I don't have classes in the afternoon, so I don't have to force myself to walk into a classroom full of people.
This is really a quiet corner. There is no one coming and going. I can hide myself with peace of mind. As long as I don’t show up, no one can find me.
My cell phone suddenly vibrated, and I took a look. It was a text message from her.
"I'm playing basketball in the big playground. Do you want to come with me?"
I quickly walked to the north-facing window, opened the curtains and looked over. It was so easy to find her in such a large playground. The only thing was that she was colored, so even in a sea of ​​people, I could find her in an instant.
I looked at my shaking hands. There was no way I could walk out of the room like this, so I replied, "No, I'm a little tired and want to sleep for a while."
I leaned against the window and saw her seeming to be looking over here. Although I knew she couldn't see me, I still instinctively hid back.
She put her phone in her pocket and was more of a spectator than a basketball player.
The only people who were playing basketball were Song Yan and Guo Jiani. It seemed that there was no room for her in the huge playground. She seemed to be even smaller now. I missed her when she liked to go to the rooftop.
Although she was alone at that time, at least I was there watching her from a distance.
I wanted to be outside, to be near her so she wouldn't feel so lonely.
I don't know when this idea took root in my heart, and as time went by, it grew into a towering tree. So I left the small attic that protected me and came to her side.
It turned out that just looking at her would be enough, but human desires are so terrible that just looking at her can no longer make me feel at ease.
I shook my hands, then went to the sink to wash my face and opened the door. I still couldn't stop trembling, but she was there and I had to get to her.
Fortunately, I met very few people along the way, which was still within my tolerance range.
Before I even reached the playground, she spotted me, smiled at me, and shouted my name: "Xu Minyou, here!"
I imitated her and raised the corners of my mouth. I walked over, and Song Yan and Guo Jiani also saw me because of her shouting. Song Yan didn't seem to like me very much, but out of politeness, he still smiled and said hello to me . Although I couldn't hear what he said to me, I guessed that it must be a greeting.
"Xu Minyou's health is not very good, so just stay here with me and watch you play basketball." I heard her say this. Maybe it was Guo Jiani or Song Yan who suggested that I play basketball together.
Song Yan glanced at me and turned around to continue playing basketball.
She is the only one left by my side. The long-lost sense of security is like the light blue sky, making my heart as calm as water .
"Xu Minyou, are you scared of this?" She turned her head and asked me.
I shook my head and said, "I guess I scared you at noon, I just ..."
"You're just not feeling well." She interrupted me and said in a normal tone, "Everyone feels unwell sometimes, it's okay. Xu Minyou, I think we should be considered friends, right?"
My heart trembled slightly, and I said, "Of course we are friends."
There was a hint of confusion in her eyes, as if she wanted to ask me a question, but in the end she turned her head away and said nothing.
“I don’t know how to play basketball,” she whispered. “I don’t know why I came here.”
What a silly girl, I think, because the person you like is here, so even if you can't play basketball, you will definitely come here. Just like me, even if I am afraid to see the outside world, but you are here, I will definitely come here.
"Actually, I don't know how to play basketball either." I whispered, "But I know why I came here."
She glanced at me quickly and asked, "Why?"
“Because you’re here,” I said.
There seemed to be a slight ripple in her eyes, and she burst into laughter. She said, "It's really strange. I just met you, but it feels like I have known you for many years."
"Yeah, I feel the same way, as if we are old friends who I have known for three years." I said, "Old friend, please talk to me."
"Okay." She agreed readily. "What do you want to talk about?"
I was stunned and a little confused.
Yes, what to talk about? All along, I was looking at her, and she was looking elsewhere, just like when Song Yan was chatting with her, she didn't know what to say, and at this moment, I didn't know what to say to her either.
"Xu Minyou, do you like to hear secrets?"
She winked at me. I rarely saw her like this, and my mood immediately improved.
