" I was more curious about this than the unspoken thing.
Dr. Jiang shrugged, took a sip of coffee, and said, "Because I am Zhuge Liang, I can predict the future like a god!"
Seeing my obvious disbelief, he finally straightened his posture and said slowly, "No kidding, I know I can wait for you there because I know Xu Minyou will definitely ask you for help."
"Help?" I was stunned. At that time, he sent me a text message saying that he wanted to meet me. I was not overthinking it. Was he really asking for help?
Why? I remembered the look he said frightened him, he was so frightened that his face turned pale, his whole body was shaking, and his hands were as cold as ice.
"Yes, for help. He will not ask for help from anyone else except you, because in his world, only you can hear his voice." Dr. Jiang said the second sentence that shocked me.
I do not understand.
"What do you mean? What does it mean that in his world, only I can hear his voice?" I was completely confused. At this time, I felt that my IQ was not enough.
"What it means is that he only talks to you," said Dr. Jiang.
I suddenly remembered that he used to ignore what everyone said, but he would always answer what I said.
I wanted to say how could this be possible, this must be a lie , but a voice in my heart told me that Dr. Jiang did not lie to me, Xu Minyou only talked to me, he seemed to be unable to see anyone else.
"What's going on? How could this happen? I've only just met him for a short time. This doesn't make any sense."
My mind was in a mess. If I remembered correctly, I had known Xu Minyou for less than a month, and we had met even fewer times. We were not even friends. This was simply unbelievable.
"As far as I know, Xu Minyou just came to this school this month. His grandfather donated a lot of money to the school, allowing him to become a student here, but he is only a temporary student. I also want to know why he came here and why he came to this school despite having such a disease." Doctor Jiang looked at me through the thin lenses of his glasses. "The reason why I know he will definitely come to you for help is because I know he has autism."
"Autism?" I often hear about autism, depression and the like, but I have never met such a patient.
Xu Minyou, a boy with such a nice name, actually suffers from autism?
All his abnormalities seemed to make sense now - why he couldn't hear other people's voices, why he seemed to be living in his own world.
"He was once stimulated and was afraid of other people's sight, crowded places, and looking into other people's eyes." Dr. Jiang paused and took a sip of coffee before continuing, " He closed his hearing and even his vision. He was afraid of overly bright colors, so the world he saw was only black and white. He was afraid of noisy voices, so he couldn't hear anyone's voice. He was afraid of other people's eyes, so he just wanted to hide himself, so that he would feel safe."
"This... I probably wouldn't tell anyone easily." I frowned and said, "Why did you tell me?"
"Xu Minyou's condition is indeed a secret in the school. His grandfather instructed the school to keep this secret at all costs." Doctor Jiang said it calmly, as if he had not just told me something that should have been a secret.
"Then why did you tell me?" I was even more confused.
"Because you might be able to cure his autism." Doctor Jiang took out a brown paper bag from the drawer and threw it in front of me. "In other words, I need your help to cover up Xu Minyou's condition."
"What is this?" I looked at the paper bag on the table but didn't touch it.
"Don't you want to take a look?" Doctor Jiang motioned for me to open it and take a look.
"I don't think I can help, and I don't think I can cure a person's autism." I stood up and planned to leave. Dr. Jiang's words made me instinctively feel dangerous. I always felt that if I was involved in this matter, I would definitely regret it.
"Aren't you curious why he only talks to you?" Dr. Jiang said to me, raising his voice slightly.
"I'm not curious at all. I should go back." I walked to the door and held the door handle.
"Because in his world, that soundless world, only your voice can be heard. He can only hear your voice."
My hand that was pressing the door handle suddenly stopped.
My mind suddenly flashed back to the scene in the magnolia forest where he asked me if he looked very bad.
At that time I didn't know why he asked me this question, but now I understand.
He just couldn't see, he couldn't see what his expression looked like.
He was afraid of other people's gazes, but he still ran to school. Why?
He was so scared and he didn't ask anyone for help because he couldn't hear anyone else's voice. He could only hear my voice.
In the end I didn't leave. I let go of her hand, turned around and walked back.
Maybe it’s because I know that no one can see my sadness when I hide in the corner. I thought I was the most miserable person. But it wasn’t until today that I realized that there are people in this world who are lonelier than me.
