After all, people are used to being protected.
Once this protection is lost,
Even if more love is added,
And you will always be on high alert and think that peace will never come again.

I stayed at Yi Tian's house for several weeks before school started. During the day, I watched TV series with her and screamed at the Korean "Oppa". At night, she went to see her boyfriend, the lead singer of a band, and I walked hand in hand with Lin Chujian on the street. When I went to bed, I listened to her telling me how handsome and talented that guy named Li Qiuyang was.
I can only say that her fangirl filter is quite thick.
When I was dating Lin Chujian, he would always find ways to make me happy, but he never took the initiative to talk about my parents.
He and Yi Tian both told me: "Since our parents don't love each other anymore, it's better for them to separate than to stay together. We are old enough now, it's time for us to understand them."
I also tried to understand them, but the word "deception" was a thorn in my heart that I couldn't let go of for a long time.
Sometimes I would ask Yi Tian: If one day, Lin Chujian no longer loves me, is it better to break up than to stay together reluctantly?
Yi Tian said that my thoughts were just unnecessary worries and that it was all due to my insecurity.
"Maybe it's because your uncle and aunt's divorce made you less sure about some things than before..." This was Yi Tian's analysis.
I didn't make any comment on her analysis, I know she was telling the truth.
I grew up under the wings of my parents and never encountered any big things, but I was actually quite fragile. In Yi Tian's words, I was used to having everything and everything being the best , so when I encountered some big things, I became fragile and began to doubt everything around me.
I am used to living a heartless, sincere and happy life. What supports me to be so optimistic and open-minded is the love given to me by my parents.
For many people, parents' divorce is not a big deal.
There are many divorced families in this world, and most of the children in so many single-parent families probably don’t think that their parents’ divorce is something particularly unpleasant.
But to me, my parents' divorce meant deception, betrayal, and the collapse of what I had believed to be the most solid and lasting thing in the world in an instant.
As a result, I lost my so-called sense of security.
Later I comforted myself that it didn't matter if I didn't feel secure, because Lin Chujian was destined to be mine anyway, and as soon as I graduated from my senior year, I would rush to the Civil Affairs Bureau with him to get the little red book, and by then, my floating and swaying sense of security would probably take root.
After making this decision, my life began to move in a simple and clear direction. I was still the arrogant and domineering Li Ge until the end of summer vacation, when my mother called me...
"Li Ge, where are you? Go home quickly."
I planned to go straight to school when school started, and then contact them on the day I graduated and married Lin Chujian, so I held the phone and said absentmindedly, "No, I'm living a comfortable life, and I don't want to go home and get involved in your bloody drama."
"Li Ge, let me tell you, if you don't go home, it won't be easy to see your mother again in the future."
I originally thought that this was my mother's way of provoking me to go home, but when I heard her tone, which was heavy and a bit serious, and there was no intention of lying at all, I became anxious.
I put on my clothes and rushed home as fast as I could. Along the way, I kept thinking about what my mother meant.
She said it would be hard to meet again in the future. What did she mean? Did she decide to move away because she was heartbroken after the divorce? Or was she so depressed that she wanted to convert to Buddhism and live a peaceful life?
As soon as this thought came to my mind, I shook my head with goosebumps all over my body and immediately rejected it.
My mother has no other characteristics except that she is very full of life and has a strong sense of worldly affairs. She not only likes all kinds of pink girlish things, but also particularly loves watching Korean idol dramas, and... eats meat with a lot of mouthfuls.
I guess Buddha wouldn't look down upon someone with this kind of personality.
When I hurried home to find out what was going on, my mother gave me an answer that made me cry even more than her decision to become a nun.
"Li Ge, mom has been by your side and taking care of you for so many years, it's time for you to pursue your own life. Last time we had a fight, your dad mentioned that I was dating, right? Actually, at the beginning of this year, I met someone online who could be considered my soul mate. We are both divorced and single, and we both like calligraphy and literature, so we get along very well. But he lives in Italy... I plan to go find him, and I've already bought the plane tickets. After we settle down, we will consider getting married, and you must come to mom's wedding then..."
Looking at my mother's rosy face, which was full of happiness and beauty, I was in a trance and almost forgot our identities.
I wanted to make a scene, with tears and snot, and act out all the tricks, but my mother took my hand and started talking again: "Li Ge, I have tried my best to meet all your requests over the years. Now I only ask one thing of you, that is, don't object and don't be too sad, otherwise I won't be at peace when I leave."