"Everyone likes to hear secrets, but if you know too many secrets, the weight on your heart will become very heavy," I said.
She nodded thoughtfully and agreed, "Knowing a secret but unable to tell anyone, you can only keep it in your heart. The weight your heart bears will only get heavier and heavier, and maybe one day it will crush your heart."
"In order to protect my heart, I generally don't pry into other people's secrets," I said.
She laughed: "Sometimes, you may stumble upon many secrets unintentionally, and sometimes others will take the initiative to tell you their secrets, and when they tell you, they will also add a sentence 'Don't tell others', but in the end, few people can really keep the secrets."
I suddenly remembered some past events that I didn’t want to recall. It felt like a thorn was piercing my heart, it was burning and painful, so painful that cold sweat broke out on my forehead.
She suddenly panicked, grabbed my arm, and asked me, "Xu Minyou, what's wrong with you?"
I felt her voice seemed to be getting farther and farther away, and her figure gradually became blurred. Then the world in front of my eyes was completely swallowed up by darkness, and I knew nothing.
When I woke up again, I saw the ceiling of the infirmary. I turned around and saw Dr. Jiang's face. He pushed a mobile whiteboard over from somewhere and wrote on it with a marker: "Are you awake? Can you feel any discomfort?"
I sat up and reached out to him, asking him to hand me the pen, but he deliberately put the pen into his pocket. I knew he was forcing me to open a conversation with him.
I didn't want to let him succeed, but he didn't seem anxious to hear the answer from me. Instead, he turned around and continued doing what he was doing.
I really wanted to know what happened, so I had to give in and asked him, "Why did I faint?"
He seemed very satisfied. He turned his swivel chair around and gave me a very bright smile. He quickly wrote on the whiteboard: "Because your spirit is highly tense, like a bow string stretched to the extreme, it will eventually break."
I then asked him, “What about her?”
He blinked at me, indicating that he didn't understand who I was talking about.
I suddenly felt annoyed. This guy knew who I was talking about, but he still made me ask.
But this time I had to speak: "Lu Nanxi."
"They sent you to the infirmary, and I asked them to go back." Doctor Jiang erased the original words and wrote the sentence again.
I stopped talking because I didn't want to look so embarrassed in front of her, but I ended up looking very embarrassed anyway.
He slowly erased the sentence and then casually wrote: "If I could stop being afraid, stop trembling, and stop being terrified, then I could probably go shopping and date with her, and I wouldn't be so nervous that I would sweat all over when I go out."
I closed my eyes and turned my head away, not wanting to read what he wrote.
Of course I know. I am also working hard and trying to enter this world where she lives.
She invited me to dinner and I went. Although I was very nervous during the meal, since it was her treat, I would have gone even if it meant going through fire and water.
"How about this? Why don't you consider curing your illness completely?" He moved the whiteboard in front of me and forced me to look at the words on it.
I feel upset.
I stood up. It was already dark outside, and I walked out without looking back.
I returned to the apartment, slammed the door shut, leaned my back against it, and gasped for air. I reached out to take out my phone, and a piece of paper slipped out of my pocket. I opened it and took a look. It was written by Dr. Jiang, and I threw it into the trash can without thinking.
I don't think he can help me in any way. She is the only one who can make me feel at ease in this world.
Others, I don't need.
There is a missed call on the phone.
I clicked on it casually and it was Lu Nanxi calling.
My heart skipped a beat.
I checked the time and saw that she called me half an hour ago. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear the ringtone. I could only tell when the phone was ringing by the flashing screen or the vibration of the phone. But I had just put the phone on the table and sat in front of the window for a long time, so I missed her call.
I thought about it for a long time, and finally decided to send her a text message: "I didn't hear it just now, I'm fine, don't worry."
Her call came very quickly. As soon as my text message was sent, the incoming call interface popped up.
I quickly picked up the phone and carefully put it to my ear. Her voice came through the receiver: "Doctor Jiang said everything is fine?"