"So that's why you were waiting for me there?" Only then did I understand why Dr. Jiang was waiting for me downstairs of the apartment building .
"Although he wanted to act normal, he was still scared in front of so many people. The professor who taught their class called me during the first class and said that he was not feeling well and might come to see me. But he didn't come to see me, and he probably won't come to see me."
My heart suddenly ached: "He left the classroom during the first period, but he asked me for help when the second period was almost over!"
Why didn't I see his text message earlier? If I had seen it earlier, would he not have been so scared?
I picked up the paper bag on the table, thought about it, and opened it with gritted teeth.
This is Xu Minyou’s college application form. I moved my eyes down and saw his home address, which was in the same city as mine.
"Now you know why I said maybe you can help Xu Minyou, right?" Doctor Jiang put the form back into the bag. "This is the file I borrowed from the school. After you left that day, I was very curious about why Xu Minyou could hear your voice."
"Then I looked it up and found out that he and you are from the same city. You are a freshman at this school, and he came here at this time." Doctor Jiang thought for a moment and asked me, "Think back, do you really not know him? Have you ever met him before? Did you play together when you were young?"
I shook my head blankly. "Impossible. My family didn't originally live in that city. Later, my father was transferred to another city for work, so our family moved there. I was already fourteen or fifteen years old at that time. How could I not remember the people I met? And for a boy like Xu Minyou, it would be hard to forget him once you meet him once."
"That's strange." Doctor Jiang seemed very puzzled. "Is this just a coincidence?"
Could it be a coincidence?
"Let's just call it a coincidence," I said. "What can I do to help him?"
I hesitated and tried to avoid this decision, but I didn't want to ignore it in the end. If you know that your existence is another person's lifeline, would you have the heart to ignore him? I couldn't do it, so I turned back and opened this file bag.
"He can't adapt to a crowded environment, but he's trying to adapt. However, his condition is serious and he needs your help." Dr. Jiang said, "Maybe you, like one of his relatives, can calm him down. This is the only possibility I can think of now."
"But he and I are not in the same department, and we don't take classes in the same classroom." I was a little embarrassed. "I will directly reject any proposal that is beyond my ability."
Doctor Jiang smiled and said, "It's not that serious. When he needs you, don't refuse him. When he asks you for help, no matter where you are, just try to be by his side."
"I'll try my best." That's all I could say.
After leaving Dr. Jiang's place, I felt a little heavy-hearted.
I took out my phone and opened the text message Xu Minyou sent me. Such simple words concealed such secrets that made me feel upset.
When I walked out of the dormitory, I unexpectedly saw Song Yan here. He saw me and waved at me: "Hey, Lu Nanxi, where have you been?"
"Oh, I went to see Dr. Jiang." I don't know why, but I subconsciously hid the matter about Xu Minyou from him.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" Song Yan asked me with concern, "What did Doctor Jiang say?"
"It's okay, it's just a wound on my knee. Doctor Jiang asked me to go and see him, and it's fine now." I made up an excuse.
I was about to ask Song Yan why he was here, when I saw Guo Jiani walking out in sportswear. She was stunned for a moment when she saw me, but soon she smiled again: "Oh, it's Nanxi, do you want to play basketball together?"
"No." I said, and took a few steps forward.
When Guo Jiani passed me, she smiled at me. She walked to Song Yan. I looked at them and suddenly felt a little dazzling.
The petite and lovely Guo Jiani looks so harmonious standing next to Song Yan, as if, except me, any other girl in the world is suitable to stand next to Song Yan.
"Then let's go play basketball." Guo Jiani waved at me. Song Yan looked back at me and seemed to want to say something, but he said nothing in the end. He and Guo Jiani walked further and further away.
My heart feels empty, as if there is a big hole in it, and when the wind blows, it makes a rustling sound.
You see, Song Yan will never belong to me. People like me will be forgotten first. Even many years later, when people recall the past, they won’t even remember that there was such a person as me.
What is the meaning of my existence?
My phone rang at this time, and I suddenly thought of Xu Minyou. If I could help him, it wouldn't be meaningless.
I took out my cell phone, and unexpectedly, the person calling was Song Yan who had just left.
I turned around quickly and saw him standing at a nearby intersection, holding a cell phone in one hand and waving at me with the other.
I picked up the phone and heard Song Yan's voice.
He said, "Lu Nanxi, let's play basketball together."