What is this? Give you a hard slap, and then gently say "I hit you, please don't cry"?
If it was someone else, I would definitely hit him back and say "get lost", but the person in front of me is my mother, the one who has loved me since I was a child and treated me like her own daughter, the one who celebrated with great fanfare no matter what achievements I made, and who would rush in front of me with a grimace to protect me from any grievances I suffered...
"Okay, I wish you the best. But I want to travel first class round trip when you get married." I held back my tears and said pretending not to care.
When my mother heard this, she excitedly hugged me and said, "Okay, you and Yi Tian can come together. I'll pay for the first-class round-trip tickets for both of you."
The next day after my mother told me everything, she boarded a transatlantic plane like an 18-year-old girl who was reckless in pursuit of love.
Looking at her elegant back, I remembered what my grandfather used to say.
My grandfather said that my mother has been law-abiding, obedient and down-to-earth since she was a child, unlike our generation who clamor to be rebellious, unique and outspoken as soon as we reach puberty.
I think people should do what they should do at their age. They should rebel when they should during adolescence. Otherwise, it would be scary if they start to let go and pursue the true meaning of life when they are in their forties.
I have thought many times about under what circumstances and where I would meet the mother and son who destroyed my family and plunged me into the abyss, but I never imagined that it would be the day after my mother went to Italy, in the home where I had lived with my parents for more than 20 years.
"Li Ge, you're back?" As soon as my father opened the door, he saw me coming back to pack my clothes. He was stunned for a moment and his expression became very embarrassed.
I looked at him in confusion, then passed him and looked at the somewhat embarrassed woman behind him. When my eyes stopped at the thin, extremely weak middle-aged woman, I clenched my hand holding the bag tightly and couldn't help but sneered, "You don't want me to come back, do you? Dad, Mom has only been gone for a day, and you're already bringing her into the house. You're so anxious!"
"Li Ge, how can you talk to Daddy like that!" Daddy was a little embarrassed and shouted coldly, but perhaps because he knew he was guilty, he changed his expression and said with a smile, "You're back just in time. Let me introduce you to each other. This is Aunt Zhang. She will live with me in the future. Li Ge... I hope you can understand Daddy."
When my dad introduced me to her, his eyes kept avoiding me. It's a pity that he still felt guilty. I don't know if he ever felt sorry for me when he cheated on me.
I didn't want to stay in this house anymore and pretend to be with the woman I hated, so I pushed my dad away and prepared to leave.
Unexpectedly, the woman called Aunt Zhang grabbed me and said to me in a friendly manner: "Li Ge, hello! I heard your father mention you a long time ago, and he always praised you in front of me. You are really as beautiful and well-behaved as I imagined!"
Haha, the woman in front of me is so hypocritical that it makes me sick.
"Really? No matter how well-behaved and pretty I am, I can't compare to you giving birth to a son!" I turned to look at my father and asked with a sneer, "Really, my dear father."
"Li Ge, don't be like this. Dad knows that this hurts you, but your Aunt Zhang and I are sincere..." He avoided my gaze and tried to explain.
"Sincerely? You're not trying to tell me that you two are truly in love, so that I can understand and bless you, right? Tsk tsk tsk, this is the funniest joke I've heard this year, even funnier than the fact that you've been cheating on me for nearly twenty years! Dad, I'm telling you, this family can either have her or me!"
"Li Ge, if it weren't for you, your mother and I would have divorced long ago. Aunt Zhang has not tried to interfere in our family all these years. Instead, she has been forbearing and living with your brother outside, just because she wants to give you a complete home." Dad tried to impress me with nice words.
I was almost laughing at my dad's words: "Dad, do you mean that I should thank her for being so understanding and being a mistress who swallowed her anger and gave me such a good life for so many years?"
"Li Ge, don't be so harsh with your words, you're going too far!" Dad was irritated by my words and couldn't help but yell at me.
From childhood to adulthood, he almost never yelled at me, but today, because of that woman, he was glaring at me like that. My heart felt like it was being gripped by a big hand, and it hurt so much that I almost suffocated.
I lost control and yelled at my father, "You guys have done such ugly things, and you still can't let me say a few unpleasant words? Anyway, I said that only one of us can stay in this family, you choose!"