"Yeah, just a little tired."
I lied to her. I didn't want her to know my secret. I hoped that in her eyes, I was just a normal person who was a little weird.
She said: "Take a good rest for a few days. Your health is the most important thing. Have you had dinner? You must have dinner, otherwise your stomach will feel uncomfortable."
"I had dinner." I answered her.
"That's good . By the way, the night sky is beautiful tonight." She said on the other end of the phone, "Open the window."
"Okay, wait a minute." I walked to the window, pulled aside the curtains, opened the window, looked up at the sky, and said, "Push it open."
"Did you see it? The weather is very good tonight. All the stars are shining and twinkling." Her voice is very nice and comfortable to listen to. "Xu Minyou, do you know?"
"Um?"
"When you read your name to me, what I thought of was the sky full of stars on a midsummer night. It was so beautiful," she murmured.
I looked at the twinkling stars in the sky, and I had forgotten how long it had been since I looked up at the sky.
"Xu Minyou, are you feeling better?" She asked me in a low voice, "When you feel bad, when you feel pain and sadness, you can tell me, Xu Minyou, I'm here. Didn't I say it before? We just met, but I always feel like old friends who have known each other for three years. Old friends can bear all the secrets of each other. If some secrets make your heart hurt , you can try to share some of them with me to help you bear it."
I stood by the window holding my phone, the cool night breeze blowing on my face. Her words were like a breeze, blowing gently into my heart, making me want to cry.
But I can't, because I am a boy. As a boy, how can I show my vulnerability so easily?
"Yes, old friend." I took a deep breath and said, "If one day my heart is crushed and hurts, I will definitely come to you, definitely."
"Okay." Her tone sounded relaxed, but behind the relaxed tone was a hint of heaviness. "Xu Minyou, go to bed early. Good night."
After hanging up the phone, I looked at the night sky for a while.
The stars are beautiful, and so are her words.
I think, for the sake of such a beautiful starry sky, I will not be too afraid to take a step to the classroom tomorrow.
This night, I had a dream.
In the dream, I was only seven or eight years old. My parents were still alive at that time, and that incident had not happened yet. Everything was so beautiful that it seemed like an illusion. I sat on the edge of the cliff, dangling my legs in the air, and she came over in a light blue dress and stayed beside me like a butterfly.
"Xu Minyou, I'm right here."
After she finished speaking, she suddenly turned around and fell down the cliff.
I was so scared that I reached out to grab her hand and yelled, "No!"
Then I woke up, and when I touched my forehead, I was shocked to find that it was covered in cold sweat.
I couldn't figure out why I had such a dream. After getting out of bed and washing up, I pushed open the door, and the dazzling sunlight shone into my eyes. I instinctively wanted to retreat back to my room, slam the door shut, and hide inside forever without going out again.
However, I tried my best to resist the urge, even though my whole body started to tremble.
I only now realize that the hardest thing is not entering this world for the first time, but feeling scared and then escaping from this world, and then entering it again.
I tried to take a step forward, and this step almost took up all my strength.
Suddenly, a hand grabbed my arm.
I turned my head in shock and saw her standing next to me. I didn't know when she came or how long she had been there. I was very surprised: " Why are you here?"
She smiled at me and said, "I want to go to the German class. You know, I like German very much. Don't tell anyone. I happen to have two classes in the morning, so I want to go to one of your classes. Are you welcome?"
"How can you not be welcome?" I said quickly.
Just now I felt that taking a step forward was extremely difficult, but looking at the long road ahead, it didn’t seem so difficult anymore.
"Let's go and grab a seat early."
She seemed more anxious than I was.
I suddenly understood the dream.
In the dream, she landed gently beside me and said with a smile: "Xu Minyou, I'm right here."
She was on a cliff from which there was no return, but so what? Even if it was a cliff, I would jump down regardless of the consequences.
Because she is the one who brings me color and sound.