My careless words also hurt my father. He pointed at me and was speechless for a long time.
Seeing my father's sad face, my head which was overwhelmed by anger suddenly sobered up a little. Just when , a familiar voice called me in surprise: "Li Ge? It's you!"
I looked at the person who came, and it was Li Qiuyang.
I looked at him, then at Aunt Zhang and my father who were at a loss, and I immediately realized what a joke fate had played on me. No wonder Li Qiuyang said that he and I looked a bit alike. Haha, we have the same father, how could we not look alike?
At this moment, I really want to give Yi Tian an award for "The Strongest Crow's Mouth". Li Qiuyang and I have really become relatives. It's ridiculous.
Li Qiuyang 's tall, thin and handsome figure was particularly eye-catching at this moment. The two of us confronted each other in silence. Finally, it was Li Qiuyang who spoke first to break the deadlock.
He walked closer to me with a smile, and tried to speak in a relaxed tone: "Nice to meet you again. Last time I said that we were a bit alike, and I was right, wasn't I, sister?"
His calling me "sister" almost made me vomit out all my breakfast.
"Really? I don't think that looking like the son of a shameless mistress is something to be happy about. And didn't your mom say it just now? I'm pretty and well-behaved, how could I look like you hideous-looking people? Don't shout casually, I won't treat an illegitimate child as my brother." I have never been so sarcastic in my life, but the sudden stimulations before my eyes made me lose my basic manners and turned me into a hedgehog.
Perhaps the word "illegitimate child" touched their sore spot. Aunt Zhang's face turned pale instantly, and big tears fell down. She leaned in my father's arms with grievance, sobbing softly.
Li Qiuyang's expression wasn't much better.
"Li Ge, could you give dad some face and stop making trouble? You're making it difficult for me. Your Aunt Zhang and I have already obtained the marriage certificate, and she is now my legal wife. Qiu Yang is your biological brother, and they are all your family, do you understand?" My dad looked at Aunt Zhang, who was crying bitterly, with heartache, and could not help but scold me loudly again.
Once upon a time, that heartache was only directed at me and my mother, and my heart gradually became colder.
"Family? Sorry, I don't have such a father, and I won't let a shameless mistress be my family. I'm not that generous." My heart was completely chilled. From the moment I walked in the door, my father never asked me how I had been doing during this period, nor did he ask if I was in a better mood. The only thing he cared about was this mother and son.
And I am redundant.
"Li Ge! Don't go too far!" Dad yelled at me, and then he seemed a little guilty, explaining, "I just hope you can get along well in the future and stop making trouble like this."
"Too much? Am I more excessive than you?" I asked back.
"Don't be angry, don't be angry. It's normal that Li Ge doesn't accept it now." Aunt Zhang wiped away her tears and started to play the role of a peacemaker.
"I know, but the way this child speaks is really..." My father's tone softened.
"It's okay, Li Ge is just being straightforward. I like children like that." Aunt Zhang smiled apologetically and didn't show any displeasure at all because of what I said.
Hypocrisy, all the same hypocrisy! I sneered and said sarcastically: "Sorry, it's my misfortune to be liked by you."
"Li Ge!" Dad covered his chest and looked at me uncomfortably, "Can you not be so aggressive?"
"That's just how I am. What? You don't like me bullying this woman? Then just kick me out!" I said provocatively.
"You!" Dad was so angry that he couldn't help beating his chest and yelling, "I spoiled you since you were a child. Now you don't even have the basic respect for your elders!"
"Lao Li, are you okay? Is your chest hurting again?" Aunt Zhang looked at Dad stroking his chest and was very worried. Seeing Dad shaking his head, she felt relieved and turned her eyes to me and said, "Li Ge, it doesn't matter what you say to me, but your dad is not in good health, you can't make him angry like this."
I felt sorry for my dad's pain, but I couldn't help yelling at him after being provoked by the woman in front of me. "Why wasn't my dad in poor health when he was with my mom? He's not in good health when he's with you. It seems like you're a nuisance. You've ruined my dad's reputation and made him ill. So, even for my dad, you have to get out of this house right away, right?"
As I spoke, I glanced at her, carefully observing every subtle expression on her face.
A barely perceptible embarrassment, an indignant look, and... an anger that was suppressed...
As expected, you can’t pretend anymore, right?
I thought this woman was finally going to be irritated by me and finally reveal her true colors in front of my dad, but she put on a righteous look and said, "Li Ge, you can be angry with me, but I hope you won't blame your dad. It's all my fault. If you want me to leave, I can leave, as long as you're happy."
"Aren't you tired?" As expected, anyone who can be a mistress for twenty years without making any noise is not a good person. This kind of method is something I will never be able to learn in my lifetime.
I thought of Xu Yaxin again. I couldn’t learn her style.
"It's not tiring, not tiring, as long as you like it." Maybe she thought I was sympathizing with her?
"I'm asking you, aren't you tired of pretending? Why? Do you want to pretend to be so gentle, kind, and tolerant in front of my dad to show how sarcastic and unreasonable I am? This trick is a bit too old-fashioned!"
"I don't……"
"Do you think I would believe that a mistress who destroys other people's families, has always been someone's mistress, and has no basic ethics and morals can be a well-educated person? You are insulting my intelligence, Aunt Zhang." I glanced at my dad and continued, "Of course, this trick is very useful for scumbags who abandon their wives and daughters."
“Pah!” A slap hit my face. My dad glared at me and yelled, “Li Ge, you’ve gone too far! Apologize to your Aunt Zhang now!”
The burning pain on my right cheek made me realize more clearly that this was no longer my home. I held back my tears and said harshly, "You are the ones who should apologize!"
After saying that, I turned around and ran out. I didn't want to stay for even a second in that home that had once been so warm but was now completely different.
Maybe I should have understood the moment I found out my parents were getting divorced that I no longer had a home.
Everything around me was still familiar. I saw some old neighbors. Some of them greeted me with a smile, some were chatting, but suddenly became silent when they saw me.
I think everything about our family has become the biggest joke in the neighborhood and the topic of conversation for everyone after dinner!
I walked aimlessly along the way, not knowing where I was going.
I originally wanted to go to Yi Tian's house, but when I thought about her relationship with Li Qiuyang, I gave up the idea. In the end, I could only wander aimlessly in a nearby supermarket.
"Where on earth are you planning to go?"
I turned around and saw Li Qiuyang standing behind me. When I saw him, the expression on my face immediately dropped to an icy level. I rolled my eyes at him and continued to walk forward quickly.
"Sister, sister, where are you going?" Li Qiuyang kept yelling behind me.
I turned around, grabbed his collar, and pulled him to a corner where there were few people.
"Shut up, do you hear me? I'm not your sister. If you scream again, don't blame me for hitting you!" I ordered forcefully.
Seeing me like this, Li Qiuyang didn't look scared at all. Instead, he pretended to be particularly innocent and widened his eyes: "You are my sister, you are my real sister, there is no way to change this, right?"
"You are not planning to disgust me together with your mother, are you? Since you are Yi Tian's boyfriend, I don't want to argue with you, but please don't call me sister anymore, and don't let everyone know about our relationship." I glared at him and warned him.
"Li Ge, do you really have to do this?" Li Qiuyang looked at me with some sadness, his eyes became sad. "Do you know? My mother has not had an easy time these years. She and Dad are truly in love. Can't you accept me and Mom?"
"No! It will never be possible." I answered resolutely.
"Why? We are related by blood! My mother is my father's legal wife now! Li Ge, why can't we live in peace?" He pulled my arm and said almost beggingly, "Come back with me, okay? I think my father must be very sad now."
"Li Qiuyang, should I say you are naive? Or are you scheming? You don't really think that I will accept you with a smile even though your mother destroyed my family? Oh my god, how many jokes are you going to give me today?" I pinched my brows, not wanting to get too entangled with him. If I talk too much with this mother and son, I'm afraid I will become a shrew who is scorned by others. "Li Qiuyang, let go! Logically, shouldn't you hate me as much as I hate you?"
"I hate you? Oh, maybe I hated you when I was a kid!" Li Qiuyang's expression was a little sad. "When I wanted my dad to stay with me longer when I was a kid, he was always anxious to go back to your home, saying that you were still waiting for him. At first I cried and didn't understand, but my mom and dad kept telling me that they owed you and they were sorry for you."
"You're wrong. The person they feel most sorry for is my mom." I tried hard to break free from his hand. "Let go. I don't want to listen to your hypocritical nonsense anymore."
"Whether it's false or sincere, you have to come back with me to know what it's like! Do you know how long my mother has been looking forward to today's meeting? How long has my father been nervous?" He held me and refused to let go.
"It has nothing to do with me. If you don't want me to say anything bad again, let me go immediately!" I said coldly.
I am not a saint. I cannot forgive someone who has caused so much harm to my family just because of a few soft words.
"Hey, Li Ge, it's you!"
Xu Yaxin was wearing a white dress, just like a proud white swan on the lake in the park, stretching her neck and looking at me proudly.
Standing next to was Lin Chujian, who was pushing a full shopping cart. They seemed to have been shopping for a long time.
Xu Yaxin took two steps forward lightly, then looked at me meaningfully and laughed, "Oh, is this your new boyfriend? You're flirting with me in front of the condom stand so soon?"
Hearing this, I suddenly came back to my senses. As expected, Li Qiuyang and I were standing in front of a huge display stand of a well-known brand of condoms.
No wonder there is only this sparsely populated area in the usually crowded supermarket...
I broke free from Li Qiuyang's hand.
"Stop guessing, I and I..." Li Qiuyang seemed to want to explain to them our relationship.
I didn't want such a complicated family relationship to become Xu Yaxin's laughing stock, so I gave him a fierce look to stop him.
After receiving my warning, Li Qiuyang paused for a few seconds and then said, "Li Ge and I have a very pure relationship."
I didn't care what Xu Yaxin said, but when I saw Lin Chujian behind Xu Yaxin, I felt sad for a moment. He had promised me a few days ago that he would never have any contact with Xu Yaxin alone , but at this moment, he appeared behind her again.
Doesn't he know that I am a person with emotional cleanliness, especially after I learned about my father's affair, I can't tolerate the existence of a third party in my emotional life. Even if nothing happened between him and Xu Yaxin, I can't accept Xu Yaxin's provocation and covetous eyes on him.
For a moment, I forgot to refute Xu Yaxin and stared at the person behind her in a daze, unable to move.
Lin Chujian also looked at me with a serious expression. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was he feeling guilty towards me, or did he misunderstand Li Qiuyang and me?
I suddenly felt pain in my chest. I pinched my thigh with my right hand, using the pain to prevent myself from falling down in front of Xu Yaxin with my hands covering my chest.
"Oh, it's just a purely relationship in the supermarket. I understand..." Xu Yaxin smiled.
Li Qiuyang seemed to want to explain, but Lin Chujian didn't give him a chance to explain. He turned and left, and Xu Yaxin followed him.
"Wasn't that your boyfriend just now? I think I saw him at Yi Tian's party last time! He seemed to have misunderstood us, don't you want to chase him and explain?" Li Qiuyang said anxiously, not noticing my deathly pale expression.
I stood there without saying a word, looking at the receding figure, and finally I couldn't help but squat down.
People always like to magnify other people's mistakes to cover up their own mistakes. I don't know if Lin Chujian's turning away was because of this. It seemed that he should give me an explanation.
Shouldn't Lin Chujian explain to me why he promised me not to be alone with Xu Yaxin, but came to go shopping in the supermarket with her?
How could he have happened to walk to the condom booth?
He is the one who should explain, not me.
Maybe there is more than just Xu Yaxin between us.
"Hey, Li Ge, don't walk so fast. You have to explain. Judging from his expression, he must have misunderstood us. Also, that girl just now is obviously not a good person. If you don't explain, won't she take advantage of you?"
Li Qiuyang, as described by Yi Tian, ​​is an arrogant and cold guy who likes rock music and has a demeanor of looking down on the whole world when he sings. I tilted my head to look at him beside me. Why is he chirping like a sparrow? I really doubt Yi Tian's aesthetic taste.
"Shut up!" I yelled.
After being yelled at by me, Li Qiuyang was stunned for a moment, then showed a somewhat aggrieved expression, and finally remained silent obediently.
This boy may really be a little different from his mother.
Even so, the woman living in my house now is still an old fox who has practiced Taoism for thousands of years and has a profound level of skills.
She is cunning, hypocritical, and two-faced. If a Fahai could come and pin her down under the Leifeng Pagoda, perhaps my world would be peaceful.
Oh, no, it was the thousand-year-old fox that was suppressed, as well as Xu Yaxin's beautiful snake.
It seems that I am destined to associate with goblins in this life.